1. Welcome to Aspies Central, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Featured I can't talk to my wife about my Aspergers

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by goneepi, Mar 13, 2017.

  1. goneepi

    goneepi Active Member

    Messages:
    26
    Joined:
    May 7, 2016
    Karma:
    +13
    She just can't handle it. If I point out something another aspie author has written about their struggles, and say, "Hey I relate to this, I thought I was the only one!" she takes it to mean that I'm miserable about everything in our lives, which of course I'm not. The bottom line is I can't bring up anything about this anymore, no new discoveries, no reflections. I have no friends I talk to. I'm just totally alone in all of this.

    I was just diagnosed this past summer and I'm 39.
     
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  2. nowwhat

    nowwhat Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    812
    Joined:
    May 29, 2013
    Karma:
    +935
    Not here, you're not alone. And I self diagnosed at 40, so welcome to the club.
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
  3. Ambi

    Ambi Active Member

    Messages:
    121
    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2016
    Karma:
    +94
    I'm sorry you're in that situation. I self-diagnosed at 38. My poor husband has to hear this kind of stuff from me all the time (the lightbulb moments), then I apologize after I feel I've been bringing it up too much - but he says he finds it interesting, or that it doesn't bother him.....I hope he's not just being polite, lol! But I imagine it would be very hard without that kind of support - it has helped me a lot. I think the support you find here on the forum will help you, too!
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
  4. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,214
    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2014
    Karma:
    +3,265
    It is similar with my husband. He is a bit better these days, but he still tries to compare, which is very frustrating.

    He also says: we all have work ons, so what is so special about you?!

    But this morning, I had my tablet in one hand and my cup of coffee in the other hand and I still spilled coffee and he just said: well, if you have aspergers, you are never going to get it right!!!! I am dreadful at muti tasking.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  5. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman Active Member

    Messages:
    134
    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2017
    Karma:
    +196
    You've found a good place to share.
    Another one for your list, have you been accused of just making excuses?'
    :) quite a popular one.
     
    • Agree Agree x 2
  6. goneepi

    goneepi Active Member

    Messages:
    26
    Joined:
    May 7, 2016
    Karma:
    +13
    Not yet. She's nicer than that. :)
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
  7. goneepi

    goneepi Active Member

    Messages:
    26
    Joined:
    May 7, 2016
    Karma:
    +13
    thanks. :)
     
  8. goneepi

    goneepi Active Member

    Messages:
    26
    Joined:
    May 7, 2016
    Karma:
    +13
    That's a thing - it seems mostly positive to me, but she takes it all as catastrophe. I mean, the tales may be sad ones, stuff about how hard things have been, but KNOWING this stuff now is good. She is overwhelmed I guess by the idea that there is so much she didn't realize was struggle.

     
    • Like Like x 1
  9. goneepi

    goneepi Active Member

    Messages:
    26
    Joined:
    May 7, 2016
    Karma:
    +13
    Hmm, I'm no fan of the "we all have work ons" thing, which I know is technically true, but still.

     
  10. Mia

    Mia Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    2,787
    Joined:
    May 27, 2015
    Karma:
    +5,769
    Welcome goneepi, tell my spouse all about it too, he was diagnosed two years ago. Discovered that I am autistic as well. He'll listen, but he's still in denial of the diagnosis.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 2
  11. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    14,355
    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2013
    Karma:
    +13,566
    I suppose for some it's kind of an assault on one's ego. I know in my own case it wasn't simple process of concluding I was on the spectrum. I tried to seriously and logically "debunk myself".

    But in the end, my own logic and ability to deduce my traits and behaviors won out. I got to a point where I couldn't deny any of it.

    While I don't see myself ever "embracing" my neurodiversity, I accept it. As they say, "it is what it is". And I am who- and what I am.

    And then equally that this can be an issue for spouses or parents or even in my own case a cousin who simply will not acknowledge her autistic relative. :eek:
     
    • Agree Agree x 2
  12. Persephone_

    Persephone_ Active Member

    Messages:
    29
    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2016
    Karma:
    +32
    NT here ...... She might need time to "digest" the new information of your diagnoses.....

    I am in a relationship with a AS guy, he is very dear and special to me; but to hear his news about he being an Asperger's wasn't easier at first..... and still creates some confusion from time to time...

    but yes...you have to work on it.....also your wife ..... we think in a very different way... we have to learn about each other ....that is the better way to go on.....

    :)
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
  13. goneepi

    goneepi Active Member

    Messages:
    26
    Joined:
    May 7, 2016
    Karma:
    +13
    I feel like she got a raw deal.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  14. Questella

    Questella Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    433
    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2015
    Karma:
    +285
    All of this but I'm a little younger and the girl... I tried to talk to him about stuff and stuff explodes... I've been just being very, very quiet... Quiet contemplation... I've been putting much more of my time to studying for work too so I can make some money so I'm not stuck all the time and can have some more freedom...
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  15. goneepi

    goneepi Active Member

    Messages:
    26
    Joined:
    May 7, 2016
    Karma:
    +13
    Man this just doesn't get easier, does it.
     
  16. Questella

    Questella Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    433
    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2015
    Karma:
    +285
    It's a personal growth time for me I'm trying to see it as...

    I often wonder what I would be like had I known back in the school aged days...
     
  17. goneepi

    goneepi Active Member

    Messages:
    26
    Joined:
    May 7, 2016
    Karma:
    +13
    THAT topic right there is a proverbial can of worms for me. OH TO HAVE KNOWN
     
    • Agree Agree x 2
  18. Adora

    Adora Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    745
    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2015
    Karma:
    +1,018
    I'm 34 but found out I'm on the spectrum at 31,I'm very sorry your wife is like that, My husband has been accepting of it in fact he told me he knew I was on the spectrum years before anyone else mentioned or picked it up in me because he said he didn't want to upset me,but he doesn't mind when it's brought up he actually told me he looked up ways online to help me not stress out or meltdown too often,but your wife seems to not want to acknowledge that you are on the spectrum and that would make anyone feel even more isolated.
     
  19. Azul-Infinito

    Azul-Infinito Active Member

    Messages:
    73
    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2017
    Karma:
    +63
    Maybe if you got a turtle with a little hat on it, then you could talk through him and she'd listen?

    Just spitballing here :)
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Funny Funny x 1
    • Creative Creative x 1
  20. goneepi

    goneepi Active Member

    Messages:
    26
    Joined:
    May 7, 2016
    Karma:
    +13
    Yeah that's hard for me to digest, but you're probably right. She doesn't want to accept it.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 1