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Losing friends

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Hidden_1, Jun 18, 2017.

  1. Hidden_1

    Hidden_1 Member

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    Has anyone here lost a friend after having an Asperger's "breakdown"? (I forget the actual term) I have spent my entire life keeping my Asperger's well hidden. I always knew I had problems but I learned early how to "act normal". I found out about Asperger's a few years ago and eventually learned that my problems have always due to the condition. I still keep this from the few friends I still have and try to keep my "breakdowns" hidden. A long-time friend instigated an argument ( he was probably not serious) but the subject was one I'm passionate about. I cannot tolerate arguments and I usually just shut up and agree with the other person. In this case he was so wrong I could not accept his position. I was trying very, very hard not to tell him he didn't know what he was talking about so I just said "no". He kept repeating his statement and I kept repeating "no". My wife tried to intervene to get him to stop because she knew what might happen. Finally, I reached my limit. I slammed my hands down on a coffee table and shouted "stop arguing!!" My "friend" thought I was threatening him and jumped up to fight or leave. I tried to explain but he was having none of it. He left. Later he told a mutual friend and his sister that I was a crazy person and people should stay away from me. Needless to say I felt hurt and a bit betrayed. This person let it be known he wanted no more contact with me. Any thoughts?
     
  2. StephF

    StephF Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Obviously wasn't a very good friend. You are lucky he left. :)
     
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  3. Ambi

    Ambi Well-Known Member

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    I relate to having similar social issues. But my friends are NOT the kind to instigate me that way - that would instigate anyone - I leave those kinds of people to make friends among themselves. You are not a crazy person - that person was being obnoxious and not taking a hint. Those are my thoughts. The friends I do have are very patient and kind.
     
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  4. ZebraAspie

    ZebraAspie Well-Known Member

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    No if a person dousn't like me they generally don't from the start. I lost friends when I started having seizures.
     
  5. Tyrantus1212

    Tyrantus1212 An odd dinosaur. Yet a dinosaur.

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    I'm sorry this happened to you, Hidden. You said he was a long time friend; must feel terrible having all those years you've spent with him lost like that. Truth be told - it was his loss. A real friend would never genuinely call someone "crazy" and behave like that guy did. I never had much luck with friends, and have been taken advantage of and put down by some people I thought were my friends - but those people were not my friends to begin with so I never really lost them. This guy was never a true friend. A true friend will always be on your side, by your side, no matter what. A true friend will never ever turn against you, turn other people against you, or betray you.

    I've made around 3 good friends over the past couple of years; these people can tell that I'm eccentric but they would never put me down for that, and they enjoy spending time with me...it takes me a long time to start trusting people, but I trust them now after seeing what they're like. They always have the right answer to provide whenever I ask them if they think I'm weird. I'm lucky to have made any sorts of friends in the first place, not to mention having found them right around the corner - so now I get totally paranoid about losing them because of the way I behave socially; but when I'm in a good mood I just remind myself that it's been a couple of years and they're still there for me, and that they told me personally that they would always let me know if I ever say something offensive because they know that I'm a good man and that I just have very bad social skills; they know that I would never ever offend anybody on purpose.

    To this day they agree to hang out with me (not every weekend though, but I do ask every single weekend and text them every single day), but my psychologist recently told me to tone down on that. I'm trying to heed his advice before they start thinking that I'm annoying and get completely overwhelmed by my neediness.
     
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  6. WereBear

    WereBear License to Weird V.I.P Member

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    There are people who like to argue and get all bent out of shape when the subject of their arguing "takes it seriously."

    I don't think arguing for its own sake is fun, and in my opinion, he was not that good a friend if he didn't know he was pushing your buttons and making you upset.

    And if he did, he's still not that good a friend. What kind of friend argues until he's ready to fight?

    Diagnosis: jerk.
     
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  7. Soona45

    Soona45 Well-Known Member

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    Oh boy! Can I relate to this! Yes, pretty much word for word this has happened to me. I was undiagnosed until 2 months ago, I'm 28. I too had to learned quickly how to act normal. I haven't told anyone apart from my partner that I'm on the spectrum yet.
    My situation is I was doing my nurse training (not a good course for me personally) and I had struggled all my life anyway, then I had autistic burnout; Fatigue, sensory issues, anxiety, meltdowns, not coping. So I had to leave my course and my job. The two best friends I'd known for 15 years started being a bit off with me; complaining about me, making back-handed comments, doing things without me, talking behind my back. Then came the ignoring me part, some vague texts that seemed to contradict each other, when I tried to reply and explain I didn't understand they got really angry and told me not to contact them again. They have in the past told others that me and my partner were on drugs(which is a bit silly because we're teetotal actually). So yeah, very hurt and betrayed by their behaviour.
    This was in January, haven't heard from them since. Since I've thought about it in this time I've realised one of these friends always had a nasty streak anyway, she would use people who were convenient for her then dump them when she got bored(other people as well as me) so good riddance to her! My other friend seemed more genuine, but still she was always a bit judgemental and gossipy for my taste, plus to be friends for so long then coldly displace me isn't the actions of a good friend. I've wiped all record of them from my life now, just trying to look to the future.
    This guy you mention doesn't seem like he was too good a friend either. Hopefully you can move on from this. You've got your wife as support like I've got my partner.
    I'm really sorry you've had to go through this Hidden.
    Take it from someone who knows how much it sucks to be on the receiving end of such treatment.
     
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  8. Tyrantus1212

    Tyrantus1212 An odd dinosaur. Yet a dinosaur.

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    Reading all these posts just makes me believe in humanity less and less. It's dregs of society like all these "friends" that should be ditched and ignored, not us. Karma will come back to bite them, I can tell you that.
     
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  9. Ambi

    Ambi Well-Known Member

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    I hope you are able to find a course/job that is a better fit for you! I am in the process of trying to do this - I burned out as well.
     
  10. jamesaldrin

    jamesaldrin Well-Known Member

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    A long-time friendship ended just like that? I'm sorry.
     
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  11. Soona45

    Soona45 Well-Known Member

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    Sorry to here this, burn out is awful, I can't believe I felt that ill and exaughsted for so long and put up with it!

    My family pushed me into nurse training in the hope it would make more sociable. They detested me considering art and science fields. I'm not sure why? I think they wanted me to have a respectal/normal job. Of course I was young and easily led, so I thought yeah, I could manage it, I least they'll be exams I could ace and learn about the human body. But long story short it wasnt like that.

    I'm not sure what to do nxt. Thinking chemistry/pharmacy training or environmental science.

    Hope you can find satisfaction in your nxt job/academics. :)
    Here's to the future.
     
  12. Ambi

    Ambi Well-Known Member

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    Yes, my parents pushed me into the sciences, they wanted me to go into the health field - my natural strengths were in the humanities and social sciences. I tried over and over, but I totally burned out every time......and lost a lot of confidence in the process. However, I did gain more humility, empathy, and many life experiences during the zig-zag trajectory. Nursing would be impossible for me! I looked into it quite seriously a couple of years ago - as a result, I have a huge respect for nurses, but it would be terrible for me mentally, emotionally, physically - I wouldn't even make it through school. If you'd like we can PM - not that I have any genius ideas, but we may have some things in common :)
     
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