Wanting something bad to happen so I don't have to do something

[Keith]

I have a history of hoping something bad will happen so I don't have to do something I don't want to. In recent years I know I shouldn't be having such thoughts, but I still "plan" for what to do should such a circumstance happen.

 

[Vanilla]

This is actually a fairly common tactic. Many people who employ it generally do so out of fear of facing whatever it is they have planned, for various reasons. I suppose the question you'd have to ask yourself, is does it bother you, and what are your fears?

 

[Aspieistj]

I think that is a part of optimist vs. pessimist thinking. My glass is always half full. I don't want to keep an appointment for tomorrow so I hope maybe we will get a blizzard. It IS a possibility.

 

[Keith]

It's not so much fear as just not wanting to do it. It's been rather extreme, sometimes, though. Examples include me getting sick so I don't have to go to art lessons. I think it's mostly just not wanting to go anywhere. I can't easily convince myself to go places sometimes.

 

[CJinherPJs]

I used to experience this a lot when I was in high school. I used to envy people who'd hurt themselves and were, for example, using crutches or had their arm in plaster, because they got to leave the lesson five minutes early and thus avoid the stampede in the corridors. There was also a boy in my form who had severe asthma, and in Year 9 he was hospitalised with a chest infection. He was off school for about 2 weeks, and I remember wishing I'd catch any bugs that were going around so I didn't have to go in. If there was snow forecast, I used to hope it would be severe enough to warrant school closure, and I was overjoyed when the UK had the "Big Freeze" in 2010. I think pretty much all the schools in my area were closed at that time.

Looking back, I know it sounds silly, but I think it's quite common to have these thoughts if it's something you really don't like.

 

[King_Oni]

It's not so much fear as just not wanting to do it. It's been rather extreme, sometimes, though. Examples include me getting sick so I don't have to go to art lessons. I think it's mostly just not wanting to go anywhere. I can't easily convince myself to go places sometimes.

But if you don't want to go to those lessons and take part, why sign up in the first place?

Perhaps it's the aspie logic in me, but if I know I'll dread going somewhere that is supposed to be fun, I don't think it'll be that much fun to begin with and I wont even commit to said activities on a regular basis

 

[Keith]

That's another thing. I don't want to go somewhere and then when I get there I have fun. It's the going part that's the problem.

 

[King_Oni]

That's another thing. I don't want to go somewhere and then when I get there I have fun. It's the going part that's the problem.

`
Then I would see if there are more things I could do at home rather than have courses on a more remote location.

Though I guess having art classes at home might be a bit more pricy.

 

[Vanilla]

Perhaps the home is simply your comfort zone, so leaving it is not ideal, despite wanting to also be somewhere else. When you make your plans, I imagine it's the activity that is ideal, but as you make your decision in the comfort of your home, you forget that you must leave home to do so. It's not until the final moments, that the realisation dawns.

Perhaps thinking about physically leaving home, while planning activities, will assist you to better anticipate your chances of wanting to cancel on plans. There seems like there are only two options when that happens; trying to enforce some kind of self-discipline, or coming to the conclusion that you simply prefer to remain home.

 

[gonzerd]

It's not so much fear as just not wanting to do it. It's been rather extreme, sometimes, though. Examples include me getting sick so I don't have to go to art lessons. I think it's mostly just not wanting to go anywhere. I can't easily convince myself to go places sometimes.

This really reminds me of my last year in high school. I was a right nervous wreck all through but the morning before my final biology exam I went into a complete panic and tried to break my foot with a hammer (I said I was a nervous wreck). It didn't work of course, I hit it a couple times, hard enough for it to hurt an awful lot, but not like an ambulance was needed or so. Then I saw the folly of my ways and decided it would probably be more effective if I could just fall down the stairs. I couldn't, because it's really hard to make yourself fall down a flight of stairs, especially if your foot is hurting and turning blue, with 15 minutes to go before you have to leave.
The whole thing was pretty much inspired by an overload of fear for failure and an anxiety about being late and being absent a lot, which I was, all the time. It just turned into this downward spiral, where I eventually felt like I ran out of excuses, so for once something bad actually had to happen. Asking for help or at least telling someone lots of stuff were going wrong didn't enter into my mind back then. My perception of school was of something that was beyond my control, put upon me that I had to do and do good, very good or else my life would end. Things were so ****ed up back then.

Anyway, don't hurt yourself, just say you don't want to go, it's not that bad. But...

That's another thing. I don't want to go somewhere and then when I get there I have fun. It's the going part that's the problem.

Perhaps the home is simply your comfort zone, so leaving it is not ideal, despite wanting to also be somewhere else. When you make your plans, I imagine it's the activity that is ideal, but as you make your decision in the comfort of your home, you forget that you must leave home to do so. It's not until the final moments, that the realisation dawns.

Perhaps thinking about physically leaving home, while planning activities, will assist you to better anticipate your chances of wanting to cancel on plans. There seems like there are only two options when that happens; trying to enforce some kind of self-discipline, or coming to the conclusion that you simply prefer to remain home.

I liked Vanilla's advice. There's much to it. Take it.

If you like to take those lessons and have fun when you're there, go. Really. You'll feel so much better afterwards. Problems getting there shouldn't hold you back, but don't feel bad if they do.
Going somewhere is a whole job on it's own. When making to do lists I've begun putting things like getting ready for something and going there down as separate tasks. One thing that makes it particularly difficult and confusing are all the variables. What's the weather? How do I get there? What do I need to take with me? Do I look like I just crawled out of the dark pits of hell? It simply takes time to solve those questions/make those decisions and sometimes (maybe often) it's just better (probably easier) to just stay in the comfort of whatever it is I'm doing.

Take time to find some standard solutions for the different variables, so you have something familiar to fall back on, in case the decision process is proving difficult. A hat for bad hair days, some basic comfortable sets of clothes you like for different sets of weather, a standard route...
The shortest route isn't always the best too. You don't always have to go straight to it and back again. Maybe there's a park along the way where you could just chill for a moment. It could be used as some sort of in-between point, as a camp on Mt. Everest, where you could go apart from school, maybe to sit and read for a moment. Look at it as practice and use that practice to try out ways to find it more pleasant. When I signed up for university, I made exploratory rides in advance so I would get used to getting there and find what roads were nice and calm. (I still dropped out though) I'm basically just giving advice to myself now, but you get the general point. Just look for your own personal solutions, basic stuff to make it straight forward, and little frillies, to make it enjoyable.

Also, once I went out and got in that state of mind, it's easier to do other 'outside' things I'd otherwise might not be able to summon up enough willpower for. Doing those in clusters prevents having to go through the whole build up of getting ready over and over again, and frees up time and prevents annoyance with the whole thing. If I have an important appointment, I might get ready really early and have a walk in advance, that way that part is already done. Then it's just a matter of staying in that mood (leave jacket/shoes/backpack/headphones on) and worrying about the being on time part. If I have to deal with all those things at the same time, I just become the slowest moving animal on earth, because it's so many decisions.

 

[Vanilla]

This really reminds me of my last year in high school. I was a right nervous wreck all through but the morning before my final biology exam I went into a complete panic and tried to break my foot with a hammer (I said I was a nervous wreck). It didn't work of course, I hit it a couple times, hard enough for it to hurt an awful lot, but not like an ambulance was needed or so. Then I saw the folly of my ways and decided it would probably be more effective if I could just fall down the stairs. I couldn't, because it's really hard to make yourself fall down a flight of stairs, especially if your foot is hurting and turning blue, with 15 minutes to go before you have to leave.
The whole thing was pretty much inspired by an overload of fear for failure and an anxiety about being late and being absent a lot, which I was, all the time. It just turned into this downward spiral, where I eventually felt like I ran out of excuses, so for once something bad actually had to happen. Asking for help or at least telling someone lots of stuff were going wrong didn't enter into my mind back then. My perception of school was of something that was beyond my control, put upon me that I had to do and do good, very good or else my life would end. Things were so ****ed up back then.

Anyway, don't hurt yourself, just say you don't want to go, it's not that bad. But...





I liked Vanilla's advice. There's much to it. Take it.

If you like to take those lessons and have fun when you're there, go. Really. You'll feel so much better afterwards. Problems getting there shouldn't hold you back, but don't feel bad if they do.
Going somewhere is a whole job on it's own. When making to do lists I've begun putting things like getting ready for something and going there down as separate tasks. One thing that makes it particularly difficult and confusing are all the variables. What's the weather? How do I get there? What do I need to take with me? Do I look like I just crawled out of the dark pits of hell? It simply takes time to solve those questions/make those decisions and sometimes (maybe often) it's just better (probably easier) to just stay in the comfort of whatever it is I'm doing.

Take time to find some standard solutions for the different variables, so you have something familiar to fall back on, in case the decision process is proving difficult. A hat for bad hair days, some basic comfortable sets of clothes you like for different sets of weather, a standard route...
The shortest route isn't always the best too. You don't always have to go straight to it and back again. Maybe there's a park along the way where you could just chill for a moment. It could be used as some sort of in-between point, as a camp on Mt. Everest, where you could go apart from school, maybe to sit and read for a moment. Look at it as practice and use that practice to try out ways to find it more pleasant. When I signed up for university, I made exploratory rides in advance so I would get used to getting there and find what roads were nice and calm. (I still dropped out though) I'm basically just giving advice to myself now, but you get the general point. Just look for your own personal solutions, basic stuff to make it straight forward, and little frillies, to make it enjoyable.

Also, once I went out and got in that state of mind, it's easier to do other 'outside' things I'd otherwise might not be able to summon up enough willpower for. Doing those in clusters prevents having to go through the whole build up of getting ready over and over again, and frees up time and prevents annoyance with the whole thing. If I have an important appointment, I might get ready really early and have a walk in advance, that way that part is already done. Then it's just a matter of staying in that mood (leave jacket/shoes/backpack/headphones on) and worrying about the being on time part. If I have to deal with all those things at the same time, I just become the slowest moving animal on earth, because it's so many decisions.

That's good advice too. When we practise these things, we're essentially conditioning ourselves to feel more prepared, and comfortable. The practise not only teaches us how to anticipate all possibilities, but also familiarises us with new locations and routines. Being familiar can then extend our comfort zones outside of our own homes, and hopefully encourage us to explore even more.

 

[Keith]

I guess it's not as big a problem now as it was years ago. I guess it's just that I didn't like leaving my computer or video games (how juvenile). Nowadays I've realized how much fun I have at those places. I love socializing with my art teacher and have recently switched from oil to watercolor, which has proven fascinating. I volunteer at the library, but have a few ways of easily passing the time while I'm there. I help check in books, which is only done on the computer and can be combined with applying special tags which can be detected by a device which helps the patron check out the book. I also occasionally work in a small room cleaning compact discs and DVDs, often being the only person in the room so I can wander around rambling aloud without bothering anyone. Finally, I do my "patrol" of nonfiction. This involves looking for oversize books which have been shelved and putting them where such books go.

 

[tlc]

I'll usually try something if there's no logical reason not to, like if I haven't done it before. Then I know and if I like it great, but if I don't, then I have a much more legit reason to not do it again.