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Is this garbage?

Is the information in this link valid/ scientific

  • Garbage

    Votes: 19 82.6%

  • Accurate

    Votes: 1 4.3%

  • Possible

    Votes: 4 17.4%
  • Total voters
    23
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I was not aware of my place on the spectrum when I got married 13 years ago. I learned about 3-4 years ago. My wife sent this link to me last night. She admitted it is a bad example but some points about the effects on those around Aspies are reasonable. I imagine it is difficult being an NT stuck with an Aspie. But I don't abuse or torture anyone. I am strict at times and get loud when agitated. I am reclusive and blunt, and i avoid social gatherings whenever possible.
Has anyone heard of this Cassandra syndrome? Is that a real thing?
 
That site and others like it illustrate the need for more and better advocacy and publicity in regard to the TRUTHS that are applicable to folks with ASDs, one of which is that an ASD does not automatically predispose one to commit acts of abuse and neglect. I sometimes get the impression that 'coming out' as an autistic person would carry similar social impact that coming out as a homosexual did years ago. I believe that public enlightenment due to advocacy, organization, and 'community' unity will help us as it is helping the LGBT community. I hope the day will come soon when such sites will be taken down almost as soon as they go up due to protests.
 
The times i get "so lonely I could die", I remind my self of the odds of me of meeting, mutually falling in love, and then spending the rest of my life with a woman like this.

There is one thing that has always bothered me about adult mental health diagnosis. The fear that one such as myself, may have multiple disorders with overlapping symptoms, making it hard to arrive at an accurate diagnosis. That I have had to hold so much back, that I can't not do it.
 
Ugh, it sounds like my son's father these days... I didn't find out about me until after we had a kid now everyday he's blaming me for everything, says I torture him and the kid, says everything about me is fake, tells me I'm the worst and any other girl would be better than me... just so ugh, anymore I just try to avoid him, work when he's off, we sleep in different rooms, do eat, watch tv, or do anything together. If we go anywhere together I always try to bring my BFF (the only one I can relate to on any scale in real life, she is epileptic and has some similar problems with people, jobs, because of it) so I can hang around her and not fight with him. :(

I want to try to go to therapy and support again, but completely secret from him this time, because before when I tried, right after I got my official diagnosis, he just blew up about it telling me how fake I am and nobody can help me because I'm not even real.

If he saw that he'd totally throw it in my face to prove just how horrible I am. Why I would never invite him to this forum, or even mention it's existence to him. It's becoming like my safe haven, here and World of Warcraft...

They have some complete inability to deal with or understand something different from them, worsening when they realize how different, and in turn just blame it all on the other...
 
I am probably the WORST person to talk about this. And this is in no way meant to be inflammatory. And it's probably only loosely related to this topic.

I exhibit abusive behaviors. I scream, I hit my animals, I threaten and verbally torment my loved ones, that jazz. I even went so far as to self-harm (Beating on and clawing at myself; Choking myself with a scarf) and threaten suicide a couple times.

Though remember: Not everyone is like the one bad apple you met. Sure, I fit the abuser bill. That don't mean *ever* Aspie does.
 
BrianaGiselle said:
Hi. I just read the intro: "at risk _yadayadablahblah_traumatic _X,y,z_" and that's enough for me to pull The Face.
While I will go back and read as soon as I'm done with this, here's what I think automatically:
Everyone is responsible for their own level of involvement.
Regardless of applicable classifications, a person's decision to remain in a relationship with another who's behaviors they find unfavorable or problematic is entirely their responsibility.
While the paper's observations may be true, it is also true that anyone can get out whenever they want IF they want to. The methods of out may not be pleasurable but starting IN is a choice.
Creating children with a person is also that person's responsibility. If one is involved with Aspie and isn't pleased I cannot imagine how they might believe adding children to the situation would be beneficial. Seems like a "misery loves company" application.
Syndrome. Is that what it said? Something something traumatic syndrome?
[Deep sigh.]
Is it not personal management ability failure?
Wellness Management Dysfunction...Syndrome.
Ok. I'll read now.
;-)
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That was my personal thought of it being a responsibility for the risk of choosing the courage of all relationships and blame for the fact it's often not diagnosed with those of us who are adults who got by. The losses hurt both sides.
 
Mia said:
I've read through a lot of these websites Rocco, pretty much all of them. One of the common patterns I see on these sites is a lack of understanding of asperger's neurology. An inability to compromise. People whether they have autism or not, have to act the way their N/T spouses want them to. If they don't they are being neglected or in extreme cases abused. And I'm not downplaying the abuse, but, abusing someone is not a trait of autistic individuals. It may be related to other things, as you learn about abusive behavior if it's happened to you personally. So there's more going on here, that hasn't been self-reported by aspies themselves.

One of many things that I've noticed with these 'autism hate' sites, are the extremes that they espouse. The NT partners are victims of aspies, yet, there is more violence and crime among people without autism than with it.

Note: Blaming others takes the burden of responsibility off the complainer.
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NT's think we insist on not compromising, because as far as they are concerned, we are the problem and they do not have to do anything.
 
I read the article and looked around their website. Unsurprisingly it is full of loaded worst-case scenarios. As an aspie, I can admit that the list of complaints can describe some of the ways I act when completely overwhelmed by negative relationship pattens, on my own part and on the part of my partner. My first reaction is usually to block the other person out until I can figure out what is going wrong; until I'm ready to dialogue about it. We can't get anywhere anyways if we try to talk while I'm still overwhelmed and he is still angry. Sometimes I can ask for the space in a decent manner; sometimes if the fight is bad I will just freeze him out.

But, if the aspie in question ALWAYS acts like that, and if the NT ALWAYS feels put upon and traumatized, then they need to admit the relationship is dead in the water and move on. It is stupid to cling to it to the point of traumatizing each other.

It seems like this website/organization exists as an elaborate justification and officially sanctioned pity party for people holding on to a bad relationship. If the NT's are being traumatized, they need to leave the relationship. If the aspies are so miserable in the relationship that they are shut down at all times causing them to act in these ways, they need to leave the relationship.

Just GTFO if you aren't compatible. Don't develop a martyr complex. If you are trying to stay together for your kids, there is a high likelihood you will doom them to a similar situation in their own adult relationships, as they will normalize unhealthy behavior patterns. You should divorce FOR the kids' sake.
 
And who is FAAAS? How come I've never heard of them throughout finding TMT for my daughter? No reference to it until now? and Sociopathy? Really? I find that true sociological sociopathy is a result of social constructs (an NT trait)... and sociopaths don't have problems understanding others' intent or understanding others' emotions, in fact, they do it rather well. I fail to see how AS and sociopathy can even be compared. I also feel I am rather empathetic.. am I wrong here? I've been told I don't reciprocate (a common complaint about me), simply because I forget social cues, etc... but to call AS cruel and abusive?!? ..... soooo, who is FAAAS and is it time to "circle the wagons?"
 
This is the kind of site that some NTs (even here on this forum) use as a justification for their bigotry and disapproval of NT-aspie relations. It's horseshit used to demonize people on the spectrum and paint the NT as the eternal victim no matter the circumstances.

By the way, the author's name "Aspergerhustru", is Danish for "Aspergers wife". Make of that what you will. :smirk:
 
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Well, one needs to be as objective as possible before rejecting claims outright because they hit at the specific group in which one fits I say this because I want to see if there is objectivity in the claims.

Now that I have made that statement, and read the article, it certainly lacks objectivity itself. Is there such a syndrome - specifically for Aspergers? Has this person ever been married to an Aspie, or even been in constant contact - really? Many of these so-called symptoms could result from any form of abuse or trauma, but one of my pet hates is to be typecast or boxed.

I dislike it severely when people form a list which supposedly relates to how Aspies behave, and in this case identify trauma as a result of experiencing that which is identified on that list. Does this person know what trauma is? Try living in the midst of people who claim to be 'normal' and yet behave as though they are complete lunatics, even subtly. I find that traumatic, and that is why I avoid those people.

And now she claims that Aspies traumatized others I wonder to what extent Aspies, and in fact perhaps most on the spectrum, are severely traumatized over time as a result of being exposed to, and even the thought of being exposed to NT behavior.
 
It is presumptuous for autistics to claim they know how NTs feel and for NTs to claim they know how autistics feel. The two types really don't jive with each other in the vast majority of marital relationships. Statistical data shows a significantly higher rate of divorce among NT/ASD marriages than among NT/NT marriages. What is the cause of that elevated divorce rate? I call BS on blaming only the NT for the marital discord. Perhaps all autistics should marry only fellow autistics and all NTs marry only NTs. That would reduce the bickering, finger-pointing, name calling and demeaning of each neurological type in those relationships and the proliferation of websites dedicated to NTs hating autistics and autistics hating NTs. It would make autistics feel "understood" at all times by their autistic spouses, NTs feeling "understood" at all times by their NT spouses, and facilitate more stable marriages for everyone. Why would an autistic ever want to marry an NT, given NTs' alleged inability to understand and empathize with autistics? Likewise, why would an NT ever want to marry an autistic given the social, communication, and other characteristics that define autism?
 
Mary Terry said:
It is presumptuous for autistics to claim they know how NTs feel and for NTs to claim they know how autistics feel. The two types really don't jive with each other in the vast majority of marital relationships. Statistical data shows a significantly higher rate of divorce among NT/ASD marriages than among NT/NT marriages. What is the cause of that elevated divorce rate? I call BS on blaming only the NT for the marital discord. Perhaps all autistics should marry only fellow autistics and all NTs marry only NTs. That would reduce the bickering, finger-pointing, name calling and demeaning of each neurological type in those relationships and the proliferation of websites dedicated to NTs hating autistics and autistics hating NTs. It would make autistics feel "understood" at all times by their autistic spouses, NTs feeling "understood" at all times by their NT spouses, and facilitate more stable marriages for everyone. Why would an autistic ever want to marry an NT, given NTs' alleged inability to understand and empathize with autistics? Likewise, why would an NT ever want to marry an autistic given the social, communication, and other characteristics that define autism?
Click to expand...

Speak of the Devil... :tearsofjoy:
 
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