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Featured Well, I quit my job and almost got arrested in the process.

Discussion in 'Education and Employment' started by Khendra, Apr 14, 2017.

  1. Khendra

    Khendra Active Member

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    I had worked in direct care. Got beyond frustrated with employees, bosses, and all their drama and their different set of rules for the client home I worked at. I quit today. But I almost got arrested because, when I called the police when no one was coming to relieve me of my shift (I'd called other employees, but they were all in overtime), the police thought I was going to leave the client home just because I said I was angry and wanted to leave (that would be grounds for arrest for abuse and neglect, since I was the only person on staff at the home). Well, I knew I couldn't actually leave until someone showed up, which is why I called police after others weren't responding to my requests to relief. Still, I got scared at the mere mention of possible arrest, so I hit myself and appeared very weird before the policewoman.

    Not sure what to do at this point. I wonder if I should ever seek employment again. I had some good jobs in direct care, and at substitute teaching, in years past, but my latest ventures in those arenas have met with absolute disaster.

    I do not seem to have any ability to deal with conflict with other human beings. It is my Achilles' heel, as they say.
     
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  2. Warmheart

    Warmheart Something nerdy this way comes Staff Member

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    You sound amazingly strong, intuitive, empathetic, insightful, and caring. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

    Direct care sounds ideal for you. In fact, I can only think those in your care benefit greatly from your kindness.

    Going forward, why not get someone on you ur son de, such as an autism agency? If you gave a formal diagnosis, agencies who do help adults with ASD can help you obtain supports and accommodations on the job.

    This can mean: private workspace so you don't have to interact much, such as your own office or cubicle, or directions given to you only in written form, if that makes things easier.

    Just a thought.... contacting an agency and getting support for yourself going forward may help. Best success!
     
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  3. NeoPhile

    NeoPhile Can I get a "Bright not Broken"?

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    Do you have to work in a job that involves working with people? Many aspies find careers in fields like engineering, computer programming, and academics that are less-people oriented. Don't be afraid to go back to school. I'm at school again and I'm 36.
     
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  4. Kirsty

    Kirsty Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    F*cking h*ll. 'Care' work is one of the worst places for employment. I know from experience.

    I sincerely hope you find new employment in a different type of industry and find peace within yourself again.
     
    Last edited: Apr 14, 2017
  5. Rich Allen

    Rich Allen Well-Known Member

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    I recently lost my Charity shop position, through something that technically wasn't my fault (see the thread I did about 5 weeks ago in the employment section).#
     
  6. Gritches

    Gritches Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    You're absolutely right to feel the way you feel.

    Experiences with cops for us-all-people typically tends to range from unpleasant to traumatic. That will never change, or at least probably not in our lifetimes, for many complex reasons.

    People react to things like this differently, but that this experience makes you want to quit working altogether tells me you were very deeply affected, emotionally. My best advice is that if you don't continue working this experience will haunt you for a very long time.

    The psych mumbo jumbo of this is that you've made an association between work and the negative feelings of the event, not an abnormal response. If it's left alone to fester, that association will dig in deeper into your psyche and may eventually become a "world view", the building blocks of how we perceive reality. In its current form, that association can be done away with relatively easily by working again and not having an identical traumatic experience. However, if it becomes ingrained, it will create something akin to a phobia of the workplace that will make it infinitely harder to get work in the future.

    Hope that helps at least a little. Best of luck
     
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  7. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Missionary Cybernaut

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  8. WereBear

    WereBear License to Weird V.I.P Member

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  9. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

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    That is very insightful, Gritches. My own experiences corroborate this. I can't even seriously look for work without having breakdown any more.

    I would also like to add that care work can be very draining, weather you are autistic or not. The constant demands and emotional toll of the profession make burnout fairly common. It sounds like you might be reaching that point yourself. Perhaps you should consider transitioning to an other field of work that uses your transferable skills.
     
  10. Ambi

    Ambi Well-Known Member

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    Just a note on the police - I'm glad they let up and didn't arrest you. Even when I get a ticket it is nuts how much some of them go into overdrive/overreact for no reason - I think it comes from trying to ensure they establish authority and the unpleasant/dangerous experiences they have dealt with before. BUT - if it's any comfort, I am 100% sure that whatever you did was nowhere near the strangest thing they've seen - they have seen completely crazy stuff, even from NTs.
     
  11. WereBear

    WereBear License to Weird V.I.P Member

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    The training they get is geared to paranoid overreaction, that's why. Some of it is because they come from military service, where they learned to regard everyone as a potential danger.

    Some of it is anti-terrorism attitudes.

    And some of it is because certain personalities, who crave power over others because of their personal inadequacies, are not properly screened out.

    Some police departments are enlightened and want to be better at what they do. And some are not.

    Here in our small town, we generally get friendly treatment, but when our car was hit by a trooper vehicle running twenty miles over the speed limit with no siren, they closed ranks against me.

    Fortunately, I immediately hired a lawyer, and the dash cam must have shown I was blameless, because there was no ticket and I might even get my deductible back some day.

    The fun part is how I made the front page of the local paper and so many people in town told me "they drive too fast, good for you for standing up for yourself."
     
  12. yotimbo

    yotimbo Member

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    That is really sensible ,kind and positive advice for someone going through what many of us with autism have been through and can understand completely. If only this form of communication was available 20 years ago.
     
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  13. Khendra

    Khendra Active Member

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    Thanks everyone.

    Still processing the ramifications of all of this. I've done either direct care or substitute teaching for the past five years, and to be completely burned out of both professions now, even to the point of annoying the city police over the latest one...it's got me thinking, well what next. I briefly considered trying out at some different companies/districts while limiting the kinds of shifts/teaching jobs I take on to minimize the chance of any further issues, but honestly, it seems best to move on now. Why not do something different?

    My other options include being a stay-at-home wife and perhaps future mother (my husband is not opposed to these ideas, and he makes enough now where I could be supported financially), or getting out some of my savings and trying my hand at a computer degree (and perhaps end up doing work similar to what husband does). But in the meantime, I'd like to at least earn SOMETHING so husband isn't obligated to pay the cable bill, groceries (which I take care of every Sunday), or most of my prescriptions (I'm a type 1 diabetic, and our current insurance kind of sucks when it comes to covering that stuff). I'd earned enough as a direct care worker/sub teacher to pay off all of those on my own and still be left even, or with a little extra to buy treats like sports trading cards and favorite beers, but I'll have to set those aside for at least awhile.

    I did sign up on Care.com to see if I can do any tutoring, housekeeping, or errands/odd jobs for people in my city. These would all be one-on-one contact (tutoring, where I could use my substitute teaching experience given that I always did best as a paraprofessional with smaller groups of kids), or very little human contact (housekeeping, which I enjoy and have gotten pretty good at thanks to my work in direct care homes).

    There is also the option of donating plasma. Husband has a coworker whose wife does that to make extra income.

    Just want to be able to use some of my skills and contribute in some way. As of right now, church is my only other avenue of either reaching out to others or making use of my skills.
     
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  14. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

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    Sounds like the really good news is that you have both the resources and the time to think things out. That's critical, IMO.

    And also important is that you appear to be already "working the problem". That is, seeking work that may not involve routine contact with so many people. You appear to have "reached your limit" and that something had to give.

    It's not a crime to discover one's difficulties with people. I know...I'm there right now, working for myself and no others. I get it, as do so many others here. Hang in there. :)
     
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  15. WereBear

    WereBear License to Weird V.I.P Member

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    You could probably do well with house/office cleaning. Work alone, flexible hours, wear whatever the heck you want.

    I know many people who built a nice little business that way.
     
  16. yotimbo

    yotimbo Member

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    Khendra, why do you feel it necessary to "reach out to others" you have enormous problems to solve in your own world which you will solve on your own and be a matriarch to others for this achievement . Deal with polishing the doorstep before sweeping the kirb
     
  17. When In Rome

    When In Rome Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Good point. One major hazard of employment is that other people are always around. Same with roads. Roads would be awesome without cars.
     
  18. Khendra

    Khendra Active Member

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    Quoting the full context of NeoPhile's post -- and highlighting the crucial bit of context -- because the above member just quoted one sentence of what he wrote out of context in what seems to be an attempt at sarcasm.

    Of course everyone has to work with people to an extent, and NeoPhile wasn't trying to say otherwise. Neither was I. Nonetheless, there might be a valid point in trying work that is less people-oriented.
     
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  19. NeoPhile

    NeoPhile Can I get a "Bright not Broken"?

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    I wasn't trying to be sarcastic. It's a fact that many aspies find jobs in fields like engineering, which is less people-oriented. I was being serious. Dr. Simon Baron-Cohen proved that aspies tend to have many engineers in their family trees. You can see that genetic progression.
     
  20. Khendra

    Khendra Active Member

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    NeoPhile, I was responding to WhenInRome ("the above member" to the post of my thread), who seemed to totally miss the point of your post and was being seemingly sarcastic toward you. I quoted you to defend your point. He seemed to be implying that you were saying something that you weren't.
     
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