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School Experiences for Aspies and Autistic

Oh, I needed to add something. I can't say for sure, but I am fairly certain that 99%, at least, of my present failure has to do with the fact that I wasn't diagnosed - at least self-diagnosed - earlier. And that my parents never were able to support me as an aspie needs to be supported, and they completely ignored my natural strengths because they did not value them - instead, they only wanted to push me into areas of study and profession at which I had did not have natural strength. It was a difficult call in a way, because at a basic level, I could do well at everything - but when you have to go more hard core, as in college and the professional world, I could not keep up - I just could not, I was the bottom rung and couldn't work efficiently. As for my natural strengths, I was very good in those areas, and they didn't burn me out - on the contrary, you'd find me working far longer and harder than other students, with no signs of burning out - I'd be doing that for fun on my Friday nights! My parents never acknowledged or cared about my natural strengths, because they weren't "useful" to them in getting into a profession that they considered good and safe - partly because they just didn't know any better. They weren't paying attention - they figured I could be just as good at anything I tried, which was very flattering, but very untrue. I saw other peers manage to do this - but I couldn't, I would just burn out where they could somehow white knuckle it and manage and get the hang of it - maybe they wouldn't be the best, but they could be decent, and they wouldn't burn out like I did - or if they did, it would have been far later in life. So my advice to parents of kids on the spectrum - please, please, please, pay attention to and support their special interest or natural talents. Even if you can't see a way it can lead to a great career, even if you *also* want them to study other areas they aren't as good at, please don't neglect or ignore their special interest or natural talents. I think for us it is even more crucial to our survival and finding a niche in this world than it is for people who are not on the spectrum.

My non-aspie friends, in general, were not forced by their parents to forsake their natural talents in career and study, so that helps explain why they were sucessful too. Also, I think all the extra stress and anxiety that being on the spectrum brings with simply dealing with life can help burn us out, undermine our success in anything - so just management of life as an aspie is very important for health, happiness, and success. I spend most of my life blindly walking into walls of all sorts and trying to figure out how to control myself and my life, how to even walk in a straight line, or in a direction I really wanted to go, without bumping into walls, if that makes sense. The sooner I had known where to get the right guidance, the sooner I understood myself and my issues better, the sooner I could have picked the right battles, and tackled life more strategically - and avoided a lot of stupid bumps and bruises and traumas that interfered with life a lot (and continue to do so to an extent).
 
Oh, I needed to add something. I can't say for sure, but I am fairly certain that 99%, at least, of my present failure has to do with the fact that I wasn't diagnosed - at least self-diagnosed - earlier. And that my parents never were able to support me as an aspie needs to be supported, and they completely ignored my natural strengths because they did not value them - instead, they only wanted to push me into areas of study and profession at which I had did not have natural strength. It was a difficult call in a way, because at a basic level, I could do well at everything - but when you have to go more hard core, as in college and the professional world, I could not keep up - I just could not, I was the bottom rung and couldn't work efficiently. As for my natural strengths, I was very good in those areas, and they didn't burn me out - on the contrary, you'd find me working far longer and harder than other students, with no signs of burning out - I'd be doing that for fun on my Friday nights! My parents never acknowledged or cared about my natural strengths, because they weren't "useful" to them in getting into a profession that they considered good and safe - partly because they just didn't know any better. They weren't paying attention - they figured I could be just as good at anything I tried, which was very flattering, but very untrue. I saw other peers manage to do this - but I couldn't, I would just burn out where they could somehow white knuckle it and manage and get the hang of it - maybe they wouldn't be the best, but they could be decent, and they wouldn't burn out like I did - or if they did, it would have been far later in life. So my advice to parents of kids on the spectrum - please, please, please, pay attention to and support their special interest or natural talents. Even if you can't see a way it can lead to a great career, even if you *also* want them to study other areas they aren't as good at, please don't neglect or ignore their special interest or natural talents. I think for us it is even more crucial to our survival and finding a niche in this world than it is for people who are not on the spectrum.

My non-aspie friends, in general, were not forced by their parents to forsake their natural talents in career and study, so that helps explain why they were sucessful too. Also, I think all the extra stress and anxiety that being on the spectrum brings with simply dealing with life can help burn us out, undermine our success in anything - so just management of life as an aspie is very important for health, happiness, and success. I spend most of my life blindly walking into walls of all sorts and trying to figure out how to control myself and my life, how to even walk in a straight line, or in a direction I really wanted to go, without bumping into walls, if that makes sense. The sooner I had known where to get the right guidance, the sooner I understood myself and my issues better, the sooner I could have picked the right battles, and tackled life more strategically - and avoided a lot of stupid bumps and bruises and traumas that interfered with life a lot (and continue to do so to an extent).

I think you are right, as I had the same problem. I mean, I did not know what I had condition-wise during most of my school years, but just saw myself as very different and lacking. This meant I often blamed myself. Back then, I did not blame my parents for my behavior, but often believed my parents. If they said I was rotten, or was not good enough, I believed that, especially up to high school. If they did not see the good in me, how could I bond with others, as I did not love myself?

Things could have turned out different if I knew I had Social Anxiety Disorder then, and if I knew it likely was from the improper parenting. At least I could have considered helping myself then, if I had the strength then or motivation to research things. Or at the minimum, I would have not blamed myself, and that could have caused some relief. But, truth is, knowing the diagnosis then would not have helped any more, as my mother would have been in denial, and twisted things around saying we had that condition because we were lazy at talking. She had her own mental illness, and was not the complimentary and unselfish type, and did not believe any others should interfere in our family life. Life was about her.

My mother just wanted us to finish high school and work in a factory. Her very poor self esteem was partly for this desire, and her lack of faith in us children, but she wanted us to live very close to her. She never wanted us to go to college, but to work nearby. Well, my condition then was such I could not work. How can you work when you cannot talk? And when you avoid people, as you feel they do not relate? I had no choice but to attempt college, against her strong desires, as that was the lesser of the two evils. In college, faces change, and it is not as a social atmosphere as a work setting. It is not eight hours a day, five days a week with the same people.

Yes, it is very important for parents to look for the strengths and desires of each child, and not to put their own beliefs onto that Autistic child. Look for not only what the child is good at, but what he enjoys. The ideal case would be for them one day to be in a profession, if such is possible at all, to pick one they both thoroughly enjoy and are good at, at the same time, instead of just one they enjoy, or one they are good at, if that is possible, as that would seem healthiest for them. Our parents never analyzed anything about us. They had too many of their issues, and they did not care what we liked or were good at. They were in denial of our anxieties, social limitations, and needs, too.

Our two Autistic children are different. Aaron loves math and science the best, and IPad maze type games and strategy games, but now he is into art and singing, too. He cannot get enough of those as well. We support him equally for each of his likes. We have no way of knowing what he will desire in the future, so we let him enjoy a variety of things now, and his greater focus on those things causes him to excel there. For Dylan, he loves anything where he can move his hands and feet a lot. He loves art things, running, navigating his iPad, with word, memory, and basic learning apps. He learns on the go, naturally and through all our other attempts. He has a loveable personality too, with him smiling a lot and giggling a lot and being affectionate. More time is needed to know more his interests as he is nonverbal and cannot have conversation. He pulls us what he wants, or gets it himself.

Society these days focuses on success, status, and wealth. For Aspies and others with conditions success could be defined differently than NT's. Following their interests and enjoying simple life away from others could be what they want or need. I as a non-Aspie, never define myself now by how I fit in with the masses. I do what my heart and head tells me to do, and not what I am supposed to do or what others want me to do, so our kids will be happy in life too, without all that pressure to be someone else.
 
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In elementary school I was in a class with a big "L.D." sign on the door and was bullied by the other kids who saw me in the class. I was called "rabies girl" and "LD" all the time. Some teachers were good but I had a speech therapist who would single me out all the time and make me sit on my hand in front of the class for fidgeting. I ended up getting mainstreamed for the science classes, and was accepted by my peers until I got to middle school.

Middle school was pretty ruff. When being mainstreamed into the science class people would call me retarded and slap me upside the head. Although the teachers were pretty nice and accommodating. I remember one showing my starfish dissection to the class as an example because I did the best job which made me feel pretty good about myself.

High school sucked. Especially english, because I couldn't really understand the instructions or absorb the info because of the sensory overload from all the lights and people surrounding me. At that point I was in all normal classes but still had a recourse class and IEP. Couldn't stand the stress and crowded halls, so I ended up dropping out and getting a GED. I wouldn't suggest homeschooling because the children need to develop social skills somehow, but maybe a special, less crowded school instead.

PS, I forgot to add about friends. I was pretty much a loner until I switched high schools in 10 grade where I I was befriended by the goth/punk and nerd types, but I only had one close friend.
 
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In elementary school I was in a class with a big "L.D." sign on the door and was bullied by the other kids who saw me in the class. I was called "rabies girl" and "LD" all the time. Some teachers were good but I had a speech therapist who would single me out all the time and make me sit on my hand in front of the class for fidgeting. I ended up getting mainstreamed for the science classes, and was accepted by my peers until I got to middle school.

Middle school was pretty ruff. When being mainstreamed into the science class people would call me retarded and slap me upside the head. Although the teachers were pretty nice and accommodating. I remember one showing my starfish dissection to the class as an example because I did the best job which made me feel pretty good about myself.

High school sucked. Especially english, because I couldn't really understand the instructions or absorb the info because of the sensory overload from all the lights and people surrounding me. At that point I was in all normal classes but still had a recourse class and IEP. Couldn't stand the stress and crowded halls, so I ended up dropping out and getting a GED. I wouldn't suggest homeschooling because the children need to develop social skills somehow, but maybe a special, less crowded school instead.

Those are some of the things about school that bother me that I did not mention. Little details that they overlook, or do not care about, like that L.D signed and your fidgeting. I mean do they not know bullies could make fun of persons in advertised special classes, and do they not know to inquire further why that person could be doing that with their fingers or hands? Instead of addressing the roots of that, they are basically blaming you, increasing stress and that behavior.

Schools often can make matters worse by assuming things and not thinking about the ramifications of those type things, and by not making exceptions to things. When I went to school no teachers cared about bullying, and one could not develop social skills when conditions were not conducive to that. One cannot assume social skills will develop at school if a student fears socializing, and if students make it worse by their behaviors towards and avoidance of that person.

Small schools do not exist here that would help our children any more than what we are doing, or we would have considered that. They would likely make things worse too, by not individualizing their needs, and by lowering expectations that do not fit their abilities. They would not provide accommodations they need, nor allow flexibility that we do. Nice suggestion though, but we looked into smaller schools and did not like what we saw. It may help other students, but not our children.
 
In elementary school I was in a class with a big "L.D." sign on the door and was bullied by the other kids who saw me in the class. I was called "rabies girl" and "LD" all the time. Some teachers were good but I had a speech therapist who would single me out all the time and make me sit on my hand in front of the class for fidgeting. I ended up getting mainstreamed for the science classes, and was accepted by my peers until I got to middle school.

Hmm! I never herd of labeling the door of a class. At lease I've never seen it in any of the school I've gone to. I can however see that doing that can cause more trouble that what is needed.

Middle school was pretty ruff. When being mainstreamed into the science class people would call me retarded and slap me upside the head. Although the teachers were pretty nice and accommodating. I remember one showing my starfish dissection to the class as an example because I did the best job which made me feel pretty good about myself.

I too was a STEM genius in school and everybody hated me for this. It doesn't help when peer pressure is ripping your self esteem apart.

High school sucked. Especially english, because I couldn't really understand the instructions or absorb the info because of the sensory overload from all the lights and people surrounding me. At that point I was in all normal classes but still had a recourse class and IEP. Couldn't stand the stress and crowded halls, so I ended up dropping out and getting a GED.

I did the same thing. Droped out and got a GED. I wished I had done that earlier. it would've saved me a lot of pain in the long run. But then again, I wasn't aware of sensory issues ether. The real reason I never drop out earlier was because of ad's on TV telling you that if you don't stay in school that you are a loser. WELL F**K THAT!

I wouldn't suggest homeschooling because the children need to develop social skills somehow, but maybe a special, less crowded school instead.

How in the f**king hell can to expect your kid to develop social skills if he/she is constantly exposed to endless bullying and being at the absolute bottom of the pecking order. Have you ever seen the $h!t that goes on in school. Sorry! Seeing this $h!t really make my blood boil.

PS, I forgot to add about friends. I was pretty much a loner until I switched high schools in 10 grade where I I was befriended by the goth/punk and nerd types, but I only had one close friend.

I too had 1 or 2 friends at school. Or so I thought. It's not until you go and eavesdrop on one of their conversation that you soon realize that all they are doing is using you.

Small schools do not exist here that would help our children any more than what we are doing, or we would have considered that. They would likely make things worse too, by not individualizing their needs, and by lowering expectations that do not fit their abilities. They would not provide accommodations they need, nor allow flexibility that we do. Nice suggestion though, but we looked into smaller schools and did not like what we saw. It may help other students, but not our children.

I can vouch for this. I too was in a small rural school and when it came to bullying, things were a lot worse then going to a big school. In fact, I had a teacher that would encuraged the other students to bully me as well.
 
much like everyone else here, I too was bullied, but it gave me the necessary skills to be able to pass job interviews and get enough people skills function in the everyday world. without that . as of right now i am socially just not up to par, i can only imagine what it would be like if i never went to mainstream schools.

In school i had one freind whom i suspected with on the spectrum as well. we attended the same SpEd integrated class. She was my only friend from kindergarten to 3rd grade when my mom moved us across the city. from there i didnt have friends till the 6th grade. These people i remained friends with till junior year of highschool. they werent really my friends after all. just a somebody if you know what i mean. in highschool i was severely ostracized by my peers and i hung out with the other kids who were also deemed unworthy.

I stayed froms with that group for a few years, but we grew apart. sorry writing a book. summary. I never truly was apart of a group. I was never one of the girls, the one people called when they were sad, or the one they called to make plans with. I dont know what i was. I did have one good friend and we were friends for over 14 years. we split up after she invaded my boundaries and then put me on silent treatment.

I particularly excelled in music and art. I was never any good at math, but i greatly loved science. I struggled with english for i'm dyslexic as well. I was never diagnosed in a school setting and I currently don't have one now until september when i plan go get tested. I imagine i would of felt more like a whole person, than the defective one i thought i was. I was bullied so much is school i believed i was nothing.

I suggest finding a good charter school with a small class of 50 or smaller. if you go the homeschool route please do get your kids into clubs and activities to get them socialized.
 
Hmm! I never herd of labeling the door of a class. At lease I've never seen it in any of the school I've gone to. I can however see that doing that can cause more trouble that what is needed.



I too was a STEM genius in school and everybody hated me for this. It doesn't help when peer pressure is ripping your self esteem apart.



I did the same thing. Droped out and got a GED. I wished I had done that earlier. it would've saved me a lot of pain in the long run. But then again, I wasn't aware of sensory issues ether. The real reason I never drop out earlier was because of ad's on TV telling you that if you don't stay in school that you are a loser. WELL F**K THAT!



How in the f**king hell can to expect your kid to develop social skills if he/she is constantly exposed to endless bullying and being at the absolute bottom of the pecking order. Have you ever seen the $h!t that goes on in school. Sorry! Seeing this $h!t really make my blood boil.



I too had 1 or 2 friends at school. Or so I thought. It's not until you go and eavesdrop on one of their conversation that you soon realize that all they are doing is using you.



I can vouch for this. I too was in a small rural school and when it came to bullying, things were a lot worse then going to a big school. In fact, I had a teacher that would encuraged the other students to bully me as well.
Yes, it was labeled with the teachers name and room number with "L.D." This was back in the 90s before schools started getting...sensitive. It may have not been as big as I remember, but it was a big deal because I was constantly made fun of on the bus and by the neighborhood kids.
 
Hmm! I never herd of labeling the door of a class. At lease I've never seen it in any of the school I've gone to. I can however see that doing that can cause more trouble that what is needed.



I too was a STEM genius in school and everybody hated me for this. It doesn't help when peer pressure is ripping your self esteem apart.



I did the same thing. Droped out and got a GED. I wished I had done that earlier. it would've saved me a lot of pain in the long run. But then again, I wasn't aware of sensory issues ether. The real reason I never drop out earlier was because of ad's on TV telling you that if you don't stay in school that you are a loser. WELL F**K THAT!



How in the f**king hell can to expect your kid to develop social skills if he/she is constantly exposed to endless bullying and being at the absolute bottom of the pecking order. Have you ever seen the $h!t that goes on in school. Sorry! Seeing this $h!t really make my blood boil.



I too had 1 or 2 friends at school. Or so I thought. It's not until you go and eavesdrop on one of their conversation that you soon realize that all they are doing is using you.



I can vouch for this. I too was in a small rural school and when it came to bullying, things were a lot worse then going to a big school. In fact, I had a teacher that would encuraged the other students to bully me as well.

In small schools, it would seem like there is even greater scrutiny and pressure to fit in with the fewer students. This might give a bully even more confidence to ostracize and control one who looked or acted different, thinking there would be less likelyhood of getting into trouble, as the victim could have less support from other students, teachers and school personnel. Smaller schools can have less cliques, and less cliques means more power to the bullies to run rampant, with lesser groups against them.
 
much like everyone else here, I too was bullied, but it gave me the necessary skills to be able to pass job interviews and get enough people skills function in the everyday world. without that . as of right now i am socially just not up to par, i can only imagine what it would be like if i never went to mainstream schools.

In school i had one freind whom i suspected with on the spectrum as well. we attended the same SpEd integrated class. She was my only friend from kindergarten to 3rd grade when my mom moved us across the city. from there i didnt have friends till the 6th grade. These people i remained friends with till junior year of highschool. they werent really my friends after all. just a somebody if you know what i mean. in highschool i was severely ostracized by my peers and i hung out with the other kids who were also deemed unworthy.

I stayed froms with that group for a few years, but we grew apart. sorry writing a book. summary. I never truly was apart of a group. I was never one of the girls, the one people called when they were sad, or the one they called to make plans with. I dont know what i was. I did have one good friend and we were friends for over 14 years. we split up after she invaded my boundaries and then put me on silent treatment.

I particularly excelled in music and art. I was never any good at math, but i greatly loved science. I struggled with english for i'm dyslexic as well. I was never diagnosed in a school setting and I currently don't have one now until september when i plan go get tested. I imagine i would of felt more like a whole person, than the defective one i thought i was. I was bullied so much is school i believed i was nothing.

I suggest finding a good charter school with a small class of 50 or smaller. if you go the homeschool route please do get your kids into clubs and activities to get them socialized.

Yes, in this thread we talked about socialization, and the importance of our children getting that more naturally through outside activities and interests they enjoy, and how schools are not conducive to socialization for students who are not able, ready, or wanting of that, when bullies are allowed to operate freely without monitoring and punishment. Those environments only worsens things for that introverted student.
 
I pretty much hated my entire school life, especially secondary school, if I hadn't made friends with my "ex" I would've walked out after the first day and told the "Experts" in the Council to kiss my arse because there would've been NO way I was going back there.
 
I'm going to keep this as short as I can. The short version is school was hard for me as a high functioning autistic (I didn't know until after school. This is due predominately to my inability to process emotion, sarcasm, and implications. I thought I was bullied, when in reality, I see now it was mostly light hearted teasing among friends. I just didn't get that.

That being said, home school would have destroyed me. Being social we difficult, but my hard time in high school set me further ahead by dealing with issues most don't deal with. School was like a test run for my life, like a training level in a video game. If I was home schooled, I probably wouldn't have friends, I wouldn't have gone to college (not that I finished my degree, but I did finish my associates, as useless as that is), and I also wouldn't have a job. The "pain", for lack of a better word, prepped me for real life, and I'm better off because of. I've taught myself (unaware I had autism) to analyze people and I spend a lot of energetic processing their words and body language.

To sum up, send the high functioning autistic child to school, and be there for him. Maybe find a good therapist that will work around your child rather than make your child work around him (could work for both children, but I am only knowledges and experienced with high functioning ASD).

I also have a reading recommendation I picked up recently that I do wish my parents had possessed when I was young. It's called Autism Behind the locked door, by Paul louden.
 
Dadwithtwoautisticsons replied to Goldenwanderer:

Thanks for sharing your experiences with school, and your personal beliefs about the benefits of school and harms of homeschool. It is always good to get a different perspective on things, as that is how I learn, too, from all points of view. I am glad school worked out for you, and I hope it works out for many other students, but I do have my concerns.

For all the reasons we mentioned in this thread, for our specific situation, and that others brought up, too, the benefits of homeschooling, for our children, far outweigh the benefits that would be gained at any school, and the risks less. As responsible parents, we cannot do just what the majority of parents choose to do for their children, but what we think is in their best interests, based on our unique situation and analyses.

I will elaborate more on some of your specific points though. I am not doing so to convince you that the path you chose was wrong, as it looks like things worked out for you, so what I say is to just give our views in general, or as pertaining to our children, depending on the issue you brought up. I am in no way getting upset at you, so if it sounds that way I am sorry. I just am trying for you to understand our situation more.

You suggested or stated the challenges from school and any pains from those experiences for those with high functioning Autism makes them more ready for life. But, firstly, that would make the assumption persons had high stress tolerance levels and would be able to work through that worsened stress, anxiety and depression. You may have had better stress tolerance.

Condition deterioration should not be occurring at school. I thought it was supposed to be a place to learn and grow. How can one learn and grow if their conditions are often deteriorating and their minds are not on their studies, but the bullying, unchallenging material, perceived rejection, and if accommodations are not being made in the environment that could help the child learn more?

These students could be feeling too much pressure to be like everyone else and fit in, when one could not be ready, wanting or able to handle such or be such. Students are forced into such an environment seven hours a day. That does not emulate real life as an adult. People can choose where they want to work, or to not work at all. They are under no obligation to work at certain places, be with bullies, or to please a company that thinks only about them. They can pick any job they want, or none, if they contribute in other ways and find someone for them that prefers to work outside the home instead.

Although you felt you were not bullied, maybe this was or was not the case. We do not know their intentions. Since when are people who are less social, or who look or act different in some way, not bullied, shunned and rejected at school? Many persons bullied resort to even suicide. The schools will not blame themselves, but blame their parents for condition deterioration. So, we as responsible persons are supposed to trust that the school system will prevent that, and admit to their wrongs, and make conditions such that the child will learn and grow?

We are really glad you made friends at school, but in more cases than not this will not occur to any great extent. The assumption is there would not be more enemies than friends at school, and that friends could not be made through home school. Nowhere in our thread posts did we say we sheltered our kids. If anything they are getting more opportunities to socialize, than school would give them, by them getting out in the real word and meeting all types of persons daily, instead of being near peers, and instead of sitting at desks or home all of the day.

They are getting hands on learning in so many ways, and learning naturally in so many ways. I rather have them learn in these ways, than in ways dictated to them, and to learn through their interests and talents, with more time devoted to that, and learn in ways best for their personalities, than in more boring ways. Yes, there are rules to follow at work, but we believe in some structure as well, but not the schools way of structure, that is too rigid and not individualized.

By focusing on our children being happier and finding ways for them to be more confident, and with less stress, and being more relaxed, and by having variety in our teachings, and by understanding and fulfilling their needs, learning styles, and considering their preferences, this would encourage creativity, maximizing their potentials, and socializing more.

Aaron is very social now because of his homeschooling. He is very polite and initiates conversations with all, and he plays with children regularly and interacts much with other adults at stores, other businesses, and wherever we go, besides the quality one-to-one interactions with each of us. He has a brother at home, too, to try to initiate communication with. Dylan, he is nonverbal, but that is not because of our lack of similar efforts. We are confident one day he will catch up to Aaron.

Speech therapy is not the miracle cure there for Dylan, as he has an additional severe hyperactivity component too. Aaron had 45 speech sessions at age two, and Aaron never opened up there, and was still nonverbal then. She taught in ways he hated, and under his abilities as she assumed he could not speak anything. Only away from her.

So, I started breaking things down instead and trying to think on his level, and knowing what he liked and did not, and teaching at his higher level and faster pace needed. Within a few months he started talking, and then he became more and more social as I could understand his desires and needs even more. We created extremely interesting social games.

For us, we teach not with the idea to learn because they have to learn, but as they want to learn. Also, we never teach with the idea some great profession is the goal. We teach things that make our children well rounded individuals, and good persons. The rest will take care of itself. Too often parents and society judges based on academia and jobs.

Whatever they choose to do in life we will be happy with, as long as they are nice to others and enjoying what they do, and as long as bullies are not tolerated there. We have taught our children at least twenty times more than what traditional school systems do, and yet, they still are receptive to learning more. They see teachings not as work, but fun. We are not lenient parents though, nor overbearing. We know the harms of that. We are constructive in all our attempts.

As for outside therapy, while those Autism students are in school and if they need such help, students should not need extra therapy if the school was doing their jobs and not creating worsening or static conditions. It reminds me once of a doctor that my wife had. My wife told this woman doctor that another man specialist was severely making her condition worse by his arrogant and too busy attitude whenever she tried making an appointment with him and saw him.

Her general doctor told my wife basically, "Please continue treatment with that doctor. You are irrational. He will help you." Well, yes, her mind was messed up, and it became more messed up whenever she saw that specialist or attempted to see him. So, it would have been a cyclic cycle. She would see the doctor. He aggravates her condition. So, she has to see him more, which worsens her condition more. That sounds like not a healthy and rational plan.

It was great you learned through analyzing others at school, as I did as well. I analyzed how they did not like me, accept me, and how they were different than me. But, that is not a good enough reason to be in school for our children, as if they could not learn to be social there, like their rigid rules that is geared to please the masses and not those with special abilities or need, and if bullying was tolerated, then school would create far more harm.

For those who read my last book, the last thing they would recommend is schooling and therapy for the kids, based on all the abilities we showed as parents and extensive things we daily taught them, and all the numerous failed medical experiences that were set up to take advantage of our special children. So,
I do not blame you for your views, as it was based on your knowledge of your situation, and some great analyses, but our situation showed we needed something else better than traditional school and therapy for our situation.

Thanks for posting your experiences though, as there can be some benefits of school if the conditions fall in line like that. Unfortunately, I am a cynic though when schools are involved. I just think generally they do things their way, and sweep things under the carpet. They do not individualize things. It is too much work for them to do that and show true care to those in need.[/QUOTE]
 
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You didn't get what I was trying to say at all. I had the worst of many symptoms mentioned, including many years of being suicidal. I apologize for not being clear, but I can't try to re explain Again. We aren't understanding each other. Good luck none the less, and if something I said did happen to help, great.
 
Hello. Thanks for your post. I understood the things very well, as you stated them. I reread your message three times before I replied. You said your problems at school were basically because of your condition, and not necessarily the others. You never elaborated on any school problems whatsoever, so how could I misunderstand that?

You said homeschool would have destroyed you, and you mentioned several reasons why. And so you were pro school and anti-homeschool, for your situation, based on what you said. I could not have misinterpreted that. That is your right to feel that way. I have nothing against that at all, nor am I against your opinions as stated, as I see it as your personal views. If you did not say things fully, it's ok. I can only reply to what I see, based on that information given and stated.

Similarly though, we as parents cannot be wrong, as I explained why we felt as we did based on our situation, and analysis. We have a right to feel as we do too. We gave numerous specific reasons why school was not for us, but why homeschool was. I did though at least say here and elsewhere though school could help others, and especially help the masses more. You gave the opposing side just focusing on the benefits of school, and saying nothing good about homeschool or to counteract now any of my valid points.

So, yes, we will disagree, as I look at all sides to issues, and see there could be exceptions to rules. I do not assume school is bad for everyone or homeschool is good for everyone, but I have not heard any open mindedness from you there. I have always said school could help the average student who fits in, but in no way ever will I agree school helps more those who are seen as socially not adequate, or who have social fear, or for students who have different needs or do not fit in.

You said you were suicidal for many years. So sorry to hear that. Whether school was or was not the reason, or just a condition, I am not sure. I just know bad school experiences with bullying can trigger those who are depressed to have more such thoughts, too. When was the last time you heard a school official say, "We are sorry we let bullies bully your child. It likely contributed to his suicide." They never admit to such. So, that is why we as parents are tough on schools, to clean up their acts. They surely can do much better, in numerous ways. Until others point these out, the status quo will continue.

By the way, I went to public school, and up to age eighteen spoke maybe a total of 200 words, all that time during those 13 school years. Very nice socialization. Just kidding, for those that are literal. I feared more, withdrew further, and started developing depressing thoughts, as even the school did not care. Had I had parents that cared, I could have learned tons at home and talked tons at home, to make up for that awful school environment.

So, I learned from your post, yes. I learned you had good experiences with school, and you would have hated home school.
 
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I dreamed of beating up a few bullies when I was in school. I wish I had the courage to do something then, like even if it was dumping a large bowl of taco sauce over their head during lunch. But, I had no trust in the school system, as I felt I would likely have been the one punished. Bullying seems to be swept under the carpet, even these days. Schools do not want headlines, yet they get more headlines when they do nothing.

Most Heads don't want to admit that Bullying happens in THEIR school.

It does though, in most schools, people have been saying for years that bringing back deterrents such as the Cane would solve the problem, but IMO it wouldn't.
 
Yes, school officials rarely will admit to bullying, but prefer to deny it or look the other way. Only when someone threatens lawsuit, will they even consider looking into it.

When I was young, we had two teachers who resorted to authoritarian teaching methods, involving physical punishment to discipline, like a paddle to hit on the bottom or ruler to hit the knuckles. That is not the answer.

It would be good to find out why the bullies are resorting to that. Do they have some undiagnosed condition? Are they being abused at home? Or are they just spoiled, mean persons? Regardless, they should not be in school until they get their behaviors back in control. One rotten apple can spoil the whole bunch.
 
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Consider cyber schools. Most have certified teachers, and some IEP students become smart and even get off their IEPs!
 
I will be a senior in college next year. Started school in 2001. I moved back and forth from Missouri to Kansas throughout my school years.

Early elementary school was pretty good. Like most aspies, I was hyperlexic and learned to read when I was two years old, so I was waaaay ahead of everyone else in preschool and kindergarten. In kindergarten, the teacher let me sit in the corner and read books while the other students did their work. It was great. The kids were nice to me, and I had a couple friends.

Before third grade, I moved to Kansas and transferred from a private to a public school. My third-grade teacher was not a nice woman; it was her last year teaching before retirement, and she was fed up with everything. If I wasn't looking at her while she was teaching, she would grab my head and twist it toward her. Fourth and fifth grade were much better.

Sixth grade was when things started going downhill. I became ostracized and bullied by people, including the kid who used to be my friend. He eventually turned into my enemy. I had a high respect for the rules, and this led to people making fun of me even more.

Then I went to junior high, which was awful. My seventh-grade English teacher was the worst teacher I've ever had; she would criticize everything I did and made me cry three times. She showed no remorse and made fun of me for crying. I got my Asperger's diagnosis in the middle of that year, and things got a little better after that because I had some accommodations.

I moved back to Missouri to go to a private high school where my dad teaches, and those were the best years of my life. I had a group of friends and I felt included. Two of them are very close to the spectrum if not on it, and I still talk to them. There was no bullying to speak of. I often ruminate on my high school years and wish I could go back.

After I graduated, I went to a community college in Kansas. This was terrible, but not because of bullying. I was very lonely and couldn't find any friends, and I was also obsessing over not being able to find a girlfriend.

Now I'm at a university in Missouri, and it's better than the other college. I have one friend, but I only got him because my mom told the access services counselor that I was looking a friend, preferably another Aspie, which he is. I live in a dorm room by myself, which is pretty nice. but I'm not having the best years of my life that people seem to glamorize college as. I'd still like a girlfriend, and seeing couples together makes me envious, but I've gotten over the obsession a bit.

College has been very hard for me academically. I have NVLD, so anything I learn falls out of my head, and I don't do well on tests that require a free recall format. I envy those here who had an easy time with school.

I don't know what homeschooling is like, but I would guess that it's better than regular school for people on the spectrum.
 

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