Stereotypes

[DogwoodTree]

I've read that aspies tend to not get caught up with stereotypes. But I've always struggled with them. I thought stereotypes were a necessary part of the social order of things, and that's kind of how I structured my understanding of social rules.

As I've learned about Asperger's specifically and healthy relationships in general, I've been very glad to leave the whole concept of stereotypes behind. But it's been tough to root out all of the stereotypes I've adopted in trying to make sense of social patterns. And I'm not quite sure what to replace that factor with in my social algorithms.

Does this make sense to anyone else?

 

[Beverly]

It does, and knowing the stereotypes does help. about 70% of the time, if a person looks or acts very much like a certain stereotype, it's safe to assume that they fit it fairly well or, that many aspects of the stereotype are a valid part of their life.

For example, a person with rainbow dyed hair, wearing a rainbow shirt is probably going to be supportive of LGBT rights and, not opposed to LGBT relationships while the person wearing a white dress with her hair in a bun and crossing herself before eating is very likely going to be opposed to anything pro LGBT but, not opposed to Christianity, God and traditional marriage.

Know that about someone before having a conversation is useful, it allows you to avoid potentially sensitive subjects and, talk about things they are favorable to thus, you can make a better impression on them and, if they happen to be interviewing you or, are a person who will have authority over you or, getting something you need or want then, that's very useful to be able to do.

I don't apply stereotypes to my life or those close to me but, I do apply them to strangers as a base for getting to know more about them. It's human nature to judge appearances first and, it's also our nature to dress and act according to how we live, think or believe so, that really does tell you something about the person when you see them out in public - it at least tells you what sort od stereotype they WANT the public to see when they look at them.

 

[Vinca]

It does make sense. Trying to think of all people as completely different from one another, makes it harder find predictable patterns. By grouping people together, and expecting them to behave the same way as one another, it makes it easier to formulate patterns as to how they will behave and how to behave in response.

 

[On the Inside]

It does make sense. Trying to think of all people as completely different from one another, makes it harder find predictable patterns. By grouping people together, and expecting them to behave the same way as one another, it makes it easier to formulate patterns as to how they will behave and how to behave in response.

I agree, and since it is unlikely that I will talk to people and get the real story, unless I am around them enough, the stereotype will have to do. This might be a problem if I were in a position to make decisions or judgments that would have some effect on these people, but I'm not, so I've never thought it was a problem, though it does bother me.

My SO used to tell me how judgmental I was towards people, making assumptions about people I didn't know. I told her that I kind of need to do that, in order to know what to expect, to try and make some sense of people's behaviors. Since I am a keen observer and able to discern patterns quite well, I tend to believe my pre-conceptions. Again, I'm not real comfortable about this, but it's what I've had to do.

 

[DogwoodTree]

My SO used to tell me how judgmental I was towards people, making assumptions about people I didn't know. I told her that I kind of need to do that, in order to know what to expect, to try and make some sense of people's behaviors. Since I am a keen observer and able to discern patterns quite well, I tend to believe my pre-conceptions. Again, I'm not real comfortable about this, but it's what I've had to do.

I think this is where one of my therapists and I were struggling on this concept when we were talking about it last summer. She was saying that I kept "mind reading" people...assuming I knew what they were thinking without asking them, and predicting what they're going to do. I can see where she's coming from--sometimes it's better just to ask people what they're thinking or feeling. But if I asked the kinds of questions I might have on that, I think it would be off-putting for most people. That's a lot of questions to have to ask people all the time, and my experience is that people tend to think of those questions as being argumentative or intrusive or just plain dumb.

Like you said, I observe patterns carefully, and use those patterns to predict future behavior, or to understand what's going on inside someone's head. It's not because I'm trying to "control" the future, but because I need to be ready for it. Knowing with fair certainty what the most likely possibilities are for someone's behavior helps me to cope better once it happens.

 

[On the Inside]

Like you said, I observe patterns carefully, and use those patterns to predict future behavior, or to understand what's going on inside someone's head. It's not because I'm trying to "control" the future, but because I need to be ready for it.

It's either that or be oblivious, which, I can do also. I am starkly aware of how little I really know about other people, regardless of how long I've known them. Usually I'm comfortable with that, life moves on so quickly, my own interests and concerns crowd out those thoughts, but at times I think about it and I realize how alone I feel. Could it be that the stereotyping is a way for us to "get to know someone" without having to risk exposing our naivete and awkwardness?

 

[DogwoodTree]

but at times I think about it and I realize how alone I feel. Could it be that the stereotyping is a way for us to "get to know someone" without having to risk exposing our naivete and awkwardness?

Ouch, good point. Hadn't thought about it that way.

I always try to answer my own questions about what people are thinking or feeling based on clues I've gathered and logical deduction, so I don't have to bother them with my questions. I used to think this was a good thing, and that it helped me to be an independent learner and a more independent worker. Maybe it helps in some situations, but yes, I'm finding this is actually a very lonely way to relate to people.

Hm. But then...how do you know what questions are okay to ask, that won't bother the other person, versus which ones would just annoy them? Seems like people get tired of answering the questions "What are you thinking?" or "What are you feeling?", and it's really tough to come up with more specific questions in real time (the more detailed questions don't usually occur to me until after the conversation is over).

Hm. I've gotta think on this...very good point.

 

[Progster]

Stereotypes can give you some information and work up to a certain point, but I don't think you can use them to guage a person's personality, and you certainly shouldn't make judgements about a person based on their appearance or background, because that's prejudice. For example, here, the stereotype for people from my country is that they are rowdy, partying, shallow, drink a lot, lager louts, promiscious and other such preconceived notions. Indeed, some people do behave like that when they come here on holiday, but they are a minority. So, when they hear where I come from, they make assumptions about my personality, my likes and dislikes, my lifestyle, etc when really they don't know me and have no right to do so. I am a person, not a country. Also, because I wear old, baggy clothes, they think for some reason that I'm not particularly intelligent. I really resent this. Stereotypes just lead to ignorance and prejudice.