Is Life Really Supposed To Be This Lonely

[HughG]

Is it hard for anyone else out there to find, establish or maintain friendships??? I'm aaaaalways alone, except when I go to church and I always feel depressed.

 

[The Penguin]

Indeed. I think I might have too much expectations for friendships though I'm not changing my ways.

 

[Judge]

For some of us, I'm afraid it is. At least perhaps for this particular incarnation of your mortal existence. Over the years I've failed in all my relationships, and have no real friends at this point of my life. Just acquaintances. And next to no family left.

I often reflect that the only real friend I had was as a small child. Others were just people who eventually let me down or simply drifted away which so often happens in adulthood with no real fault on anyone's part.

 

[Azul-Infinito]

What do you think is an ideal person that you could comfortably get along with and enjoy the company of?

Maybe if you know exactly what it is you are looking for, then you can start looking for it.


-Said the guy who has spent years of his ife in isolation.

 

[nowwhat]

I think life is mostly lonely for everyone. And most so-called friendships that NTs have are just social ritual. Due to excelling at my special interest, I had quite a few friends for a couple of decades. Now I have none. The friends I had were just people with whom to do what I enjoyed. There were no deep connections made, and no trust given. Everyone has gone away and I really don't miss them.

 

[Azul-Infinito]

Indeed. I think I might have too much expectations for friendships though I'm not changing my ways.

Dont penguins live in large rookeries with lots of other penguins?

 

[AustinTheAspie]

You're alone in this world whether you like it or not. Personally, I've grown accustomed to it; which is probably why I'm such a bitter person.

 

[RiverSong]

I've always had a difficult time with friendships. The longest friendship I've ever had has been with my boyfriend. We met online about 11 years ago, became friends, and started dating only in the last few years. But he's just as weird as I am so I think that's why we get along.

Otherwise, I've never been able to keep a friendship going past a year or two. This has been the case for as far back as I can remember.

Any friendships that I did have over the years have always been initiated by the other person. They will decide I'm their friend, much of the time without me even knowing this is happening until much later. It's never something that I've done as if I just decide I'm going to be friends with someone.

People will often stop considering me their friend once they've become bored with me or I end up saying something, unintentionally, that offends them. I tend to be too blunt and most people find that off-putting. Oh well.

Friendship isn't something that I necessarily want or need to be happy. I'm usually more than content being by myself. But sometimes I think that I should have friends because other people have them.

I don't really have any know-how for how to make friends. I can only think that finding people who share your similar interests may help in building connections.

 

[HughG]

I've always had a difficult time with friendships. The longest friendship I've ever had has been with my boyfriend. We met online about 11 years ago, became friends, and started dating only in the last few years. But he's just as weird as I am so I think that's why we get along.

Otherwise, I've never been able to keep a friendship going past a year or two. This has been the case for as far back as I can remember.

Any friendships that I did have over the years have always been initiated by the other person. They will decide I'm their friend, much of the time without me even knowing this is happening until much later. It's never something that I've done as if I just decide I'm going to be friends with someone.

People will often stop considering me their friend once they've become bored with me or I end up saying something, unintentionally, that offends them. I tend to be too blunt and most people find that off-putting. Oh well.

Friendship isn't something that I necessarily want or need to be happy. I'm usually more than content being by myself. But sometimes I think that I should have friends because other people have them.

I don't really have any know-how for how to make friends. I can only think that finding people who share your similar interests may help in building connections.

I think that generally speaking, it's easier for females to attract & sustain relationships than it is for males.

 

[HughG]

For some of us, I'm afraid it is. At least perhaps for this particular incarnation of your mortal existence. Over the years I've failed in all my relationships, and have no real friends at this point of my life. Just acquaintances. And next to no family left.

I often reflect that the only real friend I had was as a small child. Others were just people who eventually let me down or simply drifted away which so often happens in adulthood with no real fault on anyone's part.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

I didn't know how to maintain relationships outside of school or after that and college. For some reason I really struggle with the idea of seeing these people outside of the areas we meet. I'm going to learn how to do that soon though, I've made a good couple of friends at a peer group of mine and when I'm able to properly drive and have less anxiety because of it I'm going to see these people outside of the group. I don't want to do back to being lonely and only having Facebook as a line of connection between friends of mine who are drifting off. It does hurt me that I was never asked to go out by my old friends, I guess that tells me that they didn't necessarily value my friendship over other people they knew. But I know too that I need to do work on keeping their friendships going, so that's what I'm going to do.

 

[The Penguin]

Dont penguins live in large rookeries with lots of other penguins?

Other ones yes. Not this one. I been living alone since I moved out on my own at age 17. I'm 34 now so that is about 17 years living alone. Plus, I focusing my life living as a hermit.

 

[Suzanne]

I used to want a friend so much, but all that did was make me look desperate and I never came away with a "friend" and now, I just don't worry about it.

I am married, so not strictly alone, but my husband is out most days, at work, and so, on my own and have been suffering from crushing loneliness and not been able to figure out why, since I have always been fine on my own ( well, it has been a case of getting used to it, because of suffering intense social anxiety).

I try to fill my day with activities and listen to music that is upbuilding and happy and does seem to work.

My faith is my stronghold, because without my faith, I would probably take my life, since I could not deal with how my life would pan out. But my faith keeps a sort of foot in the door to social interactions and I can control how much I socialise and don't.

 

[Suzanne]

What do you think is an ideal person that you could comfortably get along with and enjoy the company of?

Maybe if you know exactly what it is you are looking for, then you can start looking for it.


-Said the guy who has spent years of his ife in isolation.

Always easier to give advice, rather than live by that advice ourselves. That is what I have found anyway.

 

[Mia]

Actually used to have many friends, acquaintances, over the years. It's one of those social indicators of popularity, the way it's supposed to be for all, apparently. Although my reasons for forming friendships were because I essentially had no family that I could do that with. Now, I'm happy not having too many people in my life. Not lonely anymore, not sad or broken up about it either. Don't really need other people, I have my spouse and that's enough. As I've read, Aspies only need one friend. And that's true enough for me.

 

[HughG]

Yeah, the 1 true friend I had as a child in elementary school, he and I just found each other on Facebook, but, as you can imagine, everything's different now. He's had some pretty serious life changes that make me feel uncomfortable.

 

[Judge]

Yeah, the 1 true friend I had as a child in elementary school, he and I just found each other on Facebook, but, as you can imagine, everything's different now. He's had some pretty serious life changes that make me feel uncomfortable.

Such is life. <SIGH>

I sometimes wonder had I found my early childhood friend online if he would even had remembered me, let alone want to reconnect with me. Probably not.

I tried reconnecting online with a former friend from work some time back and barely even was acknowledged.

Sometimes I want to say, "Adulthood spoils everything". Though in my case nothing was socially ever the same beyond somewhere between nine and ten years old.

 

[toothless]

i only meet my friends when i go to clubs,like the LGBT/intellectual disability social group or the gateway intellectual disability social club,or when i go outside of my apartment and i see my friends who all live here.
i tend to class anyone who talks to me as a friend so i dont know who truly is a friend,i have only ever had friends as an adult.

i dont have any interest in people, but at the same time i feel hypocritical as it is good knowing people who have similar difficulties,they back you up and you back them up,i am a very loyal caring person as a friend, i am just very ego centric and struggle to interact and come out of my own world so its hard to give my side of a friendship.

 

[xDominiel]

Life is supposed to be a constant struggle for survival in a very hostile world. It's a miracle we are as relatively safe and comfortable as we are. If nature had its way, many of us would be dead.

But really, it doesn't matter how things are "supposed" to be. What matters is what we can do to improve our situation.

 

[Chris Russell]

For some of us, I'm afraid it is. At least perhaps for this particular incarnation of your mortal existence. Over the years I've failed in all my relationships, and have no real friends at this point of my life. Just acquaintances. And next to no family left.

I often reflect that the only real friend I had was as a small child. Others were just people who eventually let me down or simply drifted away which so often happens in adulthood with no real fault on anyone's part.

I have said before that the aspect of a life with Asperger's that saddens me most is the dichotomy of a highly sensitive soul, who has the intellectual capacity to appreciate the myriad complexities of our incredible world to it's finest details, to be isolated so completely (by social difficulties) that they are unable to find opportunity to share it with anyone.

Judge, your voice is one amongst many here that help and support, but the kind words, level head, remarkable insight, tolerance and wisdom, that you share so selflessly and honestly would be a boon to any friendship. I cannot tell you how much I am saddened to hear that you feel you are still without real friends...

Regardless of our relative distance, and the fact that we have never met, I consider the kindness, understanding and support that you demonstrate so regularly here, to be as worthy of the term 'friendship' as anything anyone could think of to describe it.

You are clearly a friend to many people here, and I for one would be honoured to call you my friend.