Being Diagnosed Later in Life

[Spotty01]

I am guessing you might be a lady-type person? I know ASD presents different in women, and women tend to be more social in my experience than men, if you will permit me the observation (some might say it is a sexist observation, but political correctness is really more of an NT thing - all I care about really is accuracy). I wish I could relate, but I just don't get lonely much if ever. The closest I come to lonely is bored, in which case I sometimes go to the food-court at the mall and people watch. I don't talk to them, just watch. That's probably creepy, but I don't stare anyone place too long to avoid giving people the wrong idea (boy have I learned this lesson the hard way). It's like watching a documentary unfold. That's about as social as I need.
I wish I knew how to help. Like you said, in a lot of places, there are no ASD "clubs." I had a friend once who might've been on the spectrum, and I did enjoy hanging with him. We shared similar obsessive interests. Then he got married, and his wife hated me. No more friend. I do miss him, and so I can sort of relate to what you're going through a bit.
All I can say to encourage you is that, as they age, NT's tend to like people for more legitimate reasons than in HS or even college. Reasons like whether you are nice or interesting rather than what sports team you were on. If you really want to, then you'll have NT friends in the future. It's not beyond your abilities.

If by "lady-type" you mean "girly" or something like that, then I'd actually be the farthest thing from; I'm a tomboy to the core. And I don't think "people-watching" is creepy at all... not to me anyway, since I'm guilty of it too, usually on the side when I'm doing something else like eating at a restaurant or shopping at the mall.

Now that I think about it a bit more, I sometimes wonder if I only want to be sociable and interact with other people because I feel like it's the "normal" thing to do. I've been told my whole life that I "need to get out more", that I need to "talk to other people more", and that I'm "too quiet/too shy/too introverted/too etc.", to the point where I don't know anything different. When all you've ever heard is that being anything but a social butterfly is "wrong", then it gets to the point where you start thinking that way too, even if it's not what you really want.

Every time I make another thread on this site and read all of the responses, I realize that this site is practically a Godsend for me. I've never actually talked to another person on the Spectrum IRL or heard a perspective regarding the matter from anyone that isn't neurotypical. This is just what I was taught, but it's a mindset that I really, really wish I could break.

 

[WereBear]

I'm very good at social interaction, but I have discovered that I pay a high price; I don't do this automatically. I am thinking all the time and figuring out what to do.

I am better at it than most NTs I know.

But I am also "overclocking my processor." So I would get very overwhelmed, exhausted, and freakishly stressed.

But this doesn't seem to happen when I'm with my husband or friends nearly as much as interacting with a bunch of strangers. Which was my main job for a while That, I know now, needs to be minimized and handled properly.

 

[Manuheleku]

Hey, I didn't mean to offend anyone, I really didn't. I wasn't saying that everyone diagnosed later in life is worse off, I was just wondering whether it was the case or not and, thus far, it apparently isn't.

I don't know if my life really has started going downhill ever since I learned that I was on the Spectrum, or if I should just start having a more optimistic outlook on it like you guys. Unfortunately, it's been a bit hard for me to when it seems like no-one IRL understands how I see the world, how I feel (or the fact that I have feelings at all), and how I'm often ostracized by NTs because I'm "different".

No worries, it's different for everyone. I feel maybe discovering myself later in life forced me to deal with everything all my life and made it easier to deal with life in a neurotypical environment. Then when I found out that I was different it was a huge relief.

 

[WereBear]

Strangely enough, I didn't have a problem making friends if I found another "weird kid."

 

[Southern Discomfort]

Is autism/Asperger's more likely to worsen with time or be harder to control if someone in the Spectrum is diagnosed later in life?

It only is fine until you hit your peak, that is, the time you get diagnosed; something has happened in your life for you to get put under the eye of a doctor. But after that you'll know your limits and you might find solutions - either on your own or with other people.

Asperger's and autism are not degenerative conditions, it won't get worse for you. In fact because you've learnt about your limits and ways around it it should get easier for you.

 

[Sherlock77]

I'm 45, the idea of Asperger Syndrome only occurred to me in the past two or three years... I'm thankful no one tried to admit me to psychological care, I've heard some horror stories about that... Just last night I did the AQ test online and scored 32, just about confirming it for me... Talking to a friend at a street festival two days ago, I mentioned my thoughts on Asperger to him for the first time with him, he immediately said he had thought that about me, just never said anything... I've known my friend Max for about ten years now... Someone I met within the last month also believes I'm Asperger, she does have some experience in the field...

What does that mean? I'll still live my life, go to work, pursue my hobbies, etc... But I'll do it with more self knowledge... I have always had a rather small circle of friends, even in terms of support, something I need to work on especially as I get older, as I have always been single with no wife/partner or children...

 

[icesyckel]

If by "lady-type" you mean "girly" or something like that, then I'd actually be the farthest thing from; I'm a tomboy to the core.

Nah - I just meant female. Sorry was trying to be clever. It presents differently in females. it's not really about if you're "girly" per se, but I don't know much on this.

Now that I think about it a bit more, I sometimes wonder if I only want to be sociable and interact with other people because I feel like it's the "normal" thing to do. I've been told my whole life that I "need to get out more", that I need to "talk to other people more", and that I'm "too quiet/too shy/too introverted/too etc.", to the point where I don't know anything different.

You've been told these things your whole life by NT's... People who have no idea what you need to do, or not do, to be happy. I'm sure they're well-intentioned, but they just can't know whether it will help you to get out or whatever. They don't think even remotely like you do.

When all you've ever heard is that being anything but a social butterfly is "wrong", then it gets to the point where you start thinking that way too, even if it's not what you really want.

That'll pass with time too. Even NT's have to learn at some point that life's not about other peoples' expectations.

Every time I make another thread on this site and read all of the responses, I realize that this site is practically a Godsend for me. I've never actually talked to another person on the Spectrum IRL or heard a perspective regarding the matter from anyone that isn't neurotypical.

Glad it's helping. For the record, I've never met anyone IRL either that I am 100% sure is on the spectrum. It's more common than people used to think, but we're still a minority insofar as anyone knows.

 

[Spotty01]

You've been told these things your whole life by NT's... People who have no idea what you need to do, or not do, to be happy. I'm sure they're well-intentioned, but they just can't know whether it will help you to get out or whatever. They don't think even remotely like you do.

The problem is, some of those NTs that said things like that to me were teachers that were supposed to understand how people with mental disorders (not just people on the Spectrum) think and act and change the way classes run pertaining to that (less people in the classroom, going at a somewhat slower pace with subjects, making all tests/quizzes multiple choice, etc.)

And that makes it even more frustrating. The main reason I was in those classes at all was because I could barely function in a class of twenty or thirty, while these classes only had like ten people on a day where everyone was in attendance (which was rare), only to end up repeatedly chastised because I don't like being around people and communicating with others a lot. Like WTF?

That'll pass with time too. Even NT's have to learn at some point that life's not about other peoples' expectations.

Eh, considering some of the people I've been around, I find that a little hard to believe. Long story short, I knew one girl who bullied me relentlessly throughout our three years of middle school/junior high, and hadn't changed in the slightest by the time we were both in our senior years. Some people never change, it seems.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

I was diagnosed at 24, and I think it was just the right time for me. If I was diagnosed as a child my young life would probably have been easier, but not having a diagnosis forced me to do things and learn to cope in ways that I probably wouldn't have done if I had the excuse of an ASD diagnosis. Being diagnosed as an adult means that I had already learnt to function very well in society and "pass" as NT, which I might not have done if things had been easier for me as a child. I was incredibly glad to be diagnosed though, it was such a huge relief to finally have an explanation, and it meant I got support during the hardest yer of my adult life which I wouldn't have had otherwise.

Eh, considering some of the people I've been around, I find that a little hard to believe. Long story short, I knew one girl who bullied me relentlessly throughout our three years of middle school/junior high, and hadn't changed in the slightest by the time we were both in our senior years. Some people never change, it seems.

To be fair senior years are still very young (not excusing this horrid behaviour), there is a chance that this girl may grow up to be a reasonable adult. The most extreme changes in personality tend to happen during the early twenties, that is when most people truly settle into their 'adult' personalities (some people take lot longer though). I recently ran into a bunch of people who used to bully me between the ages of 13 and 19, the recognised me from across the room and made the effort to come across and apologise for their behaviour which put a few of my demons to rest.

 

[icesyckel]

Eh, considering some of the people I've been around, I find that a little hard to believe. Long story short, I knew one girl who bullied me relentlessly throughout our three years of middle school/junior high, and hadn't changed in the slightest by the time we were both in our senior years. Some people never change, it seems.

Yeah nothingtoseehere is right. NT people change after HS (sometimes it takes longer). By the time your out of college, most NT's barely resemble their old selves in HS. Doesn't mean you will like them or that they will like you, but the bullying tends to stop. Maybe 1 in 10 still live to torment others, but most NT's move on.

 

[XARXU]

I was diagnosed at age 28, so I don't know if that's "later in life" or not, but I was actually in a place in my life where the diagnosis actually helped me 'fill in the blanks' in things I couldn't understand about how "Me" and "Social Interactions" got along (or didn't). I wasn't at a point in my life (unlike those diagnosed as kids) where I could've had the benefit of a specialized education and specialized instruction when I was High School-to-College aged...

But I was at a point where I finally had a powerful grasp over who I was as a person (married life has helped this, as I've had the benefit of seeing who I am when I am backed in a corner with nowhere to run, and was forced to develop stronger coping mechanisms, etc). Getting the diagnosis was kind of the 'icing on the cake', because it helped me receive services that are helping me be a more functional adult, and when I am at a complete loss for what to do in a situation, or my body is reacting violently to something in my environment, I have a better idea of what to look for, to determine the source of the irritant.

Summary
Nature -vs- Nurture, I feel, has more to do with how "diagnosis later in life" affects us. The older one is, the more in touch they have become with their strengths, weaknesses, traits, quirks, etc, so while the diagnosis may help explain some things, it probably won't change much (correct me if I'm wrong). Receiving it younger in life gives you a chance to 'do more about it', and maybe get more help during the years when you still have some people giving a <expletive> whether you do well in life or not, and are still willing to invest in you.

Much of the feedback I've heard from older individuals, is that the older you get, the less people invest in you, and the more they start thinking and/or saying "Whatever your potential was, you're there; time to focus on someone whose potential is yet unrealized" (paraphrased).

 

[EstimatedProphet]

I was diagnosed at 41....! The last two years of my life have been so much better than the 41 years i had to suffer, i understand myself now so its easier to just soldier on and deal with it.. My doctors have been great..! Love going to my appointments, and i love learning on aspie central....!

I don't know what I would have done without this site during my diagnosis process, and my young son's, and the first months of adjustment. And I've read the new member forum since then and repeatedly see people introduce themselves with exactly my same story. We must stick around and pay it forward to those fortunate enough to find us!

 

[EstimatedProphet]

I'm very good at social interaction, but I have discovered that I pay a high price; I don't do this automatically. I am thinking all the time and figuring out what to do.

I am better at it than most NTs I know.

But I am also "overclocking my processor." So I would get very overwhelmed, exhausted, and freakishly stressed.

But this doesn't seem to happen when I'm with my husband or friends nearly as much as interacting with a bunch of strangers. Which was my main job for a while That, I know now, needs to be minimized and handled properly.

This is the part that is so difficult to explain to NTs. It's not that you can't master social interaction, at least fairly well, it's the amount of energy required to keep it all together while processing the social input as best you can, running through your scripts of what to do next, and dispensing the appropriate output. Even when enjoyable, it is usually a tiring experience!