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Autism and buying items, especially items you don’t need

mysterionz

mysterionz

oh hamburgers!
V.I.P Member
I feel like I’ve been buying stuff I don’t even need. I’ve been suspecting that I *could* have symptoms mirroring bipolar, that I mentioned in a forum dealing with mental health, I would rather not self dx as it’s too dangerous to in a situation like this (unless if it’s for autism, like how suspected asd ppl have gone about it here). I get a rush out of dopamine and satisfaction when I buy stuff online, and it ends when the item arrives, the cycle repeats. A few months back, I blew $250 on art supplies at Michaels! What should I do?

Further context:

For the past few months, whenever I am at work, or random moments anywhere, I get moments where I feel like I am on top of the world/extremely confident/elevated. Changes that occur are my speech, I talk waaay more than normal and my stutter is less severe or disappears completely. It has gotten to the point where I get up at 5:30am nearly every day and I don’t feel really tired during these periods. I only get angry during these periods when my mood is all over the place. I have a relative that has bipolar, and I’ve been told that I can’t have it as I’m past the age symptoms would show up. Or this could be my adhd and autism?
 
I hear you there. I live with a massive library of both movies and video games that I will never be able to completely get through in this lifetime - it is all about the dopamine hit of a new acquisition. Even people without severe mental health disorders can fall into this trap.
 
I lived with someone who has it. They went through stages where they felt on top of the world, didn't need sleep. Then the crash would come, and they would go low, feel depressed, angry. The manic then switch to crash and burn. But they claimed medication is worse then having bipolar itself.
 
Do you get periods of crushing depression? That's the part of bipolar people often forget about. Also, for how long do the periods last? I don’t think shopping is inherently connected to bipolar, so it could just be poor impulse control or (online) retail therapy. ADHD could definitely be having an effect. I remember reading that bipolar is at least partly genetic, but I don’t know how much it weighs.

I'm far from being a specialist in bipolar disorder, but these are some of the questions you can ask yourself to distinguish between the possible causes of your behaviour.
 
Impulse buying, especially for the shiny new toy feeling is often associated with ADHD and impulse control. Given that it isn't coupled with crushing depression, but what seems like straightforward guilt and the high comorbidity of ADHD within the ASD population 40 - 60%.

Brains also mature at different rates, most attaining final growth around age 25. Some of it is also part of growing up, too.

In the moment of buyer's remorse it seems like reckless behaviour. Give yourself credit for being conscious of your actions and accountability. You took the time to look at the behaviour and question if it is/was rooted in a larger issue.

Reading your posts, it is clear you are very self aware and that is an important tool to have. Periods of extreme energy without depression are also part of the ADHD pattern. It isn't just attention issues. It is a drive to be up, moving, doing, an Energizer bunny ready to go.

(I have days when I randomly decided to deep clean the entire house, rearrange my library, or take the dog on a ten mile hike. I always see the tasks through to the end.)

These are the more subtle types of hyperactivity often overlooked in inattentive or complex ADHD. My grandma is 89 and she is ADHD and these bouts of up and about are still with her. She's always busy with something or some task.

I also occasionally buy stuff I don't need (sad plants from the grocery store or the Throne of Glass series because I liked the new covers. I'm halfway through it and it's pretty good.)
 
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I took to collecting too much "stuff" as it was one of the few things i was really good at or knew how to do. Also, my special interests revolve around, in many cases, things that you can tangibly collect. I like typewriters--fine, but that's no reason for me to have a massive collection of them, not in a sane world. Same goes for the old wind-up record players; I have those things all over the place in conditions ranging from derelict to still in the original box.
The problem with buying weird stuff is that it was one of those few things I was really good at, and if I had collected skills in the working world, that'd have worked a lot better. Edit: Special interests are something we definitely all have--We just do not put a lot into discipline with our special interests, right? Most of the online autism community seems to be celebrating the interests that NT's would like us to not have; however, we might need to discuss among ourselves the best strategies to optimize our special interests.

Now I do not fit in well in the workplace world around here in my home state. It is South Carolina and I do not fit in with the culture, politics, or religious practices of the state I was raised in. They are pushy and nosy, vote largely the way I do not want to, and are mostly Southern Baptists. I am a Catholic which is the opposite of a Southern Baptist. But if I'd been hoarding skills (for jobs that weren't extinct in the Great Depression) I would be okay for making more money.Edit: Being a fish out of water is a good way to end up with a serious hoarding problem because you find that it's a little "world" of your own where you are competent, almost like a curator or collector instead of that weird guy.

It's a mix, and no one goes through life making perfect decisions, I promise you of that. But take your time & save your money--enrich yourself with good thoughts & experience; let that be good. I promise you that you probably have an awesome collection of South Park merch already--what ASD'ers don't have special interest stuff?

Also pick up some free hobbies--I'm listening to the radio right now; that doesn't cost anything but a few cents for the electricity and the few bills for the cheap little radio that I have. It is a secondhand Crosley CR-73 (the AM/FM table radio but before they put the Bluetooth in it.) This is a hobby that dovetails my love of classical music with my love of quiet mindful activity and of tampering with electronics. The radio is from 2014 and I'm almost certain I can improve on the 2.5" speaker inside; it sounds good as-is but could be boosted.
If you own a bicycle, get on that thing & go places. If you don't own a bicycle, sell a few things & get one secondhand. They don't cost anything to run but a few cents for oil and grease.
Watch some birds in the park--even if they're just pigeons and English sparrows. Or if you're in the suburbs or countryside, get ready for some great birdwatching.

I promise you that your impulse to save money is a wise one; you'll be glad you did. And if you do buy things, 1) don't hoard, and 2) never pay full price for anything!
 
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I have had many problems with buying things that I intend to use but because of all the things that I have to do I have get a chance to use it or do the thing that I intended to do when I bought an item/service so it must’ve been more of wish fulfillment guess or even just overestimating what I need for my program or a project

I don’t know if that is similar with you or not.
 
@Gerontius says, cultivating free hobbies is the key. I use Duolingo to learn two foreign languages, it's free on my phone. It nicely presented, with a user friendly interface, and l enjoy doing it every day. Perhaps finding a learning app and something you enjoy doing. I started learning bartending on my phone, and five years later, l did it as a job in a high volume bar.
 
Aspychata said:
@Gerontius says, cultivating free hobbies is the key. I use Duolingo to learn two foreign languages, it's free on my phone. It nicely presented, with a user friendly interface, and l enjoy doing it every day. Perhaps finding a learning app and something you enjoy doing. I started learning bartending on my phone, and five years later, l did it as a job in a high volume bar.
Click to expand...
Now that's a good way to do a special interest--bartending and then actually making a job of it. Barkeepers get paid better than some more "mainstream" professions too; good for you.
Duolingo is popular and fun, plus there's all the memes about Duo the green owl hunting peoples' families if they don't do their lesson in Spanish.
 
In my experience giving personal finances courses, many people who look for instant gratification (conpulsive buying, sex, travel, whatever) have turned their back on their dreams and lack purpose in life.

By allowing them to reflect in the things that were truly meaningfull in their lifes, they usually remind their true essence, passions and dreams. That work miracles to help them set goals that they trully want to achieve instead of substitutive fake happyness.

That said, its never a bad idea to check if you need meds or treatment. Im just sharing my experience here.
 
I think you should do art! I do the same thing except with electronic components & modules... At least it's spent on constructive stuff and not just useless trinkets! :)
 
Yeah, I do the impulse buying thing too.

It aint *just* related to a specific condition though, I've found. It can be related to specific hobbies/activities. More common with some than others, I mean.

For instance I'm into video games, board games, and am learning art of various sorts, and all three of those have a LOT of people who will impulse buy real badly.

For artists, it's not necessarily too bad depending on how much they're doing... some simply use their supplies really fast as they keep making stuff, particularly if they have a career that involves that.

Video and board games? Yeesh. There's no good reason there (usually).

EVERYONE I know on the ol' Steam friends list does it. Everyone. Steam makes it a bit too easy and sure loves doing sales, and that leads to people buying lots of games that they wont even touch. Fortunately with that one the prices are often very low. But still, a lot of pointless buying.

Board games, that's even worse. There's a concept called the "Shelf of Shame", which is just like any other shelf (usually an entire shelving unit, not just one shelf) with tons of board games on it, except that a Shelf of Shame contains only games that havent been played yet at all. Why? Because the person who owns the game has to keep buying the new hotness every time something new shows up, or they get addicted to backing Kickstarter stuff because OOH SHINY, and so on. And then the same person, when they DO play one of the games that just arrived in the mail, that expensive $200 game, they may play it like, twice and then it gets shelved for months, because OOPS, the next one just got here. Board gaming is an EXPENSIVE hobby, imagine just how fast costs can rack up when games costing $100 or more arent exactly uncommon.

For me, I got out of these habits by just doing one thing: every time I would sit down to buy something at random, I'd think to myself: If I have this thing I'm buying RIGHT NOW (which is the case with video games, it's all digital downloads) or if it arrives in the mail tomorrow, would I sit down and play/use it right then? And would I keep at it until I've gotten some real value out of it?

I ask that question and force myself to be honest. If the answer is not a resounding "yes", I dont buy. And I try to make sure that when I am choosing something, it's something that has some real value to it. If it's a game that is going to be totally done in like 5 hours and then has zero replay value? Maybe I could just look for something different. Buying things that specifically keep me coming back to them slows down the pointless buying significantly.

So, that's how I do it.
 
Lots of different things give that dopamine or adrenaline rush that people crave.
When it comes to shopping, it's just the opposite with me.
I may put things on my list or in the online cart, then I just leave them there for days.
Unless it is something I really need immediately.
For me, hitting the check-out button is painful. Really.
I can feel it physically.

When shopping IRL, trying to make up my mind to purchase something is just as difficult. I've put an item back, only to get home and decide I really do want it.
Then I go back, and it's gone.

I don't know much about Bi-polar.
Just that it does cycle between highs and lows. Some are short cyclers; others have long periods of time for each.
 
How do you feel about the cycle of buying, being excited, and then being disappointed? For me it was very empty. I actually get excited while shopping online, but once the order goes through I'm annoyed. I don't feel any kind of high waiting for the stuff to come because I know that timeframe is unpredictable. I'm only excited once I know it's being delivered.

For me, at least, the emptiness of this process was enough to get me to back away. Whenever I enjoy buying things more than actually having/using them, I know it's time to pull back. I agree with the suggestion to focus on art. There is deeper satisfaction in doing and making things for yourself. If you like being outside, then walks or other activities are a great way to get healthier satisfaction, too. The easier the pleasure, the more shallow it probably is. Pointing and clicking will always give a quick-dying pleasure, while making and doing can give more fulfillment. I'm not saying every experience has to be deep, but it's worth remembering this.
 
I have been so disappointed so often with on-line buying that even out here in the boonies I seldom do it. I'm more likely to start a project on impulse, like fixing a table for my favourite store, or making myself a new gadget. Also, since Amazon has people being run by machines instead of machines being run by people, and they don't let me buy a five-minute break for the unlucky cyborg who has to pick my order, I won't use them.
 
Atrapa Almas said:
In my experience giving personal finances courses, many people who look for instant gratification (conpulsive buying, sex, travel, whatever) have turned their back on their dreams and lack purpose in life.

By allowing them to reflect in the things that were truly meaningfull in their lifes, they usually remind their true essence, passions and dreams. That work miracles to help them set goals that they trully want to achieve instead of substitutive fake happyness.

That said, its never a bad idea to check if you need meds or treatment. Im just sharing my experience here.
Click to expand...
^^This^^

Many people in this world, autism or not, are affected by a general lack of goal-setting, dreams, purpose, responsibilities, self-discipline, etc. Certainly, some of it can some combination of envy, depression, and "$1000 taste on a $10 budget".

In my experience, that "dopamine hit" you get from opening up your latest purchase from Amazon.com (or where ever) is not nearly as intense as the dopamine hit I get from achieving a goal. Loosing 10 lbs/kg of fat, watching your investments hit an all-time high, finally completing that bathroom renovation, your university degree, whatever, will give you a sense of accomplishment and is far more rewarding.

The problem with instant gratification is that the "dose of dopamine" you get is very low, so you need frequent dosing, if you will. This is a horrible cycle to get into, because often times you know what you are doing is wrong, but for some reason you find it very difficult to get out of. You're addicted, in a way.

Like anything, the first step is admitting to yourself there is a problem. Then, whatever methods seem to work for you, you need to sit yourself down and write down your next, relatively manageable short-term goal. Establish yourself some boundaries. Post reminders around the house, a note on a refrigerator, a calendar, the bathroom mirror, whatever. Better yet, establish a long-term goal ("X" amount of dollars in my savings account by December 31, loose 40 lbs/20 kg by September 1) whatever is important to you. A series of short-term goals ultimately leading to a much larger long-term goal.

For myself, I have said to myself, I will retire when I am 62 and build my dream home for my wife and I. So what has to happen? I have to pay off the house and the cars within the next few years. I have to be putting in a large percentage of my current wages into my investment portfolio. I have to do some home renovations before selling my home. Then I have to have the property purchased, the final home design, the contractor, the build, etc. There's a lot of steps along the way. At any point along that timeline and task list, if I fail, it doesn't get done. Furthermore, it's not just me, it's my wife, too. I have some responsibility to her, as well. So, I have to say to myself that famous line, "Failure is not an option." Stay focused. Eye on the prize.

Obviously, your life and your goals are going to be different, but if you don't have some sort of pathway in your life, some purpose, some responsibility to yourself and others, something to get your behind out of bed and focused upon, you just end up one of the many that just float along in life, aimless, depressed, and unhappy.

We all can sit here behind a computer screen and throw out advice, but ultimately, only you have control over you. It has to be you that makes those changes in your life.
 
Not long after paying off debt I tend to buy something else that puts me back into debt.

This van will take 2+ years to pay off.

I've never been good with money. Although I'm very good at repaying debt efficiently and quickly.

Ed
 
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