Do/Don't Blame the AS!?

[BruceCM_Aspergic]

Anybody?

 

[BruceCM_Aspergic]

Take it either nobody's heard both?

 

[superboyian]

I wouldn't really blame my AS for really anything, after all, there is some disadvantages and some advantages from it.

I would actually thank AS for pretty much the good thing that happened in my life but for the bad things that happened in my life, I'm not sure if I would want to blame AS, normally I would just blame myself.

 

[Calvert]

Depends really. Sometimes I would blame it for my social failings (after all what else would be to blame?). I don't blame it for everything though.

 

[Krazie243]

I blame the AS totally =) - for me being awesome!

"I am Curtis, and I am from Aspergia! I come to your land to seek out the world. I have a higher IQ than you NT people, but my imperfect understanding of your local language will sometimes hide that fact. I will reorganize your shtuff, I will make things efficient. Give me control and watch me improve it all! I don't care about your feelings, but that is what makes me even better at what I do. I am not weighed down by social expectations. I am Curtis, and I am from Aspergia!"

All of you guys here should be just as proud of where you come from. The last time I tried to tell a person how to understand Asperger's I related the communication gap to that of an immigrant who had learned english as a language but not entirely equipped with all the local slang and culture. In the same way that Asians who immigrate to Canada (the smart ones of course) typically do far better in the academic world than our own locals but have problems completely understanding the language - we Aspies seem to very nearly have something of an immigrant status in our own countries. But that is ok. We should be proud of our homeland Aspergia! The world is lucky to have us =)

 

[BruceCM_Aspergic]

HAVE YOU HEARD BOTH!? It seems not but nobody's saying! Not heard the 'don't BLAME yourself?' bit, either? Although you're supposed to accept responsibility and it's not really clear what the difference IS.

 

[Calvert]

I blame the AS totally =) - for me being awesome!

"I am Curtis, and I am from Aspergia! I come to your land to seek out the world. I have a higher IQ than you NT people, but my imperfect understanding of your local language will sometimes hide that fact. I will reorganize your shtuff, I will make things efficient. Give me control and watch me improve it all! I don't care about your feelings, but that is what makes me even better at what I do. I am not weighed down by social expectations. I am Curtis, and I am from Aspergia!"

Sounds like the type of crap an AS supremacist would spout.

HAVE YOU HEARD BOTH!? It seems not but nobody's saying! Not heard the 'don't BLAME yourself?' bit, either? Although you're supposed to accept responsibility and it's not really clear what the difference IS.

Can you explain that? Heard of both what? Yes, I've heard the "don't blame yourself" bit but sometimes it is you that needs to take the blame (and sometimes it's not).

 

[BruceCM_Aspergic]

That's what I'm trying to get a BIT more explanation of. For which things are you supposed to accept responsibility? If it isn't EVERYTHING you do. Of course, it gets complicated when you're dealing with claims about attitudes, feelings and how you are or are not dealing with any and all of those. That's the reality, though.

 

[Calvert]

Ah, I see. Well I guess it depends on the situation. Maybe you could give some examples?

 

[BruceCM_Aspergic]

Very difficult. It's usually claimed to be 'the way' I said or did something, rather than what. Trying to find out WHAT way usually doesn't work. It's like; 'that was rude'; 'what was?' 'the WAY you said that'; 'sorry, what way?' 'oh, don't be stupid, you know what I mean!' Another time you progress to 'the rude way', which is hardly informative. We'd be here forever if I could remember more egs and in more detail!

 

[Krazie243]

Calvert: Methinks you need to view my avatar before claiming anything I say is 'supremacist'. I'm a very 'fun' person. Whenever I spout something ridiculous it should pretty much be guaranteed that I'm joking around for personal amusement. I'm a very scientific/factual person so anytime something I say is blatantly over the top it is in jest.

 

[BruceCM_Aspergic]

Or, more directly related to the 1st post: I ask about something and either get the don't blame yourself or do blame the AS, now I'm diagnosed. Effectively, blaming the AS for problems seems too similar to saying I can't help whatever it is. Which was ALWAYS called an excuse! Somebody must know what I'm on about?

 

[Calvert]

Very difficult. It's usually claimed to be 'the way' I said or did something, rather than what. Trying to find out WHAT way usually doesn't work. It's like; 'that was rude'; 'what was?' 'the WAY you said that'; 'sorry, what way?' 'oh, don't be stupid, you know what I mean!' Another time you progress to 'the rude way', which is hardly informative. We'd be here forever if I could remember more egs and in more detail!

They are talking about the tone of voice that you are using I think.

Calvert: Methinks you need to view my avatar before claiming anything I say is 'supremacist'. I'm a very 'fun' person. Whenever I spout something ridiculous it should pretty much be guaranteed that I'm joking around for personal amusement. I'm a very scientific/factual person so anytime something I say is blatantly over the top it is in jest.

I wasn't claiming that you are a supremacist, simply making an observation about your post. Yes, I did realize you were most likely joking around.

Or, more directly related to the 1st post: I ask about something and either get the don't blame yourself or do blame the AS, now I'm diagnosed. Effectively, blaming the AS for problems seems too similar to saying I can't help whatever it is. Which was ALWAYS called an excuse! Somebody must know what I'm on about?

I do know what you are talking about but it's hard to say what is to be blamed. If it is something socially then it would most likely be your AS at fault. If someone is saying to not blame yourself, they may be saying that to comfort/support you.

 

[BruceCM_Aspergic]

Tone of voice, yes, thanks, I gathered that much. Only I can't tell, from my end and I'm responsible for it. I'm 35 and not quite a complete idiot, ta.

 

[Calvert]

No one said that you were a complete idiot. I'm only trying to help.

 

[BruceCM_Aspergic]

Well, I covered 'way it's said' and you're saying tone of voice, like I can't manage to think of that much. Obviously, if it was any I could tell I had, I'd not be asking.

 

[Calvert]

Right, well I didn't mean for it to come across in that way. I understand your question but I can't think of a good answer as you can tell.

 

[BruceCM_Aspergic]

OK, ta. Would be here forever going through it in all the details, if I remembered them all. Sorry. Can't deal with each and every single incident as none will occur exactly the same way again. Must be some way to proceed, however?

 

[krisi]

That's what I'm trying to get a BIT more explanation of. For which things are you supposed to accept responsibility? If it isn't EVERYTHING you do. Of course, it gets complicated when you're dealing with claims about attitudes, feelings and how you are or are not dealing with any and all of those. That's the reality, though.

^Here, the real questions and the heart of this discussion topic.^

This is what I would say, take it as you will:

It all depends upon what kind of person you want to be. Do you want to be the kind of person who does not take responsibility for their own actions? Who always finds a place to lay blame, so that they don't have to feel any guilt? Or do you want to be the person who is treated like everyone else, even though there is something that makes you different, makes it more difficult for you? Or do you want to be the person who picks and chooses--for if you blame your asperger's for your shortcomings, yet take personal credit for your acheivements, what are you then? Of course it's not all black and white like this--the entire situation is overwhelmingly complex, and to spare you all paragraphs and paragraphs, I will leave it to these three choices. I wouldn't say there is one right choice. Disclaimer: My own personal biases have tainted the way I have described each personality type, and I recognize that.

Mayhap another question would be "How does a person with a social disability deserve to be treated?" or more personally, "How do you want to be treated?". I'd say answer that, and act accordingly whether or not you "blame" your AS.

 

[krisi]

I do know what you are talking about but it's hard to say what is to be blamed. If it is something socially then it would most likely be your AS at fault. If someone is saying to not blame yourself, they may be saying that to comfort/support you.

I see what you are saying, Calvert. I agree about the possible intent of the other person trying to be supportive. On the other hand, I don't think having Asperger's means that social skills are entirely out of our reach. They're certainly more difficult to learn, and they don't come naturally, but I think it's possible to approximate the same skills as an NT, but usually with a different process (conscious rather than subconscious) and a different personality (not sure if that's exactly the word I want).