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Featured I feel like a pariah in my own town

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by BradT, Jul 15, 2017 at 7:21 AM.

  1. BradT

    BradT Active Member

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    I want to tell a story, back in junior high. I became obsessed with this girl, I would call her house and hang up on her. I would drive by her house without her knowing and I would print out pictures of her editing them and repost back on the internet. This was back in 2001 and I have gotten help for it and I even apologized to her. I feel like she told her friends about it which were my friends too and now they don't want to be around me. It's like they are scared of me. I feel so awful and maybe it's time to move to a new town and start all over. I just want to know what causes obsessions? Can it be part of the autism spectrum? Do any other aspies feel like they are a pariah? I mean what can I do, I apologized to her and I still feel my old friends hold a grudge against me. I was also very immature back then, I didn't mean to stalk her, it just got out of control. I'm not a bad person. :(
     
  2. Sportster

    Sportster Aged to Perfection

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    As they say, "Been there, done that . . ." It's hard to say if your "obsession" with the girl was part of being on the spectrum. I became infatuated with a young lady and did pretty much the same thing. We didn't have the internet back then, but I did take pictures of her. To me, she was the "perfect woman." To her, I was "that creep." I believe the AS contributed to my inability to know how to socially interact with her, so my interest and admiration went way over the top. Perhaps you had the same experience and challenges.

    With that said, you may want to attempt to reach out to your old friends. Maybe they've moved on with their lives and their aloofness has nothing to do with the past. Still, if it is that difficult, then perhaps a change of scenery, a fresh start may be the best thing. I often lament about wanting to return to my hometown, but I've accepted the fact that I can't because of "my past." The key thing to remember is if you do choose to start anew, leave the trash of your past life behind.
     
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  3. Momo

    Momo Active Larrikin

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    I also agree with the fresh start idea, I have moved around a lot personally, and I find that as I get older and learn to adapt better this has been to my advantage as when I do become the pariah I just start anew. A change in town can't erase your past, but it means that you can have another shot.
     
  4. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member

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    I became obsesssed with a guy I went out with, but whether it is the difference between male aspies and female aspies, not sure, but not a soul knew. I kept it so quiet that not even my boyfriend knew how obsessed I was with him, well, not until several month's ago, now, he got back in touch, after nearly 30 years and for some bizarre reason, I ended up telling him, but he acted pretty much like always: keeping things to himself and just saying: they were mad times.

    If you have done all you can and they still act this way, then moving would be better all around. I guess some things are hide to forget and obviously what happened had a huge negative impact on her and your friends and thus, no amount of apologising will apease the situation.
     
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  5. Sportster

    Sportster Aged to Perfection

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    Well said!!! In some ways my past still haunts me, but I've learned from it and have built on what I have learned. It would be interesting to see how many Aspies have had similar experiences.
     
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  6. BradT

    BradT Active Member

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    You're right, but it's still very sad and pathetic that people would still want to hold a grudge.
     
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  7. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

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    Obsessions. Special interests. Those involving things, well...I suspect most of us would concede that's natural to most Aspies. Probably a good thing in most instances.

    However when an obsession involves people, not so much. Whether one is Neurotypical or Neurodiverse.

    Obsessions revolving around a particular person, I'm inclined to think that in most cases they don't end well. Stalking amounts to harassment and intimidation whether intentional or otherwise, and in various jurisdictions may be considered a crime.
     
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  8. BradT

    BradT Active Member

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    I never got in trouble, I was just a very mixed up kid back then.
     
  9. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

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    Indeed, sometimes it's no big deal, other times it's skirting the law. And then there's always the impression of it by unrelated parties. Not much you can do about that. People gossip. :(
     
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  10. Bolletje

    Bolletje Well-Known Member

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    They might not even be holding a grudge, but a reputation as a creepy stalker tends to stick. Doesn't go away because you apologized to the girl.

    Getting a fresh start somewhere else might be a good idea, if it's troubling you too much.
     
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  11. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

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    Even worse I suppose if one lives in a very small community where everyone knows everyone else. I always wondered how I might fare in such a place...for better or for worse. o_O
     
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  12. BradT

    BradT Active Member

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    That was so long ago though.
     
  13. BradT

    BradT Active Member

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    So their is nothing I can do for them to change their perspective of me? I've lost my old friends for good?
     
  14. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

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    When it comes to grudges some folks can hold onto them forever.
     
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  15. Bolletje

    Bolletje Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, but this is not the kind of thing people forget. Stalking is pretty serious. Even if you feel remorseful now, that doesn't change how people see you. They need to see and experience first hand that you're different now, but they'll need to want to give you a chance to prove it.
     
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  16. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

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    The thing people often keep in their minds are those incidents of stalking that lead to crime and even death. So for some, it's anything but trivial. Even if no one was actually injured.
     
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  17. BradT

    BradT Active Member

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    Maybe I'm not a pariah, maybe it's all in my head. I mean I don't even attempt to contact anyone.
     
  18. Alaska

    Alaska Active Member

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    Brad, moving is hard work and takes a lot out of an Aspie. If you being a pariah is something that is only happening in your head, you need to know it.

    I think it would be a good idea to attempt to contact someone and find out what you are dealing with. Before you go to the trouble and expense of moving, it is a good idea to try contacting several people even. You might not be a pariah and won't need to move to a other town.

    If you are a pariah, then move and get it over with. I hope it works out either way.
     
  19. BradT

    BradT Active Member

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    I decided I'm not going to move either way, I mean these were people in middle school, I had friends in high school and besides this is the town I was born in,they can think whatever they want.
     
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  20. Elizabeth

    Elizabeth Well-Known Member

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    If you feel that your obsession in a new place will make you a pariah, you should be visiting a stable Doctor. ☹️