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Ongoing depression part 2

This is a follow up to part 1.

Part 1 is found here.

So, what else is there?

3. Future outlooks; Again, this entire relationship is becoming part of it. I have yet to apply for disability workplace assistance. Yet, even if I apply, it will take 5 years to be placed. And there?s clearly no indication how that job actually functions for me. Considering that I?ve been let go at a previous job under the notion that I can do better than work this menial job (and have this in my papers when I got released) and should pursue a degree. I don?t think disability workplace assistance can offer me a high quality job with adequate training where I actually feel good about my job and make it worth getting out of bed for.

My girlfriend applied for the same deal. In her region however, there?s a 10 year waiting list.

This then also means that for the next 5 years I?m probably liable for welfare checks. But within 2 years, those laws change. From what I understand it means that if I live the way I do now (at my parents) I will not be liable for welfare checks anymore. Add up that I?ll also be told ?you cannot apply for a regular job, you have to wait out until we appoint you something, this sums up that I?ll have to survive for 3 years without a job and without any income. And my girlfriend is somewhat in the same boat, since she?ll be reassessed for her disability income and chances are she?ll not make the cut. They want to drastically cut back the amount of people on disability by tightening the rules.

To make matters more complicated; I do not deal well with employers telling me how to look. This entire notion that I need to be presentable for an employer is the oddest thing to me. I?ve been in therapy over the fact that I adapted a more neutral look to get a job. That got me in f?n therapy already, to where the therapist told me ?I think it?s better if you get your personal creative freedom back here?.

See how it?s coming full circle. I?ve had issues over clothing choices in high school, I?ve had them in college and while attending university. Then I had issues at social services over my looks. So this future situation also interferes with how I have this superficial interest in ?fashion? (well, you might call it fashion within certain subcultures) and appearance.

On a small sidenote for the future; If I had the room to do so, I?d probably spend some time sewing and making clothes. I just severely lack any space to put the hardware to do so. That.., and right now just a few other things.

So perhaps an aspie obsession of mine is ?alternative fashion? and in that sense I can irate to no end that I can?t look somewhat ?fashionable? (whatever that means in this context), but with that also comes the problem that my idea of said fashion is probably the farthest thing that?s acceptable in contemporary society. I can get awfully snobby when it comes to checking out people at clubs I visit and that?s where it starts.

Also and I might want to end with this here, now; Even if it seems I don?t like my girlfriend. I do like her. A lot of stuff works out fine for both of us. It?s just that there?s these minor things I addressed above, that are becoming more and more detrimental for my mental health and they need to be fixed. Yes, I should talk to her. But then again; The last time I had a serious talk when she was over, it ended with her in tears, since we talked about future employment. Doubt this?ll go any better. I feel that, this post just makes me look like a bad guy? and that?s probably also why my post here is rather extensive, and perhaps too much to read for some people, is that I want to offer a detailed perspective

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King_Oni
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