The Diagnosis Process.

[CaveDweller]

Just wanted to write a few thoughts with regards to the Diagnosis process and aftermath having just gone through the former.

I'm 43 and self diagnosed a while back and pushed things on from there. Although convinced, I was still prone to bouts of doubt and became quite ill through this, but pushed ahead anyway.

Last week I went through Diagnosis and had it confirmed as 'Quite clear' that I was on the Autistic spectrum.
I was interviewed at length by a Consultant and a Speech & Language therapist, with many questions relating to my childhood and (at my age) a lot of distant and half forgotten memories and experiences from back then. The two interviewees were pleasant and tried to put me at my ease but the whole process still felt a bit judge and jury to me. The tiny room only added to the intensity. The hours actually flew by as I was in 'The Zone' the whole time with so much mind work going on.

I was asked if I could pop out of the room after the interview took place so they could discuss their findings. Upon retuning and having the condition confirmed I kind of blanked out and missed everything else that was said. I had to be told, 'You can leave now' at the end. It was only a short sentence but was a lot of information to take on board in one go. I walked out in a bit of a daze.

A few days later and of course it has more than sunk in and I have to say it is a blessed relief having been in limbo for such a long time.
It is also a time for re-evaluation. There is a strange sense of a new identity and it also places everything you have done in the past within a different context. I can say that I did my best but was hugely challenged by something that was beyond my control .

There is of course the issue of whether/who/how to tell people but that is something I will confront when ready.

Thanks for reading these few thoughts.

 

[garnetflower13]

I remember going through that too, and how I described the aftermath was that I now had to "Defrag my system." There was a bit of a mourning process as well as I re-framed my whole life up until now. And yet as time went by, I was so glad to understand myself at last! I am so glad that you had your diagnoses validated, too!

 

[CaveDweller]

I remember going through that too, and how I described the aftermath was that I now had to "Defrag my system." There was a bit of a mourning process as well as I re-framed my whole life up until now. And yet as time went by, I was so glad to understand myself at last! I am so glad that you had your diagnoses validated, too!

Thanks. I really do think this will be a real blessing in the long run. For so long I've fought hard against the difficulties, believing that it was just a character flaw that I could somehow overcome with time and effort. I can stop fighting and just be myself I guess. I really like the idea of defragmenting your system. It has got a bit cluttered!

 

[On the Inside]

Your story is a lot like mine, and welcome to the forum. This is a great place to get information and support.

I received a diagnosis document after my assessment, it's about 10 pages long, quite detailed. In the weeks after getting it, I read it over and over, in an attempt to understand and let it sink in. It showed areas were I was challenged, and also areas of strength.

As you have said, it brings about a period of re-evaluation of yourself and your experiences. I also went through a mourning time, which still hits me once in a while when I come across something, a memory or an event where I realize that it happened that way because.... It is a relief in many ways, since I can now stop re-living these events in my head, trying to figure out what happened, what I did wrong, etc. I can put things to rest.

About disclosing your diagnosis, that is a personal thing and dependent upon your sense of security and how it will effect the relationship. For myself, only my partner, her sister, my therapist and my doctor know. I might tell a few of my family members sometime, but not sure how valuable that will be.

Good luck, and thanks for sharing your story.

 

[tachyon]

The experiences here are very much like mine.

I think I'm still in the 'mourning period' - trying to assimilate the realisation that my life was lived in a different context to the one I thought it was. I guess I have always known that I think differently than others, but believed I was normal with some flaws. I now know that there is a label for it and while I would not willingly part with any of my aspie characteristics, I would love to experience (just for 24 hours) what it's like to be normal to get a better perspective of what normal is. I have always sensed my separation from other people and now the diagnosis confirms that situation will not change - ever.

Cave Dweller
On the issue of 'coming out' there are already a few threads on the site about this, but my first experience with informing a 'friend' did not go well so that is the only person from my pre-diagnosis life that I have told. I have only a small number of friends and don't want to risk alienating any of them. Others will say that if they don't accept it then they are not a 'real' friend, but I accept that many people see anything 'not normal' as a threat and I'm a little too old to launch a crusade to try and change that. I will have no problem informing anyone I meet in the future (although I will not be broadcasting it), but in every case I will use a risk/reward filter before saying anything. After that last sentence I realise that I could be making it into a burden carrying the secret around - I'm still trying to work this stuff out

I hope you find this site helpful - I have found it a great help in only a short time. I have also started a document where I write down things as I remember them that were probably impacted by my AS and it has helped me in the 'unraveling' process. I hope things start to 'ravel' again soon

 

[On the Inside]

I have only a small number of friends and don't want to risk alienating any of them. Others will say that if they don't accept it then they are not a 'real' friend, but I accept that many people see anything 'not normal' as a threat and I'm a little too old to launch a crusade to try and change that.

That is exactly how I feel about it. That may change at a later date, but for now I'll keep my trap shut. I'm also too old to try and change attitudes, and it has been hard enough for me to make and keep friends over the years to unnecessarily rock boats.

Risk/reward assessment is a good idea. I've learned to think that unless I knew certainly that someone could help me in any endeavor, I wouldn't risk telling someone, lest it bring about negativity. Yes that can create a burden, and also adds to an already rather isolated life.

 

[CaveDweller]

That is exactly how I feel about it. That may change at a later date, but for now I'll keep my trap shut. I'm also too old to try and change attitudes, and it has been hard enough for me to make and keep friends over the years to unnecessarily rock boats.

Risk/reward assessment is a good idea. I've learned to think that unless I knew certainly that someone could help me in any endeavor, I wouldn't risk telling someone, lest it bring about negativity. Yes that can create a burden, and also adds to an already rather isolated life.

These replies are really helpful. I'm still in a bit of a mix over things at the mo so it's good to get other peoples perspective. I feel no shame over what I am at all and am so sick of being labelled with things that I'm not that it would make a change to finally be labelled with what I am. I know how daft that sounds. Labels should be for clothes and tins of beans but people do it all of the time. I need to tidy my mind and organise my thought properly before I can jump right into that swamp though. I have to fully understand what it means to me before I think about what it might mean to other people.

(Sorry, I do tend to write very specifically)