What stands between you and happiness?

[Mike Stouffer]

Happiness...whew, that's a tough one. Sometimes, for myself, I can be riding a positive wave, and 'bang' the restless and uncomfortable dark clouds roll in. I think we all can relate with that. We're comfortable in our struggles and stuff just seems to happen. I use to tell people what really was on my mind (wrong). And had to learn to bite my tongue. Especially if it was something I was passionate about concerning Human Rights. My outburst was the picture others took in, and not my information. Had to fine-tune this a bit.

When my body took on a serious cardiac challenge I remember months in rehab trying to make sense of everything. I wasn't out of the woods with a bad outcome, so really wanted to see what this so called 'happiness' was all about. Knew it to be my last shot in finding it.

My wife, Bobbi, and I use to time a short walk each night at sundown, taking pictures of it. It made me aware of how big and beautiful the earth really is. This slowed me down into some deeper reflecting. If my conscious was telling me I had handled a situation poorly I would replace with a kind act for another. In giving to others I found a new happiness never felt before.

I really liked your post. I think many others will. Thanks for sharing.

I remember some jobs that felt like torture! It's hard to deal with. Getting along with others was huge. Things were fine as long as it wasn't too loud or rude people around.

 

[Calibar]

Thank you Mike. Glad you found your way to happiness.

 

[Thursday]

Hi Calibar! Before I met my husband, I was also quite worried about finding and maintaining a relationship. While I had no problems meeting people who were interested in me, I myself was not satisfied with the connection I was able to form with them. At times, I was worried about not being good enough for anyone as I felt I was too formulaic about the whole thing. Get to know the person by asking questions about them, leave out the bad parts about myself, smile, repeat. I hated having to do this when dating, but when I attempted otherwise, either the guys would pity me or take advantage of the situation and feel as though they were "saving" me.

Then I met my husband who, of all people, told me outright "I will give you my phone number and you can call me any time you want". Which, I learned he never did for anybody else. The first time we hung out, I was able to tell him about my depression and did not feel as though he was judging me as he has also exhausted all the avenues to seek help to cope with plenty of things.

Anyway, the short of it is, there is always the possibility of meeting like-minded people so long as we don't stop doing our best. I joined these forums for the very same reasons. I was feeling lost and friend-less...so being able to talk to you all gives me some comfort. Perhaps you will also find that one best friend you will want to enjoy/survive life with soon!

 

[Calibar]

Thank you for the kind words Thursday Glad things worked out well for you!

 

[Professori]

Unfortunately, happiness is so circumstantial - depends on what is happening at any given time. It's simply the elusive butterfly, always being chased and never caught. It is also varied in degree - sometimes very high levels of happiness and sometimes very low levels.

Joy, I suppose, is a state of being - once there, always there. It is a constant level of a sense of peace and being. That partly comes with self-acceptance because the more we dislike ourselves, or have a poor self-image, the less likely we are to have any kind of joy. Of course, issues in life such as clinical depression, etc. play against that.

I honestly do not think that there are any who experience permanent happiness. Life is in opposition to it. However, there are certainly those who emanate a lightness of being, and some of them are in pretty poor circumstances, but despite that, they still have joy. There is a special touch to that.

 

[Bolletje]

Self-doubt.

 

[Kisa the tea]

 

[unreality]

To have a Thomas Kinkade cottage out in the wilderness away from people would make me happy. Some place where you can see the beautiful thick milky way galaxy on clear night skies. Maybe 15 to 20 minute drive away from a small friendly town. I want very much to be around people but I don't how to not be afraid around them.

 

[Danny 74]

Reading some of the depressing posts on here...! Honestly..!

 

[Calibar]

@unreality I also wish I could spend a few months by my myself on a mountain house hundreds of kilometers away form the closest human settlement

 

[StephF]

A firewall ! Ok, I'll try and be serious I would like to go to Uni to further my knowledge and understanding of computer security/hacking.

 

[Mr Allen]

My apparent lack of ability to get a paid job.

I hate the UK government and their anti-disabled crap, even if I get a part time job the Tories will take great delight in sanctioning the pants off me if I work 1 second over the 16 hour limit or earn 1 penny over £120 a week, whichever is the lesser.

 

[tlc]

A 15 year old court order from my kid's mom that has me strapped financially and put on a 100 mile leash. Nothing's any different anywhere within that distance. Counting down to the end. Should be 54 weeks left.

 

[nowwhat]

If you believe you could be happier, what is it that you currently do not posses that think would make you happier? What do you believe would be the best method to go about attaining it? Has there ever been anything in the past that seemed impossible to achieve that you successfully achieved?
I am curious to know what issues others with ASD have, and how they have overcome them if possible.

Personally I dislike my job. It is too stressful and and not very enjoyable. I will soon start looking for another job that I may like more (still in software development). Until I do find another job I will keep my current one. I have gained good experience and made good money here. Such things come before temporary (or even prolonged) distress.
Another thing that stands between me and happiness is forming good relationships with others (especially romantically). My facial expressions are often blank or too serious. People often think I have something against them which makes life harder. Even when people like me I feel that if the discussion goes on for too long they will come to believe I dislike them and they will be offended, which in turn increases my anxiety. I don't believe this can be prevented. I can minimize the damage by eventually telling them about my disorder and that it is not personal. For very close relationships I think I would prefer people with similar disorders so that I could be myself with them. Summoning the balls to go through with such things will likely not be easy.

As for something that I thought was very difficult but I achieved, that would have to be a relatively high paying, stable job. I initially finished my degree in something else but studied comp sci afterwards. I was determined and learned well. I went to comp sci because it was in demand at the time (3 years ago completed my courses). I got a job shortly after and I have been doing quite well through hard work and talent, despite management voicing concern over my occasional defiance and anger. The smart choice I eventually made was to choose a field in demand. We are at a disadvantage generally, so lowering the amount of completion is always a good idea. Once a job is secured hard work and determination are required to keep it and be successful.

Well, since it seems my happiest times are all behind me, the answer to your question would be "me".