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Thinking of just leaving and not saying a word.

If you leave, chances are you will be forced to come back because you lack resources at this time. Build up resources and get a plan. Try to talk to your family.
There are many people with autism on the streets and it can go from bad to worse out there with the sensory issues, etc.....you do not want that.
Remember, we have a tendency to use NO LOGIC for things we desire and hope for but use ALL KINDS OF LOGIC for things we don't want. (Thucydides, SIC). You want to think this will work, but 99% chance it will blow up in your face!!
I hope you are in a calmer place. We may not know you personally, but a lot of people here would be sad if you came to harm out in the street and your family would be devastated.
 
As others have said, your best bet is to first formulate a plan before exiting. One that makes such an exit with a better possibility of success than failure.
 
I sure am glad I joined this place. Nobody around me in real life ever seems to have the guts to tell me what's really going on.

Thanks guys.
 
Nobody around me in real life ever seems to have the guts to tell me what's really going on.

Well, if they're all NTs, chances are they expect you to figure it out through osmosis, reading in between the lines, knowing "unwritten rules", whatever. Forms of communication for which the Neurodiverse typically have difficulty with for which Neurotypicals likely take for granted.
 
It's easy for many of us with ASD to focus on details (our current powerful anger + painful "poor me" feelings).... while missing the big picture (family loves us, every person alive is a flawed/struggling being).

Your feelings are valid.
Emotions are visitors. They are temporary. You need to find a way to create calm during your temporary internal storms-- even though the family may be behaving in a very unhealthy way right now. You are, at least, indoors, surrounded by those who love you.

There is nothing on this earth like being autistic and homeless. I assure you.

Treat yourself kindly. Get involvement from a social worker, counselor, clergy, etc. You need to feel heard and understood.

Please be good to yourself.
 
Well, if they're all NTs, chances are they expect you to figure it out through osmosis, reading in between the lines, knowing "unwritten rules", whatever. Forms of communication for which the Neurodiverse typically have difficulty with for which Neurotypicals likely take for granted.


*cough cough....!
 
If you've met one NT.... you've met one NT...!! ;)

LOL. Point taken. Though in my own case I seem to have engaged more often than not those who have an absolute sense of what constitutes acceptable or unacceptable behavior. Which on occasion can elude me. Not that they cared in the least.
 
Last night I was in a horrible fight with my stepfather that lasted the whole day. He was nice enough however to give me his last two sleeping pills and send me to bed.

But this morning as I missed work I thought, since everyones still asleep, it'd just be more trouble for them if I stuck around and continued to make things worse. I used to be their firstborn son, but now I am a detrimental drain on them. When my mother brought me my food last night I apologized for being a horrible son and she said nothing. That put the nail in the coffin for me right there.

I've got a backpack packed up with all my stuff except for some food and water which im about to get front the kitchen in a few minutes. I hate to do this to my family especially my 7 year old sister who loves me to death, but if I don't do something soon we might not be a family much longer.

Im not even ready to live on my own I don't even have any money in my wallet and i don't know how im going to keep up with my job. But I don't want my family to split up because of me. So should I go ahead and leave a goodbye note and be on my way?
I was 12 when this same feeling hit me. I had no siblings. I think my mother and father married because neither wanted children and my mother had been informed by her doctor that her womb was impaired. Well God had a sense of humor but the joke was mostly on me. I always sensed that they felt "obligated" to care for me thanks to religious beliefs. Can't say they neglected or abused me but the love was measured and conditional. Keep in mind that I was an undiagnosed but high functioning Aspie throughout most of my adult life. Even when my father might have become proud to have a son, I never measured up to his expectations--usually framed around the sons of his peers.
The good news is that thanks to my stubborn Aspie persistence and my pet dog Bonnie, I stayed the course and became who I wanted to be--not who they wanted me to be. It took a lot of time but gradually it all came together for me and now I could not be happier. God did have a sense of humor but He is letting me have the last laugh. So hang in there and become the person you were created to be--not the person your mother and stepfather think you ought to be.
 
I don't think leaving like this isn't a logical solution. I do think you're better living on your own, I think it might be better for everyone if you're capable of doing so. I would suggest living on your own to be an active task you should look to do as soon as possible when you have gathered enough money to support yourself.
Sorry, but this advice sounds like one NT counseling another NT. There are thousands of young NTs roaming the streets, homeless or caught up in the legal system, because they made bad choices. And to conclude that "it might be better for everyone" sounds like you are placing blame on the victim. This is a family in crisis. The stepfather likely sees UberScout as excess baggage that came with the woman he married. His mother is caught in the emotionally charged situation of trying to love both her son and her husband. I have to wonder what role UberScout's biological father plays in this family circle. Did he have any relationship with UberScout before his mother remarried? If so, was it a healthy relationship or a dysfunctional one.
 
LOL. Point taken. Though in my own case I seem to have engaged more often than not those who have an absolute sense of what constitutes acceptable or unacceptable behavior. Which on occasion can elude me. Not that they cared in the least.

Ah...
But that's all part of life's rich tapestry....
Sometimes people can surprise you with their erudite comments....
And sometimes they leave you feeling utterly bereft and despondent of the entire human race......
But it's knowing who to peruse and who to walk away from......
 
Sorry, but this advice sounds like one NT counseling another NT. There are thousands of young NTs roaming the streets, homeless or caught up in the legal system, because they made bad choices. And to conclude that "it might be better for everyone" sounds like you are placing blame on the victim.

Yeah, I'm not suggesting he just leaves home without a plan or a place to go. I'm saying that he should prepare himself to live by himself in his own place. This environment is clearly not working for him.
 
TE="Annieoh, post: 383832, member: 17127"]I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT IT IS TRUE.

Try and act like the adult you want to become.
Stop what bothers them. Do better.
Apologies are healing. Give it a try.
Be the more mature one. Do the right thing.
You know it is a dumb thing to leave or you would have not asked for help here.[/QUOTE]
Believe me I've apologized and they won't accept anything I have to say anymore. Im in a hole deeper than the earth can dig and I dont know how to dig myself out. If this vicious circle keeps going I'll never have anything nice to say about my life when I start my own family.

I'm foever doomed to a life of misery!
 
TE="Annieoh, post: 383832, member: 17127"]I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT IT IS TRUE.

Try and act like the adult you want to become.
Stop what bothers them. Do better.
Apologies are healing. Give it a try.
Be the more mature one. Do the right thing.
You know it is a dumb thing to leave or you would have not asked for help here.
Believe me I've apologized and they won't accept anything I have to say anymore. Im in a hole deeper than the earth can dig and I dont know how to dig myself out. If this vicious circle keeps going I'll never have anything nice to say about my life when I start my own family.

I'm foever doomed to a life of misery![/QUOTE]

You need to give yourself and everyone in the family time to calm down over this level of family upset and argument....

Time is a great thing....
Gets things into perspective....
Allows tempers to cool....
Allows everyone to regroup....
It will allow you to see a way forward... not by running away... but a way to plan your next steps .... you have a job... does it pay enough for you to live independently...? What things do you need to learn to do in order to make this move...? If you plan the next moves, it will provide you with your solution.... but like all plans it will take time... perseverance..... patience.... and a real want from you to make the changes in your life to make this happen successfully......
Don't give up before you've even started.... if you want to do this, then use your skills and develop the ones you need to make this next stage in your life a success....
But it must be planned... maybe your mum will help... she will want you to live independently... but live well... live successfully.... live happily....
Your mum loves you.... you cannot flip the switch to 'off'.... it doesn't work that way.... you are loved and cared about....

Take care of yourself....
 
If you've met one NT.... you've met one NT...!! ;)

He has a point, though.

It's something I've noticed with basically every NT I've ever interacted with: They refuse to just be blunt and open about anything UNLESS they're being insulting about something out of anger (at which point they'll be ultra-blunt). If there's a problem, they dont want to just tell you directly because "that's not the way you do it". When asked WHY that's not the way, the answer is usually something like "......DOES NOT COMPUTE". No, seriously, so many of them follow these societal norms but have no bloody clue why. Which then adds up to just creating even more confusion (and lots of facepalms from me), when it comes to things like this.

Alot of those on the spectrum, on the other hand, dont give a flying fart about societal norms, or outright dont even notice them. So when these two sides clash, well.... the OP's situation is extremely common, I can say that much. I've been in a similar (though less intense) situation before, though it was eventually resolved.

Believe me I've apologized and they won't accept anything I have to say anymore. Im in a hole deeper than the earth can dig and I dont know how to dig myself out. If this vicious circle keeps going I'll never have anything nice to say about my life when I start my own family.

I'm foever doomed to a life of misery!

Another major point: Dont do that. By which I mean, dont start going on like "Oh, I'll NEVER get out of this situation" or "I'll NEVER get past this obstacle!". Something I've learned in my time: The instant you start to truly BELIEVE you've lost, is the instant you really HAVE lost. You cannot win at much of anything if you already "know" (believe) you are going to lose. You have to pick yourself up and stop thinking that way, or you'll not only get nowhere, but you'll make things constantly worse.
 
I dont know if im ready though...

I think that's why most of the advice from here, is not to go....

Family arguments are always upsetting and you need to give it time....

Apologise, even if you feel you weren't entirely responsible for the argument, it will go a long way to smoothing things over...

Think about your sister.... you know she loves you, can you imagine how she'd feel if you left her ? (i know you feel you're leaving the family situation, but in her head, you are leaving her..)

Hope today is calmer there for you....
 
We can't fix these problems using the same thinking with which we created them. Einstein (rough quote).

You may have to change your perspective, or you will just be in cycle of fixing and breaking.


When I left home i struggled for years and needed countless bale outs by my parents. I starved for days at a time, and drank my money when I had it.

I ended up back at home within two years, and that was with somewhere to go, funds and a safety net.

Just remember, no matter how bad it is now it can always get worse.

You mission is to make it get better.
 
Last night I was in a horrible fight with my stepfather that lasted the whole day. He was nice enough however to give me his last two sleeping pills and send me to bed.

But this morning as I missed work I thought, since everyones still asleep, it'd just be more trouble for them if I stuck around and continued to make things worse. I used to be their firstborn son, but now I am a detrimental drain on them. When my mother brought me my food last night I apologized for being a horrible son and she said nothing. That put the nail in the coffin for me right there.

I've got a backpack packed up with all my stuff except for some food and water which im about to get front the kitchen in a few minutes. I hate to do this to my family especially my 7 year old sister who loves me to death, but if I don't do something soon we might not be a family much longer.

Im not even ready to live on my own I don't even have any money in my wallet and i don't know how im going to keep up with my job. But I don't want my family to split up because of me. So should I go ahead and leave a goodbye note and be on my way?
I don't know what your fight was about, of course, but if you don't even try to make amends or agree to disagree, then you aren't doing the minimum to not make people uncomfortable. Your step-father, by giving you that medicine, at least signals that he's not against you as a person, maybe he still disagrees about something, but that's not still being in a fight. If there is some serious issue between you two, address it directly. If not, by simply leaving without saying anything - you would just further increase drama for your family - you wouldn't just leave them in peace, they would actually react by trying to track you down, figure out where you went, how you are surviving - it would create far more drama for them than you staying there. Which again, increases tension/drama in the family. So when your mom just didn't say anything to you, I doubt she thinks your a terrible son - maybe she just was upset by the tension - she is a human being living there, of course she will be affected by the energy. And maybe she doesn't see you trying to do anything to dissipate that tension - apologizing to her for being a horrible son doesn't do anything to dissipate that problem between you and the step-father - you are making a false statement as an apology that is still directed towards the wrong person. If you can't see that by simply leaving you will be further harming your family rather than making peace, you need to seriously reconsider your whole perspective - if you really don't want to feel like this "horrible son", which I'm sure you're not, you do need to see what adjustments you need to make in your behavior and responses. I really think as aspies we can get so caught up in ourselves that we don't see the perspectives of others an the bigger picture - not nearly as much as we think we do.
 

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