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Can you "turn off" your emotion?

Libecht

Well-Known Member
When watching a tragic or touching movie, story, news, or real event, some people burst into tears. Sometimes I do, too. But those emotions are all under my control. I can easily turn off my emotional part. When it's off, I become indifferent to those saddening or touching things. (Usually it's off, so to be more accurate, I have to turn it on when I want to "be moved")

My mom said that if an emotion can be turned off or controlled by rationality, it's fake.
What do you guys think? Can you do that too? Do you agree with my mom?


*Sorry for my bad English, I'm not a native speaker.
 
I can sort of do the same thing, but when I do my favorite hobby, which is watching movies, I always want to get the full experience, so I always have my guard down when I watch movies, and my guard up when I am around people :)

I don't want you to disrespect your mom, but I think she is seeing your problem in a NT way, from a different perspective than you and me. Many NT people don't really understand the things we can do, which sometimes are weird or superpowery :)
 
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I agree with Nacho that your mother doesn't have a good grasp of the Aspie perspective and how we operate. Honestly, though, I think many NTs are able to shut off emotions as the situation requires as well. It's a necessary skill for many, many "helping" professions.

Except in very rare cases, I am able to shut off my emotions pretty easily in a crisis or when I feel I need to stay rational/on my guard. It's something I've been able to do since early childhood. I do it to protect myself from emotional overload, to stay focused on the practical aspects of a difficult/pressing problem, and to do things I'm naturally afraid of. It's a very useful ability to have, though I am occasionally criticized for seeming too detached.
 
I agree with Nacho that your mother doesn't have a good grasp of the Aspie perspective and how we operate. Honestly, though, I think many NTs ........... I'm naturally afraid of. It's a very useful ability to have, though I am occasionally criticized for seeming too detached.
Well it's quite the oppsite to me, ususally I have to turn "on" my emotions @@
 
I always have my guard down when I watch movies, and my guard up when I am around people :)

I could say the same. Even a well-crafted movie trailer (or a book or song) can make my eyes well up with tears, but I may seem cold and methodical with interpersonal relationships at what I assume are inappropriate times: trying to clear up misunderstandings, or if someone is angry or hurt by something I said. My guess is it's a natural defense mechanism. Not that I become unaware of the other person's emotions, just unaffected. On the plus side, that does tend to give me some objectivity and allow for some logical discourse.

It is a different story when I am not the object of attention. I have a deep passion for being available to provide to others comfort for grief, assurance for anxiety, confidence and trust. I love listening [to one person at a time], I love helping other people feel better. But if the negativity is directed at me in any way, the emotion turns off like a switch.

I envy Libecht for that degree of control; I am limited to "emotions off" as an involuntary and not always helpful failsafe.

I am able to shut off my emotions pretty easily in a crisis or when I feel I need to stay rational/on my guard.

Works for me in crisis mode too, but still generally automatic.

Well, I suppose things could be worse.
 
Also:

We seem to take some criticism for not having any empathy, but my belief is that we just feel empathy differently, and in some cases more strongly, to the point of being overwhelmed.

With my guard down during movies, I have the freedom to feel as deeply as I want.

I don't know if there was any discussion around here on the movie Zero Theorem, but I just saw it this week. The main character is textbook ASD; I can relate easily to him, and I surged with emotion at times. He was at a party at one point when a woman asked him if he was there alone, and he [refers to himself plurally and] replied "We are generally everywhere alone." I wanted to stand up and cheer.

At one point he was regretting some romantic and emotional vulnerability, stubbornly backpedaling (like I have at times), and resulted in this dialogue:

Her: I knew you just seemed just—well, you were lonely.
Him: You're wrong. We were always alone, never lonely.
&
Her: You said you never wanted to leave me.
Him: That wasn't us, that was someone else.
Her: No, that was you, stripped of all your fear.

I made it to "stripped of all your fear" before I lost it—I wept.

There is nothing fake about what we feel.
 
When I was schoolaged I used to be more or less a robot, now though it seems I'm more likely to become overwhelmed and turn into some kind of mess, either crying uncontrollably, or destroying everything around me... the only sense I can make is stuff back when I was school aged never really mattered to me, the only things I cared about was my cat, music and HTML
 
I could say the same. Even a well-crafted movie trailer (or a book or song) can make my eyes well up with tears, but I may seem cold and methodical with interpersonal relationships at what I assume are inappropriate times: trying to clear up misunderstandings, or if someone is angry or hurt by something I said. My guess is it's a natural defense mechanism. Not that I become unaware of the other person's emotions, just unaffected. On the plus side, that does tend to give me some objectivity and allow for some logical discourse.


I'm the same way with things like movies and music. I actually use them deliberately when I need an emotional release over an interpersonal situation. Nadador does this, too. We've talked about which movies and music work for us when we need to "let go" in private. I'm tagging him because he may have some interesting thoughts on all of this.

It is a different story when I am not the object of attention. I have a deep passion for being available to provide to others comfort for grief, assurance for anxiety, confidence and trust. I love listening [to one person at a time], I love helping other people feel better. But if the negativity is directed at me in any way, the emotion turns off like a switch.

I envy Libecht for that degree of control; I am limited to "emotions off" as an involuntary and not always helpful failsafe.


I'm a natural helper/listener, too. My education is in rabbinical studies and social work, and though I never graduated, I have done a lot of related one-on-one and community work over the years. That stuff can be seriously draining unless a person can control their emotional accessibility well.

I used to have trouble controlling my reactions to negativity directed at me, but now I have come close to the point where I can step out of myself and look at an "attack" objectively to avoid making a bad situation worse. It's been hard work and always will be. The one exception is my reaction to another Aspie's meltdown. If they lose it, it can trigger me too. I am going to have to work on that since my new husband is a fellow Aspie. I know how important it is to follow "protocol" for dealing with someone else's meltdown.

I'm glad my emotional switch is manual, not automatic, though I have to take care to flip it before I get upset. Timing is critical.

We seem to take some criticism for not having any empathy, but my belief is that we just feel empathy differently, and in some cases more strongly, to the point of being overwhelmed.


I agree completely with this.

When I was schoolaged I used to be more or less a robot, now though it seems I'm more likely to become overwhelmed and turn into some kind of mess, either crying uncontrollably, or destroying everything around me... the only sense I can make is stuff back when I was school aged never really mattered to me, the only things I cared about was my cat, music and HTML


I've never been very robotic, but I have definitely seen big changes in how my Aspieness reacts to things since reaching adulthood. It's taken years to get used to how the new "me" works, and now that I'm approaching the middle of middle age, things are changing again. I feel like Microsoft Windows -- the versions periodically change and I need to relearn a surprising amount each time. :D
 
Either a fictional or real life tragedy moves you enough to cry or it doesn't. It's not equivalent to e.g. doctors switching off their emotions, because doctors do vital sh*t like saving peoples' lives - you obviously can't do your job if you're a blubbering emotional wreck. You are not saving anyone's life by watching a movie, so it doesn't matter one single jot whether you hold back the tears or not. I'm personally not a great crier, but certain things do make me well up. I don't force myself to feel sad/not sad at something though.
 
Yup, very easy to slip back into the uninvolved observer mindset, though fortunately, I haven't needed to for quite some time, since I've done a good job improving my emotional stability.
 
I can't completely shut them off, but I can suppress them and forcibly change my thoughts to a different subject that invokes different emotions.

I don't agree with your mom.
 
Definitely do NOT agree with your mum.

I don't understand why the 99% allow their emotions to play a part in the decision making process, nor why they seem to want to keep in contact with them at all times.

I think I have very strong emotions, but I keep them switched off when working or engaged in a special interest.

Emotions are valuable and can be a source of pleasure, but should not be given the keys to the vehicle as they will most likely run it off the road and crash :eek: (imho)
 
I, too, "turn it on". It's kind of like a connection, like when in the Jim Button books they had to connect magnets to make the engine go forward… Anyway, that explains to me the idea of "emotional connection". Sometimes I leave it in the "on"-position, but not around strangers.

Oh, and about realness. You are in no way obligated to leave this connection open leaking energy. If you do Zen meditation, you'll know you can turn you thoughts off, but the thoughts you have outside the meditations are still real. As real as thoughts are, in any case.

If you fake an emotion, obviously you only act outwardly like you have it, you wouldn't feel it.
 
...(edit) I don't know if there was any discussion around here on the movie Zero Theorem, but I just saw it this week. The main character is textbook ASD; I can relate easily to him, and I surged with emotion at times. ...(edit)


You and Slithytoves suggest a very interesting possibly. You are readily able to relate emotionally with a film character who appears to be on the spectrum. Slithy mentions an extra degree of difficulty in resisting emotional reaction to another Aspie's meltdown. It seems we all, Aspie and NT alike, are more likely to be emotionally affected by those people and situations to which we can somehow relate. This would make sense in myriad respects, and explain why we are often not as moved by the same evocative prompts as an NT. We are coming from an essentially different place.

It should be said that I generally make a distinction between feeling emotions because of something, and feeling emotions because of the emotional responses of others around me to the same. I am judged most harshly by NTs if I fail to respond emotionally when they do. It seems to be more about that than the actual situation at hand.


Either a fictional or real life tragedy moves you enough to cry or it doesn't. It's not equivalent to e.g. doctors switching off their emotions, because doctors do vital sh*t like saving peoples' lives - you obviously can't do your job if you're a blubbering emotional wreck....(edit)


I disagree with this.

"Either a fictional or real life tragedy moves you enough to cry or it doesn't." The OP himself states that he can control his responses at will, to situations up to and including real-life tragedy. Slithy seconded this, and I can usually do the same. That's at least three examples among a handful of responses.

"It's not equivalent to e.g. doctors switching off their emotions." With respect, it is indeed equivalent. This sort of emotional control is largely learned, though not everyone can master it. Many medical students struggle with maintaining control in their first years of direct exposure to human suffering. Some learn self-regulation, while others drop out for their inability to do so. The same applies to psychologists, social workers, aid workers, clergy, and so on.

I don't understand why the 99% allow their emotions to play a part in the decision making process, nor why they seem to want to keep in contact with them at all times.

I think I have very strong emotions, but I keep them switched off when working or engaged in a special interest.


Since I was called into this discussion, I'll pay it forward and call in NTgirl4276. She recently made some very good comments about the value of emotive reasoning. As I can't find them easily, perhaps she will lend a few new words on the subject here.

I find it fascinating to hear that you keep your emotions switched off when engaged in your special interest. I can switch off nearly everything in the universe when pursuing my principal SI, but find my emotions harder than usual to control. I wonder what makes us so different, and how others here would answer the question.
 
Working in the care field myself I find the ability to switch off my emotions comes naturally. Especially in emergency situations, I can be very calm an rational. Paradoxically, when I am at home, in a perfectly safe in relaxing environment, I am often overcome by a sense of impending doom and all consuming dispair. I do not know how to turn off those emotions, though I have tried. The same goes for minor fristrations, which rapidly spiral into maddening rage. When it comes to positive emotions; stubling across a cool cephalopod video can make me extatic, but major events like graduating or being surprised with an electric guitar fail to elicit any strong feelings. It is as though my emotional responses are inversely proportionate to the situation.
 
I can suppress an emotion too, as long as it isn't too strong (i.e, a meltdown), but I rarely cry at movies. I'm distanced from it and rarely get emotionally involved with the characters. The last time I felt emotion while watching a movie was when watching "12 Years a Slave".
 
Working in the care field myself I find the ability to switch off my emotions comes naturally. Especially in emergency situations, I can be very calm an rational. Paradoxically, when I am at home, in a perfectly safe in relaxing environment, I am often overcome by a sense of impending doom and all consuming dispair.


Perhaps this comes down to the masks we wear in our roles outside the home. My professional mask is virtually impermeable to upset. I have to hide my Asperger's and other disorders in my working capacity, and with them go many of my emotional vulnerabilities. When the mask comes off at home, it all comes back, sometimes in a flood.

My Tourette's works much the same as my emotions, in that sense. I suppress my tics around other people, sometimes for hours on end. Tension accumulates from the suppression. When I am in private and free to release, it can be hard to control the outpouring.
 
I find I am in the same category here as Datura, except I do not work in the care field (unless being a parent counts).
This so exactly describes my experience, therefore surprised me.
I agree with Nadador that NT's object when and because we "fail" to match their emotional responses.
Working in the care field myself I find the ability to switch off my emotions comes naturally. Especially in emergency situations, I can be very calm an rational. Paradoxically, when I am at home, in a perfectly safe in relaxing environment, I am often overcome by a sense of impending doom and all consuming dispair. I do not know how to turn off those emotions, though I have tried. The same goes for minor fristrations, which rapidly spiral into maddening rage. When it comes to positive emotions; stubling across a cool cephalopod video can make me extatic, but major events like graduating or being surprised with an electric guitar fail to elicit any strong feelings. It is as though my emotional responses are inversely proportionate to the situation.
Edited to add that even when the rage comes I have finally learned not to let myself destroy things or artwork. Also, this is where my, "The Hand of Logic" originated.
 
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