Does everything said need a reply?

[Gomendosi]

Here I am again, having a go at something else I don't understand, this time its verbal sparring:

I have trouble maintaining acquaintances due to the talking aspect, I mean, I love talking, but everybody does it seems, because every time I say something there is always a reply whether it is necessary or not. Do people just like the sound of their own voices?

Obviously I am aware that there is a bit of to and fro in conversations as your words may unlock something the other wants to say, but sometimes I say things that stop at the end of a sentence and are on their own, that sentence does not need a caboose, a follow-up, a companion or similar sentence, it doesn't need any further remark or expounding upon, nor does it require the other to verbally admire it... it just is and that's all there is to it!

And into that same deal is the one-up and the same same, for instance, you say; "I stubbed my toe" and rather than let it go at that the other will say something like "oh sorry", "that sucks", "does it hurt", these are acceptable responses that you would expect but then there are the those people that have to tell you how it is worse for them "oh yeah that's nothing, the other day I..." or, their are those that everything that happens to you also happens to have happened to them, like your twins or something.

One wants to turn everything into a competition and the other wants to devalue the uniqueness of your experiences it seems.

when I was growing up people could say something and it wasn't automatically the start of a discussion, do you think we always have to reply to everything said around us?






OH YEAH!!! What is with people replying "I know" to everything you say. How could they possibly know ; ]

 

[Gomendosi]

Oh... No replies?
And who said Aspies have no sense of humour? Ha-Ha

 

[Christian T]

OH YEAH!!! What is with people replying "I know" to everything you say. How could they possibly know ; ]

I started a thread on "I know." It's such a fascinating discourse particle. I suppose people use to say that they understand what you've said, to give you a little feedback, even if it is possible for them to have already known.

My linguistics classes at school have taught me that people do this maintain rapport between each other and to let people know that they're being listened to. I suppose it's a nice thing to receive - sometimes. If it's insincere, it's hardly satisfying.

I do see what you mean about the one-upmanship, though. That certainly isn't about making the other person feel good.

Something not quite the same but similar to that happened one time when my drama group was organising a nerf gun fight I said I would go if I didn't have motor dyspraxia and was so unnerved by flying objects. One of my friends said, "Well, I have motor dyspraxia and I'm fine!"

"Good for you!" I keep thinking - though I never say it, because I have a habit of overdoing sarcasm and seeming malicious to people I'm talking to, but it's not the best thing to hear when you're talking about a personal difficulty. I wonder where the line is drawn. Imagine if after a town was hit by a tornado, one person was said that they lost their home, only to hear in response "well, my home is still standing!"

Although, sometimes it feels strange when I don't get a reply, maybe because I always have to check that the Aspie-NT communication has happened successfully. I hate leaving voicemail messages, because sometimes I do need vocal feedback.

 

[King_Oni]

I somewhat the reverse of this entire "replying" going on in a way.

By my assumption, it's that whenever someone cares to share something with me in personal conversation (so not neccesarily social media/forums/etc.), I always feel they expect a reaction. I don't see a reason why you should share fact with me, when you don't want to involve me in an exchange of words about it. But maybe that's just me; I don't bring up something random not to start a conversation about it.

Perhaps it's that I don't care for trivial stuff, unless there's a reason to talk about it.

Quite often if someone tells me something trivial my response is "ok... and why do I need this information?"

 

[Ste11aeres]

I started a thread on "I know." It's such a fascinating discourse particle. I suppose people use to say that they understand what you've said, to give you a little feedback, even if it is possible for them to have already known.

My linguistics classes at school have taught me that people do this maintain rapport between each other and to let people know that they're being listened to. I suppose it's a nice thing to receive - sometimes. If it's insincere, it's hardly satisfying.

I do see what you mean about the one-upmanship, though. That certainly isn't about making the other person feel good.

Something not quite the same but similar to that happened one time when my drama group was organising a nerf gun fight I said I would go if I didn't have motor dyspraxia and was so unnerved by flying objects. One of my friends said, "Well, I have motor dyspraxia and I'm fine!"

"Good for you!" I keep thinking - though I never say it, because I have a habit of overdoing sarcasm and seeming malicious to people I'm talking to, but it's not the best thing to hear when you're talking about a personal difficulty. I wonder where the line is drawn. Imagine if after a town was hit by a tornado, one person was said that they lost their home, only to hear in response "well, my home is still standing!"

Although, sometimes it feels strange when I don't get a reply, maybe because I always have to check that the Aspie-NT communication has happened successfully. I hate leaving voicemail messages, because sometimes I do need vocal feedback.

Yeah, for me, if someone doesn't make a little reply, I might worry they disliked hearing what I had said. The reason those replies are so banal, is so that the first person doesn't have to reply to the reply.

 

[paloftoon]

Yes, unfortunately, people like to think about themselves too much. So if you want to continue to be able to talk with someone, then keep trying to butter them up. Most people can tell you're faking it unless you are gradual with it. Also, a way to tell when you might be able to make a connection is when people ask about you rather than always talk about themselves. I have a hard time remembering this, and don't have a lot of luck meeting these kind of people. I've run into a lot of potential friends, but they have their own **** or have too many friends, so it gets hard to tell and I never assume the best. It's gets most annoying when they say the most piercing things to cut into your emotions, because you don't know if what they say is really true or not. . .

Here I am again, having a go at something else I don't understand, this time its verbal sparring:

I have trouble maintaining acquaintances due to the talking aspect, I mean, I love talking, but everybody does it seems, because every time I say something there is always a reply whether it is necessary or not. Do people just like the sound of their own voices?
. . .]