Did your parents try to take away your special interests?

[Mia]

'Have you been digging in the dirt again'? That was my parent's favourite saying. 'Go and clean up you're filthy'. Why can't you have nice tea parties? Why can't you be like the White's girl or the Smith girl. 'No, don't bring that in the house, it's a piece of old junk'. She approved when I drew quietly, or read, but not too much reading which would give me crazy ideas. For all her reprimands, it simply made me want to do it more. And I still do it to this day.

 

[Mia]

It relating to Girl Guides which is common for USA and Canada.

It's the precursor to girl guides, I was a brownie, similar to the 4 H club which I also was a member of. We chanted, pledged allegiance to the Queen, earned badges (knitting, sewing, first aid, skating, camping, fire starting, growing vegetables) wore brown militaristic type uniforms and eventually graduated to girl guides. Where we did essentially the same things.

 

[Vanessa32]

My parents did not go so far as to try and take my special interests from me. But they, and other adults such a teachers, did at times give me grief for being too focused on certain things, especially being a sports fan. I definitely recall a school librarian writing something on my report card about me reading too many sports books and not enough books on other subjects. And my uncle on my dad's side (who was mostly very loving and supportive of me) would sometimes get tired of me going on about the details of my favorite teams, like player trades and injuries and so on. So there was at least some mild sense that adults thought i was too focused on sports.

 

[Christina Renee]

Yes. My mom use to ground me from reading because I would be in my room alone too much. They use to make me sit in the living room with the rest of the family and watch them watch TV. I hated it and just counted down the minutes until I could go back into my room and re-join my fantasy worlds.

 

[Maelstrom]

Yes...nothing I liked was good enough... a steady black rain of comments fell on my head until he wore me down into giving it up.
You would not believe me if I told you how much damage the world is going to take for changing my path.
But maybe it was meant to be?

 

[Mia]

I remember Brownies. They were the equivalent of Cub Scouts if memory serves right. We always wondered what sinister things the Brownies did in their meetings. After all, girls had cooties back then.

I have great memories of brownies, it was fun. You got to do stuff; winter camping, outdoor cooking, fire starting. You earned badges for completed tasks, sewing, knitting, first aid, cake and pie making (yes there was a badge with a cake and pie on it) community work, recycling, archery. The more badges you were awarded, the sooner you became a girl guide. Which I eventually did.

 

[Maelstrom]

What, no badge for world domination?

....Bwaah! Ha! ha! ha!

Actually Ruling the world is over rated...too many people to complain!

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

No, my parents were always very encouraging of anything I was interested in. They did always make an effort to also encourage me to branch out a bit and develop more sociable or active interests, but that was a positive thing even if it was rather tiresome at the time.

 

[Kayn-Ishmael]

Parents are inherently unvirtuous, which is made evident by their immoral urge to turn matter into pain-conducts and, to add insult to injury, indoctrinate these same pain-conducts to become neurotic cogs in the social machine, just because they can. Coercion is endemic to parenting in general, afteral. That whole "dishonor" fatuity. Something is "dishonorable" not because it lacks virtue, but because it goes
against their "authority". All they're doing is imposing their will on you.

What even is the difference between a "supportive" family and an "dysphoric" one anyway? You'll end up submiting to the notion of culture in any case, which your parents forced onto you, be it by "gentle" means or "agressive" means. For example: the reason everyone here is advocating in favor of the concept of pareting in general is because the culture your families forced onto you virtually diefies familial elders.

How can anyone think parents are good people?

 

[the_tortoise]

No, my parents always encouraged and supported my interests, whatever they happened to be.

 

[the_tortoise]

For example: the reason everyone here is advocating in favor of the concept of pareting in general is because the culture your families forced onto you virtually diefies familial elders.

Everyone is here advocating the concept of parenting? I did not see that as the point of this thread......

In any case, parenting is a necessary fact of life, since human beings start out small and vulnerable and totally helpless and we develop slowly, both physically and mentally.....we must be protected and fed and comforted and shown basic things for many years before we have any hope of surviving in the world on our own.....and some degree of social knowledge acquisition or aculturation is a necessary aspect of human life, being that we are social creatures that have evolved complex societies, for better or worse.

 

[Kayn-Ishmael]

Everyone is here advocating the concept of parenting? I did not see that as the point of this thread......

In any case, parenting is a necessary fact of life, since human beings start out small and vulnerable and totally helpless and we develop slowly, both physically and mentally.....we must be protected and fed and comforted and shown basic things for many years before we have any hope of surviving in the world on our own.....and some degree of social knowledge acquisition or aculturation is a necessary aspect of human life, being that we are social creatures that have evolved complex societies, for better or worse.

Sorry, i think i've miss-spoken. "Everyone is treating pareting as a good thing, conceptually." should be a better way of phrasing it. Thank you for the observation.

I do oppose everything you jus typed, in the most fundamental way possible. However, it would be pointless to specify my beliefes relating to this subject any further, taking in cansideration that it wouldn't be constructive for any of us for this conversation to continue, especielly when my ideology is so alien compared to other people's. So i wont't respond to your observations about society, but i do understand where you come from.

 

[tlc]

They didn't necessarily try to take away my special interests. (My mom called them my "phases".) But my dad was always trying to get me to be more social. He always critisized me for not looking at people, and when I would talk about my special interests he would tell me to stop because nobody likes a know-it-all. So to this day I automatically dumb myself down so I'll fit in, or not say anything at all. Many times he said I needed to attend a Dale Carnegie course to learn how to communicate with people. And while he was trying to keep my sister IN the house and out of trouble, he was trying to get me to talk to girls and get out of the house. My idea of enjoying spring break was programming my TI85 calculator. He also always said I'd have to learn someday that there's nothing wrong with booze and pot, and wanted to get me to use them.

My mom was usually much more forgiving of who I actually was, and helped me accomplish things. It's still that way. She would find things that she thought would cater to what I was obsessed with at the time. Only thing she did which bugged me was she would "clean" my room and throw all unrelated items together.

 

[Nauti]

My mum scorned me for my life-and-sanity-saving reading habit and she stopped me learning piano when I had the chance. I still haven't fully been able to forgive her for this
I became a good singer and I compose through singing, but I never got to learn any music theory or learn a second instrument. I think my life would have been very different if I had been able to learn piano when I was ready to, because I really am very talented musically.

Learning new things is not at all easy for me. I don't relish change, much, and I prioritise other peoples needs over my own, a lot. Plus I got very unwell with CPTSD, so getting well had to become a priority.

My mum was very selfish and neglectful, as well as violent and abusive toward me, hence the CPTSD. She's not a totally bad person, just not good towards me.

I wanted dance lessons as well, but never got the chance. I'm probably a lot more upset and disadvantaged from the neglect, than I am the abuse.

 

[Gracey]

Discouraged when it didn't fit in with expectations.

When crayons were used for a wall mural - no more room on paper provided,

I'd be told to "go and play out" (play outside)
I'd climb and tumble, run, jump, dig, balance on things,
Which usually got me covered in whatever I came into contact with.
Which wasn't encouraged.

When helping dad to decorate (gloss woodwork)
The oily paint could be applied to my palms with a 1" brush easily while unsupervised.
My hand prints looked great on the walnut doors upstairs
(we did it in school. Cover palms in paint, and magically, they appeared on a freeze on the school corridor wall)
The teacher was delighted, parents? Not so much.

 

[Progster]

No, as long as they didn't cause any harm, I was pretty much left to my own devices (literally). Limiting factors for me were geographical location and money. My parents weren't very well off and lived in the sticks.

I have great memories of brownies, it was fun. You got to do stuff; winter camping, outdoor cooking, fire starting. You earned badges for completed tasks, sewing, knitting, first aid, cake and pie making (yes there was a badge with a cake and pie on it) community work, recycling, archery. The more badges you were awarded, the sooner you became a girl guide. Which I eventually did.

I was in the Brownies, but very briefly. I hated it from the word go. First thing they had us do was knock on strangers' doors with a charity collection box to ask us for money. I hated this and couldn't do it. Then they made us do country dancing - I have an aversion to formal dancing of any kind.

 

[Mia]

First thing they had us so was knock on strangers' doors with a charity collection box to ask us for money. I hated this and couldn't do it.

Don't recall having to do that, going door to door. Although we worked in booths at fairs and sold baked goods and served at teas. Most of what we did was outdoors. It probably had something to do with the brownie leaders and what they emphasized as community service.

 

[Pink Jazz]

My parents do try to control my obsession with the color pink, sometimes not wanting me to wear pink when my father is wearing a pink shirt.

 

[Progster]

My parents do try to control my obsession with the color pink, sometimes not wanting me to wear pink when my father is wearing a pink shirt.

Why doesn't she want you to wear pink when your father is wearing a pink shirt??

 

[Pink Jazz]

Why doesn't she want you to wear pink when your father is wearing a pink shirt??

Actually, my mother doesn't have much of an issue with it; it is my father himself who does. Apparently he thinks we would look strange when we are both wearing pink.