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Called a "sociopath" in a community?

silent ABAB

Well-Known Member
I payed no mind to the school shooting recently, and shrugged when my mom had told the news to me when I got home. Since it was on a Friday it had the whole weekend to have the full impact on everyone in the school I go to. When we got back on Monday everyone was of course talking about it. Someone asked me about it, as I'm known for not caring for people I guess. I just responded with "I don't care". Apparently being fixed on not caring is a bad thing, because I was immediately bombarded by "how don't you care?" and other multitudes of things like "you're horrible" and other phrases I'd rather not say. It got to the point where I felt like everyone was just yelling at me and I got so frustrated at them. My rage soon came out and I started yelling back things like "I don't GET how you can understand!". I guess then they remembered that I was also the biggest hot head there. My couple friends in the group didn't get mad though, which I like. My synopsis of this post is, though, is that has anyone had an experience like this in a community you belong to? Where you feel ostracized because you don't get why people are so up in arms about things or you just don't understand and they get mad? I'd like to know other peoples thoughts on this.
 
I have had similiar experiences with school shootings. People are really upset emotionally, and I just don't draw attention to myself, is all. In general, a cursory statement about how bad it is gets people off of the back.
 
I had to think about this for awhile. I honestly don't understand how you can not care about something like that. But I also have been personally affected by such an incident that I don't understand how someone cannot be impacted. I personally think most people like us are impacted by it I don't think it is honest not caring I think it is lack of ability to produce our emotions on cue for some things.
 
I had to think about this for awhile. I honestly don't understand how you can not care about something like that. But I also have been personally affected by such an incident that I don't understand how someone cannot be impacted. I personally think most people like us are impacted by it I don't think it is honest not caring I think it is lack of ability to produce our emotions on cue for some things.

I don't know. >.> I just never felt anything about stuff like that. I'm fine with dead bodies among other things also. But I guess it varies among all of us, right?
 
not saying this is what it is, but sometimes we shut off some things like emotions to protect ourselves, or it could just be that you hadn't experienced anything to relate to it. If you have never experienced something similar you may not have any way to connect with it.
 
not saying this is what it is, but sometimes we shut off some things like emotions to protect ourselves, or it could just be that you hadn't experienced anything to relate to it. If you have never experienced something similar you may not have any way to connect with it.

Trust me, I've had plenty of things to connect to it personally, I just don't get why people care. When my mom did tell me to just imagine all the mangled bodies of the children (after she noticed I didn't care) a slight smile slipped off of my face. It's always been this way, it's just that I "trained" myself not to do that (smile about death/other things) in public since people get mad at me or treat me badly after that. That, my speech impediment at a young age, and my sensory problems gave my doctor the suspicion that I might have been autistic.
 
Trust me, I've had plenty of things to connect to it personally, I just don't get why people care. When my mom did tell me to just imagine all the mangled bodies of the children (after she noticed I didn't care) a slight smile slipped off of my face. It's always been this way, it's just that I "trained" myself not to do that (smile about death/other things) in public since people get mad at me or treat me badly after that. That, my speech impediment at a young age, and my sensory problems gave my doctor the suspicion that I might have been autistic.
Silent people care because it is a horrible. People care because those parents aren't going to get to hold thier child anymore and that is tragic. I know I lost a very very close friend to something simliar and I know what it feels like to be pissed off when people just say stuff like that. I also get that maybe you don't feel it yet and that's ok. I think we all have issues. People may not intend to treat you badly after wards, but they in turn don't understand how you can't feel anything. Its not a bad thing its just maybe watch what you say about stuff like that because you don't know what its like and most people are affected by it.
 
Silent people care because it is a horrible. People care because those parents aren't going to get to hold thier child anymore and that is tragic. I know I lost a very very close friend to something simliar and I know what it feels like to be pissed off when people just say stuff like that. I also get that maybe you don't feel it yet and that's ok. I think we all have issues. People may not intend to treat you badly after wards, but they in turn don't understand how you can't feel anything. Its not a bad thing its just maybe watch what you say about stuff like that because you don't know what its like and most people are affected by it.

Well I've taught myself that over the years, as I said. I guess this is just so big to other people that it slipped through what I taught myself and got myself confused.
 
@Silent: It is a big deal. It is a very very big deal. I don't think people intend to be angry with you I think like me they don't understand how you can't be affected by it and maybe you are and you just aren't there yet. Its a big deal. It should be a big deal to you to but like I said maybe you aren't there yet.
 
@Silent: It is a big deal. It is a very very big deal. I don't think people intend to be angry with you I think like me they don't understand how you can't be affected by it and maybe you are and you just aren't there yet. Its a big deal. It should be a big deal to you to but like I said maybe you aren't there yet.

What exactly do you mean by "there yet"?
 
I mean that maybe you haven't felt the impact of it yet. Maybe you just aren't in the place to understand or feel why people are upset yet. that is all. You probably will in your own way.
 
I've had similar situation where I didn't care a lot for it. However, I've learned that I rather just not say anything at all, since I'm quite sure I'll get on peoples bad side if I'm ending up in an argument that's purely emotional for them.

Don't get me wrong, I don't condone people doing horrible stuff... I rather not have it happen, but in all my life I haven't been touched by anything horrific that left other people in deep shock or pain. I just can't connect to that emotional level I guess. However, I wont tell people they're weak or whatever for feeling sad about it. If you need to deal with it or express it, go ahead, just don't expect me to emotionally involved like that.

That sometimes (keyword Sometimes... I prefer not to generalize, so no one should feel attacked personally) is a problem. It takes a rational mind to understand that not everyone feels the same way about something all the time. And clearly some people will never get to that mental state. Those are the people that argue with you why you're not acting all sad with them side by side in the same way they do.
 
You know, I'm kind of with the original poster and King Oni on this. Personally, while I do think it is tragic, I feel it has been blown all out of proportion. And I think people are overreacting and making it even worse. I'm not saying I'm completely indifferent to this (I've written several blogs about it), I don't think I need to put my life on hold over it. We can honor these students and their families best by letting them to their grief.

I don't understand why people get so worked up these days over things that happen hundreds of miles from where they live to people they don't even know and probably wouldn't give two words to if they saw them on the street in their own home town. Let's face it, there are problems in our own communities. There are lonely, isolated people everywhere. Why not reach out to them instead?

I guess I come from a different generation. I remember when President Kennedy was assassinated, people were sad but they did not dwell on it over and over. It wasn't thrown in your face every time you turned around. They didn't bring in grief counselors or anything like that. And we all got on with our lives. I mean that was a very big thing when I was in first grade. Flags were at half mast. It was the first time I had ever seen flags at half-mast. The teacher explained that it was because President Kennedy had been shot. I remember watching Jack Ruby shoot Lee Harvey Oswald on TV, again people did not make as big a deal about that as they do today. And the funeral, I remember that. It was all very sad because everybody liked President Kennedy. Back then people were filled with hope and then this happened. But we picked up the pieces and went on. Now it seems like every other day I see flags at half-mast and I don't even know who they are for most of the time. It's become so routine you hardly ever see it.

So, no, I don't think you are a sociopath. I think that maybe you have your priorities in the right place.
 
I agree with spinning compass here. Media tends to blow tragedies up more (pardon the twisted pun) just for attention, ratings, and uptimately money with sponsors etc. People seem to react to what the media tells them to. It always puzzles me that people aren't filed with deeper emotion rage at all the injustice in the world which isnt in the media everyday. Im pretty sure that everyday, there are things going on just as bad as the shootings, yet because they aren't reported, people don't worry or care or get upset if you don't react etc.

But, saying that, I've learnt to be careful in social situations. It's easier to be quiet and not rock the boat. I guess that sounds a bit conformist, but perhaps that's the easiest thing to do when your surrounded by emotional sheeple who are having a media induced moment of sympathy. All bullpoop, like I said, but that's people for you!! :/

Take for instance the uproar ver the death of that poor Indian student who was killed by being beaten and raped on a public bus. In that case, it looks like the population has begun to actually do something positive about their civilisation by demonstrating in the streets to get the government to do something. Now, I think that's a good thing. I wonder if Americans are doing the same about guns, or it's just being washed over by media hype? Just thinking out loud....

maybe this shows the difference between media influence in America and India? I don't know. It seems to me the west has its sheeple under more control media wise. Or am I just getting a little paranoid?? :D
 
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First of all I kinda take offense at being called a sheeple just because I actually do feel something for those people. I have been in their mourning shoes and I think that just because you don't understand it doesn't mean you have to be callous about it either. We all feel things at our own rate and maybe you don't feel that it is a tragedy of major proportions but let me say this. It is a big deal it is something to be upset about it and while I don't think that it sociopathy to not feel as deeply as others about situations like this. I do think that if you don't feel the way the majority of people do about situation then try to be understanding of the fact that most people are going to care deeply about the situation.
 
Hey Arashi, not meaning to be offensive :(

Im just reflecting on the fact that this event is made public by media reporting, whereas cumulatively there are tragedies happening every day that the media don't pick up on. How many children starve to death globally every day? Poverty kills more children every day than guns in America, yet the media don't report daily on how many kids die today.

Im not saying that the shooting wasn't terrible, because it was. Im just obvserving how easily people of all kinds ignore death every day unless something "worth reporting about by the media" happens.

So, really, I'm not being cold, I'm being the opposite. Im often told I'm not caring by people who happily ignore whats really going on in the world all the time. Maybe a lot of us are tuned in so much, we become desensitised as a coping mechanism?

Just trying to reply to the original post. I find it's easier and safer to not speak out when people are under the sway of "mass hysteria" of any kind. Logic doesn't work when people are emotionally upset. I'd advise anyone not do make themselves an easy target for emotionally charged crowds, especially when the killer had Aspergers, and some idiots out there might want to act violently towards anyone with the same condition. Logic isn't one of the strongest points of the human species - sheeple or not!
 
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Sorry for the double post, but ran out of edit time on it (if you know me, you know how many typos I keep making on my ipad!!)

Just a couple of news articles to demonstrate why I said what I said... :(

Three women killed in Swiss village shooting | Reuters

Even Syria death toll of 60,000 unlikely to revolutionize world leaders into action - Israel News | Haaretz Daily Newspaper


When the deaths of 60,000+ people (how many were children I wonder?) doesn't raise worldwide shock, upset and outrage similar to the deaths of those kids in USA in the eyes of the media.... what logic is there in all of it all???!?

Switzerland isn't seen as gun-nutty as the USA, yet the statistic of 1 in 3 people in switzerland having guns... isn't it obvious the link??!! I quote from that article:

"Gun ownership is widespread in Switzerland and voters rejected a proposal in February 2011 to tighten the country's liberal fire arms laws."


Sorry, but I think it's really really easy to zone out of mass hysteria/grief when it's too easy to watch these sort of stories not make a ripple in people's daily conversations...
 
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Sorry for the double post, but ran out of edit time on it (if you know me, you know how many typos I keep making on my ipad!!)

Just a couple of news articles to demonstrate why I said what I said... :(

Three women killed in Swiss village shooting | Reuters

Even Syria death toll of 60,000 unlikely to revolutionize world leaders into action - Israel News | Haaretz Daily Newspaper


When the deaths of 60,000+ people (how many were children I wonder?) doesn't raise worldwide shock, upset and outrage similar to the deaths of those kids in USA in the eyes of the media.... what logic is there in all of it all???!?

Switzerland isn't seen as gun-nutty as the USA, yet the statistic of 1 in 3 people in switzerland having guns... isn't it obvious the link??!! I quote from that article:

"Gun ownership is widespread in Switzerland and voters rejected a proposal in February 2011 to tighten the country's liberal fire arms laws."


Sorry, but I think it's really really easy to zone out of mass hysteria/grief when it's too easy to watch these sort of stories not make a ripple in people's daily conversations...

I'm guessing this is what you mean by what you've been talking about. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWSOIXS5o3c Just an example. Although this isn't all their is in the world in terms of violence, this is just the most easiest found at the time.
 
I understand why some people find it challenging & impossible even to care about these tragic & often graphic events that happen to people they don't know in towns they have no real connection to. Many of the people who do come out right in those tows with their candles, little notes & teddy bears don't always seem truly sincere to me either. Some seem more intent on making a show of how sympathetic & caring & oh so sensitive they are. Others seem to be there almost for the experience of it (like you get at demonstrations) just to be able to say that they were there when. Appearing to care can easily be feigned & many true psychopaths/sociopaths are adept at this & live undetected amongst NTs enjoying a sterling reputation as pillars in the community.

Wasn't it Stalin who once said, "One human death is a tragedy, a million is a statistic." As cold as this may seem, for many it is true: we cannot all process grief & horror on that kind of a scale. Mentally, we know a terrible thing happened but emotionally, the register may be blank. I'm not one of the more emotional/sensitive Aspies here & I saw the shooting within the context of a sociocultural climate that fosters this kind of behaviour. For the life of me, I can't remember the name of even one victim despite how CNN's talking heads milked the sap out of them repeatedly showing close-ups of their faces. I do remember much about the shooter because I study these people &, logically, HE DID IT! CNN went overboard trying to depict these poor child victims as divine emissaries of some kind & as angels & other supernaturally tinged creatures.

To me, this devalues & undermines them just as much as if the mis-characterizations had been negative. They were little kids whose parents had sent them off to school one morning just like any other. Then, an incomprehensible thing happened. Many US Conservative politicians crassly stated that this was 'god's judgement' for taking prayer out of schools & for tolerating gay marriage. Soo....their loving god sends Lanza to murder 6 yr olds?!? That would make Lanza a divine emissary & not the villain these same politicians depict him as. Some have referred to the children as martyrs. WHAT?!? Martyrs CHOOSE martyrdom for a cause (be it religion, politics or whatever). All these kids intended to do was to go to school that day. The scarier question: "What was their higher cause to which they martyred themselves?"

Every special interest group has hopped onto this shooting like a pack of jackals in an effort to use it to further their agenda. Mental health advocates want more funding for mental health care. Those against 'helping these people' simply want to lock them up. The NRA wants to arm teachers, janitors, kids & even she school mascot. AND they want to entrench their authority by being in charge of the arms training process for school security. Anti-gun people want to do the exact opposite & ban all fire-arms. How much do these people truly 'care'? Who's to say? I imagine some of them do, but many seem to care infinitely more about their advocacy group & their agenda & if they can seize on this to do bolster it, they'll shamelessly exploit the memory of these dead children.

What I wonder with people who say they don't care, is what they actually mean.

- Does it mean that they are emotionally vacant but intellectually process it as a terrible thing?
- Does it mean they are indifferent to whether these things happen or not?
- What ARE they feeling: glad it happened? Tired of hearing about these shootings & are just horror-story burned out? Interested & engaged in the various discourses such shootings give rise to? If they actually knew a victim well, would it change things?

Contemporary society seems to throw around labels like psychopath, sociopath, insane, pure evil or whatever with great ease. Some of these are diagnoses that take specialists a protracted amount of effort to correctly assign- & even there, they often get it woefully wrong (ever been misdiagnosed? THOUGHT SO!). The others are cultural hyperbole. Pure evil? What IS evil in the first place?

Either way, the label makes little difference in the long run: few labelled psychopaths ever do something like this, few schizophrenics do & few Aspies ever do. Whether the masses tear their hair, cry, become angry or whatever will not change a thing about this event. I doubt it'll even persuade or dissuade the next gun-toter from acting out.
 
I obviously did not know any of these kids or their families. I can sort of imagine being in their place, and dying very young, or losing a family member violently. I can appreciate that these are very bad things to have happen to you. If I could wave a wand and make it all unhappen, I would.
But, I don't get the ritualistic public display of emotion that others seem to feel is required.

@Soup, I wish for the thousandth time that your words of wisdom could reach a wider audience. You should have a blog.
 
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