I am getting so annoyed at not stop gossips. That's all people ever talk about it I've had at all day in the taxi, eating dinner etc. Though when I tell people to stop I'm the bad guy.
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Gossipiing
- Thread starter ZebraAutismo
- Start date
you'll discover if you sound preachy if you decide to tell them you DONT like gossip that you'll perceive a wall has gone up
i try to stay quiet and change the subject but people want to talk about themselves and they want you to agree if you DONT agree then they wont talk for as long
i try to stay quiet and change the subject but people want to talk about themselves and they want you to agree if you DONT agree then they wont talk for as long
The Penguin
Chilly Willy The Penguin
I find some people enjoy this stuff needs a better life. But it seems it entertaining for them for some reason?
Thanks for the info.
My theory, still at the Research & Development stage, is that it is not "instincts" that make NTs so good at social interaction; at least, not as much as we might think. Because look at the tremendous amount of time and effort they put into it; which includes things like gossip and celebrity discussion.
What if they are constantly practicing?
Why do we find it so boring? That might be a factor in why we don't have the skills. We can't make ourselves practice enough
The Penguin
Chilly Willy The Penguin
I prefer facts and the real thing. Fake information is useless for me.
Kirsty
ND
Yesterday, before I even started work, I went in to get a sandwich and sat down inside. My god, they don't half go on about all the drama. I feel like saying "JUST LEAVE ME TO EAT MY F**KING LUNCH IN PEACE!" Needless to say, I felt incredibly drained. Then I started work and they still wouldn't stop going on and on about other people.
I feel like that a lot.
w
a good place to eat takeaway is a church ideal aspie conditions very quiet if theres a lady chapel sit there it'll be really quiet
Questella
Peace, Love and all that good stuff
I've been told so many times in the past that it was very weird that I didn't partake in gossip.
I just don't see the point of it: it's unfair, usually based on theories rather than actual facts, it's not informative, it's not useful, and it's a waste of time. Why would I want to do that?
I really like Streetwise's take on the topic, I thought this was very useful information to know and take into account.
Now, I'm adding my 2 cents (and they're really 2 cents, because you all will laugh at the cheapness of the reference). A few days ago, I was forcing myself to do my monthly keep up on things pop culture, and I came across a gif of Nicki Minaj saying "Gossip brings people together" with what I assume to be a very satisfied smile, like she's proud of herself and thinks she's so smart or something, when really she's just being bitchy. BUT my main take away from that single gif was that hey, maybe that's why NTs love to gossip so much: it gives them a sense of belonging to the same group, and if I don't do it, then they won't accept me as part of the pack (which I'm fine with: I don't want to be with such people anyways). But at least, now I think I understand why it elicits such an adverse reaction from them.
I think our innate capacity to be different and accidentally point out their conformity and acceptance of dubious social choices is really too much to handle, at least for those who could be categorized as "low life" and trashy.
I just don't see the point of it: it's unfair, usually based on theories rather than actual facts, it's not informative, it's not useful, and it's a waste of time. Why would I want to do that?
I really like Streetwise's take on the topic, I thought this was very useful information to know and take into account.
Now, I'm adding my 2 cents (and they're really 2 cents, because you all will laugh at the cheapness of the reference). A few days ago, I was forcing myself to do my monthly keep up on things pop culture, and I came across a gif of Nicki Minaj saying "Gossip brings people together" with what I assume to be a very satisfied smile, like she's proud of herself and thinks she's so smart or something, when really she's just being bitchy. BUT my main take away from that single gif was that hey, maybe that's why NTs love to gossip so much: it gives them a sense of belonging to the same group, and if I don't do it, then they won't accept me as part of the pack (which I'm fine with: I don't want to be with such people anyways). But at least, now I think I understand why it elicits such an adverse reaction from them.
I think our innate capacity to be different and accidentally point out their conformity and acceptance of dubious social choices is really too much to handle, at least for those who could be categorized as "low life" and trashy.
Tyrantus1212
An odd dinosaur. Yet a dinosaur.
Cannot stand gossip - and I'm talking about either false gossip (can't believe that's not illegal, should be considered slander), or knowingly revealing some sensitive information about someone and urging people to pass it around.
Having said that, I have accidentally gossiped in the past. I don't have the ability to "read between the lines" so I've always assumed that divulging information about someone is fine as long as they didn't tell me specifically not to disclose it. For example, I found out that a coworker got engaged last year and so I told a friend of mine (he's a former coworker) about it; those two did know each other from work, but they weren't close. Then my friend texted the engaged coworker to congratulate her and I could tell on the following day that the coworker wasn't happy about that (I told her that I let my friend know, and obviously she already knew from his text). Then another coworker made a note as to how it's not always polite to divulge information to others; I made an argument that those two know each other, they're not strangers, etc. - but that was followed by the other coworker telling me not to assume, and stressed the point that they didn't know each other WELL so the assumption might not have been valid. It frustrated me to find out that I still gossiped because I don't like gossip at all, so that was awkwardly ironic.
I have done worse though - that other coworker from the previous paragraph, she invited me and that friend (aka our former coworker) to a diner to try out a board game she likes, and a stranger joined us. I revealed to the stranger the coworker's (first) name and the fact that she was engaged (yes, she's also engaged - I'm the only single one who's never dated) to this guy, having revealed the guy's name too - and the fact that we work in the software development field for a small company - thus revealing the name of the company. Just the name, not the internal work stuff! The guy was a stranger we just met and I already revealed to him quite a few details about my coworker. She gave me a similar lecture about divulging information on a later day.
Nowadays I try as hard as I can to remember the rules regarding "accidental gossip", unless I forget; it's pretty hard to drop a habit cold turkey I'd hate to admit.
Having said that, I have accidentally gossiped in the past. I don't have the ability to "read between the lines" so I've always assumed that divulging information about someone is fine as long as they didn't tell me specifically not to disclose it. For example, I found out that a coworker got engaged last year and so I told a friend of mine (he's a former coworker) about it; those two did know each other from work, but they weren't close. Then my friend texted the engaged coworker to congratulate her and I could tell on the following day that the coworker wasn't happy about that (I told her that I let my friend know, and obviously she already knew from his text). Then another coworker made a note as to how it's not always polite to divulge information to others; I made an argument that those two know each other, they're not strangers, etc. - but that was followed by the other coworker telling me not to assume, and stressed the point that they didn't know each other WELL so the assumption might not have been valid. It frustrated me to find out that I still gossiped because I don't like gossip at all, so that was awkwardly ironic.
I have done worse though - that other coworker from the previous paragraph, she invited me and that friend (aka our former coworker) to a diner to try out a board game she likes, and a stranger joined us. I revealed to the stranger the coworker's (first) name and the fact that she was engaged (yes, she's also engaged - I'm the only single one who's never dated) to this guy, having revealed the guy's name too - and the fact that we work in the software development field for a small company - thus revealing the name of the company. Just the name, not the internal work stuff! The guy was a stranger we just met and I already revealed to him quite a few details about my coworker. She gave me a similar lecture about divulging information on a later day.
Nowadays I try as hard as I can to remember the rules regarding "accidental gossip", unless I forget; it's pretty hard to drop a habit cold turkey I'd hate to admit.
Damned if we do, damned if we don't:
I had the same take as you on the fact that information can be shared, unless otherwise specified. Got in trouble once for this in college, and never did it again. So I started doing the opposite: if person A tells me something, I'm not telling person B, even if they run in the same circles. I'm not their press secretary anyways, so if person A needs/wants person B to know, they'll have to tell them (or let me know I need to relay the information).
Well guess what? Now people are calling me secretive and manipulative, because apparently I take in all of the personal info and never repeat it, that way I have leverage over people who confide in me.
I think some people are delusional and clearly overestimating my skills as a spy. And I suppose it also reflects their nature? But what's the right way to go about it?
As for your other colleague, this is a wild guess, but perhaps a factor was that the stranger was a man, and she isn't, and a lot of women are more cautious with even "basic" info than men would be. Sadly, often it is because we need to. I haven't given my real first name in a bar, restaurant or anything of the type to any strangers.
On that note, but less creepy and more fun: I once had a 2 months internship that meant I would be living in a college dorm. It was co-ed. The first time I met my next door neighbor was fairly unusual; our rooms were at the end of the hallway, a little secluded, and he was in the kitchen when I passed by, not stopping. But the guy sees a young woman he doesn't know (that would be me) walk past that door, and what does he do? Jump out the kitchen and run after me to introduce himself. Literally run after me... still holding the big knife he was using. So when he asked my name, I just went with "Theresa" (that is not even close to my name. I don't know any Theresas. I don't know why THAT came out). A week after, he was so happy to introduce me to another Theresa he'd just met. I still wonder if that was her fake name too, and if Theresa is like the unofficial codename when you don't want people to know who you are?
I had the same take as you on the fact that information can be shared, unless otherwise specified. Got in trouble once for this in college, and never did it again. So I started doing the opposite: if person A tells me something, I'm not telling person B, even if they run in the same circles. I'm not their press secretary anyways, so if person A needs/wants person B to know, they'll have to tell them (or let me know I need to relay the information).
Well guess what? Now people are calling me secretive and manipulative, because apparently I take in all of the personal info and never repeat it, that way I have leverage over people who confide in me.
I think some people are delusional and clearly overestimating my skills as a spy. And I suppose it also reflects their nature? But what's the right way to go about it?
As for your other colleague, this is a wild guess, but perhaps a factor was that the stranger was a man, and she isn't, and a lot of women are more cautious with even "basic" info than men would be. Sadly, often it is because we need to. I haven't given my real first name in a bar, restaurant or anything of the type to any strangers.
On that note, but less creepy and more fun: I once had a 2 months internship that meant I would be living in a college dorm. It was co-ed. The first time I met my next door neighbor was fairly unusual; our rooms were at the end of the hallway, a little secluded, and he was in the kitchen when I passed by, not stopping. But the guy sees a young woman he doesn't know (that would be me) walk past that door, and what does he do? Jump out the kitchen and run after me to introduce himself. Literally run after me... still holding the big knife he was using. So when he asked my name, I just went with "Theresa" (that is not even close to my name. I don't know any Theresas. I don't know why THAT came out). A week after, he was so happy to introduce me to another Theresa he'd just met. I still wonder if that was her fake name too, and if Theresa is like the unofficial codename when you don't want people to know who you are?
I remember this from going to Catholic school you could eat in the pray room or the peace garden if you needed a people break.
I struggle so much to block people out however hard I try I can still here everyrhing.
Some NTs gossip; other NTs hate it. The need to gossip seems to be driven by personality, not neural status. My HFA sister-in-law is the most hateful gossip I've ever met. She attempts to use gossip and threats of telling confidential information to others in order to manipulate people. She has posted so much hateful gossip on her Facebook page that virtually everyone I know has blocked her and refuse to have anything to do with her.
I absolutely cannot stand it. Just "being" isn't good enough for them, so they decide to spread all these unsubstantiated lies and rumors about people that aren't even close to true. Their mouths run faster than their brains sometimes...incredibly frustrating, especially when you become the next target.
I think these kinds of people could use a good frying pan or two on the head to knock some sense into them.
Oh, that's flat out hilarious to me and then: wait, so two humans pulling each other's hair out over a bunch of childish gossip? That's the way the world spins I suppose...
I think these kinds of people could use a good frying pan or two on the head to knock some sense into them.
Oh, that's flat out hilarious to me
and then: wait, so two humans pulling each other's hair out over a bunch of childish gossip? That's the way the world spins I suppose...
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