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Life Skills, Relationship or Career?

Dadwith2Autisticsons

Dadwith2Autisticsons

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
This has been reworded from the original post, so if anyone wants to answer, then you are welcome to.

If you had a choice between more than adequate life skills, a decent career and a healthy long term relationship, what order would you pick them?

The original post specified that you could be great at one, but fail at the other two.
 
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I'm deeply romantic, but as far as a serious relationship with someone goes, it all depends on the partner's mindset, which at mine age and up is unlikely to find, so I train myself to compensate loneliness and feel "ok", unless something shocking enough gets to happen. I don't know what to say about sex, guess there's a better place for that (?)

Therefore, I try best to focus on life skills and my career. I have been deeply disorientated in all three points, but I have greatly improved in the latter two. Thanks to my improved life skills, I had my "best" moment in a hobbyist teamwork, and there I have rediscovered skills that I denied my entire life for other anxious reasons, skills which have pointed my career in the right direction.
 
Keigan said:
@Dadwith2Autisticsons

Your question is for NT response.

There is no choice for us, there is only that which we can do and apply ourselves towards, based upon how our brain is wired and how much influence we have on ourselves.
Click to expand...

Yes, this was more a fantasy question. I realize those with many conditions do not have a choice (for those three things.) That is why I asked the question, as many persons feel frustrated. What one could value the most could differ from reality. In other words, I am trying to find out what they value the most, not what they will one day get or have, though efforts can be made in that direction. Granted, it may be hard to determine things if they did not experience all those things.
 
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The question seemed too hypothetical for me to
bother answering. Who would choose 'love' if
you have to be a loser at everything else?
Why choose 'career' as if it were possible to succeed
under a bell jar/in isolation? How could anyone
pick 'great life skills' and believe that would rule
out being able to love or work well?

I just didn't find the question plausible.
 
To put it simple: when the computer doesn't have a dedicated Graphics Processing Unit (GPU), for hardware-based 3D rendering, the videogames need to switch to software-based 3D rendering instead, with other code/libraries that have been manually written. The final output is (generally) the same, but in latter setup, the CPU will be much more exploited in comparison.

The code CPU loads for the game's logic is very messy in most cases. And when software rendering is the only available option, the next code for the video renderer could be deeply complicated, so much that sometimes it isn't possible to draw every frame on-time for the monitor's refresh rate (i.e. 60 frames per second in 60Hz display).
What can be done? Simplify, "optimize" code. Make the code "short" to execute without taking much time/effort, and some arrangement is well-appreciated (prevent mistakes). It's actually very common to have "bottlenecks", memory leaks, and sometimes double-analyzing and optimizing the code can mean a HUGE improvement, with little mere changes.
... I don't see issue with coding AND optimizing the "behavior software". I don't need to just stay with what I have, and what I learn doesn't 'need' to be hard to process.

Hoping I'm not ignorant, I don't think this is much of "fantasy" question.
 
I'm going to try this, but it might not be as you expect.

I'm going to go with great life skills because IF I had great life skills, I might have the ability to have a better loving relationship. However you did say that I would incur extreme difficulty. So, my guess is this first person would leave me and take all I had...

I would maybe re-marry and older wealthy lady who is incredibly intelligent (a professor type), she has to be intelligent, or I just don't want to be in a relationship. We would sign a prenup so I would never lose my ability to sustain myself again.

She would probably end up hating me, but she would love my life skills... And IF I had great life skills I would be able to retain normal information and obtain a ludicrous career, from which I would most likely get fired (because of the extreme difficulty warned of). However, the great life skills would allow me to start over because they were guaranteed great in every way.

So in this fantasy I would easily choose great life skills, but we are talking fantasy or I would have already chosen them : )
 
Thanks for all your replies, as I am starting to understand some things clearer.
Chance said:
I'm going to try this, but it might not be as you expect.

I'm going to go with great life skills because IF I had great life skills, I might have the ability to have a better loving relationship. However you did say that I would incur extreme difficulty. So, my guess is this first person would leave me and take all I had...

I would maybe re-marry and older wealthy lady who is incredibly intelligent (a professor type), she has to be intelligent, or I just don't want to be in a relationship. We would sign a prenup so I would never lose my ability to sustain myself again.

She would probably end up hating me, but she would love my life skills... And IF I had great life skills I would be able to retain normal information and obtain a ludicrous career, from which I would most likely get fired (because of the extreme difficulty warned of). However, the great life skills would allow me to start over because they were guaranteed great in every way.

So in this fantasy I would easily choose great life skills, but we are talking fantasy or I would have already chosen them : )
Click to expand...

Thanks Chance for replying. As the question is worded, this apparently is creating difficulties for many other Aspies to answer, so I am sorry for that. As well, who wants to think their life is going to have much difficulties for those other two things. I myself do not take things literally, and love such type of questions, but that does not mean I am better, but just different. NTs would see this as a fantasy question.

So, if anyone wants it worded another way, let me know, and I would change the wording to fit Aspies language better. I would have no problem with that.

The reason I posted this is because I have no way of knowing what our sons will value in this world if they are following routines, or if society tries pressuring them to fit in. What is it that they really want themselves? By asking adult Aspies we could see what they place the most value on, this could give us some indication to what they may value most, thus lead us in that direction, too..

I myself would have picked life skills first, as I would rather have those (before) the other two, if given the choice what would be of importance first, as I have strength enough to be alone and do not define myself by my work.
 
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As an autistic, the best skill I can rock at is:
Appreciating myself the way I am, *especially* including my autism.

I never sit around sad that I'm autistic.
I never "feel bad that I don't fit in." I'm not *supposed* to fit in.
I'm also not designed to have it easy with relationships, buttoning a button, or speaking during stress.
While I work, I'm not able to be entirely self-supporting, because I was not designed to meet the neurotypical model of success.
And, that's okay. :)

I am supposed to be autistic. I'm here to indicate to society that square pegs are fine the way we are, and do best without being forced into those round holes.
I'm not going to ever fit into society's box. It's up to me to show that _there is no box._ Yes, society is designed for NTs. Things change as societies develop. Remember before there were curb cuts? Society is learning to appreciate our neurotype.

I'm supposed to have epic pattern recognition talents.
I am designed to have a childlike sense of wonder.
I'm supposed to have phenomenal hyperfocus, amplified sensory sensitivities, compelling special interests, and some amazing abilities that will only ever be noticed and recognized by those treasured in my inner circle.

Might it be nice to be smooth in relationships, have a career, and rock some awesome life skills? Yep. Love to ditch the meltdowns, too.

But, I'd rather be me, with the atypical skills I have. I'd rather be autistic. This is a beautiful neurotype.
 
Dadwith2Autisticsons said:
I cut down on the wording of the original post to see if that helps.
Click to expand...

Helps what?

People seem to be doing fine, answering the question
according to their own insights.

If what you really wanted was a rating scale, with
Career
Relationship
Life Skills
ranked, that is a different thing altogether, from
this highly unrealistic hypothetical set up. :)

The exclusion factor is too illogical for me to have
answered any way other than what I did.
 
Warmheart said:
As an autistic, the best skill I can rock at is:
Appreciating myself the way I am, *especially* including my autism.

I never sit around sad that I'm autistic.
I never "feel bad that I don't fit in." I'm not *supposed* to fit in.
I'm also not designed to have it easy with relationships, buttoning a button, or speaking during stress.
While I work, I'm not able to be entirely self-supporting, because I was not designed to meet the neurotypical model of success.
And, that's okay. :)

I am supposed to be autistic. I'm here to indicate to society that square pegs are fine the way we are, and do best without being forced into those round holes.
I'm not going to ever fit into society's box. It's up to me to show that _there is no box._ Yes, society is designed for NTs. Things change as societies develop. Remember before there were curb cuts? Society is learning to appreciate our neurotype.

I'm supposed to have epic pattern recognition talents.
I am designed to have a childlike sense of wonder.
I'm supposed to have phenomenal hyperfocus, amplified sensory sensitivities, compelling special interests, and some amazing abilities that will only ever be noticed and recognized by those treasured in my inner circle.

Might it be nice to be smooth in relationships, have a career, and rock some awesome life skills? Yep. Love to ditch the meltdowns, too.

But, I'd rather be me, with the atypical skills I have. I'd rather be autistic. This is a beautiful neurotype.
Click to expand...

That sounds like a good answer. I mean, maybe just let our children be themselves, and wherever that takes them, so be it. What they gravitate to is what they want. Not all Aspies will think this way though, as some are struggling. But, is the struggles because of societal expectations, or their own? Thankfully, our children seem fine for the most part, but we have no way of knowing for nonverbal Dylan if he wants to speak one day, for instance.
 
tree said:
Helps what?

People seem to be doing fine, answering the question
according to their own insights.

If what you really wanted was a rating scale, with
Career
Relationship
Life Skills
ranked, that is a different thing altogether, from
this highly unrealistic hypothetical set up. :)

The exclusion factor is too illogical for me to have
answered any way other than what I did.
Click to expand...

That is fine. We can word it that way.
 
@Dadwith2Autisticsons

That would be an entirely different thread.

Feel free to create a new thread, possibly a Poll
using that as a topic.

It will be interesting to compare the types of responses:
those from this thread and those in the Poll.
 
Warmheart said:
As an autistic, the best skill I can rock at is:
Appreciating myself the way I am, *especially* including my autism.

I never sit around sad that I'm autistic.
I never "feel bad that I don't fit in." I'm not *supposed* to fit in.
I'm also not designed to have it easy with relationships, buttoning a button, or speaking during stress.
While I work, I'm not able to be entirely self-supporting, because I was not designed to meet the neurotypical model of success.
And, that's okay. :)

I am supposed to be autistic. I'm here to indicate to society that square pegs are fine the way we are, and do best without being forced into those round holes.
I'm not going to ever fit into society's box. It's up to me to show that _there is no box._ Yes, society is designed for NTs. Things change as societies develop. Remember before there were curb cuts? Society is learning to appreciate our neurotype.

I'm supposed to have epic pattern recognition talents.
I am designed to have a childlike sense of wonder.
I'm supposed to have phenomenal hyperfocus, amplified sensory sensitivities, compelling special interests, and some amazing abilities that will only ever be noticed and recognized by those treasured in my inner circle.

Might it be nice to be smooth in relationships, have a career, and rock some awesome life skills? Yep. Love to ditch the meltdowns, too.

But, I'd rather be me, with the atypical skills I have. I'd rather be autistic. This is a beautiful neurotype.
Click to expand...

I get you warmheart...

I do know ASD is my normal. I know nothing else and if truly given a choice I would stay just who I am, but the NT life has been pushed on me so hard I guess it made me notice how weird I am to them. I also knew if I was to ever sustain myself (which I had no choice) I had to try very hard to fit in to a place that I don't understand real well sometimes.

Just thinking on this. I would never have a shutdown, or really a problem at all, if it not for the pushing and shoving of NT's trying to force their lives on us, to be like them... or trying to make their case that we are inferior. I don't dislike NT's. I just don't understand them, just like they don't understand us. What is different in my case, and many others is I certainly do not expect an NT to conform to my world in any way. I know they cant... I fully understand that. Sooo Why do they expect us to conform to theirs, thinking we can?

As far as Dadw/2 autistics... I admire him... He is trying to make a better world for his sons. No one cared one bit to make anything better for me, or a lot of us. So, I get it, and I get him and its cool.
 
Thanks Chance. I appreciate that. I was just trying to learn more about Aspies and what they personally want or need the most, so we can understand our Autistic children better.
 
@Dadwith2Autisticsons

I frequently enjoy reading your posts as you tend to provide good sound advice. Though there is always a separation in your writing that I see in an NT author of books, for you have experience through your relationship with your sons though you'll never live theirs lives as we do.

What follows is vitally and brutally honest... for is my opinion of which I value greatly.


Just like an NT, your original question was for an NT response, not getting what you were looking for you decided to change the rules of the game by changing the objective of the questions. What ever you do in life don't do that.

My original response, to your original question was direct and to the point because I had a fear that you were fishing for something else.... and you are:

Dadwith2Autisticsons said:
The reason I posted this is because I have no way of knowing what our sons will value in this world if they are following routines, or if society tries pressuring them to fit in. What is it that they really want themselves? By asking adult Aspies we could see what they place the most value on, this could give us some indication to what they may value most, thus lead us in that direction, too.
Click to expand...

Let your sons be human, for they are and you need to accept that. You also need to accept that while your intentions are good, you also can't cure them so AS or ASD.

Be their father, ask them what they want.

Want to know what we want the most - to be accepted, especially by those who are closest.
 
I think it is important and healthy for Autistics growing up to know:
"I am not a 'broken' neurotypical. I'm a *whole* autistic."
:)
 
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