Do you think I have aspergers

[LlaLla]

Hello everyone,

I'd like to start by saying I recently did the AQ test and scored 39. I didn't think about it for a while after, but then started reading about autism, particularly aspergers, and it sounded like I may have it.

Also, my mum told me a few years ago, that when I was a child a doctor said I may be autistic. However, it wasn't followed up. My mum is the kind of person who wouldn't want it followed up, she would want me to think I am normal so I can succeed. She pushed me a lot while growing up to succeed, because I was so odd that she was concerned about my future. Thanks to her pushing and nagging I am now studying a masters degree in information science. However, I am at a point in my life where I'd like to know if there is anything wrong.

Let me start by talking about my childhood. I had one good friend through all of primary school and high school. She made other friends, who in turn became my own friends. However, they always thought I was incredibly weird. I was bullied for being weird by others in school, but not nearly as much as I was bullied at home by two of my younger sisters. They, and the school bullies, liked to tell me I was slow.

I cried at least once a week in primary school, usually more. Stupid reasons. Even in high school I cried a lot. In one instance in year 10 I recall crying hysterically because I got litter duty. I cried for hours on end for several days. I suspect it may be a self defence mechanism because I don't know how to communicate what I want to say properly, but this is just speculation.

In school, I talked very little. I hated small talk. When it came to small talk I just didn't know what to say. My friends would talk to me and I would reply with some strange response, and they would think I was weird.

My friends from high school drifted away from me almost completely after about a year after I graduated. The necessity for them to hang around me was gone, and I didn't have the skill or will to maintain the relationships. It's been about 4 years of me having no friends now, and I must say it is rather lonely. I have a boyfriend, who is also rather weird. I live with him, and we have been together for over 4 years. But it's not the same as having friends you can talk to.

I am now in University. I can get past the basic 'hello, how are you' 'yea good how are you' point of conversation to the complaining about too many assignments stage. But then for some reason the conversation stops and there is awkward silence. Then they start talking to someone else, who they talk with much longer for.

My non-verbal language, from my standpoint, is fairly non-existent. My eye contact... well, I have no idea. I may be doing too little, or I may be doing too much. I think that it’s usually one or the other.

I don’t really know if this has anything to do with it, but I have a really odd voice. People have told me I sound very childish, and some people have trouble understanding me. I often stumble over my words and sound rather awkward.

I have an inability to become interested in things. I have one interest that dominates my life – anime. I love collecting it, arranging it, sorting it by date or genre, watching it, discussing it... If I’m with someone I know likes anime, including my boyfriend, I will attempt to change the topic so I can discuss anime instead. It’s the only interest I really have. This interest is rather narrow, only in the anime itself and not really in the merchandise, the manga, the games, etc, like most people who like anime get into. Growing up, I had an interest in cats. I would collect figures, toys, information... but that interest practically went away after my new interest in anime arose.

I can spend hours on end arranging things. Mostly the files on my computer. It can be rather time consuming when I really get into it.
Emotions wise... I always disliked it when one of my friends got upset. Luckily my other friends would hug them and make them feel better, but I would always stand aside wondering what, if anything, I should do. I find that I am ‘uncaring’ of people’s emotions in general, though I can sympathise with unfortunate events I see on the news, and with TV and anime characters. I sometimes say rude things without realising they are rude, and then people are very offended. After they get offended I can usually understand why what I said could be seen as rude.

I do a lot of repetitive things. Such as fiddling with labels on things until I have destroyed them. Often I don’t notice I am doing this. Or arranging my things for hours on end.

I have no problem with my imagination. In fact, I think I have an overactive imagination.

Thanks everyone, and feel free to ask me questions!
Any feedback would be appreciated

 

[LlaLla]

I'll add a few things I remembered about myself now. My hand eye coordination is terrible for some things. I see someone do a movement so many times and it takes ages for me to copy them properly. I can see what they're doing I just seem to do it myself. They show me what to do, and I understand. Then when I try to do it I forget what they've just shown me and get confused. This can happen heaps of times before I can do a movement. Usually its the more 'complicated movements' like in karate she would tell us to punch, kick, block, or whatever in that order. I get what I am supposed to do but I usually stuff up. I'm also really bad at fitness exercises where people copy the movement of the instructor. People get really frustrated with me and think that I'm not trying. When I was learning how to drive, the instructor was trying to teach me how to do a U-turn. But even though she kept telling me what to do with my hands I couldn't get it for ages. She got quite frustrated with me. Then I started crying because I was also frustrated and didn't know what to say.



EDIT
I have been reading threads on this forum and other aspie forums and I must say wow. I am astounded at how much I relate to people who have aspergers experiences. It makes me sad that I may have aspergers at the same time that it makes me incredibly happy that I now realise I'm not alone My whole life I've thought I was abnormal and there was no one else like me but reading these forums has made me realise that's not true

Also~ I did an aspie quiz...
My aspie score : 130/200
My neurological score : 61/200

I did the one with recognizing facial emotions too And I got a super high score of 34/36 which is above average. So I guess I don't have problems in that regard

 

[umbrellabeach]

You do seem like an Aspie to me, but I probably couldn't diagnose you for sure.
And hey, your mom should know that you don't have to be normal or think you're normal to succeed.

 

[chinaberry]

You sound Aspie.

 

[LlaLla]

Thanks you guys

I'm gonna go see a counselor after my exam (nov 16) so hopefully the one I see will know something about autism spectrum disorders

@Anne - my mum was always trying to make me seem/act normal. I remember she always used to say 'stop pacing around like a caged lion.' Lol... She's put a lot of pressure on me my whole life to succeed. I have three younger sisters who she didn't pressure much at all, because they are pretty normal (though the youngest is now 13 and reminds me a lot of myself, except she is more social and less obsessive ^_^).

If I had been diagnosed at a young age, I'd likely still have gone to Uni, but I certainly wouldn't be studying to be a librarian as I am now. What an incredibly social job, lol. I've worked in fast food, which is fine because after you get used to it you are basically just speaking the same script to every customer. But then you get the occasional customer who starts talking to you and then it becomes awkward. In a library people are going to be asking for book recommendations and such, and there will be meetings and conferences and budget negotiations and all that too >_>

But I'm going to try my best, because I kind of really want to work in a library, and I can't think of anything else at all I want to do...

 

[superboyian]

From what you have described, it sounds very much like your an aspie and welcome to aspergic forums.

 

[LlaLla]

From what you have described, it sounds very much like your an aspie and welcome to aspergic forums.

Lol, thanks I'll check out the forums more later and do an intro, lol.
I am fairly sure I have the social interaction impairments covered. Not quite sure about the rest though... I'll post some info... any feedback is appreciated


A. Qualitative impairment in social interaction, as manifested by at least two of the following:

* marked impairment in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to eye gaze, facial expression, body postures, and gestures to regulate social interaction

Yea, I never know how much or how little eye contact is right. I find myself blinking a lot when trying to maintain eye contact, and looking away a lot. Facial expression... I have no idea. I smile when someone says something funny or something. I spose someone would have to look at me to know if my other expressions are good. Body postures and gestures... hmm. Well, I never know how to move my arms and hands around and usually just leave them still.

* failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level

I honestly have no idea whether this applied to me as a little kid. I don't remember. I only really had one friend, then some other kids I would hang with sometimes. Now, I have no friends, lol, and haven't had for about four years. Got a boyfriend, though. Also, I don't really get a long with people I work with at my jobs. I talk with them, but mainly to complain how crap the job is. More than half of the jobs I've ever left I've left because I had a falling out with my managers and coworkers.

* lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interests, or achievements with other people (e.g., by a lack of showing, bringing, or pointing out objects of interest to other people)

Ehh. No idea. Once again, I can't remember what I was like as a little kid. Though I think this may be sort of true now. I sometimes have something I think is interesting to say, though I can't find a time to insert my thoughts into the conversation.

* lack of social or emotional reciprocity

Yea, my social skills and empathy suck. Nothing more to say here.

B. Restricted repetitive and stereotyped patterns of behavior, interests, and activities, as manifested by at least one of the following:

* encompassing preoccupation with one or more stereotyped and restricted patterns of interest that is abnormal either in intensity of focus
* apparently inflexible adherence to specific, nonfunctional routines or rituals
* stereotyped and repetitive motor mannerisms (e.g., hand or finger flapping or twisting, or complex whole-body movements)
* persistent preoccupation with parts of objects

The first one, not sure if I am obsessive enough to classify under this section. And I have no idea what I was like as a small child
The second one, I get anal about changes to my routine, but I'm not inflexible. And, once again, no idea what the child me was like
Third one, maybe. I chew on the bottom of my lip a lot. Also I pace around a fair bit. I used to pace a lot as a child, I know that much.
Fourth one, no not really that I can think of

C. The disturbance causes clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

For sure~

D. There is no clinically significant general delay in language e.g., single words used by age two years, communicative phrases used by age three years).

No delay that I know of

E. There is no clinically significant delay in cognitive development or in the development of age-appropriate self-help skills, adaptive behavior (other than in social interaction), and curiosity about the environment in childhood.

Erm, I wouldn't imagine so, other wise they would have noticed at the time

F. Criteria are not met for another specific pervasive developmental disorder or schizophrenia.

I've looked, and I fit Aspergers more than the others



So basically my social skills and empathy skills suck. But I don't know if I am obsessive enough to cover the second bit.
How do diagnosis's work? Is it PDD-NOS if this criteria is not met? Also, if I have no idea what I was like as a kid, how the heck is someone supposed to diagnose me? I don't want my parents involved >____>

Thanks for all your advice guys~

 

[Sean2222]

Thanks you guys

I'm gonna go see a counselor after my exam (nov 16) so hopefully the one I see will know something about autism spectrum disorders

@Anne - my mum was always trying to make me seem/act normal. I remember she always used to say 'stop pacing around like a caged lion.' Lol... She's put a lot of pressure on me my whole life to succeed. I have three younger sisters who she didn't pressure much at all, because they are pretty normal (though the youngest is now 13 and reminds me a lot of myself, except she is more social and less obsessive ^_^).

If I had been diagnosed at a young age, I'd likely still have gone to Uni, but I certainly wouldn't be studying to be a librarian as I am now. What an incredibly social job, lol. I've worked in fast food, which is fine because after you get used to it you are basically just speaking the same script to every customer. But then you get the occasional customer who starts talking to you and then it becomes awkward. In a library people are going to be asking for book recommendations and such, and there will be meetings and conferences and budget negotiations and all that too >_>

But I'm going to try my best, because I kind of really want to work in a library, and I can't think of anything else at all I want to do...

Hi,

You should never give up on your aspirations, and pursue them to the very end. You sound like you will make a good librarian or whatever else you want to do in there I saw your message right away but didn't want to rpely because it's not my place to diagnose anybody with anything. You need to see a psychiatrist/therapist/etc. for the professional opinion you want. But just on the surface with evertyhing you said, you definitely seem like you are aspie.

But don't let all your symptoms define who you are. You are your own unique person aside form them and are obviously very eloquent in describing what you have and are going through. This should make it easier on whoever you see for this. I actually saw you post on another site as well. You definitely found the right ones where everyone is pretty nice as well as accepting.

My mom has never accepted me having the asperger's either. That's why she had me evaluated three different times. And each time it was the same diagnosis. She's forced to accept it now, but she doesn't really acknowledge any part in my past or anything that was going on then that connected with this even though things were so obvious they could have hit her in the face and she still would have still been in denial

Are there other things you are really good at or could see yourself enjoying besides working in a library?

-sean-

 

[LlaLla]

Hi,

You should never give up on your aspirations, and pursue them to the very end. You sound like you will make a good librarian or whatever else you want to do in there I saw your message right away but didn't want to rpely because it's not my place to diagnose anybody with anything. You need to see a psychiatrist/therapist/etc. for the professional opinion you want. But just on the surface with evertyhing you said, you definitely seem like you are aspie.

But don't let all your symptoms define who you are. You are your own unique person aside form them and are obviously very eloquent in describing what you have and are going through. This should make it easier on whoever you see for this. I actually saw you post on another site as well. You definitely found the right ones where everyone is pretty nice as well as accepting.

My mom has never accepted me having the asperger's either. That's why she had me evaluated three different times. And each time it was the same diagnosis. She's forced to accept it now, but she doesn't really acknowledge any part in my past or anything that was going on then that connected with this even though things were so obvious they could have hit her in the face and she still would have still been in denial

Are there other things you are really good at or could see yourself enjoying besides working in a library?

-sean-

Thanks Sean

There is really nothing else I am interested in doing, lol. I really wanted to be an animator when I was a kid, but got over that. Besides that, I've never really had any other aspirations. Besides when I was in primary school and I wanted to be a baker, but that was because I wanted to eat lots of cakes. I don't really have any talents I can think of. And the only interest I've had in years is anime - I've tried to get interested in other things but to no avail.
I started to doubt myself a bit the other day when my lecturer was talking about job opportunities. She told us that most graduates do find full time work, but for some reason or another there are some who never do. She told us this is because they had bad personalities and just didn't fit into the library And I thought this may be me in the future. I hope not though, haha. Well, I'm not going to give up ^o^

 

[Sean2222]

Thanks Sean

There is really nothing else I am interested in doing, lol. I really wanted to be an animator when I was a kid, but got over that. Besides that, I've never really had any other aspirations. Besides when I was in primary school and I wanted to be a baker, but that was because I wanted to eat lots of cakes. I don't really have any talents I can think of. And the only interest I've had in years is anime - I've tried to get interested in other things but to no avail.
I started to doubt myself a bit the other day when my lecturer was talking about job opportunities. She told us that most graduates do find full time work, but for some reason or another there are some who never do. She told us this is because they had bad personalities and just didn't fit into the library And I thought this may be me in the future. I hope not though, haha. Well, I'm not going to give up ^o^

Hey,

That's why I said do not give up because szmehow I felt like there was some kind of adversity you were going to say you were having or dealing with. And it's totally normal, especially for someone on the autistic spectrum. Oh I wouldn't draw too much into that "bad personalities" comment by your lecturer. If people are going to be so judgemental of someone who obviously has all the intellect, ability, and desire to do this, then that is on them. You can only be who you are, so I hope you won't chnage yourself too much too meet their fake standards. You don't seem like you have a personality problem, but who knows how the nt world chooses to perceive you. That really is irrelevant though.

-sean-

 

[LlaLla]

Hey,

That's why I said do not give up because szmehow I felt like there was some kind of adversity you were going to say you were having or dealing with. And it's totally normal, especially for someone on the autistic spectrum. Oh I wouldn't draw too much into that "bad personalities" comment by your lecturer. If people are going to be so judgemental of someone who obviously has all the intellect, ability, and desire to do this, then that is on them. You can only be who you are, so I hope you won't chnage yourself too much too meet their fake standards. You don't seem like you have a personality problem, but who knows how the nt world chooses to perceive you. That really is irrelevant though.

-sean-

Thanks
I don't plan to change myself too much. Besides trying to be more social >_> Well, it should work out for me if I try my best. I think so anyway