Greetings from the USA

[EstimatedProphet]

I'm a late-40s author, attorney, business consultant, and dad (and Deadhead!) diagnosed with Asperger's/ASD. My diagnosis indicated a near-genius IQ, which I think explains how I was able to get along okay in life. But eventually I reached a near-suicidal level of burnout/depression from giving more and more effort to get less and less results every day. Seemingly in the nick of time I discovered what autism is all about and found the answer that eluded me for 40 years.

I've been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, social anxiety, ADHD, PTSD, all of that stuff. When I came to understand and accept I was autistic, in a manner of a day or two I felt physically different, and better. I had no idea of the stress I carried around every day dealing with the incongruities of life in a high-pressure professional setting.

After being diagnosed, I had a bit of an identity crisis. How much of my behavior was consciously passing, and how much was intuitive, the real me? The few NTs I told and my psychologist had no answers. Then when I realized that I had to teach my also-autistic 3-year-old son how to hug me, it hit me. NONE of what I do is intuitive. I learned every single thing and somehow keep it all straight, most of the time.

I'm writing two books presently. One is on behavioral economics, and the other is a semi-memoir on autistic burnout. I'm hoping for a 'hard reset' of my working life so my job doesn't kill me, and I want to do whatever I can to keep others from going through life like I did.

All of that being said, I don't take myself too seriously and avoid people who do. For better or worse I would never wish I was NT or change anything about my past. I hope to make some friends here because I've never met an Aspie in person.

 

[Brent]

Welcome to the forums

 

[tree]

 

[puzzlingbill]

Welcome to the site. I saw the Dead twice; one of them was supposed to have been Pigpen's greatest show. Still listen to them a lot.

 

[cory]

I saw the dead at Bonnaroo in 2002. Kind of. It was the last show of a three week music festival so....

 

[FreeDiver]

I'm a late-40s author, attorney, business consultant, and dad (and Deadhead!) diagnosed with Asperger's/ASD. My diagnosis indicated a near-genius IQ, which I think explains how I was able to get along okay in life. But eventually I reached a near-suicidal level of burnout/depression from giving more and more effort to get less and less results every day. Seemingly in the nick of time I discovered what autism is all about and found the answer that eluded me for 40 years.

Join the club! I too am in the same boat that you're in. At least you're able to make a career and have a wife out of the deal. I, myself, having a near-genius IQ as well, have none of those things, because autism has pretty much fried all my HR skills. If they had an IQ test for social skills, I would defiantly be at the retarded level

when I realized that I had to teach my also-autistic 3-year-old son how to hug me, it hit me. NONE of what I do is intuitive. I learned every single thing and somehow keep it all straight, most of the time.

DAMN! That realization had to hurt. Do you ever wish that you could comprehend that the meaning of a hug is?

I'm hoping for a 'hard reset' of my working life so my job doesn't kill me, and I want to do whatever I can to keep others from going through life like I did.

What I would recommend that you do is, if you want to do a "hard reset" on your life is, is stop being an attorney. Why? Because being an attorney is only gonna show you the evils of mankind and none of the good. And if you're already at a suicide level of depression, you don't need your job adding insult to injury. The job of being an attorney is best suited for your psychopaths and sociopaths, attornies/lawyers who are most cold-hearted, unempathetic and without conscious are the ones you can go in that courtroom and get the job done. Hell, I'd even hire Ted Bundy, if he was still around.

I don't mean to rip on you about being an attorney, I got nothing against attorneys in general. But it's got to be rubbing off on your conscious, the fact that every time you do your job. someone out there is getting hurt. And it's an unavoidable fact about doing your job.

 

[midlife aspie]

Freediver: I think it would depend on what kind of law he practices. He might be involved in tax law for example. Or personal injury.

 

[EstimatedProphet]

I saw the dead at Bonnaroo in 2002. Kind of. It was the last show of a three week music festival so....

"Kind of." lmao

 

[EstimatedProphet]

Join the club! I too am in the same boat that you're in. At least you're able to make a career and have a wife out of the deal. I, myself, having a near-genius IQ as well, have none of those things, because autism has pretty much fried all my HR skills. If they had an IQ test for social skills, I would defiantly be at the retarded level
...
What I would recommend that you do is, if you want to do a "hard reset" on your life is, is stop being an attorney. Why? Because being an attorney is only gonna show you the evils of mankind and none of the good. And if you're already at a suicide level of depression, you don't need your job adding insult to injury. The job of being an attorney is best suited for your psychopaths and sociopaths, attornies/lawyers who are most cold-hearted, unempathetic and without conscious are the ones you can go in that courtroom and get the job done. Hell, I'd even hire Ted Bundy, if he was still around.

Thanks for the reply! In fact I quit practicing law 8 years ago after plowing through 8 different firms in 15 years. I did commercial real estate and corporate M&A usually working at biglaw firms. Sadly I had found a great firm with wonderful colleagues, interesting deals, and proper environment (let me merrily tend to the details and otherwise leave me be), but then when the financial crisis hit, there were no more deals and therefore no more work. I've been self-employed ever since, which was great for a time.

Also I would say that the "most cold-hearted, unempathetic and without conscience" in the world tend to be the most "successful" in any industry, but certainly in law and politics!

I believe I have been able to acquire and use social skills because I've committed all of my energy into doing so at the expense of any other interests throughout life. And even then my performance is moderately good at best. But when one runs out of energy..........

 

[midlife aspie]

Also I would say that the "most cold-hearted, unempathetic and without conscience" in the world tend to be the most "successful" in any industry, but certainly in law and politics!

These people will ultimately be asked: "What did you accomplish in your life?", and when they sing their own praises about their lofty 'achievements', they will hear:"So you accomplished nothing." The law of karma must be satisfied. I continue to be amazed by the zeal with which people pursue earthly, and thus temporary things.

 

[Myway]

Hello and welcome.

 

[Marmot]

In life, and at Aspie Central: Some rise, Some fall, Some climb.........

Welcome to the station !

-Only seven shows myself, but of significant importance: I was at the LAST show.

 

[rule_follower]

Welcome, I practise tax law. I also wonder whether the legal field and some type Aspergers like traits are linked to one another. Good luck!

 

[EstimatedProphet]

-Only seven shows myself, but of significant importance: I was at the LAST show.

I never saw the Grateful Dead myself, having not boarded the bus until the late 1990s. Saw "Other Ones" once, "The Dead" twice, and Furthur around 25 times--Atlanta, Philly, NY, NJ, Red Rocks (!), and others. Love the people at the shows.

 

[WittyAspie]

Welcome! Since getting diagnosed with Asperger's I have asked the same question about how much is intuitive and how much I have learned. So far I have not figured out much of an answer.

 

[Marmot]

I never saw the Grateful Dead myself, having not boarded the bus until the late 1990s. Saw "Other Ones" once, "The Dead" twice, and Furthur around 25 times--Atlanta, Philly, NY, NJ, Red Rocks (!), and others. Love the people at the shows.

With all due respect, I attended just one Further Festival after Jerry's passing and I remember about half way in, bowing my head and saying softly to myself: "He's gone and nothing gonna bring him back.......he's gone". -And that, unfortunately was it for me

From a man who accomplished great things during his time on this earth, his final words to us all: "I will walk alone by the black muddy river and sing me a song of my own, and sing me a song of my own........".


Rhetorical question to all who read this: Is walking alone and singing a song of our own Aspie-esk, or a human trait, in general ??

 

[Rocco]

Welcome aboard I hope you enjoy the community here. I have had similar struggles.
"Every silver lining has a touch of grey..."

 

[EstimatedProphet]

With all due respect, I attended just one Further Festival after Jerry's passing and I remember about half way in, bowing my head and saying softly to myself: "He's gone and nothing gonna bring him back.......he's gone". -And that, unfortunately was it for me

From a man who accomplished great things during his time on this earth, his final words to us all: "I will walk alone by the black muddy river and sing me a song of my own, and sing me a song of my own........".


Rhetorical question to all who read this: Is walking alone and singing a song of our own Aspie-esk, or a human trait, in general ??

Just saw your reply....

Similar to Brent's last show and vocals in The Weight... "I gotta go, but my friend [the devil] can stick around...." Chills typing that.

I think everybody sings/whistles a song to themselves once in a while. I don't often, but when I do, it's usually My Sisters and My Brothers!

 

[EstimatedProphet]

Welcome! Since getting diagnosed with Asperger's I have asked the same question about how much is intuitive and how much I have learned. So far I have not figured out much of an answer.

Thanks! (Belatedly)

I've studied and thought about it and have concluded that NONE of it's intuitive for us.

 

[xudo]

Welcome! Your book about burnout sounds very interesting.

For better or worse I would never wish I was NT or change anything about my past.

I wholeheartedly agree with this.