Lurking in the chat room

[MrSpock]

I lurk, and I'm sure that others do too, but am not at all sure how many do. I'm also not sure about how this is viewed by others. The word "lurking" seems to have negative connotations.

I'm not really treating it all that differently from conversations with multiple people in real life. In a gathering of several people I'll often not say much until I have an idea or opinion that I consider worth raising. It seems to me that most of what people say isn't really worth saying for the literal informative content, however I'm beginning to appreciate that other people find value in conversation outside of the literal informative content.

It seems to me that the biggest differences between my chat room behaviour and real life conversation with many people at once is that when I'm in real life conversation I don't fade from view if I don't talk for several minutes and I'm more often addressed directly in real life.

Do you lurk in the chat room? Do you think it is acceptable or not? It seems a logical thing to do to me, but then I am aware (and since joining this site am becoming even more aware) that I have an unusual view of what should obviously be socially acceptable or not. I don't like the idea of making the chat room less comfortable for others who may be anti-lurking, that seems to me obviously unacceptable given enough discomfort compared to the greater utility of the chat room that may be granted by those of us who lurk.

With this thread I'm hoping to obtain a better assessment of the effects of lurking. It also occurs to me that some interesting and relevant things that I've not thought of may be brought up. Please feel free to post any relevant thoughts.

 

[Questella]

I don't know why anybody would care, it just means you don't have anything to add to the conversation and don't know what to say more or less.

It's a chat room, if you're uncomfortable with somebody you're not talking directly too seeing what you're saying to somebody else maybe you should move your conversation to private messages or chat.

 

[tree]

Lurk Definitions

1. to lie or wait in concealment, as a person in ambush;
remain in or around a place secretly or furtively.

2. to go furtively; slink; steal.

3. to exist unperceived or unsuspected.

4. Chiefly Computers. to read or observe an ongoing discussion without participating in it,
as on a message board.

the definition of lurk

 

[Questella]

Normally I'll go into a chat and sit for a bit to see if there is anything I can really comment on, see what they're chatting about but if no such opportunity reveals itself I'll just get bored and leave. I won't go in and just start randomly talking out of nowhere because in my experience that's a good way to get bullied and teased and made fun of.

Basically the same concept of the message boards except they're not in real time.

 

[kay]

Good question. I generally won't even glance at the chat room unless I really want to chat desperately. And when I do look and find the conversation isn't anything I could possibly discuss I leave, feeling like I was lurking and intruding. Perhaps I should lurk a bit without guilt. But it does feel weird.

 

[pax]

I've only been in the chat room once, to check it out. It was a bit like walking into a movie theatre halfway through the film, so not really for me. I can't keep up with chat, I think.

 

[SusanLR]

I agree with Spock and would wait until I saw something that I might really want to talk about. Hopefully I might glean some insights from what others might be saying. It wouldn't bother me. I'd just leave if I found nothing of interest at the time.

 

[wight]

I have observed the chat room here on a number of occasions in the past. It was a small group that obviously know each other and are engaged in endless blather, small talk or petty squabbling. In all of which I have no interest. I don't do it in real life, why waste time doing it on the computer.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

I have observed the chat room here on a number of occasions in the past. It was a small group that obviously know each other and are engaged in endless blather, small talk or petty squabbling. In all of which I have no interest. I don't do it in real life, why waste time doing it on the computer.

Maybe it's NT practice

 

[ladybug]

I read all the posts and topics regularly.... often I don't feel I have the 'right' to post my point of view as I'm NT... so i don't add to the thread... I feel that my point of view may be irrelevant to most (aspies) here.... and as I'm still trying to learn as much as I can (my son and parter are aspie) I say or add little.... but I read ALL the posts.... does that make me a lurker....?!?!?

 

[Nitro]

When the staff lurks in chat,some called it Orwellian

 

[Nitro]

I read all the posts and topics regularly.... often I don't feel I have the 'right' to post my point of view as I'm NT... so i don't add to the thread... I feel that my point of view may be irrelevant to most (aspies) here.... and as I'm still trying to learn as much as I can (my son and parter are aspie) I say or add little.... but I read ALL the posts.... does that make me a lurker....?!?!?

Post away,we need both sides of a story if we are to learn anything.

You have as much right to post here as anyone and I for one would value your input

 

[MrSpock]

@ladybug I created this thread to discuss the chat room in particular, the forums are completely different. Reading the posts without replying isn't lurking at all, please don't even consider that.

I agree with Nitro's post above this one, and might add that we on the spectrum are sometimes confused by how NT's think and in some cases we're not even aware that we are thinking differently. There is a limit to what we can learn by only talking with each other. I've read several of your posts and appreciate your input. If you see something in a different way than I do I'd like to know about it.

 

[Questella]

I read all the posts and topics regularly.... often I don't feel I have the 'right' to post my point of view as I'm NT... so i don't add to the thread... I feel that my point of view may be irrelevant to most (aspies) here.... and as I'm still trying to learn as much as I can (my son and parter are aspie) I say or add little.... but I read ALL the posts.... does that make me a lurker....?!?!?

I do this on most other forums I check on outside of here, I don't think that's considered lurking, just a way to gain information, if you have nothing to post or add then you don't need too. You don't need to respond to everything, I always have to remind myself of that here as well.

 

[Judge]

The whole notion of lurking having negative connotations baffles me personally. I see no issue with anyone who logs into chat without participating. It should be their personal choice as to whether or not they want to join in with whatever conversation is occurring in real time.

 

[Lady Penelope]

I can't work out how the chat room works anyway...
Many private conversations going on at once and I can't work out who is chatting to whom.

 

[ladybug]

@ladybug I created this thread to discuss the chat room in particular, the forums are completely different. Reading the posts without replying isn't lurking at all, please don't even consider that.

I agree with Nitro's post above this one, and might add that we on the spectrum are sometimes confused by how NT's think and in some cases we're not even aware that we are thinking differently. There is a limit to what we can learn by only talking with each other. I've read several of your posts and appreciate your input. If you see something in a different way than I do I'd like to know about it.

Thanks guys......!! I try to add, when I read a post that I think I have something to say..... but sometimes don't as I wouldn't want to upset anyone.... my situation (as you know) required me to 'strap in' on a huge learning curve..... I appreciate how overwhelmed aspies (not all of you...) can get with situations or comments that, perhaps an NT would not 'take in that way'.....
I, sometimes, now think and re-think before I say or bring up a subject.... I'll phrase it in a certain way.... and then ask 'what do you think.... (not feel ) about that......?'
So that any potential pitfalls can be avoided.....
It's not so easy to do on here.... as 'real life'.... chores, homework, laundry and all the joys of running a house with two grumpy teenagers.... two dogs.... an ex who makes my life, just awful at times.... a new job (big learning curve there...!)....and an aspie partner, means that I sometimes only get the chance to post early in the morn or late at night....
So to anyone whom I've been on a thread with.... if you don't hear right back, chances are I'm sleeping or running out the door.....!!!
But I really really like it here...

 

[icesyckel]

I'm not much on chat rooms. They were fascinating to me in the 90's for a minute. Anyway, lurk away. Anyone who cares that you're lurking needs to get a life (or at least a hobby).

 

[WildCat]

I used to lurk in the chat, now I'm a (somewhat) active participant. It doesn't bother me at all since chat can be slow at times and a little hectic here and there. Good for deciding whether or not you feel like participating in the first place, no harm in it whatsoever that I can see.

 

[Professori]

I lurk, and I'm sure that others do too, but am not at all sure how many do. I'm also not sure about how this is viewed by others. The word "lurking" seems to have negative connotations.

I'm not really treating it all that differently from conversations with multiple people in real life. In a gathering of several people I'll often not say much until I have an idea or opinion that I consider worth raising. It seems to me that most of what people say isn't really worth saying for the literal informative content, however I'm beginning to appreciate that other people find value in conversation outside of the literal informative content.

It seems to me that the biggest differences between my chat room behaviour and real life conversation with many people at once is that when I'm in real life conversation I don't fade from view if I don't talk for several minutes and I'm more often addressed directly in real life.

Do you lurk in the chat room? Do you think it is acceptable or not? It seems a logical thing to do to me, but then I am aware (and since joining this site am becoming even more aware) that I have an unusual view of what should obviously be socially acceptable or not. I don't like the idea of making the chat room less comfortable for others who may be anti-lurking, that seems to me obviously unacceptable given enough discomfort compared to the greater utility of the chat room that may be granted by those of us who lurk.

With this thread I'm hoping to obtain a better assessment of the effects of lurking. It also occurs to me that some interesting and relevant things that I've not thought of may be brought up. Please feel free to post any relevant thoughts.

I don't think it is lurking as much as observing with interest. However, I actually jumped the gun and thought you meant the forums, but have personally not bothered with the chat room. I prefer to chat face-to-face, if at all.

It is difficult to connect with a topic of interest - what is of interest to me is usually not interesting to others, and doesn't elicit much response. Perhaps it is age-related. Perhaps it is that most people today are quite self-focused and will only respond if it affects them directly.

So, mostly I think it is fine for anyone to just hang around, but really difficult if there simply is nothing to create connection. This is difficult for Aspies anyway, especially if one is introverted or melancholic.

I guess the question really is why bother with this group if there is no connectivity?