When nts make you feel like an alien

[Suzanne]

How do you describe: surreal to someone who has no idea what it means? I tried to and it resulted in me being looked at as though I am some species from another planet!

I feel so utterly clumsy when around nts and just wish they would go away, because it makes me hate myself, really ie not the person I admire!

What I find strange is that if someone said something to me, that I did not understand properly, I would not look at them in a way to make them feel that they are really strange, so is this a nt thing, where they can't help but look askance at you, because you are different?!

Basically, I have a talk this evening and so, I know that I will go into surreal mode, because I hate being looked at; I explained to this person that it is as though I am looking down at myself and this prompted a look of alarm and whoa get away from me, this is making me feel uncomfortable! Well this person made me feel that I am not fit to be human!!!

 

[Ylva]

That person is a jerk. I don't know if he is superstitious or thought he was being funny. People often seem to think that others are or should be easily predictable, and shun surprising twists. Bit ironic, considering.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Do you know this person well?

 

[Grumpy Cat]

And what did they do after they gave you the "strange" look?

 

[Suzanne]

The person is a she and I thought she was a friend, but that was my mistake. She happens to have a very positive and sunny personality, which is the kind that I am attracted to and she is out of the norm ie funny etc and so, I confused her amazing personality wokith that she really liked me as a friend, but since, found out, that actually, she likes me not particularly as a close friend; just casual.

I was explaining how when I am in front of everyone, I go into surreal mode and well, she is French ( but speaks excellent English) and said she did not understand this particular word, so I clumsy searched for another word and said, rather helplessly: well I sort of go out of myself and looking at me, which got the strange wow look from her and don't want to go there!

In all fairness to her, though, I am sure if she found out how I felt, she would be quick to reassure me that she did not mean any harm, but I am feeling particularly horrible today and so, reacted as though I am not worthy of being a human. I guess very low self esteem and no doubt derived from having to give a talk this evening, which I have prepared and also having some one come back and spend the night, so I am feeling freaked out and very vulnerable right now!

Truth being told, I did want to hit her lol for being so bloody insensitive; just because she has no issues with answering up, should not give her the right to look at me as though I am weird; well ok I am lol

 

[Greg]

OMG when I am trying to explain things to people I go way into too much detail and fumble around on my words and unable to convey my point. I also have a very difficult time trying to understand what they are saying. My wife sometimes looks at me in such frustration at why I keep asking questions trying to figure out what she is saying. This also happens with other NT's.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

The person is a she and I thought she was a friend, but that was my mistake. She happens to have a very positive and sunny personality, which is the kind that I am attracted to and she is out of the norm ie funny etc and so, I confused her amazing personality wokith that she really liked me as a friend, but since, found out, that actually, she likes me not particularly as a close friend; just casual.

I was explaining how when I am in front of everyone, I go into surreal mode and well, she is French ( but speaks excellent English) and said she did not understand this particular word, so I clumsy searched for another word and said, rather helplessly: well I sort of go out of myself and looking at me, which got the strange wow look from her and don't want to go there!

In all fairness to her, though, I am sure if she found out how I felt, she would be quick to reassure me that she did not mean any harm, but I am feeling particularly horrible today and so, reacted as though I am not worthy of being a human. I guess very low self esteem and no doubt derived from having to give a talk this evening, which I have prepared and also having some one come back and spend the night, so I am feeling freaked out and very vulnerable right now!

Truth being told, I did want to hit her lol for being so bloody insensitive; just because she has no issues with answering up, should not give her the right to look at me as though I am weird; well ok I am lol

Sometimes when someone (friend or foe or patient) tells me something strange that happens to them, I will get a strange look on my face - usually because I've never encountered what they are explaining. So with my strange face, I am also trying to put myself in their place and figure out what they are talking about. It all depends on what the NT person does AFTER the strange look. If they walk away and don't say anything further they usually think you're "off your rocker". I usually ask more questions and see if I'm understanding right and possibly give some sort of explanation for my strange look or try to solve their problem for them. So, what I'm saying is it all depends on what she did after her strange expression. Another thing, speaking for myself, sometimes I also don't have any control over my facial expressions. I'm aware of my expression, but it shows up and then if the person says something or I can tell my expression is upsetting them then I have to consciously change it. My facial expressions are the reason that I can never lie and get away with it.

 

[Suzanne]

Sometimes when someone (friend or foe or patient) tells me something strange that happens to them, I will get a strange look on my face - usually because I've never encountered what they are explaining. So with my strange face, I am also trying to put myself in their place and figure out what they are talking about. It all depends on what the NT person does AFTER the strange look. If they walk away and don't say anything further they usually think you're "off your rocker". I usually ask more questions and see if I'm understanding right and possibly give some sort of explanation for my strange look or try to solve their problem for them. So, what I'm saying is it all depends on what she did after her strange expression. Another thing, speaking for myself, sometimes I also don't have any control over my facial expressions. I'm aware of my expression, but it shows up and then if the person says something or I can tell my expression is upsetting them then I have to consciously change it. My facial expressions are the reason that I can never lie and get away with it.

Well her look and what she said, tallied! She said: weird! But I suppose it is a normal reaction when someone says: it is like I am looking down at myself. She did actually suffer from social phobia once, but CLEARLY got over it, and just perhaps, because of that, she really does not want to be too close to another, who struggles every day with negative thoughts etc ie like I have the plague. She is also a very independent woman; living on her own, working and drives and has excellent relationship with her parents, so all in all, she just wants to be around people who do not suffer as I do and so, I can't blame her for wanting to escape lol

 

[Sully]

I wish I could see video of the looks that you're getting. I wonder if because I avoid eye contact I don't notice people looking at me weird. I'd like to wear a hidden camera so I can analyze conversations later when it's easier to think clearly. It could be helpful if we were all able to post snippets of our interactions to the forum and discuss them. I might just search for spy equipment online

 

[Naturalist]

Well her look and what she said, tallied! She said: weird! But I suppose it is a normal reaction when someone says: it is like I am looking down at myself. She did actually suffer from social phobia once, but CLEARLY got over it, and just perhaps, because of that, she really does not want to be too close to another, who struggles every day with negative thoughts etc ie like I have the plague. She is also a very independent woman; living on her own, working and drives and has excellent relationship with her parents, so all in all, she just wants to be around people who do not suffer as I do and so, I can't blame her for wanting to escape lol

Suzanne I am so sorry you have had this experience, especially right now when your nerves are fraught with other worries. Your description doesn't sound that unusual to me, I have often examined things as if I am stepping outside myself to observe my words and actions more objectively. Hence the adjective "detached". However, I don't think it is something everyone can relate to. My immediate family members (mother, sisters) usually give me very concerned or disgusted looks when I try to describe such things, so I don't attempt any more. Sometimes they also say things like, "That's just stupid / ridiculous" or "Stop being weird".

I don't have many female friends because they seem so overly concerned with everyone conforming to their own view of what is normal, and they are very intimidated by people who have experiences which are unlike their own. I don't have this problem as much from guys, for some reason. Also, I find it is often worse with women who have very cheerful dispositions, because they hate for anything to disturb their cheery (and often unrealistic) expectations of the world and of others. For my part, I have a bit of a cynical bias--I don't trust anyone who wears a smile 24/7, in my experience they are always hiding something creepy.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I know I have a look I make when I hear something strange, but it usually goes through: Processing. Interesting. I'm curious. Tell me more.
Kinda awkward to put them all four into one expression. I put forth more effort into the puzzled/interesting phase if I don't want to offend them since it's hard to get information out of somebody who's mad. To err on the side of innocence, perhaps she was just puzzled and processing what you said rather than intending malice.

 

[Suzanne]

Suzanne I am so sorry you have had this experience, especially right now when your nerves are fraught with other worries. Your description doesn't sound that unusual to me, I have often examined things as if I am stepping outside myself to observe my words and actions more objectively. Hence the adjective "detached". However, I don't think it is something everyone can relate to. My immediate family members (mother, sisters) usually give me very concerned or disgusted looks when I try to describe such things, so I don't attempt any more. Sometimes they also say things like, "That's just stupid / ridiculous" or "Stop being weird".

I don't have many female friends because they seem so overly concerned with everyone conforming to their own view of what is normal, and they are very intimidated by people who have experiences which are unlike their own. I don't have this problem as much from guys, for some reason. Also, I find it is often worse with women who have very cheerful dispositions, because they hate for anything to disturb their cheery (and often unrealistic) expectations of the world and of others. For my part, I have a bit of a cynical bias--I don't trust anyone who wears a smile 24/7, in my experience they are always hiding something creepy.

To be honest, her extreme sunny nature, does wind me up a bit, but this is the first time I have admitted it, because I know I can be over the top and thus, how uncomfortable is that lol

One thing that she did say, which is funny, is that my hands become clammy with nerves, which means I cannot use my tablet, she would scroll down for me, which is sweet of her to say; I was just thrown by her look, as though I am someone to not know and you are so right: women are by far the worst and have never been comfortable in my own sex's company; a bit better now though, but I just find my own sex to be so far away from me as in culture etc, that I rather just close the door. I am a woman and clearly one, for I like being a woman, but I am different to other women and just really would rather be around men ( if they are not being sexist)

 

[Suzanne]

I know I have a look I make when I hear something strange, but it usually goes through: Processing. Interesting. I'm curious. Tell me more.
Kinda awkward to put them all four into one expression. I put forth more effort into the puzzled/interesting phase if I don't want to offend them since it's hard to get information out of somebody who's mad. To err on the side of innocence, perhaps she was just puzzled and processing what you said rather than intending malice.

I am pretty good at interpreting facial expressions and hers definitely was not: wow tell me more, but rather, get away from me! I don't blame her now, because she is just being her and it must seem strange for someone to come out with what I said and thus, she is forgiven lol

 

[Sully]

Surréalisme comes to us from French so maybe she didn't understand it in English because she would expect it to be said the way she is used to.
I feel the same way as you, but I never try to explain it to anyone. I can't imagine someone actually understanding.

 

[Balkan1996]

Does anyone else try to suppress complex words while talking because you know people wouldn't understand them?
Yep. Trying to fit into slang since 1996.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Does anyone else try to suppress complex words while talking because you know people wouldn't understand them?
Yep. Trying to fit into slang since 1996.

You don't have to worry about doing that here - that's why I keep a dictionary close by.

 

[Ylva]

Does anyone else try to suppress complex words while talking because you know people wouldn't understand them?
Yep. Trying to fit into slang since 1996.

This is what usually gets me weird looks, too.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

This is what usually gets me weird looks, too.

I don't know how you guy's come up with all those big words. Is it from reading books or do they just come to you? Reminds me of this one "King of Queens" episode where Doug and Carrie had their accountant over to do their taxes and he said some big word that they didn't know. Carrie had to look up the word in a dictionary while Doug kept the accountant busy so they wouldn't be embarrassed for not knowing what the word meant. Oh! I remember what the word was too (cause I've watched "King of Queens" a million and one times). The word was "specious". I had to look it up again.

 

[Sully]

Does anyone else try to suppress complex words while talking because you know people wouldn't understand them?
Yep. Trying to fit into slang since 1996.

No, I'm disinclined to use sesquipedalian words due to trepidation of being labeled ostentatious.

 

[Ylva]

Carrie had to look up the word in a dictionary while Doug kept the accountant busy so they wouldn't be embarrassed for not knowing what the word meant.

Yeah, people hate feeling stupid, I get that. But… why would not knowing a word make someone feel stupid? There are more than a hundred thousand words in English, who would know them all? Maybe I just get too caught up in the chance to learn something new that I forget the sort of. social stakes or what to call them, since it apparently has something to do with dominance? I don't know, never made sense, but it would at least explain the mockery people are subjected to when they geek out or demonstrate knowledge of something. (Is really everything social about status? That sounds kind of exhausting.)

My solution is to employ Buffy speak. You know that thing where you talk about stuff in general terms and people are supposed to understand what the thing is because of, like, the description?

Phrases like "that there thing" have saved me so many times.

As an aside, my super power would be to know all the words in the world, if and only if superfast reading has already been taken.