Do You Hide Your Intelligence When You Meet "Normal" People?

[Sparticus]

On many social occasions/interactions I've found it better to hide my intelligence and just go along with the social flow. Unless I'm with a college Professor/Doctor or other intelligent being, I find it more beneficial to "dumb" myself down. Perhaps it might be because of the location I'm in. Like I said when I meet intelligent people I can be myself.

What about you?

 

[Ereth]

I didn't do it before my diagnosis and I don't do it now. I have no intention of changing who I am, and my intelligence is part of that.

 

[Christy]

Yes, I do this all the time. I hate it, but the reality is that if I'm to have any sort of relationship with these people, I have to communicate in a manner they can understand.

 

[Judge]

By adulthood I became rather picky about people I'd hang with. Generally tried to look for people I thought were intellectually compatible. It seemed to offset some of my other social limitations, for whatever reason.

Frankly I don't think I'd be very good at dealing with my own social limitations and pretending to be less intelligent than I actually am all in real time. That's the kind of multitasking that would probably blow up in my face while attempting to emulate other Neurotypical behaviors at the same time.

Needless to say, being intellectually bright and being socially clever can be two very different skills.

 

[Arashi222]

I never hide my intelligence. I may appear as innocent and childlike but I am intelligent and I don't hide it.

 

[Warwick C]

For me I don't all ways let on how much I know at times. But probe enough and you will find out, I just don't make it obvious.

 

[Vanilla]

I used to when I was younger, but have outgrown this habit (mostly don't care anymore what others think of me), but I've learned when to keep my opinions to myself...most of the time

 

[paloftoon]

Find your people - Meetup may have groups specifically for nerds or even aspies, if you are near a bigger city or willing to drive (possibly many hours). If many hours, you want to have a plan- like what you could do when meeting is over with, etc. Look for some groups where you have a chance to be yourself more. While we can't be in these kind of groups 100% of the time, I think every little bit helps.

 

[wyverary]

Apparently, I don't hide my intelligence at all. I've been told that I come across as very bright, insightful, and intelligent without sounding condescending or pretentious. I guess it's all in the context and the people whom you are with.

But I don't like to automatically think of myself as "intelligent" to begin with. I just have my passions and my knowledge, and maybe I'm good at some things. I don't like to compare myself to other people in that way.

 

[Spinning Compass]

Yes, I do, depending on the context. I never used to and it caused me a lot of social grief until I figured it out. One thing I learned the hard way is that there are certain expectations that are culturally and socio-economically based. For example, if you have high intelligence/education but poor social skills and you live in an economically-challenged community, displaying your intelligence is asking for trouble. The reason is that the expectation is that if you have high intelligence/education, then you also should be making money on a level with that intelligence and therefore you don't really fit into that community. You should be living with your "peers". The fact that economics forces you to live in an income-challenged community justifies the other residents' belief that education really isn't worth it, all it does is make you "book smart" but "life stupid." Among people who basically have to live by their wits and often cut corners to get by, being "book smart" but "life stupid" is an unforgiveable sin, and they can be merciless whenever you display any kind of ineptness at things that are second nature to them. So, among the people that I live with, I dumb it down.

 

[Judge]

The more I think about it, for myself it's not a matter of dumbing down or hiding what I knew, but rather still having to adapting to what others knew and more importantly wanted to talk about. Which usually left me with far less to talk about. Sometimes it left me feeling more like a mascot than a member of the group. Always having the feeling of being an outsider, no matter what.

(I hung with the same small clique of four fellow employees for several years.)

 

[I am that which I am]

I guess I do not lower my intelligence, apparently I come off as being brilliant and insightful, but will sometimes use different language based on who I am talking with and about what topic. It is a trick I still have to practice a lot being a scientist/researcher since there is a lot of technical jargon, but you still sometimes have to explain it to other scientists outside of your field, or the typical lay person. Like a prof. used to say "How will you explain this to the guy at the bus stop?" It is skill I started to practice in my first year of university as people told me I often said things that just went right over their heads, although they were trying very hard to understand. So I did not dumb myself down but rather dumbed down the explanation and elaborated on it.

I would also not have certain intelligent conversations with people that are not interested or not at that level, so just skip over it entirely. But for that I had to learn their body language and certain social cues at a young age. Sometimes I would do that just to fit in, so I guess I used to dumb myself down a little bit depending on the situation, but eventually became bored and tired of it.

 

[Sparticus]

Thanks for validating my feelings! Perfect...I feel the same way. Amazing...you described it exactly how I feel it. Maybe it depends on what crowd/neighborhood we hang out with and who accepts us for being ourselves. I do the same for the reasons you mentioned.

Yes, I do, depending on the context. I never used to and it caused me a lot of social grief until I figured it out. One thing I learned the hard way is that there are certain expectations that are culturally and socio-economically based. For example, if you have high intelligence/education but poor social skills and you live in an economically-challenged community, displaying your intelligence is asking for trouble. The reason is that the expectation is that if you have high intelligence/education, then you also should be making money on a level with that intelligence and therefore you don't really fit into that community. You should be living with your "peers". The fact that economics forces you to live in an income-challenged community justifies the other residents' belief that education really isn't worth it, all it does is make you "book smart" but "life stupid." Among people who basically have to live by their wits and often cut corners to get by, being "book smart" but "life stupid" is an unforgiveable sin, and they can be merciless whenever you display any kind of ineptness at things that are second nature to them. So, among the people that I live with, I dumb it down.

 

[Tarragon]

I think it's a very good topic, and the use of the words "intelligence" and "dumbing down" are open to interpretation. As aspies, we have to adapt all the time (except here on AC which is wonderful!!) but yes, most of the time I keep myself in check and talk at the level of the people I meet, which isn't patronising or feeling superior. Perhaps having learnt at a very early age to try and blend or be the target of ridicule and abuse, it's just a survival instinct. When we are also faced with the reality of being smart yet unable to hold down jobs for smart people, people are cruel to comment and judge.

One question I really want to raise at some point is, having spent a lifetime trying to fit in and not follow my Natural abilities and interests (as an adult aspie too late for a diagnosis in childhood) how the hell do I overcome all the mental blocks I've put in place to keep myself in check so I can once again be "me" without the fear of being vulnerable?

In other words, yes I've "dumbed down" to the point it's an automatic reflex, but how the heck do I stop doing this now I know what I am?!!

 

[wyverary]

A lot of NT's, I should point out, also have difficulties or reluctance in hiding their own intelligence. I don't think it's a purely Aspie thing.

 

[Tarragon]

A lot of NT's, I should point out, also have difficulties or reluctance in hiding their own intelligence. I don't think it's a purely Aspie thing.

Well said. Really, the issue for us aspies is that we have to hide our true selves all of the time, which isn't fair!

 

[Turk]

Depending on the company, my intelligence has a way of hiding from me.
Well at least that way it appears authentic

 

[Aspie@60]

Yes! We already have so much trouble getting along that going along is what I do.

 

[Unspired]

The way I think of it is that there are different languages for speaking in different situations and in writing. When I write an essay for school, my language is precise and more formal while if I'm lazy/casual I'll use slang and contractions.

I never like the use of the term intelligence, but when I'm passionate about something I can't help but try and share that excitement with others. But as I've learned, people tend to be more inclined to push you away or play devil's advocate if you act too excited about a topic; so in a way I do hide my motivated, excited self when I want to talk about something that interests me.

So I would say
Me: "Hey, have you heard about Tim Minchin? Someone was telling me about him (lie), and I thought it sounded interesting. So I looked him up and he writes some comedic and anti-religion stuff; it's pretty cool. I gotta show you this video of him playing."
Sis: "Alright. Haha he's pretty funny."
(Later she mentions to family at dinner this guy me found out about that's pretty cool)

Rather than
Me: "Dudedudude this is hilarious you have to see it he's amazing it's so cool."
Whole family （大家族だ）and 6 friends I brought: "This is pretty offensive. It's not even that funny.. couldn't you play piano better than that?"
(Family proceeds to ridicule me about this for weeks)

So yeah there's quite a large difference of reaction from people just based on how you present information regardless of what the information is. It's a lesson I learned not too long ago and got to get into the habit of doing. In short, I don't think it's wrong to hide who you are and what you're feeling because masking yourself is often necessary to get people to see in the perspective you want them too.

 

[Sparticus]

"innocent and childlike" -I like that. So many humans "grow up" too fast into a serious stale bitter role.

I never hide my intelligence. I may appear as innocent and childlike but I am intelligent and I don't hide it.