I’ll apologize in advance for the length. This is going to be long.
But certain family members, including my wife, think I might have Asperger’s syndrome or some form of high-functioning autism, since Asperger’s isn’t being diagnosed as of 2013, apparently. This has on-and-off been an issue since I was 28.
I’m on the fence about whether I could be autistic. I’ve taken a few online tests. One of those, my results were borderline, whereas the few others said I was most likely Neurotypical. I also did a test where I had to determine what the person was feeling based on their facial expression, and I scored 14 out of 20, which was said to be slightly above average. Autistics can, of course, learn how to read emotions in faces and online tests might not always be accurate, so I thought I’d post here and see if anyone can offer any insight into my issues.
SOCIAL ISSUES:
We’ll start with the big one. I’m an extreme introvert.
I work in retail and my job requires me to interact with strangers. I would be in the middle of doing one of my tasks and a customer would randomly come up to me asking for help. They can get annoying, but it’s generally not stressful unless the customer is being belligerent in some way. I don’t handle hostility or confrontational situations well at all. I can greet coworkers and sometimes will talk to them. I can sometimes ask to borrow certain things I might need though sometimes not.
Once I get home, unless I need to get something somewhere else, I’m probably just going to stay home for the rest of the night. My hobbies—watching movies or shows, playing video games, reading, writing, surfing the Internet—are solitary. Since I was 20, I’ve had various people that I’ve talked to online and that’s usually the extent of my social life. I’ve always been okay with this. I express myself better in writing than verbally. When I have tried group social situations with my wife’s friends or her parents, I usually just sat there and listened to everyone else talk to each other. I’d answer questions if they asked me anything. I’m horrible at maintaining conversations face-to-face, which is one of the things that is putting a strain on the marriage. I am really trying to work on this for her, though.
In the past, there were a few coworkers whom I could talk and joke around with and I genuinely enjoyed their company, though I never saw them outside of work and once they left the company, I lost touch with them.
I was slightly more sociable as a kid. A lot of my friends tended to be more bully than friend, though. My younger brother also said to someone else that people didn’t really like me; they just wanted me around to laugh at. By middle-school, it seemed easier to just shut myself in my room and read comic books or play video games or watch movies after school than it was to socialize. Less stress that way.
I had less impulse control and acted a lot goofier as a kid and I guess people found me annoying or thought I was stupid or something. I also had a severe speech impediment as a kid because my hearing as a toddler was horrible, so I couldn’t learn to speak correctly back then. It’s gotten a lot better through speech therapy now, but touches of it still linger and it’s something I’ve always been self-conscious about. I also had tubes put in my ear as a kid so my hearing is just fine now.
As an adult, my inhibitions are at the other extreme. Unless I can get to know someone really well, my life is a book where all the pages are glued shut. I don’t express emotions, sometimes I’m afraid to express opinions on things. I’m afraid that people will think I’m stupid or boring or annoying or that I’ll embarrass myself in some way and that once someone actually got to know me and who I really am, they’d hate me or something.
I do know how to behave in public and socially. I understand etiquette. A few people have even said that I was polite. Someone at work once said to someone else that I’m too professional. But social situations are still oftentimes scary to me.
I never had a problem being alone. And like I said, I do have the Internet to socialize on, and I don’t have a lot of these same social issues online as I do offline.
Continued next post
But certain family members, including my wife, think I might have Asperger’s syndrome or some form of high-functioning autism, since Asperger’s isn’t being diagnosed as of 2013, apparently. This has on-and-off been an issue since I was 28.
I’m on the fence about whether I could be autistic. I’ve taken a few online tests. One of those, my results were borderline, whereas the few others said I was most likely Neurotypical. I also did a test where I had to determine what the person was feeling based on their facial expression, and I scored 14 out of 20, which was said to be slightly above average. Autistics can, of course, learn how to read emotions in faces and online tests might not always be accurate, so I thought I’d post here and see if anyone can offer any insight into my issues.
SOCIAL ISSUES:
We’ll start with the big one. I’m an extreme introvert.
I work in retail and my job requires me to interact with strangers. I would be in the middle of doing one of my tasks and a customer would randomly come up to me asking for help. They can get annoying, but it’s generally not stressful unless the customer is being belligerent in some way. I don’t handle hostility or confrontational situations well at all. I can greet coworkers and sometimes will talk to them. I can sometimes ask to borrow certain things I might need though sometimes not.
Once I get home, unless I need to get something somewhere else, I’m probably just going to stay home for the rest of the night. My hobbies—watching movies or shows, playing video games, reading, writing, surfing the Internet—are solitary. Since I was 20, I’ve had various people that I’ve talked to online and that’s usually the extent of my social life. I’ve always been okay with this. I express myself better in writing than verbally. When I have tried group social situations with my wife’s friends or her parents, I usually just sat there and listened to everyone else talk to each other. I’d answer questions if they asked me anything. I’m horrible at maintaining conversations face-to-face, which is one of the things that is putting a strain on the marriage. I am really trying to work on this for her, though.
In the past, there were a few coworkers whom I could talk and joke around with and I genuinely enjoyed their company, though I never saw them outside of work and once they left the company, I lost touch with them.
I was slightly more sociable as a kid. A lot of my friends tended to be more bully than friend, though. My younger brother also said to someone else that people didn’t really like me; they just wanted me around to laugh at. By middle-school, it seemed easier to just shut myself in my room and read comic books or play video games or watch movies after school than it was to socialize. Less stress that way.
I had less impulse control and acted a lot goofier as a kid and I guess people found me annoying or thought I was stupid or something. I also had a severe speech impediment as a kid because my hearing as a toddler was horrible, so I couldn’t learn to speak correctly back then. It’s gotten a lot better through speech therapy now, but touches of it still linger and it’s something I’ve always been self-conscious about. I also had tubes put in my ear as a kid so my hearing is just fine now.
As an adult, my inhibitions are at the other extreme. Unless I can get to know someone really well, my life is a book where all the pages are glued shut. I don’t express emotions, sometimes I’m afraid to express opinions on things. I’m afraid that people will think I’m stupid or boring or annoying or that I’ll embarrass myself in some way and that once someone actually got to know me and who I really am, they’d hate me or something.
I do know how to behave in public and socially. I understand etiquette. A few people have even said that I was polite. Someone at work once said to someone else that I’m too professional. But social situations are still oftentimes scary to me.
I never had a problem being alone. And like I said, I do have the Internet to socialize on, and I don’t have a lot of these same social issues online as I do offline.
Continued next post
