What is this mentality?

[Questella]

I'm so burnt out from people doing these things... What is it that posses people to go out of their way to tell you everything that's wrong with you? People have to stop what they are doing to make sure you know about something that is wrong with you? I'll just be not bothering anybody and some douche will have to come up to me to say something like, "ew you're so ___" or "wow you're really ___"

like yeah, I know I own a mirror but of course I don't/can't say anything and usually end up running/hiding and drinking too much...

But like really what is it that posses people to do and say these things? I'm just so ugh right now, I had such a sad, depressing weekend...

I've never had any urge to go up to some stranger just to tell them their existence was offending me because they're so ___.

Ideas? Opinions? Experiences?

 

[ZebraAutismo]

I kinda know how you feel but have no advice to offer. Sorry.

 

[AustinTheAspie]

You wanna know what possesses people to do such a thing? Because our society allows it, and unfortunately does nothing about it. We're alone in this shithole of a universe, which is why I'd rather stay at home, get high, get drunk, and hide from the world, rather than deal with everyone's constant ******** every day that doesn't serve me. That's why. Next time someone says "I have the right to my opinion, and you're a _____", reply with "Oh yeah? Well, I have a right to my opinion, and my opinion is that you have no right to your opinion." Then give them the middle finger and walk away. If they follow, destroy them.

 

[Grenade]

What is it that posses people to go out of their way to tell you everything that's wrong with you?

It happens because the present society values the offensive. Surliness, offensiveness, rebelliousness--all these qualities are now touted and extolled. Little kids are praised for being offensive and the prolific F-word is now used by almost everybody. In fact, I saw a religious post with the acronym, "WTF" in it.

While we get facebook meme sermons on "tolerance" and "diversity," unfortunately just as prolific are the memes touting rebellious "I told you" stories.

Just a few thoughts off the cuff.

 

[Propianotuner]

like yeah, I know I own a mirror but of course I don't/can't say anything and usually end up running/hiding and drinking too much...

But like really what is it that posses people to do and say these things? I'm just so ugh right now, I had such a sad, depressing weekend...

Wow, I'm sorry Questella. How is it that you've become a target for this kind of behavior? The last thing I'd say is it's your fault, but I'm curious to see a little more of the picture here.

 

[Questella]

Wow, I'm sorry Questella. How is it that you've become a target for this kind of behavior? The last thing I'd say is it's your fault, but I'm curious to see a little more of the picture here.

I've been trying to wrap my head around it... I'm often alone, if I can't actively get someone to stay around me ill be sitting alone for long amounts of time, and then it becomes a domino effect. Somebody makes fun of me somebody else hears /sees so they got to add their two sense. I know I don't come off very confident, but I just can't seem to figure out how and then this starts and I can't even try to try.

I know I'm not the skinniest, sexiest, prettiest girl but I don't understand why people have to stop what they're doing and what I'm doing just to make sure I know I'm over weight. In my head I'm just screaming I already know how fat and gross I am but I can't say anything to them, I just freeze up, then run hide drink as soon as I can...

I have zero ability to talk back to these people, tell them off, that they're wrong, stand up for myself, tell them to go away. I used to try but then they get meaner or violent, I don't know how to do it. And having some 90lb perfect skinny girl trying to stand up for me just makes the whole ordeal even more mortifying... I used to be really anorexic and bulimic before I had my kid but I just to black out regularly from it and I was too afraid of blacking out watching him but I just really wish I had the tolerance to fast for weeks and months at a time again... if I could just get back under 120 they'd stop, when I was small people would come to me and say, "wow you're so skinny you're amazing " which I didn't mind but on the other side why can't they just keep their mouths shut?? **tears**

I'm so dreading going to the pool with my kid in the summer...

I wish I could just put a tent around me and wear it around... then nobody could see me to get offended...

My stupid sister is like 89 lbs so you can imagine how horrible my family compares us.

 

[Propianotuner]

I've been trying to wrap my head around it... I'm often alone, if I can't actively get someone to stay around me ill be sitting alone for long amounts of time, and then it becomes a domino effect. Somebody makes fun of me somebody else hears /sees so they got to add their two sense. I know I don't come off very confident, but I just can't seem to figure out how and then this starts and I can't even try to try.

I know I'm not the skinniest, sexiest, prettiest girl but I don't understand why people have to stop what they're doing and what I'm doing just to make sure I know I'm over weight. In my head I'm just screaming I already know how fat and gross I am but I can't say anything to them, I just freeze up, then run hide drink as soon as I can...

I have zero ability to talk back to these people, tell them off, that they're wrong, stand up for myself, tell them to go away. I used to try but then they get meaner or violent, I don't know how to do it. And having some 90lb perfect skinny girl trying to stand up for me just makes the whole ordeal even more mortifying... I used to be really anorexic and bulimic before I had my kid but I just to black out regularly from it and I was too afraid of blacking out watching him but I just really wish I had the tolerance to fast for weeks and months at a time again... if I could just get back under 120 they'd stop, when I was small people would come to me and say, "wow you're so skinny you're amazing " which I didn't mind but on the other side why can't they just keep their mouths shut?? **tears**

I'm so dreading going to the pool with my kid in the summer...

I wish I could just put a tent around me and wear it around... then nobody could see me to get offended...

My stupid sister is like 89 lbs so you can imagine how horrible my family compares us.

Clearly there a pervasive, unhealthy patterns involved here, and the best thing you can do to care for yourself is seek professional help. Eating disorders, not being assertive enough, having a negative self image and depression problems, you don't have to and shouldn't have to live like this.

 

[Ronin82]

People do that in order to make themselves feel better. They build themselves up by tearing others down. Also, compassion and non-judgemental behavior is not taught either by parents or peers, so the behavior just perpetuates itself.

It sucks to be the target of the comments. I've been on the receiving end for years, and I have no self-confidence left. At the same time, I realize how miserable this person is to feel the need to comment on my shortcomings in order to build themselves up either in their friends' eyes or their own. People who are hurting hurt others. Its a vicious cycle. Hopefully some day we can figure out a way to stop it, but I don't have much hope for this generation.