I think that I have the same problem (my wife says that we do things my way a lot more often than her way), and I need to work on this issue myself. I will do the below items myself.
<Disclaimer: Of course not all of the below will apply to you.>
[1.0] Tell her how you feel in a physical love letter, and love note.
[1.1] Make a long list of all the reasons why you love her. Write prose about how you feel about her.
[1.2] Write her, by hand, an elevator sales pitch love note by condensing your list into a love letter no more than a page long.
[1.3a] Put the elevator sales pitch love note into a nice red (?) envelope (do not seal it so that she can keep it), and stick a sticky note on it that says “open my second”.
[1.3b]Or perhaps roll it up like a scroll, on appropriate paper, and seal it with wax . . . perhaps stamp it with your wedding ring.
[1.4] Go buy a romantic card, and condense why you love her into a few short sentences.
[1.5] Put this card into a nice red (?) envelope. Stick a sticky note on this that says “open me first.”
[1.6] Buy her favorite chocolate.
[1.7] Place some items that remind you and/or her of your dates back when you fell in love (pictures, postcards, tokens).
[1.8] Put all of this into a really nice red (?) gift box.
[2.0] Tell her that you would like to figure out what you can do in order to make her happy.
[2.1] Tell her that you accept her feelings and perceptions, and would like to learn more about them.
[2.2] Let her know that you (maybe don’t mention Asperger’s Syndrome) tend to learn and understand best with the written word.
[2.3] Tell her that you would like to listen to her feelings and perceptions, and would like to take notes so that you can better understand the situation.
[2.4] Tell her that she is free to see the notes, and to add to the notes if she would like.
[2.5] Actively listen to her feelings and perceptions.
[2.5] Do not try to solve any problems.
[2.6] Do not change the subject, let her have complete control over the topics.
[2.6] Use “yes, and” statements that show her that you are listening, and this is all about her.
[2.7] Do not use “no, but” statements to correct her, or try to fix any perceived problem.
[2.8] Later try to figure out the notes, and try to see if there are ways that you can approach things in order bring her happiness. Some of these things could be quite small to you, and at the same time be a big deal to her. Do these things, and be thankful that you found some.
[3.0] Later, maybe a few days later, when you thought about things, let her know what your thoughts, and what you think that you can do to make her happy.
[3.1] Again keep this all about her.
[3.2] Perhaps make a list of the things that are done your way, and a list of things that are done her way, so that you can see it visually.
[3.3] Concede to do some things her way (try to be 50/50 in quantity and/or quality of importance), but let her know that she would need to show you what she wants done, and that you would like to address these items one at a time to get used to them (perhaps a week or more per item).
[3.4] When she is done, then she might ask you about your needs.
[3.4a] If she does, then show and/or tell her your list.
[3.4b] If not, then wait a few days for a good time to approach her and ask her (very politely) when would be a good time to show her your list. Then show her your list.
The one where she asks why she would have to be the only one to "fit in" on this equation.
[4.0] Let her know that your brain is different, and that communicating with you will require a different approach than communicating with most other people.
[4.1] Let her know that your first reaction, more often than not, is to think literally. You may have to think about the situation and try to figure out if your interpolation is the correct one. Sometime you forget to do this, or guess wrong. This adds a second layer to the thought process that most people do not have.
[4.2] Let her know that you are bad at reading body language (compare it to bad vision).
[4.3] Let her know that you express odd body language that can be misread (lack of eye contact, not looking at people when they talk, and whatnot).
[4.4] Let her know that you think on the extreme logical end of thought patterns.
[4.5] Let her know that (in general, not directed towards anyone) you find it difficult to understand the method of thinking on the extreme feelings end of thought patterns.
[4.6] Let her know that both ways of thinking are okay. While the thinking patterns between thinkers and feelers can be quite different they are both needed by society, and are evolutionary and/or god given traits.
[4.7] Let her know that interacting with people can be draining because it takes effort (unconscious and conscious) to figure body language out, that sometimes you need to be in a state of rest, and that she is welcome to rest with you.
[4.8] Let her know that you can try your best to grow in these areas, if it is really important, but that growth may be extremely slow, and difficult.
"You need to seek help so you can be normal."
Tell the good story. Reframe this towards a good suggestion. Seeing a councilor on how to deal with Asperger’s Syndrome can really help. I have found it to be helpful in reducing stress via working though problems, having a different perspective, and forming a plan.
