Till They Know You're Smart----

[OkRad]

This happens to me a lot. I look like something is wrong with me because of the way I dress and never look up ,etc. As I mentioned, people sometimes DO try to get in, to be nice. It is natural for humans to want to help.

Well, they almost always start with one syllable words and behaviours they would do if they were talking to someone who is not able to speak or is really challenged to the point of not being able to form words or even write.

So they will ask me what I am reading to get a sense. This is classic. And I say, "Oh, It's a new treatise on physics by so and so...." or whatever it is. I only read academic non fiction so it's generally heavy stuff.

Suddenly I can see their faces sink into shame. I am serious! It's SHAME!! I have analyzed this and imagined if I went up up to someone I thought was maybe "special" but did not realize they were smart.

If I had been reading "Clifford goes to the Vet" they would think of me as their new pet. Once when I was in total mute mode, this happened with several people. They did not know I was smart and would come up and give me that "look"......"And how are we today, Okrad?" (they used my name of course)

Once I learned to answer like, "Oh I am having a rather prolix disputation with myself right now..." I made sure to do that A LOT to avoid those people from treating me like I was a child.

But, once they find out, then they tend to avoid me like the plague and that pisses me off. I don't find their stupidity a reason not to like them. Should I? I am not intimidated by their stupidity even though stupidity has caused MORE TROUBLE on this earth than evil because there are way more stupid than evil people!!!

See? That is why I just block everyone out in total.

A long time ago I had a fantasy that someone would be like, "Oh WOW! I was just reading that, too!!" But then I realize no one is working out Euclid's geometry from his own text these days. No one.

But, in the end, I would rather be smart with no friends than stupid with a load of them. My best friend went on meds a long time ago and DID become stupid. His sole joy in life is making people laugh with 8th grade humour. Detestable.

I realize that my Autism is really showing on this post and that I am sounding judgmental, but let me point out that when they ask me questions I am always kind and always reaching out and still ALWAYS wondering........"Are you a friend? Please be a friend!" So truly, I am the pathetic one.

 

[WereBear]

Smart is rare. And to many, scary.

My husband "chatted me up" by asking me "Would you like to read a paper I wrote for class about Jung the psychoanalyst?"

Boy, would I!

 

[OkRad]

Smart is rare. And to many, scary.

My husband "chatted me up" by asking me "Would you like to read a paper I wrote for class about Jung the psychoanalyst?"

Boy, would I!

HAHA! Me, too! Tell him to post it because I bet a lot of people here would love it!!

 

[Suzanne]

Someone once said to me: it is a shame people do not stay around to get to know you, Suzanne, for they would find a very intelligent woman!!!!

I too, use big words, but that is because I sense that people think me not very bright and so, it helps me to feel not so stupid. I do also constantly have this inner battle of trying to prove myself

However, I do get it, because I sense that more often or not, I do come across as very strange and especially when I feel eyes are on me and blush and stutter and gabble away and frightened because I can't think where the full stop is!

Society is very much into prejudging one on how we look, which is why I have extreme social anxiety, because I just want to fade into the background, but at the same time, do not wish to be ignored

 

[Suzanne]

Smart is rare. And to many, scary.

My husband "chatted me up" by asking me "Would you like to read a paper I wrote for class about Jung the psychoanalyst?"

Boy, would I!

Now, that is quite a fabulous chat up line and I would be putty in his hands.

 

[WereBear]

Now, that is quite a fabulous chat up line and I would be putty in his hands.

It worked; we've been married for fifteen years now.

I am fortunate enough to hang with intelligent people in person; and the Web brings them to my door. I am not supposed to be all things to all people. I must be me; which is really wonderful, I must admit

 

[Clintos]

I had a guy at my last job say right in front of me that the wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead. which I found to be really rude

I personal feel I am as intelligent as most neurotypicals just in other areas.

 

[OkRad]

I had a guy at my last job say right in front of me that the wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead. which I found to be really rude

I personal feel I am as intelligent as most neurotypicals just in other areas.

OMGosh. HOW RUDE!!! I find now that I have totally disconnected people are not even rude anymore. How they can they be rude to someone who is checked out and will not even respond?

 

[Suzanne]

I had a guy at my last job say right in front of me that the wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead. which I found to be really rude

I personal feel I am as intelligent as most neurotypicals just in other areas.

Probably a lot more intelligent that most neurotypicals actually.

Yes, I have been told some rude things as well and think: and you call yourself a civilised person?!

 

[Clintos]

Thats what I did I just did not respond. I internalize it and let it build up then it manifests itself in me feeling bad about it and actually eventually believing it. Since my Aspergers diagnoses it just confirmed that I am at least average intelligence and this makes me feel a lot more better about it.

 

[Clintos]

Probably a lot more intelligent that most neurotypicals actually.

Yes, I have been told some rude things as well and think: and you call yourself a civilised person?!

Exactly, this is why it's hard for me to work union type jobs, because it's like a herd of neurotypical thugs waiting to ponce on the weakest to get them to conform to their norms.

 

[toothless]

people in the offline world often treat me as a child because i have mild intellectual disability and my autism is very obvious in behavior,communication,echolalia and look [eg,ear defenders, padded helmet when able to tolerate etc] but they dont understand that just because i have ID it doesnt mean im thick, i understand alot more than im given credit for,at the same time,some of my support staff are only trained in mental health and have no intellectual disability or autism training so they have this extremely challenging behavior view of ID and autism and dont want to work with me unless pushed by the manager,these ones dont communicate with me and phone in 'sick' a lot which really pisses me off as it means i dont get a driver for my motability car.

when people who dont know me meet me they will speak to whoever is with me rather than me,i feel like shouting 'im not f*****g stupid you know' [i swear alot sorry].
i do have a limit of what i can process but i dont need talking to like a friggin child.

 

[clg114]

I believe that "most people" mistake a lack of social skills as a lack intelligence. Over the years, that has happen to me many times by individuals who are not nearly as capable as I am. I usually just let them think what they want and stay away from them.

 

[OkRad]

people in the offline world often treat me as a child because i have mild intellectual disability and my autism is very obvious in behavior,communication,echolalia and look [eg,ear defenders, padded helmet when able to tolerate etc] but they dont understand that just because i have ID it doesnt mean im thick, i understand alot more than im given credit for,at the same time,some of my support staff are only trained in mental health and have no intellectual disability or autism training so they have this extremely challenging behavior view of ID and autism and dont want to work with me unless pushed by the manager,these ones dont communicate with me and phone in 'sick' a lot which really pisses me off as it means i dont get a driver for my motability car.

when people who dont know me meet me they will speak to whoever is with me rather than me,i feel like shouting 'im not f*****g stupid you know' [i swear alot sorry].
i do have a limit of what i can process but i dont need talking to like a friggin child.

That is so unfair. I can tell you are smart because when you write, you write SO CLEARLY about the way things are, it's like I can see it when you write. You have a way above average ability to make things very damn clear!!! They are idiots.

I agree, it's the way that I look and they cannot get past that. I try to empathize. I try to think, what if I were in their shoes and they saw me? I know I would not be mean. But I might be somewhat nervous till I got to know me. Then I might be a bit intimidated. Then I might find that it might be to intense to keep trying. So I get it.

But if I were in a home and they were WORKING with me?? And called in sick? If they were paid to help me and did not want to? I'd be pissed off. You can swear all you want. :-D

 

[WereBear]

I am a bit unusual in that I have a high degree of insight into people, for anyone; but I have worked very hard on it for decades. That's why.

So I am always astonished when people are impressed with someone who might as well be wearing a neon hat that says "I am a con artist." To me the fakery is extremely obvious.

So I simply cannot take NT assessments seriously when they are rude and stupid.

 

[NateSean]

People in general are annoying. Yes, even other Aspies/people on the spectrum.

Personally, I've long since given up the game of social interaction and I only directly deal with people who help me to further my goals in someway. It sounds selfish, but symbiosis is a basic law of nature.

 

[the_tortoise]

I experience a similar thing with people assuming I have bigger/different disabilities than I actually do and treating me extra gently or talking down to me.

I've never had people avoid me after learning I'm a whole lot more cognitively able than they realized, though. (At least, I don't think I have....usually, I suspect people don't ever realize I'm more cognitively able than they thought; And I don't really care if they do or not unless I'm close to them or if their underestimation of my cognitive abilities cause practical problems or involves them being disrespectful to me.) Usually, I just get surprise from people.

It may not be that they dislike you, they might be intimidated (as you suggested) and/or assume that you would never want to be their friend or talk to them (if they assume they are not as smart as you, or that you must have completely different interests and perspectives), they might be embarrassed about their mistaken assumptions about you and just trying to "disappear" from the situation that caused their embarrassment (i.e. interacting with you), or they might just have no idea how to have a conversation about something like physics.

If you want to reach out to people after saying "Oh well I'm reading this super advanced physics paper" you could say something like, "Not very interesting to most people, I know, but [some short re-statement of the obvious about how interesting it is to you, maybe followed by asking them about what they like to read about if you see them instantly glazing over or looking like they want to run away]" -- saying that can demonstrate that you are interested in talking to the person and getting to know them, regardless of whether or not they share your knowledge of/passion for physics [or whatever else].

 

[Katherine Rawstron]

I've had a mixed bag of treatment over the years. On the whole, I'm generally well accepted as far as I can tell; but I have been accused of being lazy and stupid, as well as naive, simple and thinking the world owed me a living!

I have been ignored and looked down upon, but in the incidents I'm thinking of, it was more down to social snobbery than because I was "different" (I was the only single person in a group where the dominant people were "smug marrieds", and in low-paid work in a very middle class area).

One or two people like me but seem to see me as cute, but I could be misreading their facial expressions.

On a more friendly note, I have been described as unique, priceless, and 2 sandwiches short of a picnic!

 

[Streetwise]

Someone once said to me: it is a shame people do not stay around to get to know you, Suzanne, for they would find a very intelligent woman!!!!

I too, use big words, but that is because I sense that people think me not very bright and so, it helps me to feel not so stupid. I do also constantly have this inner battle of trying to prove myself

However, I do get it, because I sense that more often or not, I do come across as very strange and especially when I feel eyes are on me and blush and stutter and gabble away and frightened because I can't think where the full stop is!

Society is very much into prejudging one on how we look, which is why I have extreme social anxiety, because I just want to fade into the background, but at the same time, do not wish to be ignored

Hello Suzanne streetwise here
I think whatever we do people just don't like us
I try to disappear still people see me
I try now to just do something because its what I really feel
Spent so many years being a people pleaser
Stopping

 

[Ylva]

This happens to me a lot. I look like something is wrong with me because of the way I dress and never look up ,etc. As I mentioned, people sometimes DO try to get in, to be nice. It is natural for humans to want to help.

Well, they almost always start with one syllable words and behaviours they would do if they were talking to someone who is not able to speak or is really challenged to the point of not being able to form words or even write.

So they will ask me what I am reading to get a sense. This is classic. And I say, "Oh, It's a new treatise on physics by so and so...." or whatever it is. I only read academic non fiction so it's generally heavy stuff.

Suddenly I can see their faces sink into shame. I am serious! It's SHAME!! I have analyzed this and imagined if I went up up to someone I thought was maybe "special" but did not realize they were smart.

If I had been reading "Clifford goes to the Vet" they would think of me as their new pet. Once when I was in total mute mode, this happened with several people. They did not know I was smart and would come up and give me that "look"......"And how are we today, Okrad?" (they used my name of course)

Once I learned to answer like, "Oh I am having a rather prolix disputation with myself right now..." I made sure to do that A LOT to avoid those people from treating me like I was a child.

But, once they find out, then they tend to avoid me like the plague and that pisses me off. I don't find their stupidity a reason not to like them. Should I? I am not intimidated by their stupidity even though stupidity has caused MORE TROUBLE on this earth than evil because there are way more stupid than evil people!!!

See? That is why I just block everyone out in total.

A long time ago I had a fantasy that someone would be like, "Oh WOW! I was just reading that, too!!" But then I realize no one is working out Euclid's geometry from his own text these days. No one.

But, in the end, I would rather be smart with no friends than stupid with a load of them. My best friend went on meds a long time ago and DID become stupid. His sole joy in life is making people laugh with 8th grade humour. Detestable.

I realize that my Autism is really showing on this post and that I am sounding judgmental, but let me point out that when they ask me questions I am always kind and always reaching out and still ALWAYS wondering........"Are you a friend? Please be a friend!" So truly, I am the pathetic one.

That is so ableist.

And you are not that much better, if you think it's okay to talk down to someone who doesn't understand long words.

But what I think is the actual explanation is that people like when their expectations are met, which would be when thing "are what they look like". No advice, just… I think that's why.