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Featured When thinking others have it worse, does benefit one

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Suzanne, Aug 12, 2017.

  1. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member

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    I have always hated this expression: well, just think, others have it far worse than you, or something like that.

    Well, since the end of last year, onwards, I have started to suffer extruiating lonliness and thought I had got past it, but nope, it came back, but always goes away, when my husband arrives home from work and many times that is a good hour of the day. But I was thinking with dismay, how am I going to get around this, because it is inevitable that I will be on my own, but as soon as he goes off to work, house has this sort of echo feeling and no amount of music has helped.

    I have two sort of female friends and one is single; never been married and suffers from lonliness and the other lady is a widow but also suffers from time to time.

    I was thinking how can I get through this awful feeling and then suddenly thought: yes, but at last you are not alone 24/24, you have someone who comes home; neither of these ladies have that relief; they have no choice but be on their own.

    It certainly did make me pause and sort of: ahhhh ok that is a good point, but I am so surprised to discover that after this thought, when I was once again on my own, because hubby went to work, that echoey feeling DISAPPEARED and today, saturday, when it tends to be worse, if hubby has gone out, despite him being out all day ( I could have gone, but anxiety levels were too high), I have not suffered at all. Oh, aware that I am alone, but absolutely no panic and blinding fear.

    So, there you go!
     
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  2. Maelstrom

    Maelstrom Magical Pattern Auspie

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    I have no one...despite trying really hard for 3 years!:confused:
    Went from almost married...thinking I won the grand lottery...to less than nothing in 3 years!
    At least you have a husband a house and feel safe!
     
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  3. Streetwise

    Streetwise Well-Known Member

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    love
    love never fails
     
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  4. Keigan

    Keigan Restless Mind V.I.P Member

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    I love my dog, he is always happy to see me as long as I don't interrupt his snoring.
     
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  5. fairy_girl

    fairy_girl Member

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    I will be the first to admit that quote has helped me when dealing with some family members who are chaotic. And they say that I'm the crazy one...hardly.
     
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  6. Alaska

    Alaska Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    It was very nice of you to share this encouraging change in your outlook with the rest of us.
     
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  7. Chance

    Chance "all who wander are not lost" - Tolkien V.I.P Member

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    Susan,
    I think I was born lonely... I just try and stay busy always setting new goals... sometimes it works, sometimes I fall all over the place. I know you well enough now that you have your unfaltering faith! I admire that in you. I cant cure the loneliness but I can expose where you shine... : )

    You have been a great help to me, you make me think... Loneliness has a best friend called worthlessness.
    Thank them and ask them to leave now!
    We are blessed we have this technology that those before us never got to use.

    When I get down I just start finding and listing everything I can that I appreciate and that I am grateful for.
    At first its s pretty short list and in a short while its sheets of paper. : )
     
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  8. Maelstrom

    Maelstrom Magical Pattern Auspie

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    I feel loneliness blowing through my soul like a dry wind in the grand canyon...I guess I never quite reset after almost getting married?:confused:
    She acted like it was nothing...it almost killed me!o_O
    She destroyed my entire life!...:confused:
     
  9. Chance

    Chance "all who wander are not lost" - Tolkien V.I.P Member

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    I'm so sorry. Human love hurts and hurts bad. I am in the middle of a marriage nightmare. I love her and I always will, but she keeps hinting she wants out... She's a dominate NT and she used to see me as this cute shy guy that somehow turned her on. Now she she's me as nothing but a free ride in a marriage she no longer wants.

    I'm just riding it out. I have learned, I have to be stronger than the problems thrown at me or they suck me into a dark place. I know I'm not a monster. I have been loyal when I should have thrown her to the dogs.
    I won't do that, but she is doing it to herself, just as your fiancé most likely has done.

    We cant get buried in the past. I used to allow it to crush me and it nearly won. I learned to be an OBSERVER and take myself out of the emotions. it helped me greatly. I wish you happiness in the near future... its all ebb and flow. it will get better I promise.
     
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  10. Momo

    Momo Active Larrikin

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    I like your thinking, perhaps I should think like that more... or just keep whining about how the world has it out for me. Yeah, that'll totally work. :p
     
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  11. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member

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    Thank you. I am just so thankful, because it was unexpected. I can reason with myself many times, but doesn't make it work.
     
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  12. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member

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    Yes, I go with that too and coming on here, also helps me feel less crazy.
     
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  13. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member

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    It is true that I have a husband but as for feeling safe? Mmm not where I live now.

    I am sorry if my thread has hit a raw note with you :(
     
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  14. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member

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    Thank you. Truly touches my heart. It is always my desire that when people think of me, they think of me being a spiritual person. I do love Jehovah so much that it is unthinkable of me to hurt Him and just want to bring praise to Him.
     
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  15. Molly

    Molly Happily living inside my head

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    Hi @Suzanne

    Sorry you feel so lonely, it must be a terrible feeling. I would have suggested getting a dog or another pet, but I know (from a post of yours) that you don't have a connection with animals, so that wouldn't work lol..

    I always have company 24/7 with my dogs who keep me feeling safe, loved and sane. I couldn't do life without them - their nonjudgmental and unconditional love for me is enough and all I want.

    Fortunately for me, I have never felt lonely in my life and thrive on living by myself; if I ever need social interaction I grab my dogs and take them to the beach or on along walk, which is always fun. When my wonderfully supportive late husband used to leave for work in the morning, I would always give a sigh of relief to be left to my own devices - once he was safely out of the house of course :)- (I always had/have lots to do) I then used to really look forward to his return so we could catch up on each others' day - it worked out great for both of us.

    Just like your two friends, I have no choice but to be on my own, but I don't see that as a negative, I have embraced it and live my life just as I like, which sounds pretty selfish, (or a coping mechanism) and it works well for me.

    Living alone can be very liberating. Knowing that we can cope with just about anything life throws at us without relying on others is a good feeling and has taught me so much. I realise this is easy for me to say as I don't know what it feels like to be lonely. I also find my anxiety levels are far more manageable when I am alone and I don't have to consider others..

    I know you have your faith, and that it gives you great comfort. That's wonderful. You know you are never alone.
     
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  16. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member

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    Thank you Molly, yes it was a terrible feeling, but seem to be over it now, and hopefully it stays. Yes, alas to animals. We do have two little dogs and I just find them an utter pain. It could be related to when I was younger, I had a dog pushed on me; so the choice was removed and again, my husband is the dog lover and so, once again, I have no option and hate that.

    Lol there are people out there who do not find comfort in owning animals and I am one of those.

    That is how I was, Molly. I have always loved it when I waved my husband off, because then, I could do what I want to do, without feeling him wagging his finger at me.

    Social anxiety halts me from having fun outside even with animals, because I feel so self conscious.

    I guess my husband is pretty supportive when it comes to my inane panic surrouding social anxiety.

    How long as your husband not been around for?
     
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  17. Molly

    Molly Happily living inside my head

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    Hi @Suzanne Ahh, that's good to hear that you too feel 'lighter' when you husband goes off to work.

    Sorry about the self conscience, I can really empathise with that. It can be crippling, can't it. That's where my dogs come in handy as I can fuss with them if I think people are looking at me and they get all the attention anyway so it works out well.

    I am glad that your husband is supportive, that's so important:).

    I work from home and only ever go out when I walk my dogs three times a day. I am forced into social interaction even though I am against it in principle lol. I talk a lot to other dog walkers and have even made some good dog-walking 'friends'. My dogs are the friendliest dogs on the planet :oops: and people are drawn to them and me yikes!! Which is a real pain when I have days when I don't want to talk to people:D.

    My husband died in 2014 and I am just starting to make a new life for myself now, very slowly - we were married for thirty years, had I been with him since I was 17.

    I know I would never go out if it weren't for my two dogs.

    Oh, was it yesterday, the date with your friends? How did it go? I hope you enjoyed it.
     
  18. Maelstrom

    Maelstrom Magical Pattern Auspie

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    No worries you didn't do anything wrong...I was happy you felt better @Suzanne
     
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  19. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member

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    Wow that must have been a crushing blow to you, Molly, when your husband died. I won't form it as a question, because it is a forgone conclusion from the way you talk about him.

    Actually, our smallest dog is Archie and I suppose at a push I could feel comfortable with him. He is a sausage dog and absolutely adorable. The other one is Bunkle and I do all I can to show him affection, but in truth, I am not into him, as it were. But never mistreat him and when he is ill, I am there for him.

    I did take Archy out once and it was joked that I could grab a guy, judging by the chaps who came up and chatted and even, let us walk across the crossing, whereas the others had to wait lol

    Ah, I was wondering when you would ask about yesterday. Well, I did not go. I was going to go, as I said, but the anxiety was so high, that when my husband said that he could probably survive going on his own, that was my que to say that I just can't go. Oh he tried the passive/aggressive mode, but I was not feeling guilty, because as soon as I made the resolve to not go, the anxiety just disappeared and it was not a wrong decision, because I had a great day actually.

    My husband did suggest I write out a little note for the lady friend ( spiritual sister) and I had made up several tiny notes with home made envelopes and stick down with little flower motives. So, she got one of those and she responded with a beautiful note and reassured me that when we went to stay with them ( I hated it; just hate staying at others homes), that she really enjoyed my company. She also made up a cut out of a butter fly.

    I will take a picture of the butter fly and upload it here.

    This letter writing actually has given me an idea, because I see now, that some do want to befriend me. I just have not got the energy to respond and so, will send them one of my homemade cards in the future, because, well, I am becoming rather antisocial, which is never good!
     
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  20. Maelstrom

    Maelstrom Magical Pattern Auspie

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    Lost my little :snowflake::snowman: aspie Princess:(...still trying to win her back.
    She was the most adorable lovely little thing you ever did see...Sigh!:(
    I would do almost anything for her...but she isn't ready for love yet I guess?:confused:


    So that quote is painful for me presently...but I do believe in True love!