So I do not get this; just a curiosity and rather annoying

[Suzanne]

Why is it that I can be sick with nerves, to the extent that I am shaking and can barely breath and the, when I am up on a platform, helping out with a demonstration, or doing a talk, I look calm and relaxed and just totally at ease? And yet, I know of another who does not react half as bad as I do with nerves, but when she is doing the same thing, you can see how uncomfortable she feels and she stutters and goes bright red?

I honestly do not get this at all. Is it because I go into surreal mode? Is it because suddenly I am acting a role and thus, putting on a mask?

Basically how she is out loud ( so to speak) is how I am in side.

When I hear my name and walk up to the platform, I feel that I am seeing myself walk and when I step down, feel that my legs are made of rubber!

Everyone says that I look a natural when on the platform. To be honest, rather frustrating because it means I am just laughed. Oh we all get nervous!!!!

 

[metalminx24]

Not a clue! You're bloody brave, I couldn't! !

 

[Suzanne]

Not a clue! You're bloody brave, I couldn't! !

It sure does take a lot of willpower to do it, I have to say!!!!

 

[Beverly]

That is a wonderful skill to have, and you are doing exactly what you think you are doing, taking the nervous part of your mind somewhere else and, letting the non emotional parts do the stuff on stage, almost as if you are two people and the nervous part stays off the stage while the relaxed, confident part gets on the stage.

Now learn to recognize both parts consciously, then learn to do that when you don't have to be on stage, with practice, any anxiety, overload, fear, etc... gets the confident. relaxed you sorting things out and keeping the anxious nervous bits out of trouble. You just discovered the secret to overcoming your fears - every last one of them any time, anywhere.

Sure you still feel the fear but, you know how to handle it without loosing your cool - leaves a lot of people asking "How? i could never do that." but really anyone can when they learn how to use the parts that aren't afraid and, let the fearful bits sit back and just watch the show.

 

[Major]

I wish I had that problem I had to give "presentations" in college Every 5 weeks there was a "group" presentation. I was always in the same group with two other girls and they didn't care about doing the projects so I prepared every single one of them. Did all the research, wrote all the parts made all the props, visual aids and power points. All they had to do was memorize their part. I would introduce the sections only because I was too afraid to actually present.. The girls started bullying me about half way through school and I found out they had been taking credit for all the work and saying I hadn't helped or helped very little. These girls who couldn't be bothered to just memorize their part and would read it off the cards. If I coudl do it again id find a way to do what your talking about.

 

[Duane Wyatt]

I often give presentations nowadays and do fine as long as I never look at the audience---I am able to escape that way. Of course, my normal routine is not to look directly at someone

 

[ChrisC1983]

is there a feeling of automation maybe?

by which i mean (to compare your friend)... i also stutter, will turn red and it becomes hard to breathe..... but (setting aside that i don't like people to hear me) when i'm singing a song, i have no problem. even if i mess up the words, i can keep going without an issue. there's no "stop" sounds or anything that makes me stutter..... and i believe because it's an automation thing. my mind already knows exactly how the words should sound, what needs to be said.. word for word.. with no interruption or alteration needed. (also it's common that people who stutter are OK while singing)
i think knowing the entire situation makes it easier to be in and complete the situation. when there's a remake of the song i try singing, it throws me all off. i don't stutter but i will get stuck and confused because although i know what to say, i don't know how to say it.

i'm just wondering if it's something like that (or if anybody else has something similar.. outside of stuttering/singing but just being OK to speak outloud given a specific situation)

 

[Beverly]

Yes ChrisC1983 just like Mel Tillis, he stuttered also but, was an amazing country singer. I think it's because when you sing, you are more focused on the tone, pitch, key, notes and rhythm of the music than the words. You know the words before you start singing, so you don't have to think about those and, there are so many other details you need to be aware of. You relax more and, that stops the stuttering.

Does it also help if you focus on altering the pitch or key of your voice when speaking? Do you stutter less if you do that? Like if you try to talk like a robot, or sound like a young child, or something other than your natural voice?

 

[Epicurean Pariah]

That is a wonderful skill to have, and you are doing exactly what you think you are doing, taking the nervous part of your mind somewhere else and, letting the non emotional parts do the stuff on stage, almost as if you are two people and the nervous part stays off the stage while the relaxed, confident part gets on the stage.

Now learn to recognize both parts consciously, then learn to do that when you don't have to be on stage, with practice, any anxiety, overload, fear, etc... gets the confident. relaxed you sorting things out and keeping the anxious nervous bits out of trouble. You just discovered the secret to overcoming your fears - every last one of them any time, anywhere.

Sure you still feel the fear but, you know how to handle it without loosing your cool - leaves a lot of people asking "How? i could never do that." but really anyone can when they learn how to use the parts that aren't afraid and, let the fearful bits sit back and just watch the show.

Beverly,
Yes, anxiety and a little twist can become anticipation. Some can overcome the the fear of possible failure and rejection to succeed, be recognized and bask in acclaim and/or even adoration.

 

[Suzanne]

That is a wonderful skill to have, and you are doing exactly what you think you are doing, taking the nervous part of your mind somewhere else and, letting the non emotional parts do the stuff on stage, almost as if you are two people and the nervous part stays off the stage while the relaxed, confident part gets on the stage.

Now learn to recognize both parts consciously, then learn to do that when you don't have to be on stage, with practice, any anxiety, overload, fear, etc... gets the confident. relaxed you sorting things out and keeping the anxious nervous bits out of trouble. You just discovered the secret to overcoming your fears - every last one of them any time, anywhere.

Sure you still feel the fear but, you know how to handle it without loosing your cool - leaves a lot of people asking "How? i could never do that." but really anyone can when they learn how to use the parts that aren't afraid and, let the fearful bits sit back and just watch the show.

Thank you very much, Beverly. It shocks me that I am able to do what you are saying! Unfortunately doesn't work in other areas, such as meeting new people or social gatherings; not even my mask can survive that!

 

[Suzanne]

I wish I had that problem I had to give "presentations" in college Every 5 weeks there was a "group" presentation. I was always in the same group with two other girls and they didn't care about doing the projects so I prepared every single one of them. Did all the research, wrote all the parts made all the props, visual aids and power points. All they had to do was memorize their part. I would introduce the sections only because I was too afraid to actually present.. The girls started bullying me about half way through school and I found out they had been taking credit for all the work and saying I hadn't helped or helped very little. These girls who couldn't be bothered to just memorize their part and would read it off the cards. If I coudl do it again id find a way to do what your talking about.

I can relate! For when I was in college at 22, I was the only one who was there because I wanted to be ( well, not strictly true, but recognised it was to my benefit being there). I had my folder of works, kicked out of my hand and the: oh dear, all that hard work; who does she think she is? Better than us? I could not cope; did not have the coping skills at that time, but just picked up my folder and put things back in order. I actually failed on a subject because the lecturer was spending most of her time, trying to get students to pay attention!!!

 

[Suzanne]

is there a feeling of automation maybe?

by which i mean (to compare your friend)... i also stutter, will turn red and it becomes hard to breathe..... but (setting aside that i don't like people to hear me) when i'm singing a song, i have no problem. even if i mess up the words, i can keep going without an issue. there's no "stop" sounds or anything that makes me stutter..... and i believe because it's an automation thing. my mind already knows exactly how the words should sound, what needs to be said.. word for word.. with no interruption or alteration needed. (also it's common that people who stutter are OK while singing)
i think knowing the entire situation makes it easier to be in and complete the situation. when there's a remake of the song i try singing, it throws me all off. i don't stutter but i will get stuck and confused because although i know what to say, i don't know how to say it.

i'm just wondering if it's something like that (or if anybody else has something similar.. outside of stuttering/singing but just being OK to speak outloud given a specific situation)

Believe me, when in any other situation I stutter, go red and am very clumsy. Meeting new ones and social gatherings, are something that I cannot deal with at all! But for some reason, can do it on stage!

 

[Epicurean Pariah]

Contrary to popular belief, colleges are not necessarily bastions of progress.
I remember at least two papers in the early 70s, that I wrote that received dual grades. One grade for what was written and one for how it was written. One paper was about the need for women to get involved in business and politics, and the other about the hypocrisy and bigotry against the LGBT community. Ds for what I wrote and an A and a B for how I wrote it. I was shocked, and confronted her English Professorship. She told me that we were not expected to actually write anything controversial.
One morning just before class I wrote the biggest hunk of steaming and reeking excrement that I could conceive and contrive.
Her highness wrangled a scholarship for me that I never acted upon and started living a comedy of errors.
Just a tale to tell.
I am delighted that my opinions of those long past days have come to become a new reality.

 

[Skye81]

Hi I spent a year when I was about 18/19 doing promotional work. I hated answering the phone when the agencies rang but it was such easy money and also totally up to me when I did or didn't work. A lot of the time it was just handing things out which was easy but sometimes... I'd get lumbered with a demonstration job.. Eek. I generally found if I looked into the product lots and liked it myself I could pretty much look quite confident when talking to someone about it. I was much more careful about approaching people than the rest in the group who were far louder.. And one time we had to go to a training session where they told us about it and suddenly announced we were to do role plays in front of the group. I felt sick. I stood at the front and had no idea where to start and what to say. I went so strange I actually burst into tears and ran out of the room. Later, I got a call saying the company was worried I wouldn't look ok doing the job but I said to the agency I'd be ok.. I knew lots about the product just couldn't do roleplays! They actually gave me a chance and as usual I was careful in my selection of people but I talked really well and I am sure they mystery shopped me to check and I think I did alright! They told the agency they were impressed. So.. how is it possible..?? I think I can cope if I know what I'm talking about. It was the same when I did sales ones. I stood back and let people come to me more than the others.. and I'd end up with the highest sales...! Well done you though, it's hard work but fab if you can manage it.

 

[Suzanne]

Hi I spent a year when I was about 18/19 doing promotional work. I hated answering the phone when the agencies rang but it was such easy money and also totally up to me when I did or didn't work. A lot of the time it was just handing things out which was easy but sometimes... I'd get lumbered with a demonstration job.. Eek. I generally found if I looked into the product lots and liked it myself I could pretty much look quite confident when talking to someone about it. I was much more careful about approaching people than the rest in the group who were far louder.. And one time we had to go to a training session where they told us about it and suddenly announced we were to do role plays in front of the group. I felt sick. I stood at the front and had no idea where to start and what to say. I went so strange I actually burst into tears and ran out of the room. Later, I got a call saying the company was worried I wouldn't look ok doing the job but I said to the agency I'd be ok.. I knew lots about the product just couldn't do roleplays! They actually gave me a chance and as usual I was careful in my selection of people but I talked really well and I am sure they mystery shopped me to check and I think I did alright! They told the agency they were impressed. So.. how is it possible..?? I think I can cope if I know what I'm talking about. It was the same when I did sales ones. I stood back and let people come to me more than the others.. and I'd end up with the highest sales...! Well done you though, it's hard work but fab if you can manage it.

Thanks for sharing that! Yes, to be honest, it is a catch 22 for me, because the nerves I experience are so severe that I just wish it all away and I suffer afterwards with acid issues, but at the same time, I feel so good for actually going through with it all and to be honest, I cannot deny the commendation is rather lovely. In fact, I went up to the sister I mentioned in this thread and complimented her ( I make a point of doing that, because I would want it) and her husband was with her, the brother who I did the demonstration with and he said: if anything YOU deserve the commendation, Suzanne. I felt both chuffed and embarrassed because well, it was not terribly tactful in front of his wife!! I have a scripture to read sunday and I tell you, I hyperventilate before hand and once again, go into almost slow motion and the mike is passed to me and yet, I am told that I read really well and it is like I get into the characters, but wow am I relieved when it is over? Actually, there was a time, I would cry because of how frightened I felt.

What aggravates is when others say: Oh I get that etc etc. So what if they get that? I mean: is it a competition or something for who suffers more?!

 

[Skye81]

It is incredibly hard to do things like that when you are so uncomfortable with it. Sometimes I have to push myself in case I end up in so much fear of certain things that I won't dare even try. Like role plays...!! I've still no idea how to do that when I've no idea what to say!
A recent thing was... well I'm on the school PTA although never attend the meetings... but I went along to the school head's leaving assembly with the whole school, staff and then just a few of us from the PTA at the back. A couple of mums were going to present her with flowers and a speech from the PTA.. But when I arrived the mum reading it said she had no voice and couldn't do it.. another mum was helping cover the door.... and it turns out that I'm the only one left. Well what could I say?! Argh. (I didn't say that.. but I should have). I agreed to read it and when I glanced through it was so long. Oh my goodness. So I sat through the whole thing like jelly in a complete panic. In the end we had to go up. The voiceless mum had the flowers and I actually forgot to say why we were coming up and she jumped in a whispered who we were.... whoops. I then put on my biggest clearest voice.... and read this thing like I was reading one of my children's story books..! It was kind of like I wasn't actually doing it...!! When it was over I couldn't wait to get home. People who were sat up the back were saying well done and that they could hear up the back and that I should do a 'speaker' type job....!! Haha if only they knew!! Crumbs I needed a big cup of tea after that.

 

[anthoskate]

I find it impossible to do presentations and the last one that I had turned out really bad. I got up, put the usb in the computer, looked up at the people and I totally froze when I saw everybody looking at me (I couldn't speak or move). So I took the usb out of the computer, told the teacher that I couldn't do it and sat back down.

I also can't shout or speak loud in public because of a fear of calling attention so if I see a friend that is more than 10 meters away I will not call them until they turn around and see me or until they get a bit closer.

I'm pretty sure that I have really bad issues with social anxiety.

 

[ChrisC1983]

Yes ChrisC1983 just like Mel Tillis, he stuttered also but, was an amazing country singer. I think it's because when you sing, you are more focused on the tone, pitch, key, notes and rhythm of the music than the words. You know the words before you start singing, so you don't have to think about those and, there are so many other details you need to be aware of. You relax more and, that stops the stuttering.

Does it also help if you focus on altering the pitch or key of your voice when speaking? Do you stutter less if you do that? Like if you try to talk like a robot, or sound like a young child, or something other than your natural voice?

when i'm singing, i see the various sounds (both vocal and instrumental) as sound waves.. which i can break down further into color differences and design patterns which gives me quite a bit to visually focus on. i don't actually do it outloud but even when talking to myself i'll stutter or get stuck (not as much though) but if i intentionally change my tone up and down it does help. although i sound so foolish i would never do it around anybody.