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Does anyone have a parent who seems to autistic themselves?

A

AspiePie

Well-Known Member
I feel my father is autistic... He has always wanted to control everything.. He has set interest that he always wants to talk about and if he doesn't want to talk about what you want to he gets angry.. I happen to be so alone every time I come over to his house.. His new wife is very much a clone of him and does care to much for me.. And I am just sitting around alone till he does a pre-planned activity.. I just feel so alone at a time of my life when I should be having the time of my life...
 
Autistic? Maybe, maybe not. He certainly doesn't sound very pleasant to be around. What is it that makes you go visit him in the first place? From what I read, and correct me if I'm wrong, it doesn't seem like you are obligated to do so. Toxic people, in my opinion, are best kept at a distance...even if they're family. If you feel so uncomfortable in his presence then maybe you should limit the time you have to spend with him, if you can.

And I'm the black sheep, as I'm the only one I know in my family who is on the autism spectrum.
 
wyverary said:
Autistic? Maybe, maybe not. He certainly doesn't sound very pleasant to be around. What is it that makes you go visit him in the first place? From what I read, and correct me if I'm wrong, it doesn't seem like you are obligated to do so. Toxic people, in my opinion, are best kept at a distance...even if they're family. If you feel so uncomfortable in his presence then maybe you should limit the time you have to spend with him, if you can.

And I'm the black sheep, as I'm the only one I know in my family who is on the autism spectrum.
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Well he isn't completely toxic and I do enjoy his company and I need his help to go to college.. Your assuming my life is so in my control of my life.. No my mother and my father are in control of my life.. I have no real transportation and no real way to get out on my own. My parents have complete control of my life and if I don't show them how far I have come I will never get anywhere...
 
AspiePie said:
Well he isn't completely toxic and I do enjoy his company and I need his help to go to college.. Your assuming my life is so in my control of my life.. No my mother and my father are in control of my life.. I have no real transportation and no real way to get out on my own. My parents have complete control of my life and if I don't show them how far I have come I will never get anywhere...
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I see. Thank you for clarifying. Yes, that makes the situation MUCH more difficult and complicated. And with divorced parents...I surmise that both parents are contributing? It doesn't sound like confronting your father on his issues would do much good, in any case.

Things can get better, though. You can finish college, find a job or go to grad school, and you're out. That might sound like a difficult path, and a very long one, and perhaps even overly optimistic, but speaking as someone who didn't get into school until the age of 28, you are not doomed to have to deal with them forever. I know what it's like to not be able to see the "light at the end of the tunnel" (I f*cking hate that phrase, btw), and I know what a revelation it is to finally see it at last.

I'm curious, is there any way you can get on-campus housing?
 
My Dad is definately on the spectrum. I enjoy spending time doing stuff with him but know that if it isn't something that he is interested in, or if it has no practical value, it would be an unpleasant experience for him, so finding projects or areas that are of interest to both of us, is a way that I can enjoy spending time with him/talking to him, which isn't unpleasant/unbearable for him.

Are there any common areas of interest between yourself and your dad, AspiePie?

Do you have any activities or interests that you could engage in, by yourself, when you are at your dads house? Something portable, that involes pens, pencils and paper, for example? And that way you would at least have somethin enjoyable to do to keep yourself occupied.

Or could you have a pet at your dads house?
 
wyverary said:
I see. Thank you for clarifying. Yes, that makes the situation MUCH more difficult and complicated. And with divorced parents...I surmise that both parents are contributing? It doesn't sound like confronting your father on his issues would do much good, in any case.

Things can get better, though. You can finish college, find a job or go to grad school, and you're out. That might sound like a difficult path, and a very long one, and perhaps even overly optimistic, but speaking as someone who didn't get into school until the age of 28, you are not doomed to have to deal with them forever. I know what it's like to not be able to see the "light at the end of the tunnel" (I f*cking hate that phrase, btw), and I know what a revelation it is to finally see it at last.

I'm curious, is there any way you can get on-campus housing?
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Do you have advice on how to do that?
 
Vinca said:
My Dad is definately on the spectrum. I enjoy spending time doing stuff with him but know that if it isn't something that he is interested in, or if it has no practical value, it would be an unpleasant experience for him, so finding projects or areas that are of interest to both of us, is a way that I can enjoy spending time with him/talking to him, which isn't unpleasant/unbearable for him.

Are there any common areas of interest between yourself and your dad, AspiePie?

Do you have any activities or interests that you could engage in, by yourself, when you are at your dads house? Something portable, that involes pens, pencils and paper, for example? And that way you would at least have somethin enjoyable to do to keep yourself occupied.

Or could you have a pet at your dads house?
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Him and step mom have excellent pets and yes I do try to bring things.. The problem is the people in charge of my therapy don't want me to take much with me.. I always bring my computer....
 
I'm pretty sure my dad's on the spectrum. He's quite 'eccentric', rather anti-social (and very socially awkward), and has very fixed interests. He and I get along really well, we understand each other in a way that my mum and sister just don't get, as their personalities, views of the world, and how they approach life is so different to us.

Why don't your therapists want you to take much with you? Sounds to me like you need to tell them that you are the one in charge of your life and that you can make your own decisions.

I would advise that you get in touch with the disability support team at your college, and arrange to have a meeting with one of their advisers to talk about accommodation and anything else you have concerns or questions about.
 
My mother has quite a few traits also we suspect my paternal grandfather may have been an aspie, certainly his cousin (my great uncle) was an aspie and I was sometimes compared to him.
 
NothingToSeeHere said:
I'm pretty sure my dad's on the spectrum. He's quite 'eccentric', rather anti-social (and very socially awkward), and has very fixed interests. He and I get along really well, we understand each other in a way that my mum and sister just don't get, as their personalities, views of the world, and how they approach life is so different to us.

Why don't your therapists want you to take much with you? Sounds to me like you need to tell them that you are the one in charge of your life and that you can make your own decisions.

I would advise that you get in touch with the disability support team at your college, and arrange to have a meeting with one of their advisers to talk about accommodation and anything else you have concerns or questions about.
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How do I arrange that...
 
AspiePie said:
How do I arrange that...
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Have a look at the website of your college. There should be a page regarding the disability support team with some information on how to contact them (an email address for example). Then write them to explain that you're about to join and that you'll need information on what assistance will be available and ask to set up a meeting to discuss this. If it is a little too daunting, you might want to ask the people who support you to help you with this.
 
AspiePie said:
How do I arrange that...
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Do you mean how do you arrange to have a meeting with the college disability support people. If so, google your college and 'disability support' or something along those lines, and you should be able to find the contact details for the disability support department or individual people such as disability advisers, then you can call or email them asking if you can have an appointment with them, or simply ask any questions you have over the phone/ by email.
 
AspiePie said:
Do you have advice on how to do that?
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If your question refers to on-campus housing, then yes: request it. Unfortunately, that'll add to your tuition bill...some colleges already have that built-in whether you take advantage of it or not, and some colleges don't.

For everything else: No, I don't. You just have to hang in there. It sucks but believe me, it's worth it.
 
My father autistics a lot, although my mom does, too, sometimes. But she spends a lot more time ADHDing.
 
I learned, while in my 60s, that I was an Aspie. From that knowledge, I suddenly realized that my father was definitely on the spectrum. I find it odd that although I am also on the spectrum, it was a huge revelation to me to suddenly put a name on all the infuriating behaviors of my father. Here I am, an Aspie, and I had never recognized that my father also was.
 
My mother is an aspie. She had never heard of it until I diagnosed her. Then we put the pieces of the puzzle together and figured out her mom was an aspie too.
 
Due to divorce, I didn't grow up with my dad, who passed away earlier this year. To me (as an adult), he didn't seem bossy so much as quirky, and a bit of a pack rat. I expect that he was probably an Aspie.
 
My parents are NT, so they act NT. They actually say that I am the weird, crazy one with all my strange actions, words, thoughts, etc.
 
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