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Featured Thinking of just leaving and not saying a word.

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by UberScout, Apr 20, 2017.

  1. UberScout

    UberScout Active Member

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    Last night I was in a horrible fight with my stepfather that lasted the whole day. He was nice enough however to give me his last two sleeping pills and send me to bed.

    But this morning as I missed work I thought, since everyones still asleep, it'd just be more trouble for them if I stuck around and continued to make things worse. I used to be their firstborn son, but now I am a detrimental drain on them. When my mother brought me my food last night I apologized for being a horrible son and she said nothing. That put the nail in the coffin for me right there.

    I've got a backpack packed up with all my stuff except for some food and water which im about to get front the kitchen in a few minutes. I hate to do this to my family especially my 7 year old sister who loves me to death, but if I don't do something soon we might not be a family much longer.

    Im not even ready to live on my own I don't even have any money in my wallet and i don't know how im going to keep up with my job. But I don't want my family to split up because of me. So should I go ahead and leave a goodbye note and be on my way?
     
    • Informative Informative x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
  2. WereBear

    WereBear License to Weird V.I.P Member

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    You need somewhere to go, at least. But keep the plan to yourself.

    Sorry this is such a challenging time. No fight should last all day. Maybe call social services in your area?
     
    • Agree Agree x 3
  3. Keigan

    Keigan Active Member V.I.P Member

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    Just chill, practice being calm - allow things to blow over.
     
    • Winner Winner x 1
  4. Streetwise

    Streetwise Active Member

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    call social services get help with moving its hard doing everything alone
    its hard after being with people who shared the burden
    you to get documentation changed like social.security medical documents (change of address )drivers licence or travel pass ,get support from someone you trust
     
  5. clg114

    clg114 Still crazy, after all these years. V.I.P Member

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    When I was your age I was in the military. It is not fun, but you will have a job, eat good, get free health care and have a place to sleep that is warm & dry. And it will do you good. Just saying.
     
  6. NeoPhile

    NeoPhile Can I get a "Bright not Broken"?

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    How can you if you can't survive? Try to talk with your mother. I know she loves you.
    I have a step parent as well. She doesn't like me. She yelled at me when my friend died of a heroin overdose and immediately made the whole incident out to be like she was the victim. Step parents can be tough. They say they care, but they don't. You're not the only one who has this problem.
     
  7. Full Steam

    Full Steam Well-Known Member

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    Get a plan and somewhere reasonable to live first.

    You need to look after your own needs or things can get worse.

    If you can, maybe try to spend a week away to think things over. That may help you, and give your family time to consider their situation too.
     
    • Agree Agree x 2
  8. toothless

    toothless this is mr shadow,my support cat V.I.P Member

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    you dont sound like you are independant enough to live on your own.
    learn all independant living skills first then move out.
    its great living away from your family,you build relationships that you may not have ever had.
    although not quite the same thing, ive been living in fulltime care since 18 and it has really helped with my parents relating to me and liking me,and my sister who was very resentful of having a disabled sister and was very evil to me throughout my infant/child/teenhood became my advocate, speaking for me on my behalf because i couldnt.
     
  9. umbrellabeach

    umbrellabeach Well-Known Member

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    If I still had a job and decent transportation, I'd consider doing the same.
     
  10. Annieoh

    Annieoh Fern

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    Do not leave.
    Never make important decisions when you are hurt or angry.
    You may want to leave to show them how much they have hurt you.
    But i can assure you that no one wants you to leave. Everyone feels like this once in their life.
    I promise you that in several days time, it will be over.
    You may want to write a note telling them you almost left because you hurt terribly and because things have been difficult, but you decided to stay and work through the problems because you want to learn from the experience.
    They love you and you love them.
    Trust in that and things will work themselves
    out.
     
    • Winner Winner x 4
    • Agree Agree x 1
  11. UberScout

    UberScout Active Member

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    If only that much were true.
     
  12. UberScout

    UberScout Active Member

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    Forget the bullshit. im just leaving, no questions asked. Theyre always talking about putting me somewhere and leaving me, why not save them the trouble?! This god-forsaken family would be much better off without me as a colossal thorn in their ass!
     
  13. ladybug

    ladybug Active Member

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    My son and I have huge argument.... he is almost 18, and he's threatened to leave... as a parent I guarantee that the reason your mum said nothing when she brought you your dinner, was that she was upset and didn't want to start the cycle of argument again.... sometimes saying nothing is better than saying something that might erupt and make the situation worse...
    I would be devastated if he left... like you there are siblings in the house.... it's challenging at times....I'm sure at times, he hates me.... sometimes he's very hurtful... the things he says... seemingly without remorse afterwards... but that's part of my life.... I love him... I don't always like how he behaves... but running away is never the solution.
    As others have suggested perhaps start taking the next steps to make an independent living move... but leaving with no money, no plan and no skills for living on your own, is not a good plan for you.
    Explain to them how this latest argument has upset you... and get together with your mum to make a plan....
    is there somewhere you could spend the weekend, perhaps a relative or good friend, just to get a bit of space....?
    Please think about all the options available....
    Don't just run without a plan... it won't be good for you, or anyone.....
    Hope this helps...
     
    • Agree Agree x 2
  14. UberScout

    UberScout Active Member

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    There is nowhere I can think of that i could stay, even with a friend, and even if my friend was nearby I doubt he'd put up with my crap let alone let me stay. If I had to be desperate id just say **** it and sleep in the woods but who wants to do that?

    Maybe there isn't any hope for my anger to get better. Maybe there's just no hope for me at all...
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  15. Streetwise

    Streetwise Active Member

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    maybe stay til a place is definite maybe your family WOULDNT want to lose face about you leaving
    my family are the aloof kind to me apart from an aunt who ISNT a blood relative
     
  16. ladybug

    ladybug Active Member

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    Not true....!!

    There is always a way through.... you seem a resourceful person... think this through logically.... make a plan.... find people who can give/teach you the skills that you'd need to make the move.... but don't do it in anger....
    anything done in anger is usually not well thought out, but a reaction....
    can you speak to your mum.... when things have calmed down a bit...?
     
  17. RiverSong

    RiverSong Spoilers

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    I would say sure there's hope for you. You're young. You have many years ahead of you. This may be a very dark time but you can get through it. There's also your little sister to think about. So, please think about her and the people who love you very much.

    I was in a very similar situation like you just a few years ago. My family was constantly fighting and threatening to throw me out. I had no money and nowhere to go. And the one or two people I knew at the time wouldn't help me; they didn't care. I felt so alone and the only friend I had was my dog. I can't say exactly how I got through it. But I spent a lot of time crying and staying in my room throughout all of the yelling and threats.

    I eventually found a way out. I had to wait through all of the misery but once I had a viable option to leave I took it and haven't looked back. I ended up getting free financial aid (due to being poor) at a small college which was able to pay for student housing. I do love my family but I know that there are many issues between us.

    I can just say that I didn't know how I was going to get through that time. But it is never hopeless. I hope that you will consider at least staying at home until there is another way for you to leave. One that is better and safer for you.

    Maybe try talking to your mom if you can. You can also try looking online for low income housing options or organizations and resources in your area or even further. I know I had to search a lot before I found an option.
     
    • Winner Winner x 1
  18. Southern Discomfort

    Southern Discomfort Rambunctious Rambler V.I.P Member

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    I don't think leaving like this isn't a logical solution. I do think you're better living on your own, I think it might be better for everyone if you're capable of doing so. I would suggest living on your own to be an active task you should look to do as soon as possible when you have gathered enough money to support yourself.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  19. Annieoh

    Annieoh Fern

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    I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT IT IS TRUE.

    Try and act like the adult you want to become.
    Stop what bothers them. Do better. Apologies are healing. Give it a try.
    Be the more mature one. Do the right thing.
    You know it is a dumb thing to leave or you would have not asked for help here.
     
    • Agree Agree x 3
  20. Misery

    Misery Photo-Negative

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    Here's a question: What would it do to your sister, if you left? Do you really want to do that to her? Because I guarantee you, that would NOT be a good thing. And the damage would probably last a very, very long time.

    Also, I'm going to point to Annieoh's post above mine. I promise you, those are words of wisdom right there.

    If you feel like you're being a "detrimental drain" on them... then it's time to figure out WHY. And do something about it. But you cannot expect something like this to be fixed up overnight. Sometimes, you gotta just fight the good fight, and just keep moving forward until you hit an important goal like that. Just keep working at it, in other words, even if it takes awhile.

    It might also be a good idea to try to figure out what issues your FAMILY has. If you think you're the cause of all of it, think again. As a rule, it never works that way. To me, it sounds like some of it is essentially them venting frustration of other issues. That tends to happen alot. For example, if someone has been having tons of trouble at work, getting more and more stressed out.... they're going to have a MUCH higher chance of then getting into a fight with someone at home, if that someone does even just a small annoying thing. It isnt that second person's fault; it's just a side effect of all that stress. What would normally be a tiny spark of annoyance instead explodes in a massive blast of concentrated anger, because of the inherant need to vent the frustration that's been building up in the workplace. People go through this alot, really.

    But the main thing is: Never, EVER make big decisions out of anger, or during periods of anger/depression. If you're wanting to totally wreck yourself, and people around you, that's a very, very good way to do it.
     
    • Agree Agree x 2