I think Fun hates me.

[mw2530]

I think I'm hated by the concept of fun. I tried to plan a tiny two day trip, and it blows up in my face. I was going with my best friend (also one of my few friends). I was really looking forward to it b/c I literally have not done anything this summer but some family get togethers and spending time on my obsessions. This morning his step siblings' mom (I think his step dad's ex-wife) died very unexpectedly. Very tragic and very sad actually. Not sure that he knew her much, but he no longer can go on the trip. I just can't believe how terrible my luck is. It is truly unbelievable. Literally, one of the few things I've looked forward to in I don' know how long. I finally take some initiative to plan something and I get screwed over. This is probably extremely selfish for thinking this way given that another person has lost their life. But I can't help. I don't know the person so it hard not to feel anything other than pity for my ****** miserable life.

 

[Katleya]

Well, it's normal to see things from your own point of view, so don't beat yourself up over it. Plus, you are aware of the other perspective, so you're not a monster. I would have a "selfish" reaction too, and think of how it affects me, in the same circumstances (maybe tell your best friend you're sorry for their loss, though, in case you haven't already). It is tough luck indeed, but it's not a curse.

I'm very sorry you're not able to go on the trip, I would be all kinds of disappointed, pissed and angry if I were in your position, especially after having looked forward to it. Is there any way you can go bring someone else? Or do you feel like going on your own, if that's an option?

 

[lovelylana]

A rare instance when grumpy cat's outlook could be reassuring?

Sorry if I'm not appreciating the gravity of this situation. I really am sorry about your trip falling through. You're entitled to at least 1.4 days of bad-mood-grousing. or should I type? ->

 

[Sherlock77]

Is it possible to reschedule for a later date? In my experience most things can be in some way...

And I know the feeling, in January of this year I tried to book two days off from work as vacation days but the system wouldn't let me for some reason, even when I knew I had lots of days to use. As it turned out there was a system mistake (another story for another time).

I had tried to book off a Thursday and Friday, in my case I was able to give myself a one day road trip on Saturday, not what I was hoping for but better than nothing...

There might be hope yet, even where you don't see it...

 

[Keigan]

Go by yourself.

Do it for yourself.

Have fun by yourself. Create a story that you can share with others.

 

[mw2530]

Rescheduling is possible at some point. But it is difficult and a huge pain. Schedules don't jive all the time. A few things I could do on my own, but one of the days we were planning to go to Six Flags. So I don't think going to an amusement park on my own would be a whole lot of fun. We will see. Maybe I could go for a day if I can't get refunds. The drive might be good for me. My frustration is more from the cumulative affect of life dealing me **** over and over again.

 

[Tyrantus1212]

I too spend most of my life on family get-togethers (just me and my parents, whom I live with) and hobbies. We take a trip once a year. If I had to postpone a trip, I'd flip - even if it's for a similar reason. I actually had to do it once, for a week - and it drove me totally insane (I was still able to go, so it feels much worse when someone else can't). I ended up acting very selfish in this situation (and another one, where we ALMOST postponed) and I felt very guilty afterwards - in both cases. Still, it drives me insane since I'm a very plan-oriented person, very averse to sudden changes - plus I love taking trips just to get away from the vicious everydayness of the vicious everyday. I'm really not a happy person within the mundane reality.

Make sure to be supportive towards your friend of course, setting these feelings temporarily aside when you're with him. As far as the trip goes - I guess maybe go by yourself, or with someone else if possible, this year but go someplace else (since this specific trip is supposed to be for the two of you, thus making it a special friend trip), and then save this originally planned trip for a time at which your friend might be able to go? I'm sure your friend wouldn't want you to miss out on something you really want to do - and what you want to do is to just take a trip, right? So yeah - take a different trip this year and save this "special trip" for the two of you for when he'd be able to take it, and I presume no one knows that yet. Even if you take this other trip without him, you'll still be his friend and you'll still be supportive of him.

Unless your specific goal is to only have a trip with your friend, not on your own or anyone else - in which case the only thing to do would be to just wait and hope; you'll be a very good friend to him if you do this.

I'm thinking about taking a trip with my folks later this year and I'd go bonkers if it gets postponed (or...Dear God, I cannot say that word, ca...ca...) - rescheduling really is a pain, as well as the fact that I'm extremely bad at handling sudden changes - unless they're good changes. As last resort, I'll go by myself because I refuse to not go at all. There's no ca...you know. I am very persistent in the pursuit of happiness because I really need more happiness. I'm not a happy person most of the time and these trips...they bring out this sunshine that's always been hidden within me, they make me someone who's pleasant to be around! They make my anxieties nearly absent (some fleeting minimal ones might surface but they're negligible). I absolutely cannot miss out on that. Any trip-related change would just send me into a complete frenzy - or regarding just about anything that I ever look forward to.

 

[Suzanne]

You echo very much what I go through.

I have all these ideas about how to improve my life and always come up against a blank wall, that no matter which way I look, I cannot get passed it.

Just as a sort of comfort, I would feel exactly the way you feel and also, know that many NTs feel that too.

If a couple are invited somewhere and at least one is really looking forward to it and the other one suddenly gets ill, pretty sure that there is a huge element of: bloody heck, why now? And a cover over of extreme sympathy.

 

[mw2530]

as well as the fact that I'm extremely bad at handling sudden changes - unless they're good changes. As last resort, I'll go by myself because I refuse to not go at all. There's no ca...you know. I am very persistent in the pursuit of happiness because I really need more happiness. I'm not a happy person most of the time and these trips...they bring out this sunshine that's always been hidden within me, they make me someone who's pleasant to be around! They make my anxieties nearly absent (some fleeting minimal ones might surface but they're negligible). I absolutely cannot miss out on that. Any trip-related change would just send me into a complete frenzy - or regarding just about anything that I ever look forward to.

Thank you for your response! Yes, change is extremely difficult for me as well. Especially very sudden change. I think that is b/c we set up our lives very deliberately. When most everything in life is a struggle, you put all your energy into establishing good things in our life that we hang onto to get us through. And a sudden change upsets that entire deliberate system used to reach these very few good things we hold onto. Change is a threat to losing those good things, maybe even just temporarily, but is devastating when you have so few good things.