Serious hatred of sound

[Stephanie S.]

Hello everybody. It's been a while. A small update about things have been. My daughter has turned 17 and is graduating high school this year as a senior. One of the smartest kids in her year! Very smart girl. In case you don't remember us, my daughter has asperger's.

But there really is an issue with some sound sensitivity. She really does not like dogs. Specifically for a certain sound. When "a big dog laps at water". She is the kindest, most genuine, loving girl, with such a kind heart for everything and love animals, especially her birds and horses. Even though she doesn't like dogs she would never hurt one.

But I have a very very large black lab dog. She cannot stand when that dog drinks. She goes into a huge fit. She plugs her ears and hums to drown it out and then takes the indoor water bowl and chucks it out the door. She HATES that bowl and gets very angry at it, which is absolutely anti her.

I am divorced and she stays at dad's house during the week and comes to me during the weekend. Her dad doesn't have a dog. Only I do. For the 2 days she is here she first thing she does it when she gets home she runs and pick up the indoor water. When I have the back door open and the dog goes out to the outdoor water she stops whatever she is doing and her eyes never leave that dog. She gets really paranoid when she sees it making a move.

I feel like I am stressing her when she is downstairs. That is her only sound issue. I think it's because she doesn't like dogs to begin with, so that sound really really bothers her. Upstairs the dog doesn't have water, so she feels more secure up there.

To be truthful in the beginning I used to get mad, but now I am much better with it. If it is very hot and the dog definitely needs water I will tell her to plug her ears and give her time to go away before I put the bowl down, she will yell when she is far enough away.

It kind of works, but it is so laborious every time she stays for the weekend. I feel awful, but I don't understand why she does that. When she tries to explain she says things like it is her "nails on a chalkboard".

Is this extreme sound hatred something I can work with? She literally clenches her teeth and balls her hands into a fist, even if it's muffled and she can still hear it. If it is far away and she can see it but not hear it, she is completely okay.

 

[Peeta]

I've read about this and seen it on tv a couple of times. I think it's called Misophonia, extreme hatred of a particular sound. Like someone eating, or coughing, breathing, swallowing. People will get even violent when they hear the sound made by something or someone else but be completely fine when they do the same sound themselves. There's supposed to be treatment for it, but I personally don't know what that is.

 

[Suzanne]

I truly feel for her actually. Although that particular sound does not bother me, I react so similar with barking and cannot STAND IT, when a bark interrupts the human voice.

I take it, you got your dog BEFORE you knew she did not like dogs? Otherwise, seems strange you would have a dog in the first place.

You could try turning this around to the dogs who have very sensitive hearing and I am pretty sure you would go mad if your daughter, for example was to use a whistle, to drown the sound out, because you know it is PAINFUL to the dog.

Glad you are trying to compromise, for it is not your daughter's fault. She is not being stubborn or spoilt. She really does find it painful.

 

[Naturalist]

I feel quite unsettled and angered by certain sounds, including mowing motors, food processors, and beeping sounds. They do indeed hurt, and I have to work hard to remind myself that the person using the equipment has no intention of hurting me. I really wish I could destroy the machines that make these noises. And I find it difficult to be kind to people who are operating them, who seem disrespectful to me until I recall that they are simply unaware that it is bothersome.

I wonder if she sees the fact of you having a dog as an indirect statement about your feelings toward her? For example, you have a dog and her father does not. The sound of the dog drinking bothers her. Is it purely a sound sensitivity, or is the sound sensitivity simply compounded by the fear that she is inadequate company, therefore you have a dog? Or perhaps she worries that you have a dog in spite of her wariness regarding them, because you are somehow "punishing" her for not being more "normal" by making her share her time with you with an animal which makes her feel unsettled. These sound unreasonable to most people, but I had similar "irrational" fears as a teenager because I was still unaware that people were not deliberately choosing to make me uncomfortable. And as I stated above, I still have to try to untangle the emotions from the physical sensitivity, and not take the sounds as a personal affront. It might therefore be good to talk with her about the reasons you enjoy having a dog, and to let her identify her own likes and dislikes regarding the dog. And be sure to touch on the fact that you are not trying to make her uncomfortable, but to meet some of your own needs for companionship, protection, etc.

 

[zurb]

'Overreaction' or sensitivity to sound (and the other senses) is a very common aspie trait, though what sets one person off is fine for another.
It's highly unlikely that she's doing it for no reason. There are certain sounds that I actually find painful. Fortunately, my son's voice is about to break, so that will be one less stressor for me.
Seems to me that the simplest answer (maybe too simplistic) is that the dog doesn't come inside. Depends who's most important though of course! At the very least, you can put the bowl outside before your daughter arrives to show you care and understand.

 

[Naturalist]

I've read about this and seen it on tv a couple of times. I think it's called Misophonia, extreme hatred of a particular sound. Like someone eating, or coughing, breathing, swallowing. People will get even violent when they hear the sound made by something or someone else but be completely fine when they do the same sound themselves. There's supposed to be treatment for it, but I personally don't know what that is.

There was a recent discussion here on misophonia; a search of the site should bring it up.

 

[garnetflower13]

I have Misophonia, and I can totally relate to your daughter's agony over certain sounds. I meltdown if exposed to certain sounds, and although not a violent person, I feel I could destroy things or hurt people when they are making sounds that cause me pain or extreme discomfort! I of course, never have but the rage is horrible when it happens. Things like someone making wet sticky sounds, or high pitched beeping are the worst.

 

[watersprite]

I also have it, as well as a bad reaction to blinking or flashing lights. (I'd appreciate your avatar more if it held still, for example.)

 

[Suzanne]

I feel quite unsettled and angered by certain sounds, including mowing motors, food processors, and beeping sounds. They do indeed hurt, and I have to work hard to remind myself that the person using the equipment has no intention of hurting me. I really wish I could destroy the machines that make these noises. And I find it difficult to be kind to people who are operating them, who seem disrespectful to me until I recall that they are simply unaware that it is bothersome.

I wonder if she sees the fact of you having a dog as an indirect statement about your feelings toward her? For example, you have a dog and her father does not. The sound of the dog drinking bothers her. Is it purely a sound sensitivity, or is the sound sensitivity simply compounded by the fear that she is inadequate company, therefore you have a dog? Or perhaps she worries that you have a dog in spite of her wariness regarding them, because you are somehow "punishing" her for not being more "normal" by making her share her time with you with an animal which makes her feel unsettled. These sound unreasonable to most people, but I had similar "irrational" fears as a teenager because I was still unaware that people were not deliberately choosing to make me uncomfortable. And as I stated above, I still have to try to untangle the emotions from the physical sensitivity, and not take the sounds as a personal affront. It might therefore be good to talk with her about the reasons you enjoy having a dog, and to let her identify her own likes and dislikes regarding the dog. And be sure to touch on the fact that you are not trying to make her uncomfortable, but to meet some of your own needs for companionship, protection, etc.

Yes I am like this too; I have to fight back getting very angry at the person for causing the noise! It really does feel like they are doing it on purpose lol

 

[Ylva]

Yes I am like this too; I have to fight back getting very angry at the person for causing the noise! It really does feel like they are doing it on purpose lol

Not unjustified. When I told my mother I hated the sound of eating, she demonstrably made the sounds louder.

 

[Suzanne]

I also have it, as well as a bad reaction to blinking or flashing lights. (I'd appreciate your avatar more if it held still, for example.)

Yes, for me

Not unjustified. When I told my mother I hated the sound of eating, she demonstrably made the sounds louder.

Yes, sadly and probably thought she was being humorous. My husband does it to, but I know he is just teasing me and I know when he realises he has gone far, because he tries to talk himself out of the situation.

There are times though, when I know it is not meant and I know my reaction is wrong and so, I just try to get away from the offending sound fast!

 

[Aspieistj]

I love dogs so much I think I would arrange to meet my daughter someplace really nice a few times a week and visit in that dogless place. I certainly have sounds that seriously annoy me, but who, in this world, can remove all irritation? Even NTs can find things that irritate and upset them, but they have no way to always avoid such noises. I am made frantic by retractable point pen noises and coin clickers, but, hey--maybe that is another person's stim. I am curious if you ever had a dog while your daughter lived with you. Did you know she would not want to be around one? The poor dog is doing nothing wrong and deserves to be well treated no matter who may be visiting. Do you have a cellar? I would go as far as placing the water down there, or in a far away upstairs room. You have the right to have a well behaved pet and your daughter in now an adult. If she is really an Aspie she will always be annoyed by one thing or another. Finally, what about placing the water outside when your daughter visits and taking your dog out every few hours while you daughter is present. Oh!!! There must have been some annoying noises or other things in school, so how did your daughter handle them?