30, attractive but perpetually misunderstood

[Crossbreed]

Hello, welcome & Happy New Year @Paralleluniverse .

...the only person who gets me is the psychologist who diagnosed me. I've been told that I'm beautiful , hot, attractive, intelligent , funny, charming etc etc

Were you told that by said psychologist...? If psych is interested in you (that way), it's time to look for a different one.

As to getting easier, there are two answers to that question,

1. For others to get you? Not much.
2. For YOU to (finally) get you? YES!

 

[Judge]

What's this thing that NT s say that relationships and friendship are about compromise?!! I do things because I want to do them... From the heart. Why on Earth would I want anyone to do something they don't want to do just to show me that they care,, it doesn't mean sense to me!

Good questions! And welcome to AF.

Rather than speculate on whether or not it ever gets any "easier", I prefer to jump into the heart of such matters. To consider those dynamics not likely to change through the course of your lifetime.

You have to consider the reality of Neurotypicals as being a profound social majority. If you use the CDC's ratio, there are 68 of them for every one of us. A social- and neurological majority which for the most part does not even attempt to factor in the possibility of Neurodiversity itself.

Consequently it's tragically easy for them to tell us to adapt to their way of thinking and doing. Of course the reality of the situation is that in most cases for relationships and friendships to thrive, in fact it is them who must compromise much more than us. Often necessary in being able to deal with our autistic traits and behaviors which may well be "hard-wired", beyond our capacity to improve upon or overcome.

IMO it may well boil down to a figurative 60-40 compromise in order to work. But that it is they, the social majority who must adapt to giving that sixty percent as opposed to our forty percent. With NTs more likely to simply walk away from being willing- or able to give more than that socially equitable fifty percent.

"It is what it is"...whether it makes sense or not. It may not be fair, but it is our social reality.

 

[All-Rounder]

Indeed it's always been hard to understand and no one offered a perfect guide to autism and to a certain person. After years of trying so hard to understand and reading misguiding thijngs and being told by other autists about it, things are just not the same for some and autists themselves can go wrong in talking about others. I still have so many questions that cant be answered but the more I hang around the more impressed I am.

Some people are more open minded and can understand independence and interests, especially if they start getting into, or better yet, already study psychology and healty relationships. And some like me are loners and understand how important doing your own thing can be and how misunderstood one can be and expected to live differently.

 

[All-Rounder]

People also perceive love through how much you dedicate to them. Of course you aren't supposed to spend your life pleasing them but they love small things that you did for them and need them. If not they may feel like you aren't interested in them and don't care about them. In which case they try to prompt you to do more or try to manipulate you to spend more time with them. If you cant you can try to tell them you care and that you would enjoy something different with them. It's far better if you choose the place or activity and i bet thel notice the efforts you make to meet up and be with them

 

[TempeFan]

Hi there @Paralleluniverse. I recognize you. You are like me at 30. I too was amazing - honest, intelligent, hardworking, athletic, honors graduate, perfect little size seven, hot 38-24-35 babe and the more I succeeded, the more misunderstood, misquoted, maligned and unwelcome I became. After half a century of being clueless and rejected and discriminated against due to other people's bad behavior, it was too late for me to have a life or a career or a family. Still my exile from society did get easier and more fun once I heard the word Asperger's and found out that 999,999 out of 1,000,000 people had brains that were unable and/or unwilling to process information the same way mine did. I stopped trying to get others to act rationally and sought out better situations from the options that were actually available to me.

I'm 56 now and voted yes to your poll. You're lucky you were diagnosed in time. Now that you know why others aren't making sense, you can to adjust your course to steer clear of the bullies and navigate around other's unwillingness to communicate and understand you. You just have to realize that your unlimited capacity for being a contributing member of society is limited by society's unlimited capacity for hate and prejudice and dishonesty.

One of the wise older ladies on this forum said "We have to lie to be socially acceptable." One of the wise youngsters said, " It's much simpler to tell simple stories." For example, instead of telling a peron who can't relate to the truth why you are leaving early, give them a story they will accept..... or not. It's possible for a civilized person like yourself to fit into a society of barbarians but not the other way round. It's up to you to pick your battles or move on to find a better class of people to associate with. Those who mistreat you and demand you comply with their way of thinking are not going to change to accomodate you. You don't have to stress yourself out playing their games, unless you want to.

 

[china autie]

Welcome. This is a nice place.

 

[AloneNotLonely]

Stress is a contributor to heart problems, but excess fat (both dietary and weight), animal protein and vitamin deficiencies are the biggest causes. If you are in a bad situation in any of those factors, then that's a bigger problem. Especially vitamin deficiencies can destroy your heart and arteries even if all the other factors are absent.

It's up to you to manage stress. The only massive cause of stress for me was school, once I got out of that everything was pretty chill. Even work. I just stopped caring because as an adult nobody really holds power over you. Socializing for me actually reduces stress, it just exhausts me so I keep it limited. I think you just need to find the right people to hang out with. Stupid people stress me out too, so I certainly won't spend my free time around those. Hence, no stress.

For me it's not a matter of "It's easier for them and hard for me". The difficult and horrible part of my life is behind me, the difficulties I have now are easily bypassed or compensated for. I see people around me drowning in debt and walking around like brainless zombies making one disaster of a decision after another. I'd rather take my craptacular school days due to Autism over that. At least in part, my suffering actually taught me important lessons that I am now living my life by.

Biologically we all peak at 23 (When the brain fully finishes developing). You can look at your aging body and cry about regression, but you can also do something about it. If life is lived correctly, you peak intellectually right before you die. Look at the wealthiest people in the world. Old crusty folks rule the world, but only the old crusty folks with the intelligence to put the work in year after year during their entire life. Their bodies might get worse, but their skills and capabilities only improve.

 

[JadedWindows]

Also I can't stand people who talk about "rules" "discipline" and authoritative stances...I resent it! It's so difficult for me to understand why for example some people who harm themselves but do no harm to others are considered "troubled"when all those NTs who preach about doing the right thing are the ones who have no problem lying, cheating, manipulating. Yet when it comes to the more macro issue where I believe authority is harmful because it leads to power trips I'm the one considered incorrect .

As someone dating a high functioning autistic person who was only diagnosed a couple years ago, and your age, I feel I can understand your perspective. Your brain is wired to do what you want. The average person will mistake your stance on discipline and authority as head strong, rude, and apathetic. The issue they'll have with you is believing you don't care sbout how your actions impact others. Discipline can aid in a healthy mind and body, when utilized correctly. Making a rule to avoid carb based sugar can prevent diabetes and a lowered immune system. In other cases, it can mean balance and harmony in the work place.

Why do those who say one thing end up doing another? Humans are slaves to their own whims. Discipline is a desired trait, but difficult to achieve because humans are limited creatures. Your brain is wired with a different sense of focus. Even as a non- autistic person, it still boggles my mind with how two faced people can be.

However, there are many who mean well and try to do as they say. Just because you don't understand and dislike others' ideals doesn't mean they don't have merit. It just means you need to look at another perspective. We all do, honestly. But because you're running a different "operating system" (so to speak) the social concepts and nuances take a different path to learn. Don't dismiss these concepts. Try to discover the benefits by pondering them in new ways.