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Pissed off with staring women

Aura Todd

Well-Known Member
I go to a café in my local city and lately some women have been in there who openly stare at me and my parents. One of them dresses like a chave and obviously has no social skills at all (I'd like to smack her one) and is the worst of the group to stare, she's too old to dress the way she does, but that's her problem not mine. They get a drink in the café and stay for most of the afternoon blocking the table so that nobody else can sit their (not that they'd want to).

Their well known trouble makers and gossips, they bully another friend of mine, I'm a bit worried they will start calling me and my family names. I just blank them out and ignore them sad twisted loosers, my dad calls them a sad shower.

Can you advise me what to do if they cross the line? (Before I'm nicked for murder)

Thanks.
 
I may be misunderstanding, but it sounds like the only thing these women are doing wrong is staring? And you are worried they might call you names? (which seems a little hypocritical when you are already calling them names and judging them for what they wear). Why not just ignore them? Or if it really bothers you go to a different cafe.
 
I may be misunderstanding, but it sounds like the only thing these women are doing wrong is staring? And you are worried they might call you names? (which seems a little hypocritical when you are already calling them names and judging them for what they wear).

I think you are misunderstanding. She did also say they've bullied a friend of hers. The difference is in what she's doing is that she isn't being confrontational about it. We all make judgements about other people in our minds from time to time, sometimes unjustified - which is sad. Then there's other times when it is justified. When someone is staring at someone else they're just waiting to be given a reason to start their comments. That's what it's all about. Make even the slightest bit of eye contact with these f&@#wits and they'll start.

Although I haven't had the unfortunate to be in this position I've tested this theory out with people who have stared at me when I'm alone. Make eye contact with them and they think that then gives them the right to come over and make comments.

They get kicks off of being challenging to other people. My advice is don't rise to their tribal, spear-throwing type of behaviour. You're better than that. Ignore them as best as you can.
 
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It seems that all you can do is ignore them for now. It's sad that they bully your friend but as long as they're not doing anything to you or your family in the café other than stare, there's not much that can be done.

If it continues and it really bothers you, you could go in and try to speak to the whoever is in charge (preferably when the women aren't there) and explain that they already bully someone you know and that they make you feel uncomfortable and harassed. The café then might try to stop them coming in so often or at least not allow them to take up a table for extended periods.
 
If it continues and it really bothers you, you could go in and try to speak to the whoever is in charge (preferably when the women aren't there) and explain that they already bully someone you know and that they make you feel uncomfortable and harassed.

That's what I just thought they could do. They could ask to speak to the manager, tell them she has autism and they're getting uncomfortable stares from these people. It might be best not to ask them to do anything about it at least not at the that moment, but just make sure they're aware of what these people are doing. I'm worried though that if the manager does decide to do something about them these hooligans might make the connection.
 
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I think you are misunderstanding. He did also say they've bullied a friend of his. The difference is in what he's doing is that he isn't being confrontational about it. We all make judgements about other people in our minds from time to time, sometimes unjustified - which is sad. Then there's other times when it is justified. When someone is staring at someone else they're just waiting to be given a reason to start their comments. That's what it's all about. Make even the slightest bit of eye contact with these f&@#wits and they'll start.

Although I haven't had the unfortunate to be in this position I've tested this theory out with people who have stared at me when I'm alone. Make eye contact with them and they think that then gives them the right to come over and make comments.

They get kicks off of being challenging to other people. My advice is don't rise to their tribal, spear-throwing type of behaviour. You're better than that. Ignore them as best as you can.
Personally I think that talking badly about someone behind their back is just as bad as doing so to their face (I have been a victim of both, as well as physical bullying). If the staring becomes actual confrontatonal bullying they should report it to the police, as well as to the cafe manager.
 
When people stare at me I do a couple things . One, just go into my own little world and think HA! THey want to look at me? Their loss when there are so many nice things in the world and they want to look at trash. HAHA! THeir bad.

I also sometimes stare back. Not mean, just like my own stupid, sad puppy stare. I make sure not to piss them off. I don't need anymore punched to the head.

Usually I just don't have time to wonder about it or care. I have a load of sh** to deal with. If they want to stare and it makes them happy then OMG YOU MEAN I MADE SOMEONE HAPPY?!!! HAHAHAHAHA. I don't mind taking one for the univserse if it made someone happy
 
I've had people stare at me before. Really, all I did was ignore them. I agree with telling someone if they start to say something to you or your family. Like teasing or bullying you. Then it's worth a chat with someone who works at the café.
 
Personally I think that talking badly about someone behind their back is just as bad as doing so to their face

Hmm. Depends on the context of the talking behind someone else's back though. If it's about a friend then that isn't very nice. If it's a random person on a street it's not as important because you're not then having to mingle with that person on an every day situation.

But we need to make presumptions about people at times. It is a survival mechanism. It's can be the difference between getting beaten up and robbed by some gang you see in a back street or avoiding it, taking a different road and getting home safely because you may have the rule in your head that you should never judge someone by what they're wearing or the place they're in.
 
Thanks for your replies
but it sounds like the only thing these women are doing wrong is staring? And you are worried they might call you names?
Yes because they are making me feel uncomfortable, and are looking for an excuse to up it one level.

When someone is staring at someone else they're just waiting to be given a reason to start their comments. That's what it's all about. Make even the slightest bit of eye contact with these f&@#wits and they'll start.
Exactly :)

It's sad that they bully your friend but as long as they're not doing anything to you or your family in the café other than stare, there's not much that can be done.
No not really, my friend is easily taken advantage of, but these girls are in for a shock and are wasting their time with me.

Personally I think that talking badly about someone behind their back is just as bad as doing so to their face
Which is what they do, I have no plan to lower myself to their level what's so ever.
 

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