The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships 2014-05-07

[Brent]

Brent submitted a new resource:

The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships - Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism

Born with autism, both authors now famously live successful social lives. But their paths were very different. Temple's logical mind controlled her social behavior. She interacted with many adults and other children, experiencing varied social situations. Logic informed her decision to obey social rules and avoid unpleasant consequences. Sean's emotions controlled his social behavior. Baffled by social rules, isolated and friendless, he made up his own, and applied them to others. When they...

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[Judge]

Thanks, Brent!!! I just knew there was a book somewhere with the "Unwritten Rules" of something, and not just poker.

LOL. Guess they aren't really "unwritten" after all. This is good!

 

[Adamantium]

Haven't read it yet, but I think I will.
I should say that I am relatively successful. I am coming up on my twentieth year at my job, I earn good wages, own a house and I am married to the woman I fell for in high school and married as a young adult. We have twins, a son with an aspergers diagnosis and a daughter with a few traits but in the NT range. I say these things to point out that I am not completely clueless about these unwritten rules.

And yet, when I think about it, many of the problems I do have flow from problems with some of these, specifically:

• Rule #2: Not Everything is Equally Important in the Grand Scheme of Things
• Rule #3: Everyone in the World Makes Mistakes. It Doesn’t Have to Ruin Your Day.
• Rule #6: Not Everyone Who is Nice to Me is My Friend
• Rule #8: Know When You’re Turning People Off

I got a promotion in the second year at my job, but none since. I get consistently mixed reviews with some praising me as one of their best and most valuable employees and others castigating me for failing to meet some of the most elementary requirements of the job. It's like a report card with everything oscillating between As and Cs or even Ds -- and nearly cost me my job a number of times.

Finally getting diagnosed last year has really put all this in perspective for me. And I find that seemingly obvious and simple things like these rules actually make a difference. I have been told forever that it should not and that my IQ means I should just know all this stuff, but I have had and continue to have real problems in these areas.

So I will read it and hope there are some strategies that can help make this stuff go a bit better in the second half of my life.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

One idea I found especially useful was "Sins of the System." I especially appreciate the assonance and the meaning: if you violate this or that rule, it won't matter how good you are at anything else, you will be damned thereafter, whatever form damnation takes (loss of credibility, shunned by The In Crowd, expulsion, etc.). What are the Sins of the Systems you want to be part of?

When I reckoned it up, I was a little surprised to discover that a misdemeanor in one place was a capital offense in another, and I realized why work was relatively kinder to me than life in general or church in particular, especially when I naively thought that church was quasi-permanent. There wasn't a one-size-fits-all to the places I occupied in life, even if I thought the "rules" applied equally. They don't.

 

[Tom]

Unwritten rule no.1 - Don't snitch.

 

[Annayoung]

Thank you for posting this book .