Obsession, how others abuse me for it then make use of it

[Gomendosi]

Sorry if the title is not very informative but this a phenomenon that I have had to put up with all my life and I simply don't know how to title it, essentially people will put me down for my obsession then make use of that same obsession for themselves.

Let me elaborate:
The current one is downloading complete runs of old TV series, so I will happily tell people that I associate with, of my latest shows that I have "acquired", which invariable leads to me having to then sit there and put up with the derision and ridicule from people who must consider there own lives fuller than mine.
This usually consists of put downs and snide remarks slowly evening out into degrading my overall general living habits, for example, I just downloaded a show, and tell mother, or other such person I talk to, to which they reply that I am wasting my time, I will never be able to watch all these shows I keep getting and it is a waste of money being on the internet all the time.
Then it gets broader... "and you'll never watch all those DVD's you've bought either, why do you waste money on these things, it doesn't even make you happy so why bother"

Now it gets broader still but it sort of hones in at the same time to being more personal, like; "if you went outside instead of watching TV all day you might meets some women and you wouldn't be so moody all the time, like right now your getting angry, I only say these things because I am looking out for you", blah, blah, blah... then I tune out.

Now comes the flipside, these are the same people that will get me to download shows for them that I don't even like, they want me to buy things online for them with my PayPal and they will pay me back later (sometimes never), they ask me what shows I already have and give me a USB to put shows on for them, they ask me to put stuff on DVD for them, so they can watch it in style on their big screen TV. They insist I get new shows as they come out so they can keep up to date with them and then they get upset if I am late a day or so.

This sort of thing happens with anything I become obsessive about, I have mentioned a little of the same thing with collector cards in another thread
(no, I don't remember which thread).

But it isn't really just obsessions, because I have shouted coffee plenty of time to people and they will actively berate me about wasting money on coffee and eating out and providing lunch for them, "oh why don't you keep your money and buy something useful"... essentially making me regret being generous, then a day or two later while I am still getting over the latest barrage they will ring me up and ask if I want to go to lunch or coffee or whatever, and after I say yes its usually to the gleeful response of, "your shout".

See what I am getting at here? if they are going to put me down for something, I am a big boy so I will get over it, but then to turn around and utilise my obsession, knowledge, generosity or whatever, that to me is the ultimate form of hypocrisy. Now I have tried not associating with these people but it is most difficult when some are your own family, but after a while I usually give in because I don't like to be alone with myself for too long, I get cabin fever LOL

Do you have anybody that pulls this... this... crap, on you, how do you deal, what if you have nobody else and don't want to be alone, do you still put up with it, what if its your closest family or friends, how do you change or should they change.

Why does it feel like I am rewarding people for treating me badly. [Because I am]

 

[Ste11aeres]

I never thought about obsessions as being the type of thing people could take advantage of.

Some people just get a kick out of criticizing other people. That's not an NT thing, plenty of Aspies love to criticize. However, I think that Aspies who criticize are motivated by different reasons than most NTs who criticize. Aspies who criticize do it because they desire perfection.
For some NTs, criticizing can be a way of bonding. But it only works that way if the other person feels the same way, and they and the other person have built up a certain type of relationship with that peculiar dynamic, and the other person is on the same wavelength.
An NT blogger who used to struggle with friendships and social stuff (us Aspies don't have a monopoly on that) wrote about his attempt-gone-wrong to express affection for another person by insults, after watching that person and a third friend express affection in that manner.

"I noticed that my friends A and B had a tendency to express their fondness for each other via insults. ?Ah ha!? said my crafty little lizard brain. ?This is what friends do! I, too, will insult A, and let?s see whether we become better friends because of it.?
So I tried it out, but something went wrong. When I insulted A, he looked faintly hurt, and instead of responding with an insult of his own (as I had seen him do to B), he laughed uncomfortably and said, ?Ah, yeah, you?re probably right.?

I understood belatedly what A and B?s insults had meant. It wasn?t that they had made a conscious decision to express friendship via insults, nor was it that insults are the universal language of male friendship. This was just the particular shape their friendship had developed, slowly and organically, over the years of its evolution.
And my appropriation of their particular brand of camaraderie suddenly looked grotesque and desperate, because, unfortunately, it was." Retrieved from Catholic, Gay, and Feeling Fine ? Lattice

That was actually a digression, because I'm not saying that's their motivations in your case.

But it isn't really just obsessions, because I have shouted coffee plenty of time to people and they will actively berate me about wasting money on coffee and eating out and providing lunch for them, "oh why don't you keep your money and buy something useful"... essentially making me regret being generous, then a day or two later while I am still getting over the latest barrage they will ring me up and ask if I want to go to lunch or coffee or whatever, and after I say yes its usually to the gleeful response of, "your shout".

I think some ("some" is an important word because we shouldn't overgeneralize) NTs say stuff they don't really mean, or say stuff they do mean at the time that they say it, and then a few hours later, their thoughts have changed, they no longer mean what they said and don't even think about the fact that they had said it.

Many NTs say a lot of stuff they don't mean to be taken seriously, or don't mean to be remembered seriously. :stomp:----:skip: But us Aspies put great weight on every word.

 

[wyverary]

Study this word. Practice this word.

NO.

If you feel you are being taken advantage of, then you ARE being taken advantage of.

To quote a film I like:

Never ask for what oughter be offered.

 

[Wessicht]

Many aspies are very strict and rigorous in their thought patterns, myself included. As a result, we are more consistent and abhor dishonesty more than most regular people. However, 'typicals are more relaxed in their thought patterns, and maintain consistent behavior for much shorter periods of time. It's not that they can't enforce such rigor, but that they don't see the need to be as precise in their thinking.

The 'typical ones that you are referring too are probably not so concerned. They berate you because it makes them feel better about themselves. They take advantage of you because they want to watch the movies. They're not overly concerned about maintaining consistency between the two types of action.

Most people that I have known rarely think beyond the span of a week. And when they do, it is for work-related purposes, or for fantasizing about living in Japan or wherever. Usually, they have no plans to implement any of it.