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Defeating aspergers is possible ! Don't give up !

D

Doubletime

Well-Known Member
Looking at the topics posted on this site is pretty bloody depressing if you have aspergers as i do...." You just have to except who you are and be happy with the few friends you got " " I can't expect to be invited to every single big social event " " That stuff is not for us ;) " and so forth and forth...I have been checking trough several aspergers forum and NEVER EVER have i seen a single aspergers success story...

Lets be honest...Most of us would give up any intellectuell advantages for social skills so we could get friends instead of getting good grades....Ever since we started school we have been wanting to get friends and fighting too get it...Allthough the vast majority of aspies have givven up the fight long ago and excepted defeat....They have accepted the fact that they will never be populair or have hordes of friends by their side wherever they go. I found this to be a very depressing way of reasoning. Because allthough it is bloody hard, getting a fully normal social life or even becomming populair is possible for us aspies...

I know because i myself have allmost accomplished such a feat.All the way up to my 18th birthday i was basicly a looner with....7 friends on facebook..... Despite the fact that my class(knowing that i had aspie) Tried to just absorbve me as a part of the group i did not believe in myself enough to just go for it..I was allways afraid of failing...I did not take care of myself to leave a good impression(Sexy clothes+ calmed hair) And i ultimately failed at that point....So i decide that i wanna do something about it for real during the summer holiday break ! As my family will move to a compleatly new town i decided to go for the change and allways dress good...i had 1 last year left in school and wanted to achieve a social redemption...I wanted to crush my aspergers and gain a at the very least normal social life..And now...With 4 months left before the school is over...I have 126 friends on my facebook(23 out of 25 FB friends with my classmates)and i am very close to achieving my goal...All i need to do is to gain more confidence and i will have this victory in the bag !

Ofc it has not been painfree....I was so nervous the first day that i mannaged to make a permanent enemy(Teacher paired me up with him and i said some rude unintentional stuff and he has been hating me relentlessly ever since) ALlthough ofc all his closest friends like me xD he did try to keep them from being my friends but he failed..And i made many more screw ups due to being an aspie(ETQ don't know what to say but gotta talk so you say whats on ur mind and it gets horribly wrong you don't realize what you done untill after it happend) And so forth...I still have a few barriers to fight...I still need to gain a stronger social influence on more people(Got 4 close friends atm and maybe 8 friends rest neutral too me except 4 people who are negative towards me). I gotta fight very hard to win over my aspergers...But it is definetly possible...

So what we have here is a halfway trough success story...I have 126 FB friends atm which is pretty bloody good for an aspie who only had 7, i am so open to new relationship now that some people are turned off by me being too socially agressive(While others embrace me right away)i have gained new confidence in myself, and as soon as i can get the last bit of social confidence i will have the victory in my bag! Even if i do not make any progress i have gotten very far in my fight against the Aspie Hex..

Of course you can't " defeat " aspergers as in eliminating it just like that....But you can have a normal social life despite having it, all you need is some confidence and some bloody gumption as well as alot of optimism ! For example if i have had the same mindset today as when i started the first year at my old school i could have been socially integrated there easily as they even wanted me too be socially integrated with them....The reason as to why i didn't become socially integrated was that i did not believe in myself/take care of myself..Exactly what leasson can be learned from this ?

Alot of times the way we percieve a social situation is alot worse then it is...Instead of assuming that you will be the odd man out in a classroom take innitiative to know several people....You will do misstakes several times but you will be able to work trough it...Instead of blabbling about how you can't seem to get friends go to the gym...Go out jogging..Have a makeover...pepp urself with optimistic thoughts and if someone is getting ur morale down then tell them off(My brother and sister constantly made me feel bad about myself...By constantly saying things like " Thats why you don't have any friends " or " Thats not what you are suppost to do in this situation " bla bla bla...You may never be " normal " But you can still have a " normal " social life...If you have a simmulair problem with people in the family tell them off..I was actually never really bullied at my school despite the fact that everybody knew what i had...I was more bullied by my sister and my brother saying things like " Retard" Quitely if i answerd a phone call that was clearly not meant for me..)

If you have a problem with relatives you have to live with every day doing theese things...DON'T accept it ! I saw a board here were a aspie girl had problems with her relatives bullying her on facebook and stuff...Instead of reseonign with such a person you should give them 1 warning...If they cross the line in spite of ur warning by posting abusive messages on FB then unfriend them and block their PMs...If you ahve a problem with a sibbling then confront the sibbling about it " I am not ok with you calling me retard you better never do that again " If that doesnt work...Then tell ur parents about it...They are being much more cowardly by attacking someone they think of as weaker verbally or otherwise.. DON'T Accept being bullied or downvalued by anyone and in particulair not people that you have to see every day ! In order to defeat ur aspergers you will need very high morale and self esteem....better just eliminate bullies from ur life...If it happends at school then do anything necessarrly to make it stop..

Make sure that you look and smell good whenever you go to school...Take care of ur hair and choose some pieces of cloth that will boost ur self esteem ! All you really need in order to start making friends if self esteem and good impressions(ETQ not smelling or having greecy hair "...You should allso do something like going to the gym in order to elevate ur esteem in the long run... Or if you are a girl go out jogging to get a nice sexy body...

Part of the Aspie hex is ur dissabillity to sence what is going on in diffrent situations and how you should react....The only way too overcome this is trough trial and error=You will do many misstakes....But that is ok as long as the end growth is reached ! As an aspie you have no/little friends because you have no social skills...You have no social skills because you have no/little interactions with friends...OBviusly you have to break this circle...

I pledge too all the readers of my elaborate post...Never ever be happy with a few friends or even less ! You have gone trough ALOT of troubles...There is no reason as to why you can't succed in ur social life is that is what you want..don't give up the fight ! In the end of the day, trying but failing is much better because you will atleast get the social experiment that will make next attempt easier ! Be patient and remember ! Failing is much better then not trying at all...Today you make ur move...Tomorrow you make youre appologies ! NO matter how dark the situation looks...As long as you are still allive...There is hope...
 
I started making more friends the moment I stopped trying to "defeat" Aspergers. Trying to be somebody else was the worse thing I could possibly have done. People know that I do things which can appear a little out of place, but they tell me if I have done something really silly and I apologise. I have also made a point of showing people my talents when I first meet them so they don't think I'm stupid. I also have a friend in my workplace who knows I have Aspergers. This helps because I can be reassured that if I am really getting on somebody's nerves, he will tell me and I can do something about it.
 
I used an online translator to translate parts of ur post...Allthough it only allowed 500 characters..

<Removed>

Obviusly inapropriate and unrelated to the topic..
 
Some good thoughts and advice there. I was thinking this was going to be a "curebie" post (going by the title). In fact it is good advice on how to be more "high functioning".
 
Ive got a question about that? what if you arent good at making friends or you dont feel you need friends? I myself have one friend in my life who im in touch with but I hardly ever see her. And with your whole face book scenario absolutely anyone can have hundreds even thousands of friends on face book but that doesnt make them your real friends really. Its just you being too dependant on cyberspace. We can never have lots of friends at all as the majority of people judge us. I think facebook has clouded your judgement and given you the illusion that you have lots of friends. Im really sorry to say this but i think persoanlly your so called success story is a little fake. But thats just my opinion no offence.
 
Since 'friends' doesn't have an agreed meaning (indeed, people actively argue against that), I'm 'friends' with absolutely everybody in the whole world! It's such a shame, though. You certainly can't have 'real friends' when 'friend' doesn't mean anything, anyway.
 
I think the real way to "defeat" it is not to really defeat it or try to stop acting like an Aspie, but to just accept it and learn to live with it.
I would be happy with just a few friends because having to handle lots of them sounds too stressful.
 
Waiting for any ideas how to do it, since it is insisted that 'friends' doesn't mean anything. That'd be interesting.... I want friends but then I thought that did mean something, even if I can't explain just what that is. Problem with thinking it means one thing is, of course, that it does not mean other things. Especially not this ANYTHING idea that people do insist on. Then produce different opinions about what it means as 'evidence'! Can I scream, please?
 
It is not fake...I still have a way to go....but it is not fake..

Allso i posted this to inspire hope...Not to have it bashed by critics rofl
 
nice speech. I am all for hope but this speech is for NT´s with low self esteem. This In my opinion does not fit Aspergers way of thinking and working with these issues.
 
"Most of us would give up any intellectuell advantages for social skills so we could get friends instead of getting good grades....Ever since we started school we have been wanting to get friends and fighting too get it...Allthough the vast majority of aspies have givven up the fight long ago and excepted defeat...."

As an Aspie, I generally don't like to be around people. I have no desire to be social. I avoid it and can't imagine wanting it to be any other way. The only 'socializing' I do is really for information, even when I come to forums like this, it is about gathering information and sharing information. Not about gathering friends. Its not about accepting defeat, its about being me. I would rather be doing research on my interrests than being with people.
 
I don't know man, if you put your mind to it, anything's possible. If you want to cure it, you can, if you want to keep it, you can.
 
If you have an amputated arm... it isn't possible to grow a new one even if you put your mind to it. If you are blind, it isn't possible to just start seeing even if you put your mind to it. If your brain is structured and wired different than most people.. (aspergers).. it isn't possible to 'cure it' even if you put your mind to it. Like blindness, you can learn to work around it, but it isn't going to go away.
 
I think the point of the original post was to be uplifting and encouraging to others. Especially those of you who are struggling with things right now. The original poster was just trying to give some hope to those who may need it at this time, and to let them know that they are not alone. Sometimes, you can definitely feel lonely and feel like giving up...don't do it! Just don't do it!
 
asperger syndrome is not autism.
late development. this diagnosis needs to be deleted. its really sad.
 
OrSomething said:
The two disorders have almost exactly the same symptoms: social issues, repetitive behaviours and sensory issues. What's the difference between them?
Click to expand...

Asperger's Syndrome doesn't involve an inability to communicate, and includes an ability to form relatively productive relationships with others in spite of the limitations imposed by it, which is something that autistics generally cannot do. People with A.S. generally have much higher I.Q.s, and are, on average, less sensitive to stimuli than those with autism.
 
Bellatrix said:
Asperger's Syndrome doesn't involve an inability to communicate, and includes an ability to form relatively productive relationships with others in spite of the limitations imposed by it, which is something that autistics generally cannot do. People with A.S. generally have much higher I.Q.s, and are, on average, less sensitive to stimuli than those with autism.
Click to expand...
I disagree with your first couple points. People with "high-functioning" autism can communicate fine and can form relationships. They're more like people with Asperger's.

Do you agree, though, that Asperger's is on the autism spectrum?
 
OrSomething said:
I disagree with your first couple points. People with "high-functioning" autism can communicate fine and can form relationships. They're more like people with Asperger's.

Do you agree, though, that Asperger's is on the autism spectrum?
Click to expand...

I don't accept the spectrum idea, so no, it's not on the autism spectrum. The belief that it is a spectrum may be useful to some extent, for various reasons, but I don't think it furthers our understanding of either autism or Asperger's Syndrome, the main issue as I see it being its amorphous nature. At what point is one no longer considered to be "on the spectrum"? Is it when one has all of the other symptoms of autism, with the exception of just one or two (ex. 'stimming', sensory sensitivity)? Is everyone on the spectrum to some extent, as some like to claim? If a concept is not clearly defined, then how can one ever say anything truthful about it?
One either has autism or not. One either has Asperger's Syndrome, or one does not. Life really is black and white, but too many of us complicate things unnecessarily.
 
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