• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Unexpected Effect of Asperger's Diagnosis

EstimatedProphet

Rising up to Paradise
Before I was diagnosed, I had reasonable confidence in my ability to interact socially, although I was constantly frustrated at how others seem to 'get it' and I seemed to be missing something and didn't know why. But I knew how to behave in the various scenarios of my work and personal life. Alcohol was very helpful (up to a point!) with socializing. A crutch, I hate to admit.

People with whom I share my diagnosis are usually surprised, 'you seem perfectly normal to me' reactions. But not always. Some people have been honest saying 'that explains why you say strange and unexpected things sometimes,' which I appreciate.

I've lost most of my self-confidence in social situations as a result of this. I'm no longer comfortable around people, even people I know fairly well, except my closest friends. I wonder if I've misread people all this time. I no longer feel assured that my 'pre-programming' of social scenarios is sound and effective. Sort of like back to Square 1! Can anyone relate to this, and if so, what'd you do about it?
 
I can relate to this! Before, I just felt like an outsider, but that surely I'm capable of functioning just like anyone else. Since discovering I had Asperger's, I became hyper-aware of all the ways I wasn't like everyone else. I've never had a tremendous amount of confidence in my ability to do anything. I didn't get my drivers license until I was 19 and had to, so I could drive my grandmother places. When I finally graduated college, I didn't have much confidence I could get a job. I couldn't pick up a phone and call people I didn't know until I was in my mid-20s. I've actually always had a tendency to question myself after social interactions. I have a hard time texting people without wondering if I've responded appropriately.
Now, I have an explanation, but I also tend to over-analyze everything I do even more-so than before. And, I find myself less eager to interact socially than before.
 
Now, I have an explanation, but I also tend to over-analyze everything I do even more-so than before. And, I find myself less eager to interact socially than before.

Me too! Sometimes it gets in the way, other times it helps me to avoid some potentially bad situations.

Though IMO I'm still better off being self-aware. I like knowing the "whys" rather than just the "hows or whats" of my life. :)
 
I can definitely relate, although I've come to the conclusion that if people want to misinterpret me, that's fine. I will let that be THEIR problem!
 
I'm in 1/3 of my 20s and still couldn't pick up a phone and call for a job, even though I'm hurried to do so at home. However, for anything else, being self-diagnosed has helped to do pretty much what Shawn D just said, just that I think I'm slowly getting some more eager to meet people, because I learn better on the practice ;). Therefore, I KNOW I'm going to get harm at some point, but at the same time I know it's... naturally necessary so I can improve my behavior further.

Just like practicing and losing all lives before beating a videogame. People say I'm a good gamer, so I think I have room to improve in life's game ;)

Once I gain enough practice and self-security, I will be able to postulate to higher and more ambitious things, and I'll act so perfectly, that I'll do without getting prejudiced.

What I mean is not meant to be taken literally. More like it were necessary to... dissect the mentality exposed on here. To what I seen, and to what I believe, this is what NTs refer with "put yourself in the other's shoes". If I were an NT giving tip to an aspie, I'd suggest to check about "emotional projection" as well. And why of course, the local social engineering could help.

P.S.: Do I look like more optimist or egocentrical than I "should" be at this point? Well, I find it's "naturally necessary" as well =P
 
Last edited:
I haven't really had this issue because I barely remember what it was like before I was diagnosed. I was diagnosed at a young age due to strange circumstances (PM me if you're curious to know) and wasn't around a lot of people before my diagnosis. I was just me doing what I enjoyed doing as a preschool-aged child and my mom teaching me things to help prepare me for Kindergarten.
 
I'm self-diagnosed at the moment (waiting to be referred for assessment) and since coming to the conclusion I have Aspergers I've been much more aware of things too... Its like, stuff I just considered my personality - having meltdowns, issues with sounds and lights, hypersensitivity to the sun, not fitting in, finding conversation difficult - are all things attributed to the AS, so I'm now even more aware of them than before... Same goes for stuff like shaking my legs/feet, biting my tongue/lips, flicking my nails, playing with my hair, twiddling my fingers.
 
A double ended sword, kind if feeling and lol not even officially diagnosed yet.

I seem to not panic and feel such a failure if I have to go and sit in our car, because of feeling completely overaught with all the noise of my own species.

I think I can give you an answer to why you now doubt yourself. It is because suddenly when you thought you were great at appearing normal, in fact, you seem to others as the opposite and suddenly that confidence has been stripped from you and you are no doubting yourself hugely.

It is so strange though: one minute we so desire for someone to acknowledge we have got something "wrong" with us and when it is, we panic and wish with all our heart we were normal.

Perhaps if I ever get a formal diagnosis, I may go into panic zone and think: oh my goodness me, I have no choice now, I do have aspergers and cannot pretend anymore. But I think that it won't happen, because I have spent years feeling so dfferent from others and finally could have the answer and so it will be welcomed.

I thought I was pretty good at reading people; but coming to learn that I often misread people.
 
Now, I have an explanation, but I also tend to over-analyze everything I do even more-so than before. And, I find myself less eager to interact socially than before.

That's where I'm at! I never thought knowing the 'why' would make socializing harder...that is until the first holiday party I attended since the diagnosis....
 
I think I can give you an answer to why you now doubt yourself. It is because suddenly when you thought you were great at appearing normal, in fact, you seem to others as the opposite and suddenly that confidence has been stripped from you and you are no doubting yourself hugely.

...

I thought I was pretty good at reading people; but coming to learn that I often misread people.

You are exactly right Suzanne. Well said.
 
Before I was diagnosed, I had reasonable confidence in my ability to interact socially, although I was constantly frustrated at how others seem to 'get it' and I seemed to be missing something and didn't know why. But I knew how to behave in the various scenarios of my work and personal life. Alcohol was very helpful (up to a point!) with socializing. A crutch, I hate to admit.

People with whom I share my diagnosis are usually surprised, 'you seem perfectly normal to me' reactions. But not always. Some people have been honest saying 'that explains why you say strange and unexpected things sometimes,' which I appreciate.

I've lost most of my self-confidence in social situations as a result of this. I'm no longer comfortable around people, even people I know fairly well, except my closest friends. I wonder if I've misread people all this time. I no longer feel assured that my 'pre-programming' of social scenarios is sound and effective. Sort of like back to Square 1! Can anyone relate to this, and if so, what'd you do about it?

Alcohol is my main way of being able to socialise and communicate with people... Its what I used as a teenager and what I still use now when its called for... Not the best way but if I'm half cut I have no inhibitions or worries and just talk and talk and talk lol
 
My dx has been very hard on me. I have been suicidal over it. It is complicated because I was dxed years ago, but lived "OK" like couldn't really work but was able to get out and kinda socialize though always weird. But still I thought, "Maybe I have it, maybe not. Maybe the therapist just said so in order for me to get services." That happens a lot.

Well, I had a car accident and suddenly I reverted to 12 again. No coping skills. Food all over the floor. Hardly able to use the toilet. Rocking. Meltdowns. Hyper. Crying. Throwing things. Totally Mute in public. Wearing a knit cap 24/7 (ok 12/7).

I can get it together long enough to do my You Tube videos of my special interest in spurts. And then it's total confusion.

My special interests are saving my life. That and family and also that ability I can now do like I could at 14 where I can start to block it all out and go into a a fugue like a disaassociation. I can go really deep into that and it's AWESOME.

I have terrible feelings that come over me now.

I had a head injury on top on the autism, but so have others, so it's not all that. It's more that all my coping skills I learned over decades POOF GONE because some stupid b had to text.
 
Yes. I believed in my mother when she said that everyone felt this way (just refering to whatever feeling she thought I was experiencing) and my father's advice of "fake it 'til you make it" (which in retrospect is very 1984). But frankly I'd rather know how things really are than insist they are whichever way would make me want to partake in them.
 
I was diagnosed at age 52, and have suffered a major failure of confidence. That has been the hardest part of the diagnosis. I've been sober for 28 years, so I just ride with it. I tend to tell people I have Aspergers if they seem put off. It's a new reality for me, just like facing life without alcohol was.
 
I was diagnosed at 50 last year, and I worry less about "fitting in"; I know there's a reason if things are difficult.

It's slightly annoying when people say (as an acquaintance did yesterday) that I "seem normal", but they don't realise the years of effort that go into learning to "pass", and also the lady in question doesn't know me very well, so has no idea how obsessively geeky and weird I can be among friends.
 
Before I was diagnosed, I had reasonable confidence in my ability to interact socially, although I was constantly frustrated at how others seem to 'get it' and I seemed to be missing something and didn't know why. But I knew how to behave in the various scenarios of my work and personal life.

I hear you! I always thought that I was pretty good at social interaction, but now I see that I only thought so because I was so very unaware of what most people were thinking. I realize now that people who I thought of as friends were never really interested in being friends with me (and they probably signaled as much it in their NT way that I don't see).

My trouble now isn't so much in socializing in general as much as even wanting to. I used to assume that I understood what was going on, now I feel like I don't get it at all, and I don't feel much like trying anymore. I feel as if there is around a 99% chance that whatever person I'm talking to doesn't really want to know me and actually despises me for being different from them. So, I feel, why bother? My previous approach was to assume good will and friendship until I saw evidence otherwise. Now I am doing the opposite. Perhaps it's not the best thing, but this way I don't have to work so hard and I suffer far less disappointment.
 

New Threads

Top Bottom