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Losing friends

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Hidden_1, Jun 18, 2017.

  1. Hidden_1

    Hidden_1 Member

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    Has anyone here lost a friend after having an Asperger's "breakdown"? (I forget the actual term) I have spent my entire life keeping my Asperger's well hidden. I always knew I had problems but I learned early how to "act normal". I found out about Asperger's a few years ago and eventually learned that my problems have always due to the condition. I still keep this from the few friends I still have and try to keep my "breakdowns" hidden. A long-time friend instigated an argument ( he was probably not serious) but the subject was one I'm passionate about. I cannot tolerate arguments and I usually just shut up and agree with the other person. In this case he was so wrong I could not accept his position. I was trying very, very hard not to tell him he didn't know what he was talking about so I just said "no". He kept repeating his statement and I kept repeating "no". My wife tried to intervene to get him to stop because she knew what might happen. Finally, I reached my limit. I slammed my hands down on a coffee table and shouted "stop arguing!!" My "friend" thought I was threatening him and jumped up to fight or leave. I tried to explain but he was having none of it. He left. Later he told a mutual friend and his sister that I was a crazy person and people should stay away from me. Needless to say I felt hurt and a bit betrayed. This person let it be known he wanted no more contact with me. Any thoughts?
     
  2. StephF

    StephF Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Obviously wasn't a very good friend. You are lucky he left. :)
     
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  3. Ambi

    Ambi Well-Known Member

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    I relate to having similar social issues. But my friends are NOT the kind to instigate me that way - that would instigate anyone - I leave those kinds of people to make friends among themselves. You are not a crazy person - that person was being obnoxious and not taking a hint. Those are my thoughts. The friends I do have are very patient and kind.
     
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  4. ZebraAspie

    ZebraAspie Well-Known Member

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    No if a person dousn't like me they generally don't from the start. I lost friends when I started having seizures.
     
  5. Tyrantus1212

    Tyrantus1212 An odd fellow. Yet a fellow.

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    I'm sorry this happened to you, Hidden. You said he was a long time friend; must feel terrible having all those years you've spent with him lost like that. Truth be told - it was his loss. A real friend would never genuinely call someone "crazy" and behave like that guy did. I never had much luck with friends, and have been taken advantage of and put down by some people I thought were my friends - but those people were not my friends to begin with so I never really lost them. This guy was never a true friend. A true friend will always be on your side, by your side, no matter what. A true friend will never ever turn against you, turn other people against you, or betray you.

    I've made around 3 good friends over the past couple of years; these people can tell that I'm eccentric but they would never put me down for that, and they enjoy spending time with me...it takes me a long time to start trusting people, but I trust them now after seeing what they're like. They always have the right answer to provide whenever I ask them if they think I'm weird. I'm lucky to have made any sorts of friends in the first place, not to mention having found them right around the corner - so now I get totally paranoid about losing them because of the way I behave socially; but when I'm in a good mood I just remind myself that it's been a couple of years and they're still there for me, and that they told me personally that they would always let me know if I ever say something offensive because they know that I'm a good man and that I just have very bad social skills; they know that I would never ever offend anybody on purpose.

    To this day they agree to hang out with me (not every weekend though, but I do ask every single weekend and text them every single day), but my psychologist recently told me to tone down on that. I'm trying to heed his advice before they start thinking that I'm annoying and get completely overwhelmed by my neediness.
     
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  6. WereBear

    WereBear License to Weird V.I.P Member

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    There are people who like to argue and get all bent out of shape when the subject of their arguing "takes it seriously."

    I don't think arguing for its own sake is fun, and in my opinion, he was not that good a friend if he didn't know he was pushing your buttons and making you upset.

    And if he did, he's still not that good a friend. What kind of friend argues until he's ready to fight?

    Diagnosis: jerk.
     
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