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How Do You Show that You Care for Others?

DC1346

Well-Known Member
On-line I am extremely articulate ... but when it's person to person, it's very hard for me to move past my scripts. In person I rarely smile and I never offer hugs although I will (reluctantly) accept them from NT friends or colleagues.

How do those of you who are on the high performing autistic spectrum (Asperger's, PDD-NOS) show other people that you care for them?

Since I have managed to align two of my interests (history and food) with teaching Culinary Arts (which includes the history of the food service and/or the history of any given recipe that my class is preparing), I speak with food.

Four weeks ago, a rather motherly art teacher befriended me after the school's office manager berated me in public. Ever since then, she's made a point of popping by my room 2-3 times a week just to see how I am. I rarely tell her what I'm actually feeling because I'm really quite private and I don't want to burden her with my problems - but I do appreciate the attention as well as her offer of friendship and support. Even if I wanted to share my problems, I lack the ability to articulate my feelings in spoken words although I don't seem to have the same problem with writing. I suppose this is one reason why I find forums like this to be comfortable as opposed to joining a meetup group to meet people in person.

The art teacher will be on medical leave starting this coming Tuesday. She's having some outpatient work done on her knee to see whether her joint problems are a symptom of arthritis or if she might benefit from corrective surgery.

Since she lives with an adult son, I have made her 6 boxed meals which I will deliver tomorrow. Included among the meals are 2 each of: Shrimp Pasta Alfredo, Cordon Bleu with Pasta Stuffed with Cheese and Spinach, and Meatloaf with Mashed Potatoes and Brown Gravy.

Here is a picture of the Pasta Alfredo

20151004_111749.jpg
 
That's really nice of you DC to do that for a colleague, and those shrimp look perfect. Can practically smell the meat loaf and mashed potatoes, one of my favorite home comfort foods.

Have been cooking for a very long time, and I enjoy it, weekends are spent doing favorite foods and l like nothing better. I tend to do similar things with people to show that I care about them. Making meals, or bringing something to people's homes when they are ill or under the weather. It's traditional in my home town to make meals for the elderly and I spent many days making and delivering food to homes with my Mother.

Also do things like that for my spouse, and will find books he likes and make some of his favorite dishes. Meals like tortiere, roasts of any kind, he loves italian and I make a lot of curries for him. For myself I tend towards not eating a lot of meat, and like lighter meals, that are not so filling as he enjoys.
 
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Well I dropped off the food today and the art teacher's eyes started to fill with tears and she told me that I was a very dear, sweet man.

The emotional response made me very uncomfortable. So I mumbled something along the lines of "thank you" and fled.

I don't understand why women cry when they're happy ... or was she sad? Why would she have been sad? Surely these were happy tears?

I simply don't understand.

(sigh)
 
I don't think the reasons behind the emotion matter as much in this case. It was apparent that you did a wonderful thing for the art teacher and it moved her deeply.
 
Well I dropped off the food today and the art teacher's eyes started to fill with tears and she told me that I was a very dear, sweet man.

The emotional response made me very uncomfortable. So I mumbled something along the lines of "thank you" and fled.

I don't understand why women cry when they're happy ... or was she sad? Why would she have been sad? Surely these were happy tears?

I simply don't understand.

(sigh)
Tears are a way for the body to find a relief from the tension of emotion.
 
Tears are a way for the body to find a relief from the tension of emotion.

Really? How odd. I don't cry at all. Is this atypical for an aspie?

I suppose this is something I could put on my list of things to talk about with my next therapist.
 
Well I dropped off the food today and the art teacher's eyes started to fill with tears and she told me that I was a very dear, sweet man.

The emotional response made me very uncomfortable. So I mumbled something along the lines of "thank you" and fled.

I don't understand why women cry when they're happy ... or was she sad? Why would she have been sad? Surely these were happy tears?

I simply don't understand.

(sigh)
Both male and female will often feel two extreme emotions at the same time because one is counteracting the dominant emotion to keep it from being too overwhelming. A good example of this is when someone is holding a baby and there is a desire to eat it up as well as take care of it. Read that in a Psychology Today magazine.
She was just overwhelmed by your compassion and felt joy with a twinge of humility that made her cry, but evened out her feeling of someone who cares.
:)
 
For me it is hard to show people I care, but I do it by helping them with things, offering advice, and being friendly to them. I think it was awesome of you to do that for her. It sounds like she greatly appreciated it. It is the little things in life that speak, not so much the hugs and kisses. Although that is a way to show it. For me as an Aspie, I feel that hugs and kisses are useless, but the small acts of kindness that I can do show people that I really do care about them. Even if they are NT.
 
Both male and female will often feel two extreme emotions at the same time because one is counteracting the dominant emotion to keep it from being too overwhelming. A good example of this is when someone is holding a baby and there is a desire to eat it up as well as take care of it. Read that in a Psychology Today magazine.
She was just overwhelmed by your compassion and felt joy with a twinge of humility that made her cry, but evened out her feeling of someone who cares.
:)
If that's true, I wonder if us Aspie tend to only feel ONE emotion at time, and if this is one reason we are more likely to be overwhelmed by an emotion than are NTs (Some Aspies giving into that emotion completely) I wonder if for those Aspies who are almost emotionless, the emotionalesness is their psyche's way of dealing with intense emotion in the absence of the coping strategy of mixed/balancing emotion.
 
If that's true, I wonder if us Aspie tend to only feel ONE emotion at time, and if this is one reason we are more likely to be overwhelmed by an emotion than are NTs (Some Aspies giving into that emotion completely) I wonder if for those Aspies who are almost emotionless, the emotionalesness is their psyche's way of dealing with intense emotion in the absence of the coping strategy of mixed/balancing emotion.

Interesting. I myself have very little emotion. Although the base emotions are well known to me ... anger, fear, envy, and lust to name a few, I do not understand the "higher" emotions. The concept of love eludes me and I have never experienced joy or happiness.

This is not to say that I am depressed because I am not. My "base setting" is that of contentment and I am generally quite content.
 
If that's true, I wonder if us Aspie tend to only feel ONE emotion at time, and if this is one reason we are more likely to be overwhelmed by an emotion than are NTs (Some Aspies giving into that emotion completely) I wonder if for those Aspies who are almost emotionless, the emotionalesness is their psyche's way of dealing with intense emotion in the absence of the coping strategy of mixed/balancing emotion.
Brilliant idea. There's your PHD dissertation. :)
 
I'm not very good at showing emotion or affection either, and will usually do practical things to show that I care about them. I express myself a lot better in writing than I do to someone face to face.
 
I'm not very good at showing emotion or affection either, and will usually do practical things to show that I care about them. I express myself a lot better in writing than I do to someone face to face.
I prefer writing for precisely the same reasons.
 

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