Dianafrances
Active Member
I am an NT. I have been in a committed relationship with an Aspie for nearly 7 years.
I noticed some things early in the relationship that were different. He did not tell me about his Aspergers until at least 4 years into the relationship. We shared common interest in sailing and he spent a lot of time teaching me and we became racing partners and had the time of our lives together. When i was researching and getting my brother diagnosed with Autism, Brian told me that he had Aspergers and he disappeared into the other room. I followed him and told him I knew he did, but it did not matter to me, I loved his just as he was.
Fast forward: 2 years ago I fell very ill with Lyme disease. To not burden Brian, and to get treatment, I came home for a short duration closer to my parents. At first we did not know what was wrong and it took over a year to diagnose me. Brian came to visit, and we talk 3 to 4 times a day. EVERYDAY.
Brian's home has mold in the basement. I cannot be around mold as that combined with Lyme will make me critically ill. Brian knows this. This past winter he told me he thinks he has Lyme and has been very tired after work and shares a lot of the symptoms I have. I understood, and although I missed him terribly, I did not pressure him to fix the basement. I offered to pay for it but he likes to do the work himself. He doesn't trust anyone else. So I am dependent on him removing the mold before I can come home to him.
Sailing/racing season started this past April. I have not been well enough since early April 2014 to race, but Brian has not been afflicted as severely with Lyme as I have. So he is racing twice to three times a week. Racing takes a lot of energy. So this past Wednesday he raced and went to the race results party. He called prior to going to the club and I was on the phone with a family member. I called him immediately after hanging up and instead of speaking normally his demeanor was mean. He said "Hey" instead of Hey darlin. Then he said "I feel like a dick standing around here talking to you". Well that did it. That set my anger off. I don't like being spoken to so rudely and crudely. I sent him a text that said while I sit home, he has energy to party and race, but no energy to fix the mold so I can come home. I told him that I was not his priority and it hurt me.
Well, that started the silent treatment. He called me and accused me of trying to make him feel guilty for going to race results and to "eff off". He hung up.
He has not spoken to me since. He ignores all communication attempts to work it out. I get one line reply when I said I was hurting and it was cruel to ignore me. He wrote "leave me alone". then the next say when I texted "are you ok" he replied "yes, I am upset and yet don't feel like talking" I then texted Saturday "is our relationship over" he replied "I am very upset and not ready to talk about it". I did not contact him Sunday, and I did not hear from him. I made a video of me talking to him and sent it today. I texted asking if he got it "I can't get it to open". I resent it in a different forum and no reply and don't think he has viewed it. At his lunch, when we normally speak, I texted "you can call". No reply no call. For the most part he knows I am hurting and suffering over the inability to talk with each other. I am clueless if I even have a relationship because he won't answer either way. This is incredibly painful to me.
Can anyone give advice or suggestions? I am in a world of hurt and I certainly don't deserve it. I have a right to get angry and become frustrated just like he does 20 times a day.
Thank you kindly for reading and I'd greatly appreciate advice. I don't want to lose our relationship but need to be spoken to without crudeness and lack of respect. And then ignoring me feels a lot like abouse.
I noticed some things early in the relationship that were different. He did not tell me about his Aspergers until at least 4 years into the relationship. We shared common interest in sailing and he spent a lot of time teaching me and we became racing partners and had the time of our lives together. When i was researching and getting my brother diagnosed with Autism, Brian told me that he had Aspergers and he disappeared into the other room. I followed him and told him I knew he did, but it did not matter to me, I loved his just as he was.
Fast forward: 2 years ago I fell very ill with Lyme disease. To not burden Brian, and to get treatment, I came home for a short duration closer to my parents. At first we did not know what was wrong and it took over a year to diagnose me. Brian came to visit, and we talk 3 to 4 times a day. EVERYDAY.
Brian's home has mold in the basement. I cannot be around mold as that combined with Lyme will make me critically ill. Brian knows this. This past winter he told me he thinks he has Lyme and has been very tired after work and shares a lot of the symptoms I have. I understood, and although I missed him terribly, I did not pressure him to fix the basement. I offered to pay for it but he likes to do the work himself. He doesn't trust anyone else. So I am dependent on him removing the mold before I can come home to him.
Sailing/racing season started this past April. I have not been well enough since early April 2014 to race, but Brian has not been afflicted as severely with Lyme as I have. So he is racing twice to three times a week. Racing takes a lot of energy. So this past Wednesday he raced and went to the race results party. He called prior to going to the club and I was on the phone with a family member. I called him immediately after hanging up and instead of speaking normally his demeanor was mean. He said "Hey" instead of Hey darlin. Then he said "I feel like a dick standing around here talking to you". Well that did it. That set my anger off. I don't like being spoken to so rudely and crudely. I sent him a text that said while I sit home, he has energy to party and race, but no energy to fix the mold so I can come home. I told him that I was not his priority and it hurt me.
Well, that started the silent treatment. He called me and accused me of trying to make him feel guilty for going to race results and to "eff off". He hung up.
He has not spoken to me since. He ignores all communication attempts to work it out. I get one line reply when I said I was hurting and it was cruel to ignore me. He wrote "leave me alone". then the next say when I texted "are you ok" he replied "yes, I am upset and yet don't feel like talking" I then texted Saturday "is our relationship over" he replied "I am very upset and not ready to talk about it". I did not contact him Sunday, and I did not hear from him. I made a video of me talking to him and sent it today. I texted asking if he got it "I can't get it to open". I resent it in a different forum and no reply and don't think he has viewed it. At his lunch, when we normally speak, I texted "you can call". No reply no call. For the most part he knows I am hurting and suffering over the inability to talk with each other. I am clueless if I even have a relationship because he won't answer either way. This is incredibly painful to me.
Can anyone give advice or suggestions? I am in a world of hurt and I certainly don't deserve it. I have a right to get angry and become frustrated just like he does 20 times a day.
Thank you kindly for reading and I'd greatly appreciate advice. I don't want to lose our relationship but need to be spoken to without crudeness and lack of respect. And then ignoring me feels a lot like abouse.
