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Facing Guilt

camerartus

camerartus

Well-Known Member
Those of you who may remember, I have an aspie friend who stop talking to me four months ago. I was pretty sure she stopped seeing her therapist and was also having anxiety about how close we were. She then thought I was going to bail on her as a friend and freaked out. Now, she doesn't want to admit that. But another aspie friend of mine who is talking to her can tell she feels guilty about what happened. However, he thinks that she's too stubborn to admit it and come forward.
How many of you can relate to this dilemma?
 
Oh, well...
I am more like your friend, who wouldn't accept her failure. It's not because we think we are better than anyone, but (at least me) I don't like failing, in anything. If I make a mistake in a facet of mine, I become more likely to abandon it, instead of repairing a rupture. Or maybe I just feel, kind of depressed for some time, until I gain inspiration to continue. A lack of error may uphold all of my existence. It's....sad, in someway.
Just give her time. There are people that maybe just need to make up their minds completely, for which they may need solitude or quietness for making a realistic decision. I hope she is the kind of person that heals herself with meditation.
 
carbon12 said:
Oh, well...
I am more like your friend, who wouldn't accept her failure. It's not because we think we are better than anyone, but (at least me) I don't like failing, in anything. If I make a mistake in a facet of mine, I become more likely to abandon it, instead of repairing a rupture. Or maybe I just feel, kind of depressed for some time, until I gain inspiration to continue. A lack of error may uphold all of my existence. It's....sad, in someway.
Just give her time. There are people that maybe just need to make up their minds completely, for which they may need solitude or quietness for making a realistic decision. I hope she is the kind of person that heals herself with meditation.
Click to expand...
She used to be great at prayer and meditation but, she wrote a year ago that she now struggles with that. If I could find a way, I would tell her I still think she's an awesome person.
Thank you so much for your input. :)
 
carbon12 said:
Oh, well...
I am more like your friend, who wouldn't accept her failure. It's not because we think we are better than anyone, but (at least me) I don't like failing, in anything. If I make a mistake in a facet of mine, I become more likely to abandon it, instead of repairing a rupture. Or maybe I just feel, kind of depressed for some time, until I gain inspiration to continue. A lack of error may uphold all of my existence. It's....sad, in someway.
Just give her time. There are people that maybe just need to make up their minds completely, for which they may need solitude or quietness for making a realistic decision. I hope she is the kind of person that heals herself with meditation.
Click to expand...
If friends gently persuaded you to confront such failures, do you think that would make a difference? At least, if you felt guilty about what happened?
 
Facing guilt is something I find difficult & frightening. The loss of my much-valued logical thinking can make me feel lost, shut-down, and needing to hide. I guess if I had one, a trusted friend might be of help.
Interesting thread.
However, there seems to be more going on in the situation besides stubbornness and guilt?
 
kestrel said:
Facing guilt is something I find difficult & frightening. The loss of my much-valued logical thinking can make me feel lost, shut-down, and needing to hide. I guess if I had one, a trusted friend might be of help.
Interesting thread.
However, there seems to be more going on in the situation besides stubbornness and guilt?
Click to expand...
I was told my a mutual friend that also has aspergers, and has spoken with her, that she feels very guilty. He and I also feel that she has too many codependent friends that aren't helping things. She's started to recognize this, but is stuck in a cycle with them.
My aspergers friend has health issues and already had to confront her on her own treatment of him.
 
Sometimes likeable people, due to their behaviours, are too much trouble or too negative to be around, even though they're seemingly worthwhile. A long time ago some one told me not to hang around with people who are in a group I don't like. I guess it comes down to the cold fact that I cannot control others, nor do I want to do so.
 
camerartus said:
If friends gently persuaded you to confront such failures, do you think that would make a difference? At least, if you felt guilty about what happened?
Click to expand...
PERSONALLY, I don't like people trying to change what I think in any way(I know, I look like an a-hole), but, you can still try with your friend if she is a bit more flexible to opinions. Try to make it slowly and not so directly, I she prefers it that way.
 
carbon12 said:
PERSONALLY, I don't like people trying to change what I think in any way(I know, I look like an a-hole), but, you can still try with your friend if she is a bit more flexible to opinions. Try to make it slowly and not so directly, I she prefers it that way.
Click to expand...
I think you're on the right track. It is not about changing her mind, it's about facilitating her to do what she already wants to do but, has anxiety about (because she's afraid I've given up on her). Slowly and not directly has worked for her in the past.

Sorry for the long delay but, I just now saw this.
 
Here is an update. We ended up at the same party together. I had a feeling she would be there and then had taken an anti-anxiety pill. She tried to talk to me 3 times at the party. I was polite but, I honestly didn't know how to react because I thought she owed me an apology. And one of those times she want to meet up with my sweater so she could see what the T-shirt said that I was wearing. On her last attempt she was trying to be playful and even jokes around about putting some food in my ear. <br />I appreciated the attempt but, it was too much after a year and a half of no contact. Before this, I spotted a dummy Facebook account in her name. As a test, I posted something that looked like her post. The very next day, her dummy profile was gone, which proved to me that it was hers. This was about a month before this party. Please, any advice would be appreciated.
 
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