Failure to Thrive

[Hedgehog Instigator]

I worked at a drop in center for nearly a decade, during this time I lived with my mom. My mom is totally undiagnosed and on the spectrum. I get along just fine with others who are ASD, but NTs holy crap! I left my job in August because after that near decade I only made 12000 a year USD. I couldn't live on that, but now being thrust into a world full of people who don't understand, and having roommates who do things like touch or move my stuff, ***** about shows I watch because they think they're stupid (when they are my coping mechanism), or do weird passive aggressive stuff like roommate B telling Roommate A to tell me something because she has told me a million times that something bugs her. (By roommate B telling me what she should be stating is she slams cabinet doors, shakes her hands in the air, and mutters under her breath. And every time I've witnessed this I have asked what's wrong, and she has said "oh nothing just talking to myself".)

On one hand I want to tell everyone "hey I'm autistic, if you aren't direct I won't get it." but on the other hand I really don't feel like I owe that to anyone. I am very secretive about my autism to begin with, (bad childhood stuff), and most people I do tell look me in the eye and say, "you're not autistic!" So the other problem is failure for them to believe me or understand. I am an advocate, but I don't want to explain everything all day.

I am seriously considering just getting disability at this point. But being that I held a job for nearly a decade I am worried how slim those chances are.

Looking for advice, support, love... Just help please!

 

[JackSkellington]

If people don't believe you- that's horrible and more on them. I can understand about not wanting to explain all day.

Perhaps you could find a job not around many people?

I wish you lots of luck! I'm not sure what else to say right now.

 

[Hedgehog Instigator]

If people don't believe you- that's horrible and more on them. I can understand about not wanting to explain all day.

Perhaps you could find a job not around many people?

I wish you lots of luck! I'm not sure what else to say right now.

I seem to have trouble finding a job, despite lots of experience, I keep finding positions I'd be good for but I don't have a Bachelor's degree . I am considering becoming a special ed teacher. I feel like the system failed me as a kid, and I love to teach, so maybe I can become a teacher to help kids I was once the same as.

 

[JackSkellington]

That sounds like a good idea.

 

[Gritches]

Wow, your roommate situation sounds awful. In fact, it sounds abusive. They have no right to treat you that way. They are failing to treat you with the human dignity and decency that are your rights by virtue of your mere existence.

They clearly don't understand respect. When you disrespect someone like that, you cease to view them as a person and start seeing them more as a thing, an item that belongs to you and is yours to do with what you please. In that way, through their disrespectful behavior, those two feel like they own you even if they aren't aware that's how they're thinking. They have stripped you of your status as a human being and along with it went your human rights.

The situation probably isn't going to get any better or any more tolerable - they almost never do. Being in a hostile and threatening domestic environment for extended periods of time will have the same psychological effects as being in a warzone. Please don't give them permission to do that to you.

Consider this: if you started living with someone else, you could lay out ground rules and tell them "I can't stand being touched", and "please don't touch my stuff", and "please be direct with me, I can't stand game-playing." - You can tell them all this without disclosing. You don't need to offer up autism as some sort of apology for having personal needs and boundaries. If these new people understand respect for others, you don't need to legitimize reasonable requests like that - they'll just respect your wishes without question.

For disability, autism is something called a "listing"; for the conditions classified as "listings" (paralyzed, quadruple amputee, etc) they are acknowledged automatically to be disabilities; meaning you don't have to prove that you are disabled like you would have to if you claimed depression, anxiety, or emotional pain etc constituted a disabling condition in your specific case. That cuts out a lot of bullcrap.

You're right, they'll deny your claim. They deny pretty much everyone's claim. If I were a cynical person, I'd say they do that just to get you to give up and go away. I've heard rumor of the SSA denying the app of someone who was paralyzed from the neck down. It's normal - just the first step in the process.

Where you'll get approved is in the appeals process. As soon as you get denied, contact a disability lawyer - www.nolo.org is a great site for finding a lawyer and is a great organization.

Don't worry about the cost, the lawyer will take a 30% cut of the backpay you'll get when you're approved (contingency), which is worth it all day and all night. As with any legal situation, don't try to represent yourself; they will chew you up and spit you out.

The last time I messed with this app I seem to remember that being out of work for six months prior to the application was very important; don't remember why.

I've probably crossed some boundaries here, but the only alternative is not caring, and that I won't do. I hope you gained something from this.

 

[discus150]

We need more people with ASD. But brace yourself all that childhood stuff comes back and hits you. It hard to not get fire up around a lot of issues. Teachers can be dumb. I'm a sped teacher.

 

[SusanLR]

Regarding disability, if a doctor, especially a psychiatrist will help you file, that helps a lot also. I was hopitalised for depression and panic disorder that didn't respond to medicine. Then later found I was HFA which explained a lot. The treating physician applied for me. I had a degree and a good job in pharmaceuticals. But, when the panic disorder made it impossible to keep a steady job there was nothing else to do.
I have taught also and enjoyed it. Best of luck what ever you decide. Just do what is good for you. I know from my own experience living with an abusive person is not helpful for healing.

 

[abby normal]

failure to prosper, failure to fit in, failure to find a niche, failure to cope with the world as it is. sounds familiar.

 

[Hedgehog Instigator]

Regarding disability, if a doctor, especially a psychiatrist will help you file, that helps a lot also. I was hopitalised for depression and panic disorder that didn't respond to medicine. Then later found I was HFA which explained a lot. The treating physician applied for me. I had a degree and a good job in pharmaceuticals. But, when the panic disorder made it impossible to keep a steady job there was nothing else to do.
I have taught also and enjoyed it. Best of luck what ever you decide. Just do what is good for you. I know from my own experience living with an abusive person is not helpful for healing.

How long were you without work before you were approved?

 

[SusanLR]

How long were you without work before you were approved?

Only about 3 months. My doctor intitiated it and was no problem at all.

 

[Karen S.]

The Problem with SSDI is that you may be back to $12,000 a year, I was accepted on my first attempt. I have ASD, was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism (at three months), difficult pms and horrible cramps, plus Migraines. I also worked at least ten years before, The problem there is that you may not have worked long enough to receive benefits from your own SS history, I think my father's history was used for me. You could still get SSI, but that's less money and more rules!

 

[SusanLR]

This is true regarding the money. If you haven't worked for a long period of years, the SSD and SSI pay is nothing like what you need. I have many disabilities now that I am older, but, no money. I worry how I will live if my health makes it necessary for assisted living. The rules on that are crazy. If you can't afford the price of an ALF they will pay for a nursing home through medicaid. Nursing homes are much more money and not nice places to live. Why not help people pay for assisted living facilities instead? I must talk this over with an elder affairs attorney to know what options are out there. Currently I am house sharing expenses to live with a friend.

 

[The Penguin]

I did felt this way part of my life. Finishing college in 2004, I been on unemployment and welfare many times. A few years ago I was close to being homeless.

I wondering if welfare is an option while you wait to get approved for disability?

I find you can do well in employment if you had the right setting that works for you? For my current job, being a software developer, I had a chance to work for another company getting paid 50% more. This extra money would help me pay off my debts faster. However, I turned this job down with extra pay because there are too many employees even if the number is only around 10. These people are on their 20s and I know they are about the party life which is not my kind of thing. Plus part of the job description is hanging out on Friday's drinking beer. Not my kind of thing.

My current employer, at the start is just me. We have a new employee but they are mature so I can get along with them.

Anyhow, don't give up on employment. Try to connect with organizations they can help find an ideal environment for you.

 

[SusanLR]

I did felt this way part of my life. Finishing college in 2004, I been on unemployment and welfare many times. A few years ago I was close to being homeless.

I wondering if welfare is an option while you wait to get approved for disability?

I find you can do well in employment if you had the right setting that works for you? For my current job, being a software developer, I had a chance to work for another company getting paid 50% more. This extra money would help me pay off my debts faster. However, I turned this job down with extra pay because there are too many employees even if the number is only around 10. These people are on their 20s and I know they are about the party life which is not my kind of thing. Plus part of the job description is hanging out on Friday's drinking beer. Not my kind of thing.

My current employer, at the start is just me. We have a new employee but they are mature so I can get along with them.

Anyhow, don't give up on employment. Try to connect with organizations they can help find an ideal environment for you.

I certainly agree with your post for most people. I've always found something pretty good to work at either on my own or in places that offered positions where I could work pretty much to myself. ( Social expectations not required.) I have many health issues though, not just ASD and more keep coming. Sometimes work just isn't an option. Taking care of your health can take priority. But, yes, don't give up on employment unless conditions make it impossible. Good advice.