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Rage & Breaking Points

UberScout

Please Don't Be Mad At Me 02/09/1996
V.I.P Member
This kinda ties in with my post about me needing to be more submissive...Probably my most serious problem right now is I have anger issues that border on hellatious and god-awful. I went from kid screaming and kicking the ground in a time out spot to a four armed, masochistic demiurge of destruction in the span of only two years. I've been known to attack my stepfather who frequently only makes my anger worse thanks to his belief in "disciplinary negative reinforcement", which of course results in me crawling away with a black eye, bloody face, swollen cheeks or all three, and at one point what was supposed to be a slightly overpowered love tap turned into a faceblast which resulted in my front right tooth escaping my mouth (though he formally apologized for this and made up for it later on).

Getting back to the issue, my rage is getting worse and my breaking points are getting thinner! Allow me to explain the formula of how my anger issues work in my case:

The level of tolerance I have for something is indicated by what i call a "Saiyan Meter" in my mind. (If you've watched Dragon Ball Z before you'll understand what I mean.) As things continue to annoy and aggravate me, my "power level" starts to go up, and I've classified seven different power levels to indicate how angry I am:

Kaioken: Please stop. I'm not in a good mood.

Kaioken x2: Hey! I said knock it off!

Kaioken x3: Are you braindead? F###ING STOP!

Super Saiyan: Look what you did to me!
SSJ2: You want a piece of this, you son of a *****?! I will snap your ass in two!
Super Saiyan God: NOW YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR WHAT YOU DID!
Broly: RUN.

So yeah. I know, weird way to,put it, but thats the easiest way I can think of. Now for a list of some examples that make me angry:

Gaslighting: So you're really going to make someone else look good and make me look like the villain? Wow.
Condescending: You don't care? I'm using excuses? That's not the whole story? Screw you!
Shutdown: Hey! I'm talking to you! HEY ASSHOLE, I'M TALKING TO YOU!

Non-belief: I ****ing know what I saw, I'm telling you the truth!

Button-pushing: I tOlD yOu To StOp DiDn't I?!

Mimickers/Mockery: I do NOT ****ing sound like that.

Reasonless provocation: It was a mistake to (do X) to me just cause you feel like it...!

Help me...before I go to jail for this...
 
Your rage(behavior) is coming from your thinking. Change your thinking and your behavior will follow your thinking.

This is absolute fact.
 
CAN YOU LEARN BY ADVICE (WRITTEN- SPOKEN TEACHING )OR IS IT FEELINGS
PHYSICAL ILLNESS AND MENTAL ILLNESS TAUGHT ME
STILL NOT VERY SAINTLY IN THE CATHOLIC WAY
IF YOU COULD KNOW WHAT I LEARNED ABOUT ANGER YOU MIGHT NOT END UP LIKE ME REALLY STRESSED AND TORMENTED BY PANIC DISORDER
 
(Jumps through ceiling startled) Jesus Christ where the frick did you come from?!

Moreover I think its more of feelings...
 
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Information Break:

Typing in all capitals in forums is considered rude.
All caps - Wikipedia

If there is a vision problem, instead of using ALL CAPS
a person might try enlarging the over-all size of the font.

I am inserting this information in an effort to promote
understanding for members posting here. :)
Ill stop posting then
 
That is a hard situation. Anyone who gives you easy advice has either never had that kind of rage and only thinks they have because it has not reached that peak. I understand. It can get so bad that I am tremoring in my arms and if I were not some idiot pipsqueek of 5 foot 0, I would scare myself.

It can get so bad that the world would explode if it every escaped my body. I have been able to turn over objects three times my weight.

I have a lot of it under control now for three reasons .

1. I somehow tapped back into my faith. I dn't knw how that happened. That will not work for everyone, I know. It did not work for me for a long time.

2. I am old. Nothng reallymatters now, so why get pissed>? I am halfway to the grave.

3. I had a head injury. That helped. Believe me, it really did. I cannot ruminate anymore which is probably why I was able to tap back into my faith. I WANTED to tap into my faith before but cold not.

All in all, it's bee hell from the day one and I would never do this over again. In fact, I am looking into Dr Assisted Suicde to be done wiht it.
 
@UberScout, your stepfather is abusing you and you need to tell someone who can do something about it. Try talking to the police or social services in your area.

Seeing as you are a victim of violence it is no wonder you are feeling experiencing feelings of rage. I am not all that great at controlling unwanted emotions, so I will not pretend to have sound advice on the matter, but removing aggravating stimuli (i.e. your stepfather) is a good place to start.
 
I too feel like my rage could land me in jail ...quite a bit of late. I try to see void of emotion then take the next necessary step toward calm. This has meant lovingly detaching from people places and things that I feel angry around and that hurts and makes me feel very lonely. I believe I'm mostly angry due to an heartbreaking heavy hearted sadness in my core.
 
No...after my foresight I see...

...a fierce battle...the condition is if I win, he will accept me...

I see myself...closing in for the deciding blow...

That's all I see...
 
I agree with @Datura .... Your stepfather is ABUSIVE, and I get the feeling given that you just take it and don't see it for what it is and blame yourself that it has gone on for a long time.
 
I would like to know more background to this situation, having battled and still battling (but with better ammo) with anger issues myself despite maturity of years... what is your age by the way? I too had a stepfather but he wasn't generally abusive to me - in fact he was quite understanding considering that I was only diagnosed Aspie many years after leaving school! The medical pros didn't know how to classify me in all the years before that!

I'd like to help but would need a bit more info. Try to avoid the "triggers." We Aspies are often rather naive and submissive and then allow ourselves to be manipulated, or abused emotionally or physically. What is your relationship with your stepfather like generally? It's NOT acceptable that he should physically abuse you like that, whatever the circumstances.
 
Hi there,
It sounds like you're being gaslighted and your step-father is pushing your buttons. At the end of the day he's your father and should not be laying into you physically or emotionally.
Is there any other family that you have and can turn too?
 
Yes I am.

And no, I have no other family to turn to, nor do I want to run off now because had I done so I would have never discovered that my sister and I were Star Children, nor would I have met Amaterasu.
 
my stepfather who frequently only makes my anger worse thanks to his belief in "disciplinary negative reinforcement", which of course results in me crawling away with a black eye, bloody face, swollen cheeks or all three, and at one point what was supposed to be a slightly overpowered love tap turned into a faceblast which resulted in my front right tooth escaping my mouth (though he formally apologized for this and made up for it later on).

I think this needs to be said again: your stepfather's behaviour is dangerous. I don't know how the details of how he 'made up for it', but I am hard pressed to think of anything that would satisfactorily make up for that kind of violence against someone he is supposed to be looking after.

Sorry to bring this thread off-topic again, but this is important and I am concerned for you.
 

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