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Feeling patronized

Z

ZebraAutismo

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Does anyone else find that the world is patronizing towards them(well meaning or otherwise). For example "You do really well for a person like you" and my new pet hate the pecks chart at collage which includes a section for the whether.I mean I know we are pathways course but we are still capable f looking out the window.
 
Yes indeed. There is a palpable difference between how I'm treated by those who know I have autism and those who don't, all other factors being equal. Those who know frequently give me the helmets-and-juice-boxes treatment, whereas I never catch that from people who are unaware. I like to think that the former are trying to act right and not maliciously but they just don't know how and it comes out patronizing.
 
I find it very tricky to navigate.
On the one hand, I often need help with some things that other would see as very little, basic tasks, but I'm stumped like an 8 year-old trapped in an adult body is.
But on the other hand, whenever I try to assert that I'm a responsible adult (just one with terrible coordination and executive dysfunction), you can bet I will hear that in that case, I shouldn't need help with anything.
I mean... I can't help it if I don't perform as well with paperwork or phone calls for appointments. I try, but I can't always succeed. I'd never think to make someone else feel bad for something they can't do as well as me, or making them feel like a grumpy child. I'm different, not inferior.
 
ZebraAspie said:
"You do really well for a person like you"
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That's patronizing all right. I would be insulted by that. I would attempt to clarify this, with questions.

Such as:
A person like me? What do you mean?
Someone with brown hair?
Someone wearing a t-shirt you mean?
Someone with a back pack?

Until they actually say what they mean.
 
Mia said:
That's patronizing all right. I would be insulted by that. I would attempt to clarify this, with questions.

Such as:
A person like me? What do you mean?
Someone with brown hair?
Someone wearing a t-shirt you mean?
Someone with a back pack?

Until they actually say what they mean.
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I will try that thanks.
 
Gritches said:
Yes indeed. There is a palpable difference between how I'm treated by those who know I have autism and those who don't, all other factors being equal. Those who know frequently give me the helmets-and-juice-boxes treatment, whereas I never catch that from people who are unaware. I like to think that the former are trying to act right and not maliciously but they just don't know how and it comes out patronizing.
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That's the annoying part at times they don't know their doing it. I wish it was soicialy acceptable to point it out.
 
Katleya said:
I find it very tricky to navigate.
On the one hand, I often need help with some things that other would see as very little, basic tasks, but I'm stumped like an 8 year-old trapped in an adult body is.
But on the other hand, whenever I try to assert that I'm a responsible adult (just one with terrible coordination and executive dysfunction), you can bet I will hear that in that case, I shouldn't need help with anything.
I mean... I can't help it if I don't perform as well with paperwork or phone calls for appointments. I try, but I can't always succeed. I'd never think to make someone else feel bad for something they can't do as well as me, or making them feel like a grumpy child. I'm different, not inferior.
Click to expand...
Your an adult no one should make you feel otherwise. Would a physically disabled person be treat like a child for needing help?
 
Well, I think most non-disabled people, who have never been confronted to any kind of disability, would sadly treat a disabled person like they're somehow less capable, perhaps even less worthy of their time/care/you name it. Not quite treating them as a child, but still not treating them as the they should be, i.e. actual persons.
 
It's rather interesting that you posed this question.

A few weeks ago, someone was insulted because I asked them not to "dumb down" to me. It had nothing to do with my Aspie (or any other diagnosis), I just got the feeling I was being condescended by this person.

When I finally realized that it was "me" who *over-estimated* THEIR knowledge that I had to own my own misjudgement and accept them while understanding they truly didn't know what they were talking about.

Sometimes, it's not worth the effort to correct people -- as long as it doesn't specifically affect me. Their ignorance isn't my concern, unless they ask for advice (which won't happen).
 
Diagnosed2015 said:
It's rather interesting that you posed this question.

A few weeks ago, someone was insulted because I asked them not to "dumb down" to me. It had nothing to do with my Aspie (or any other diagnosis), I just got the feeling I was being condescended by this person.

When I finally realized that it was "me" who *over-estimated* THEIR knowledge that I had to own my own misjudgement and accept them while understanding they truly didn't know what they were talking about.

Sometimes, it's not worth the effort to correct people -- as long as it doesn't specifically affect me. Their ignorance isn't my concern, unless they ask for advice (which won't happen).
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Good way to think.
 
Katleya said:
Well, I think most non-disabled people, who have never been confronted to any kind of disability, would sadly treat a disabled person like they're somehow less capable, perhaps even less worthy of their time/care/you name it. Not quite treating them as a child, but still not treating them as the they should be, i.e. actual persons.
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True to a point but I am physically disabled as well as autistim and people who think of me having physical disabilities treat me in less a patronizing way. (God knows why a lot of people can't comprehend me having both).
 
ZebraAspie said:
True to a point but I am physically disabled as well as autistim and people who think of me having physical disabilities treat me in less a patronizing way. (God knows why a lot of people can't comprehend me having both).
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We're in a similar situation. Those who know about both will go "Oh, you got that too?".
I agree that people don't treat me in a patronizing way regarding physical disability, however I couldn't say I'm being treated fairly. I can't quite put a word on how they treat me, but it's still not right.
I also remember from my days in a previous job that most of my colleagues, when faced with someone with a wheelchair or a blind person, would not talk to the person, but insist on talking to the person with them, as if their impairment deprived them of a brain. I think they were the ones I had in mind when I wrote that many people with no experience of disability aren't exactly treating disabled people as a rational adult.
 
Katleya said:
We're in a similar situation. Those who know about both will go "Oh, you got that too?".
I agree that people don't treat me in a patronizing way regarding physical disability, however I couldn't say I'm being treated fairly. I can't quite put a word on how they treat me, but it's still not right.
I also remember from my days in a previous job that most of my colleagues, when faced with someone with a wheelchair or a blind person, would not talk to the person, but insist on talking to the person with them, as if their impairment deprived them of a brain. I think they were the ones I had in mind when I wrote that many people with no experience of disability aren't exactly treating disabled people as a rational adult.
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I think get what your saying like when i'm with my support worker or whatever they always talk to them not me.
 
ZebraAspie said:
I think get what your saying like when i'm with my support worker or whatever they always talk to them not me.
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The physical and autism thing make me laugh because i've people say stuff to me like why do you somethings need to leave the room and i'll say because I have autism and they will stuff like so that's why your constantly dislocations your finger and will have to say no I also have ehlers danios and the conversation will go round in circles.
 
Oh, boy... people just can't get it right, can they? Well, at least, they have memorized the name of the condition. I suppose that shows that they're trying?
Quick question, off topic on autism, but on EDS: you mentioned there were no forums, but have you ever met other people affected?
I attended a presentation today after much coaxing by my mother, from the association that organized the treatment session I'm following the next few weeks. And... I found most of the people to be some of the loudest, most extroverted people I've been around. 40 or so people talking at the top of their lungs, kids running around in spite of their braces and screaming, total chaos. An Aspie's nightmare.
I just needed to share that today because of how intense it was. It seems that they are not aware of the comorbidity between both syndromes. (They seem like good people, I'm not complaining. I'm just... drained)
 
Katleya said:
Oh, boy... people just can't get it right, can they? Well, at least, they have memorized the name of the condition. I suppose that shows that they're trying?
Quick question, off topic on autism, but on EDS: you mentioned there were no forums, but have you ever met other people affected?
I attended a presentation today after much coaxing by my mother, from the association that organized the treatment session I'm following the next few weeks. And... I found most of the people to be some of the loudest, most extroverted people I've been around. 40 or so people talking at the top of their lungs, kids running around in spite of their braces and screaming, total chaos. An Aspie's nightmare.
I just needed to share that today because of how intense it was. It seems that they are not aware of the comorbidity between both syndromes. (They seem like good people, I'm not complaining. I'm just... drained)
Click to expand...
I have met a few people with EDS, mys sister and mouthed young lady. Interestlu enough one of my best friend has EDS/ Marfans and autism
 
Yea ,my partner and his mother are like that, the laughter is a little too loud and a little too long when I have made a joke. And when I finish with an aspect of the yard work she goes a little overboard with telling me how nice it looks, even when I have obviously done a lousy job, that usually will be augmented with a little something like chocolate or whatever...I know they are just trying to uplift me but it's just a little over the top, enough to sound fake. And don't get me started on how she tries to lead me with hints and such. Just say it woman! Lol
 
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