Gift Giving/Receiving? [Help?!?]

[RiverSong]

My birthday passed recently. I spent it alone and was happy to do so. I was given a couple well wishes from people but as usual I did not receive any gifts. I haven't received a single gift in the last five years or more.

This didn't bother me before except that I've noticed I always give gifts to family and people I've known for a long time. I make sure to send some type of gift on birthdays, mother's day, and other holidays. But I might get a late card for my birthday and that's it.

Although, I give gifts even though I'm on a tight budget because I thought that was a nice, kind thing to do. They aren't expensive gifts. But I do it because it shows that I'm thinking of the person and that I care. I also thought that it's something everyone does.

Now I'm wondering after so many years if I'm missing something? Is there some type of social or gift etiquette that I'm not aware of? Or could this lack of reciprocation be a sign that I'm not well liked or respected by the people I know?

I'm just curious if maybe I've been oblivious to something that I'm sure others would have noticed much sooner. Any thoughts?

 

[MrSpock]

Giving gifts for birthdays isn't something that everyone does everywhere, that's for sure. Generally I wouldn't give gifts to people who don't give gifts to me in return. Mother's day and Father's day are obvious exceptions I should think, as are gifts to children who cannot be expected to remember birthdays.

 

[Streetwise]

The idea is if you love unconditionally just youll be fulfilled by that ,obviously dont think you should be physically or verbally abused.
humans are selfish ,
Ive noticed female humans appear to give in more than one way than male humans but i dont know every human on the planet

 

[Streetwise]

I had this ha

My birthday passed recently. I spent it alone and was happy to do so. I was given a couple well wishes from people but as usual I did not receive any gifts. I haven't received a single gift in the last five years or more.

This didn't bother me before except that I've noticed I always give gifts to family and people I've known for a long time. I make sure to send some type of gift on birthdays, mother's day, and other holidays. But I might get a late card for my birthday and that's it.

Although, I give gifts even though I'm on a tight budget because I thought that was a nice, kind thing to do. They aren't expensive gifts. But I do it because it shows that I'm thinking of the person and that I care. I also thought that it's something everyone does.

Now I'm wondering after so many years if I'm missing something? Is there some type of social or gift etiquette that I'm not aware of? Or could this lack of reciprocation be a sign that I'm not well liked or respected by the people I know?

I'm just curious if maybe I've been oblivious to something that I'm sure others would have noticed much sooner. Any thoughts
i had this happen to me and i think its because i dont socialise
one relative has always been very selfish
but you see in animal species

 

[Streetwise]

I had this happen to me ,you see it in other animal species the cuckoo (bird)never has any contact with progeny ,female mallard duck known to abandon ducklings

 

[Streetwise]

The cuckoo is the equivalent of parasites fleas plant parasites

 

[Southern Discomfort]

I honestly don't think it's you with the problem. Unless these are significant situations here like others are really struggling with money, certain disabilities or unemployment, I think it's extremely rude of them not to reciprocate. You should at the very least get a card on your birthday. If people can't think of a gift - gift giving is quite hard for a lot of people even more so for some people - then money is usually expected, I assume it's the same in the US as it is here in the UK.

No, if it was me then I would reconsider getting people gifts.

 

[WereBear]

You are a Giver. Hang out with other Givers, and drop the Takers.

Yes, even FAMILY. That was the roulette wheel of genetics, and we don't have any control of it. I have relatives I'm very close to, and others I don't even like

 

[Streetwise]

I think the difference is with humans we have the capacity to change its slightly harder as we mature physically but if you want it so much its more important than not changing you will ,i presume researchers of child developement no it what point your neuronal connections for perception become fixed

My birthday passed recently. I spent it alone and was happy to do so. I was given a couple well wishes from people but as usual I did not receive any gifts. I haven't received a single gift in the last five years or more.

This didn't bother me before except that I've noticed I always give gifts to family and people I've known for a long time. I make sure to send some type of gift on birthdays, mother's day, and other holidays. But I might get a late card for my birthday and that's it.

Although, I give gifts even though I'm on a tight budget because I thought that was a nice, kind thing to do. They aren't expensive gifts. But I do it because it shows that I'm thinking of the person and that I care. I also thought that it's something everyone does.

Now I'm wondering after so many years if I'm missing something? Is there some type of social or gift etiquette that I'm not aware of? Or could this lack of reciprocation be a sign that I'm not well liked or respected by the people I know?

I'm just curious if maybe I've been oblivious to something that I'm sure others would have noticed much sooner. Any thoughts?

 

[toothless]

My birthday passed recently. I spent it alone and was happy to do so. I was given a couple well wishes from people but as usual I did not receive any gifts. I haven't received a single gift in the last five years or more.

This didn't bother me before except that I've noticed I always give gifts to family and people I've known for a long time. I make sure to send some type of gift on birthdays, mother's day, and other holidays. But I might get a late card for my birthday and that's it.

Although, I give gifts even though I'm on a tight budget because I thought that was a nice, kind thing to do. They aren't expensive gifts. But I do it because it shows that I'm thinking of the person and that I care. I also thought that it's something everyone does.

Now I'm wondering after so many years if I'm missing something? Is there some type of social or gift etiquette that I'm not aware of? Or could this lack of reciprocation be a sign that I'm not well liked or respected by the people I know?

I'm just curious if maybe I've been oblivious to something that I'm sure others would have noticed much sooner. Any thoughts?

i personally think the people not giving you gifts are disrespecting you as
they know you well according to yourself so they should give you something to celebrate your birthday.

what i notice people do to me is they make a friendly laugh about it when i accidentally forget presents or i cant afford it that week and i realise i have forgot so i say sorry and i get them something when i have the money,but i will always get people a card,you can get them cheap.
i think theres something wrong there that people arent even getting you a card,perhaps they dont know you/or like you as much as you think they do-or as much as they act it to you?

 

[Judge]

I handle this particular social dynamic exclusively from a perspective of reciprocity.

You send me a card or gift for a specific occasion, and I'll send you one accordingly. And if you stop for whatever reason, I will stop as well. Period.

 

[Keigan]

What is important and matters, is what is important and matters to you. The only thing you can do is choose how you spend your time and resources. Do not expect reciprocity. Do not expect people to recognize your offering or respond in the same way, for we all recognize a gift of heart differently.

Do what is important to you.

 

[Judge]

What is important and matters, is what is important and matters to you. The only thing you can do is choose how you spend your time and resources. Do not expect reciprocity. Do not expect people to recognize your offering or respond in the same way, for we all recognize a gift of heart differently.

Do what is important to you.

Perhaps. Yet over time giving and not even being acknowledged for it takes its toll on people. It certainly has me over the years in terms of holiday gift-giving as opposed to an impromptu gift.

Consequently no longer being anyone's "doormat" is incredibly important to me.

 

[Grandmother B]

My birthday passed recently. I spent it alone and was happy to do so. I was given a couple well wishes from people but as usual I did not receive any gifts. I haven't received a single gift in the last five years or more.

This didn't bother me before except that I've noticed I always give gifts to family and people I've known for a long time. I make sure to send some type of gift on birthdays, mother's day, and other holidays. But I might get a late card for my birthday and that's it.

Although, I give gifts even though I'm on a tight budget because I thought that was a nice, kind thing to do. They aren't expensive gifts. But I do it because it shows that I'm thinking of the person and that I care. I also thought that it's something everyone does.

Now I'm wondering after so many years if I'm missing something? Is there some type of social or gift etiquette that I'm not aware of? Or could this lack of reciprocation be a sign that I'm not well liked or respected by the people I know?

I'm just curious if maybe I've been oblivious to something that I'm sure others would have noticed much sooner. Any thoughts?

You are very sweet to do that, and no, you are not doing anything wrong. It sounds like these people are just thoughtless and careless. It doesn't necessarily mean they don't care about you; just that they have not been taught common courtesy. They are probably just busy. I would not take it too personally. But I just wouldn't give them anything either from now on (unless you are nicer than I am, in which case, continue. LOL) Best of luck to you.

 

[Sylvia]

My birthday passed recently. I spent it alone and was happy to do so. I was given a couple well wishes from people but as usual I did not receive any gifts. I haven't received a single gift in the last five years or more.

This didn't bother me before except that I've noticed I always give gifts to family and people I've known for a long time. I make sure to send some type of gift on birthdays, mother's day, and other holidays. But I might get a late card for my birthday and that's it.

Although, I give gifts even though I'm on a tight budget because I thought that was a nice, kind thing to do. They aren't expensive gifts. But I do it because it shows that I'm thinking of the person and that I care. I also thought that it's something everyone does.

Now I'm wondering after so many years if I'm missing something? Is there some type of social or gift etiquette that I'm not aware of? Or could this lack of reciprocation be a sign that I'm not well liked or respected by the people I know?

I'm just curious if maybe I've been oblivious to something that I'm sure others would have noticed much sooner. Any thoughts?

Hi - it has happened to me many times and has taken me years to start to be a little more selfish- spend the money on yourself- last Xmas I did not buy either of my children anything- to show them how much they hurt me by not acknowledging me much- find like minded people to be with- my sister often said to me that money and gifts don't matter- that from someone who always found men to buy for her and then married a millionaire!! Sylvia

 

[Sylvia]

Perhaps. Yet over time giving and not even being acknowledged for it takes its toll on people. It certainly has me over the years in terms of holiday gift-giving as opposed to an impromptu gift.

Consequently no longer being anyone's "doormat" is incredibly important to me.

You are so right - Sylvia

 

[RiverSong]

Thanks for all of your replies. You have given me a lot to think about.

For me, to stop giving would feel like I no longer care about the person, which isn't the case. I suppose I can understand why my family would stop. My parents have not been very kind to me over the years. So, I guess this is a way of letting me know where I stand, even if it's not done purposely or intentionally. I don't know.

I do know that they give each other gifts and send my brother money on his birthday. But I'm overlooked in this regard. I guess I will stop giving gifts for things like birthdays since it's not reciprocated. I'll just continue with Mother's and Father's day out of respect.

I mostly feel bad for not noticing this sooner.

 

[Judge]

Thanks for all of your replies. You have given me a lot to think about.

For me, to stop giving would feel like I no longer care about the person, which isn't the case. I suppose I can understand why my family would stop. My parents have not been very kind to me over the years. So, I guess this is a way of letting me know where I stand, even if it's not done purposely or intentionally. I don't know.

I do know that they give each other gifts and send my brother money on his birthday. But I'm overlooked in this regard. I guess I will stop giving gifts for things like birthdays since it's not reciprocated. I'll just continue with Mother's and Father's day out of respect.

I mostly feel bad for not noticing this sooner.

At the very least, I suspect for many of us on the spectrum this subject remains complicated. I know it is for me and always has been. One can take the easy route and just systematically give/reciprocate gifts in accordance with a particular social occasion or holiday. Individual gifts for no apparent reason mean much more to me personally.

And then there's some situations for which I have difficulty explaining. I have always liked my former sister-in-law. My brother has virtually no contact with her and hasn't in years. Of course they also have a son (my nephew) who I have always liked as well. I've always sent all three of them Christmas and birthday cards and always will.

I suppose when it comes to friends and other relatives it becomes much more difficult, and harder to explain. I want to say, "fair-weather" friends, fair-weather relatives.

Geez, I have first cousins who I lost complete contact with some fifty years ago. Some blood ties don't mean a thing, while a select few mean everything to me. And so-called "friends"...well, for me they all just faded away.

 

[Grandmother B]

Thanks for all of your replies. You have given me a lot to think about.

For me, to stop giving would feel like I no longer care about the person, which isn't the case. I suppose I can understand why my family would stop. My parents have not been very kind to me over the years. So, I guess this is a way of letting me know where I stand, even if it's not done purposely or intentionally. I don't know.

I do know that they give each other gifts and send my brother money on his birthday. But I'm overlooked in this regard. I guess I will stop giving gifts for things like birthdays since it's not reciprocated. I'll just continue with Mother's and Father's day out of respect.

I mostly feel bad for not noticing this sooner.

Have you thought about asking them outright? I would want to do that and see what they say. They need to know how it makes you feel. You are a good person to still want to do Mother's and Father's day. But I would just ask them. At least you can maybe clear the air. Blessings!

 

[Peacelily76]

What a kind person you are.
You've done everything right. You've maintained a good standard of generosity and kindness for people you have a high regard for.
What a shame they couldn't be bothered to do the same for you.
I would stop sending gifts to people who couldn't remember your birthday and save your money towards an exciting treat for yourself!
On a funny note, my wonderful Aspie friend despises gift giving. He says it's a competition to 'out-gift' each other until one of you dies! He is soooooo right about this!

Save your dimes my darling! Find other kind, generous people just like you xx